Hi,

I am really sad right now. I am currently the only one of my group of girlfriends that is pregnant. 2 others are TTC but have had difficulties (fertility issues, miscarriages, etc). During the 6 months we were trying to get preg, me & my closest girlfriend "M" (who is one of the TTC ones) talked constantly about it. Trying, ovulation, frustration, etc. We emailed, hung out just the 2 of us so we could talk about it without the others going nuts or getting bored, texted, etc. When I found out I was preg, she was the FIRST person to know, I called her shaking and crying even before hubby knew.

Since I've been preg, I have continued to ask "M" how things are going..how her fertility appts go, if she's gotten her period, etc. Basically all the stuff us TTC ladies obsess about.

She just emailed me and said that I need to stop asking, it bothers and upsets her and reminds her that she is not yet pregnant. A group of us on Saturday was out for a bachelorette and M and another girlfriend were acting very frustrated that the other ladies were asking me about the baby & pregnancy.

I understand the pain that can come with all this. I suffered from it and severe bouts of doubt and jealousy while we were TTC as well. But if she had only said it in a nice way, not a mean, confrontational email, it would have been easier to take. It was normal for us for many months to discuss every aspect of this, so why did i think that it could stay the same? I thought I was being a caring & attentive friend by asking about it still. My other close friend is planning a big wedding. Between the 2 of them, i now have nobody but you guys to talk about this baby with. My mom and sister aren't "girly girls". While they are excited for me, it's not the same and I just wish things were different.

I apologized to M for hurting her, but I just feel like the next 6 months will be pretty lonely for me.

Take it with a grain of salt, your friend is not intentionally trying to sound rude, but it's probably hard for her to simply be happy for you without some jealousy. It probably also makes her feel like a bad friend when she is jealous, so she probably does not want to be reminded about it.

Its sounds like before she was reved up and hopeful. Time has passed and now you are pregnant and she is not. Being envious is not pretty but I can understand that deep visceral desire and knowing you have what she wants can make her act ugly. Its not fair to you but perhaps understanding it can make it hurt less?

I would try to be understanding as well. It is hard to be the one who isn't pregnant when you want it more than anything.

I remember I have felt occasional but very strongly felt pangs of jealousy (although I kept it well hidden) over almost every pregnant friend I have had over the past 15 years. I always felt guilty that I felt that way . . . but you feel what you feel and all you can do is try to ignore those feelings.

I would just give her some space and some time. Perhaps with time, things will even out and your friendship will pick up where it left off.

Now that I think about it, even though email might not have been the best way to talk to you about it, it may very well have been the least painful way to let you know how she feels. She may not have been emotionally up for the conversation.