Nothing's changed really. I still can't swallow liquids, including my own saliva. I've "thrown up" (I don't know if you call it a PB when it's only your own saliva, or a bit of water) well over 100 times now, and am scared that doing so might effect my band position, but my doctor says that it won't, since I'm not throwing up food.

I weigh 306 lbs now. I was 327 on the morning of surgery, 4 days ago, and 340 lbs two weeks before that. Obviously, I've lost an unhealthy amount of Water. I spent 6 hours at home yesterday on an IV getting 2 liters of saline (one of the benefits of having an RN for a wife is not needed to spend those 6 hours at the doctor's office or ER).

Because I'm unable to take any liquids (or, of course, solids, such as pills), I've not had my anti-depressant for 5 days now, nor have I had *any* pain medication. (Well, I did submit to a tylenol suppository a couple of days ago, but it did nothing for me.) I wake up several times a night choking on my own "vomit". (Fortunately it's not enough to actually asphixiate me.) And all day, I have the "golf ball" feeling in my esophogeal tube.

I was addicted to food, no doubt. You guys understand what that's like. So I've been 5 days without my "vice", and 5 days "cold-turkey" off my anti-depressant, and I can't even take ice chips -- you probably have a good idea of how I feel. Instead of focusing on the things I *can* have, because I just can't have *anything* right now, all I can focus on is the things I'll never have again.

I'm just not in a good place right now, emotionally or physically. Others have said that this is "so normal I'd be disappointed". If that's the case, believe me when I tell you I'm not disappointed. I'm scared to death that something's really wrong. If this is just the normal way of things, I'd love to hear some stories about how you all thought you'd made the biggest mistake of your life, but that now the band is the "best thing ever".

And I know when I posted before, several people had suggestions about eating ice chips, etc. -- believe me when I tell you, I can't keep *anything* down. If I *sip* a tiny sip of water, it comes up within 60 seconds. I may not be at 100% restriction, but whatever level it is it is such that it can't keep up with normal saliva production.

I would *kill* to be able to chug down a 16 oz glass of Ice Tea. Please please please someone tell me there's an ice-tea-chugging in my future? Please?

Bless your heart young man, you will be in my prayers.

I was having a hard time keeping anything down after my first fill and every few hours I would try again, bad idea, the Drs staff told me to only have a teaspoon at a time, and wait for at least 15 minutes between those teaspoons, after 24 hours of this I tried to drink a small sip, it stayed down, then I tried a drink and I could feel it so I went to small sips for about 6 hours. It took one week of being very careful before the swelling was down and I could eat some very very chewed up small bites.

I feared I would starve to death, but my gearth kept me alive (ha). Hang in there you will get through this and in doing so you will learn how important you have let food become. It is so hard not to have it on demand when that is how you have lived for years, or at least for me.

Good luck and blessings

hopeful Brenda

Sept 24, 04

1st fill Nov 04

Hang in there you will get through this and in doing so you will learn how important you have let food become. It is so hard not to have it on demand when that is how you have lived for years, or at least for me.

Even I had no idea how much time I spend around food. Even in "dieting" there's SO much thought into it. Going out to eat takes up 3 hours, at least, if you count getting ready (well, it takes me 3 minutes, but it takes my wife an hour), driving to the restaurant, ordering food, eating it, paying the bill, and driving back home.

Since I've been almost a week now where I've spent NO time on food, I'm bored to death. I thought I didn't have enough time in the day. Now I see there's plenty there -- I just wasn't using it.

All the same, I'm looking forward to spending 45 minutes eating 1/4 cup of cottage cheese =)

Bumping for, oh, who?, geochic? I think, anyway, Bumping...