I Am 25 Years Old...i Own My Own Home, I Am Successful, I Have Lots Of Friends, I Am Fun, I Have Alot To Say, I Truly Am Beautiful......so Why Am I In This Relationship Ive Been In For The Past 6 Years?? He Is 25 Also, Lives At My Home, Hardly Helps Pay The Bills, Getting Ready To Go To School For The Next 2 Years ( So It Will Be Me Paying The Bills!!), Hates My Friends And Family, Borderline Alcoholic, Has Never Lived Out On His Own!!!!!, Comes Home At Any Time Of Night When He Feels Like It!!! Why Am I Engaged To This Man?? Im Mad At Myself, Im Mad At My Own Stupidity And Low Self Esteem. I Know Whats Wrong, So Why Cant I Be That Old Independent, Get Out Of My House Kinda Girl??? Weve Been Engaged For The Past 2 Years....no Wedding Date..we Always Seem To Find An Excuse!! I Truly Feel That We Are Just Both Holding On To Each Other Til The Next Best Thing Comes Along.....now That I Am In The Prospect Of Getting The Lap Band Done. Things Have Gotten Worse. Any Thoughts, Opinions??

Girlfriend....kick his butt to the curb....you deserve much better than that...why hold on to something that will never amount to anything...life is to short to be miserable...and love should never be that painful....KICK HIM TO DA CURB.....

Kick him to the curb. Sure that sounds rather glib, and we are not emotionally attached/involved with him.

This is as best as it will get. You deserve so much better. Your prince charming is out there waiting for you to be ready to find him, and weight doesn't have anything to do with it.

Kick him to the curb, you must be kind to yourself.

After Today He Is Definitely Getting Kicked To The Curb!!! I Have Had It!!! Has Anyone Gotten To That Point Where They Wake Up Every Morning Hating That Person More And More Until One Day It Doesnt Matter What They Do, Say, Look, Anything You Just Want To Run Away From Them Screaming!!!!!! Thats Me Today!!!! It Started At 3am This Morning When He Stumbled Himself To Bed(i Have To Be Up By 630am!!) And It Continued On My Lunch Break When I Went Home (him Gripping About The Mess He Made Last Night That Claims Its My Fault?) And Its Never Gonna Stop....i Want Out Today!!! Today I Wanna Be Me!!! Today Im Gonna Be Me!!!! Wish Me Luck And Prayers

It really is not a relationship. A relationship is reciprocated. He is not giving you what you are giving him. This sounds so elementary, but sit down with a sheet of paper and write his pros on one side and his cons on the other. See which list is longer. Why is it getting worse? I'll tell you why. He has this idea that your weight keeps you tied to him. When you don't have the weight...you won't need him anymore, and this scares him. Who else will put up with him? I say run as fast as you can. Use this experience to appreciate the man that was designed for you. I dated a lot of jerks and am now married to a WONDERFUL man. I don't think I would have appreciated him as much if I didn't have the losers to make me appreciate a good man.

Be strong girl! Do not let him whine his way out of this. You need your life to be about YOU right now, and he obviously isn't about that.

It's going to be a hard time because you are used to having him around, but you will DEFINITELY be better for having done this.

You Go Girl!!!!

Just remember, and I promise, so don't forget this...

It will ALWAYS, somehow, someway, twisted up and turned out, BE YOUR FAULT! Don't argue with a fool.

Say, "Yes, it's my fault. You are right. What in the world are you doing wanting to marry such an idiot as me? Tell ya what, and this is MY fault, too. It's over. You need to be out by (whenever). What isn't gone I will donate to charity. The locks change then. Please go and be sure to blame it on me. It's all my fault and I'm really sorry. I failed you (waaaa, you no longer support his sorry ass) and it's all my fault I can't continue to live this way and let you take advantage of me."

Watch out for the fight. First mean and nasty, then contrite and sad, maybe even a little begging. When it finally sinks in that the gig is up, look for more meanness. Listen carefully, journal his comments if needed. Dont' talk back or argue with the guy because he will pull out all the stops. This may take a while, which is why it is important to put a date and time to his being out.

Racheal, my daughter's name is Rachel, and it would break my heart for her to have to go through what I have. It breaks my heart for you. But you know what? You WILL learn, you WILL grow, you WILL give back again. Someone out there will need the courage and empathy and wisdom you have to offer because of what you are learning, mostly about yourself. You will be okay. I know you know this.

Now, GO GET HIM!!!!

I don't think I would have appreciated him as much if I didn't have the losers to make me appreciate a good man.

OH YES! You won't see my hubby on the cover of GQ, but to me, he's HOT! He is kind, loving, a great father, ever concerned about how we are raising our children, supportive of me, wants me to be happy and content, helpful, works hard, dependable, reliable, strong, sweet, goofy, and yes, he has his bad moments, too. We were married in our 30's, and all those girls who didn't go out on second dates with him MISSED OUT! And I know what I've got. You deserve this too, Rachael!

Good Luck...one my cousins went through the very same thing. The difference she had alot of stuff for her wedding already done. She is great and very happy now. So hang in there and be strong.

