I am worried that I might not be able to handle this. I'm not concerned about the cost because my insurance has been awesome. They seem to be on board and just want me to go through the motions (regular doctors visits, showing a consistent weight issue, nutritionists visits, heart and lung testing, etc etc.) I'm worried about myself emotionally and mentally. I have many issues and I thrive on consistency. Any type of change or unease seriously hikes my anxiety. (Diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.) I fear that I will not get much sympathy from my parents who both had gastric bypass surgery. My mother got the surgery more because of serious problems with her stomach and intestines. She is now stick thin and has been for years. My dad lost over 200 pounds but is now gaining weight. They both had complications that made their recovery pretty difficult. They are acting as if this is no big deal. My mother is even trying to plan a road trip about ten days after my scheduled surgery. I feel like my parents think it'll be easy for me because I am much younger (32) than they were when they separately got their surgeries and I am more "strong bodied." I might be and physically I could probably do it with not much problem. I am more concerned that I'm not sure I can handle the stress and anxiety. I gave up my worst coping mechanism (it wasnt drugs but it was pretty unhealthy) 4 years ago because my loved ones were concerned and scared for me. Now, I have given up my cigarettes; I've forfeited my sex drive (sorry to be crude) because the psych meds make it impossible. And in 55 days I'll be giving away my best friend, Food. I feel like I'm giving everything up, I feel like I'm doing this by myself, and frankly I feel very lonely. My partner is amazing but she will love me to death if I let her. She feeds me and insists that I eat more because she wants me to be satisfied and never go without. She is even sending a big box of goodies from New Zealand next month instead of in June as planned because I told her that after the surgery I probably can't eat it. She does not want me to get the surgery because she fears for me but quietly supports (or maybe its better to say she isn't fighting) my decision. I know I need to do this. I know I need to live. I just don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do this without breaking...

Sorry for the rant. Just needing to vent, I guess...

And for anyone interested here are my precious reasons for having the surgery. My nephew, Matthew, my amazing partner, Andrea, and my niece, Lileigh.

GGLFH. I am so happy I finally got to see you and part of your extended family. Give my love to Andrea, that's my daughter's name also, she is lucky to have you and I already know you feel the same about her. You make a nice couple and your nephew and niece are just adorable. Please have your surgery, you need to live for Andrea but most of all, for yourself. I'll be praying,for you, yeah i know you didn't ask me to, but I pray for everyone I meet on Bariatric Pal, so why would I leave you out? You have your struggles, well guess what? So do I, age doesn't give me a free pass. I still screw up, I've just had a few more years to do it in. Kid you are okay and b you're gonna do okay. Don't let all the demons drag you down, you've got the love of a good person there. As another LGBT poster from Singapore reminded me-- the very best thing ever to be learned--Is to love and to be loved in return. Take that to heart, Kid, you are a good and. worthwhile person. Never ever doubt that or yourself.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I just signed up to reply to your post since I feel it echoed my thoughts quite a lot.

My surgery is on the 11th of March, and I started freaking out! What if I can't handle this, what if I show my usual lack of cometmnt, what if I bale on myself and this turns out to be one huge mistake that I willingly put myself into.

But then again, when I set calmly and think about it, however it turns out, and whatever I will have to live through . . Am sure it will be worth it. I really do.

I can anticipate it being hard at times, especially at the beginning. But isn't this a price am willing to pay to gain my life back? to literally take ownership of my life?

You are the person of power in yourlife, and you matter the most. The people who love will always turn around and be there for you. At the end of the day, what resinates as true to your heart? What do you feel like you want to do?

You sound like a very courageous and resilant person. Am sure once you have your mind set on something you will fight for it!

I wish you clarity, and strength.

best of luck!

Salma.

How are things going for you and Andrea? Just wanted to check up on you two. Happy Spring![emoji214]

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app