The geeky computer, star trek freaks make the best hubbies! LOL You will always have a working computer, they tend to look at the whole picture. And they look better as they age...heheh. Not that I thought it at the time, but damn my hubby was one skinny bean pole when I met him. Before my I met my hubby I was all about the cute bad boys.

I'm joking really, I'm sure there are lots of great guys out there that aren't geeks. Just know that there is someone out there for you. Someone that will see all the beauty inside as well as outside. Someone that wants the best for you, who doesn't feel the need to put their limitations on you. And when this person comes along you will appreciate them for who they are too because you have had this experience.

Like Kathy said, document everything. And if you think there will be a promblem getting him to move out, check with your local goverment...there may be steps you have to go through to officially evict him. (long story but my dad had to do this to my brother) And in the meantime if you give him time or if you have to give him time to move, charge his butt rent! Make him sign a document agreeing to pay you rent from such and such date until you say he has to be gone. His failure to pay would also give you more backing to get him legally evicted.

Melissa

Awright Rachael, lets get an update on Mr Man. I read in another thread that you broke up with him Friday. How'd it go? Is he out? We need the scoop, girl! ((((((hugs))))))) for you!

The geeky computer, star trek freaks make the best hubbies! LOL You will always have a working computer, they tend to look at the whole picture. And they look better as they age...heheh. Not that I thought it at the time, but damn my hubby was one skinny bean pole when I met him. Before my I met my hubby I was all about the cute bad boys.

My younger sister had always dated (or married) cute but bad. Only interested in how pretty she was, not who she was. She was actually a trophy bride. Pretty, blond, skinny. And totally miserable.

After her divorce, she went back to school and got her GED & and AA degree in computer support (MSCE). She got a job at a big tech company and started dating geek boys. For the very first time in her entire life, she is happy. She doesn't have some man placing impossible demands on her (I'll leave you if you don't lose 5 pounds). Geek boys generally are interested in the entire package. And for the ones that don't panic when a female speaks to them, they just treat you right. j

I love my geek boys.

I went through a relationship with a guy who would pull all the crap he could and then when I would break up with him he would turn on the waterworks (cry lol) and like a fool I would take him back. DON'T FALL FOR IT!!! They don't change, trust me. If it looks like a snake, slithers like a snake, then guess what? it IS a snake.

I just THANK GOD!! the last and final time I dumped him I had the strength not to fall for it again.

You will too. You will survive (OMG, I sound like Gloria Gaynor) and better things are to come, you'll see.

Good things are worth waiting for

Mega prayers little lady, you can do it!!!!

well as you know i have posted some pretty strong words here last week. friday came and i decided it was time to pack his stuff and watch him hit the road!!! he works second shift at a dealership until school starts and then of course he wont be working. he made it so easy to do this...you know why?? he bought a second car ladies!!!! here he is not giving me money at all, getting ready to go to school (financing for that is being paid for by his work but he has to come up with the money first and who knows where hes gonna get that!!! ) anyways!!!! he came home in this car and that was it!!! i knew that was it!!! well, he got mad at me for not caring about his car..go figure!! so...he went to the garage apparently cleaned it up and left..no notice, nothing!!!! you know what i did?? i packed all of his belongings with the help of my sister and put it in the garage with a note on the front door...it said "please remove your shit from my garage and your head out of my ass cuz you aint wanted here no more!!! " guess what?? he took it all and i havent seen him or heard from him since!!! last night i got a little emotional but i came on here and i posted that comment over on jodie's thread and i felt great!!!! thank you everyone for caring, and being so supportive!!! i know that it probably isnt over yet with the man because hes a drinker and he will be clearing his head today since hes gotta work and probably trying to call me and act like hes the greatest thing ever and that he will change, blah, blah, blah!!! but this new girl aint gonna let him get to her...hahahaha

Oh Rachael! I'm so proud of you!!!!! Stick to your guns, girl. It only gets better from here! Just wait and see!!! Wahoooo!! Welcome to your new life.

I don't know what to say, I just want to wish you the best and tell you that you need to do what is right for you.

I was in a similiar situation about 4 years ago with a guy that was a total loser. I ended up having to go to IRELAND to get away from him for a while because he was such a control freak. He had another girlfriend and was still calling me in Ireland (my mom gave him the #) and bugging me at 2 am.

Robert (my ex) lost so many jobs during our "relationship" that I lost count. We only had his truck and he REFUSED to let me drive it even though I paid the insurance, gas and truck payment when he was between jobs. He refused to help mow the yard because he was "allergic to grass" so am I, but it had to be done!! He wasn't an alkie but that was bout his only positive.

Try to look at this experience as a learning situation. I believe that God puts us through things for a reason. It may take a while for you to understand why you put up with him for so long, but if you walk away from this situation with the understanding that you learned from it then you didn't totally lose everything.

Less than 3 months later I met my hubby. I will say that I learned from my experience. I value my relationship with my husband more and more everyday. We have 110% total trust. I can do anything I want because he knows that I am not going to cheat on him.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I hope you find happiness soon!!

(((((HUGS))))