All my life i struggled with my weight. My father made me feel like i was less of a person because of it. As i got older it is still stuck with me as to being a failure. i have tried every weight loss pill, diet and program there ever was. i finally lost weight down to 210 and was a nice size 14 for i am tall. i got married and pregnant and then my husband made me feel like i was nothing for 3 years because of my weight gain. when i got my band and starting losing weight, my self esteem came back and i stopped letting him treat me as if i had a problem with my weight when he was the one with the problem. He wouldn`t even take me places. so i vowed to lose weight and then leave him. if you can`t be with me on the journey down i don`t need you on my way up. but he`s probably smiling because i`m not loosing maybe gaining. I decided to get the band after 2 months of research and did it self pay. I was banded july 30th and have only lost 20 pounds. i suck. what is wrong with me. food has been my comfort for so long its hard to kick the habit. i am tired of sayin tomorrow and just want to do it. I always slip up and look back at bein a failure like my dad said and how my husband used to treat me. I need motivation and help. i read other threads and get upset and sometimes motivated because i need to know what will kick my drive off to success, why do i always feel the need to have something in my mouth. i stayed a size 14 for 8 years and once i got married the weight piled on. the band may not be for me. i have had two fills and yet i feel restriction sometimes but i can eat more then a half of cup. so is any one having the same problems. i also will start counting calories again tomorrow. i am challenging myself to weight lost of at least 25 to 30 pounds by christmas and i hope you all will join. i got the band to feel better about myself and i`m tired of cryin over spilled milk or maybe i was just meant to be fat. so any motivation, help or encouragement will do me good.:help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help:

yummie,

Get you a good support system. If you don't have it at home and with family, look in your area for local lap band support groups and meet with people just like you. Maybe you can make a friend who will continue the journey with you.

Maybe going to a counselor wouldn't be so bad either. I do and she helps me make the best out of a bad situation.

I can only say that when you stop saying you 'suck' and when you stop feeling you are a failure then you can start to go someplace. There is nothing wrong with you. You have some challenges like everyone else. Get your game plan together adn get to work! So what if you mess up, you know as well as I do you only fail when you stop and give up. Look at you..you're still working on it. You just have to find what works. You are important and valuable no matter how much you weigh! Sorry if it all sounds cliche but its true imho!

I think a good step would be to get rid of the baggage holding you back right now.

Oh, sweetie, you don't suck!!! YOU ROCK!!! You made the decision to get the lapband, and you DID it!! Negative self talk is going to get you nowhere. I want you to tell yourself, OUT LOUD into a mirror, at least 10 times a day....

"I ROCK, AND I AM WORTH IT!"

I can eat way more than a cup of food in one sitting, depending on the food. I made a pork roast tonight, and ate probably a cup of just that, no sauce or anything, and then I had some veggies, and still felt like I could eat more if I wanted, but I was satisfied, if not stuffed. Everyone's body is different, and will need more or less food, and more or less exercise to lose weight.

Hang in there, and you'll get there!!!!!

Great big (((((((((cyber-hugs))))))))) to you!

So you're less than three months out and you're unhappy with 20 pounds lost? You say that you'd done your research and therefore I would assume you saw that weightloss was individual and we all lose at our own rates? I figure that 20 pounds down is better than one pound up?

I second the suggestion of a support group and a therapist. Counting calories will also work.

I also eat more than a 1/2 cup of food per setting.

Time to change your self-talk...get positive, get moving. Take "suck" out of your vocabulary. It doesn't serve any purpose but to keep you stuck and depletes motivation. You don't suck.

Me personally, I would not make a major move of leaving my husband while losing the weight (unless he's abusive that is and my life, or the lives of my children are in jeopardy).

Concentrate on one-thing-at-a-time. This concentration is for you and your kids. Counseling during this time, as you journey in, could be beneficial as in: another confidante

The suggestion of finding a friend in support group is spot-on. Find someone you can go out with (leave the house to have some band fun) by that I mean that food is not always central to banders who go out. You'll discover tons more of things to do that don't revolve around food.

(I like to shoot pool and you can't eat and shoot. Bowling is another great exerciser and food isn't necessary there either. Many alleys don't even allow food in the bowlers area.)

Join a health club or a gym. Make new friends there. Perhaps volunteer somewhere, like at your hospital or library.

Do what you can to become more independent from your husband as you achieve your weight loss -- so that when you're really ready to leave him, if that is still what you want should the time come, it will be the NEXT step in your life, and you'll be able to handle it.

Your new-found independence could also light a spark in your husband as well, and it's a spark you may not, or just may want to pursue.

Good luck to you. Counting calories works for me, so far -- I'm only on day 13 and I don't want to be a failure either - so you've got to remove those words from your vocabulary.

You ARE worth it! Your KIDs are worth it!

Thank you everyone for the positive feedback. I get so tired of failing and so tired of trying to do better the more I try the more it sets me back. My mother saids I concentrated and possess over my weight loss too much and that is why i probably can`t loose. Today I will start counting my carbs, stop concentrating on getting even, and slowly forgive my deceased father. I tried counseling several times but it didn`t prove to be affective because i had a hard time opening up to someone i didn`t know and i was going to school for social work so i knew about the red tape and when things could be let out in the open. But now that i have you all counseling maybe willnot be an option. I will do 1000 to 1100 calories per day and try to cut back on my carbs. I will stop feeling sorry for myself and continue on with my journey. I just thought with the band that the weight would come off so much easier but it still start within you b/c the band is just a tool. thank you all for the positive feedback and any suggestions on what i could do to speed up the process of my weight lost will be appreciated. I love everyone and the site is fantastic you all responses made a difference.

You are a strong person just opening up to the forum. If you feel uncomfortable talking to a counselor or therapist, then talk to your primary dr first. Tell them how you are feeling. Maybe they will prescribe something to for to help you get through this. God works in mysterios ways and YOU will start seeing results. Hand in there!! Don't give up! It is work for us to get where we want to be in our weight. I still have about 80 lbs to go. So what! Slowly but surely it will come off.

Go walking. If you don't want to walk alone, then check your local mall and ask if they have a walking program. Please...you have alot to offer. I hope you have a nice day. You will be in my thoughts.

Yummie; if you are still dealing with issues with your father, pick up a book called "Toxic Parents". Someone else mentioned that book somewhere else in the forums and I picked it up. I haven't finished it yet, but it's helping. And you can apply a lot of that stuff to your husband, since he seems to have the same behaviors of your father.

I have no idea what your situation is like, but I'm not sure why you need to wait to get skinny to leave your husband if you are already planning on it. It sounds like he's going to be a major sabatour (sp).

Been there. And I came back to lapbandtalk and I'm already feeling better. This kind of support and positive feedback will help you find your way. I'm working on finding mine too. Know that these people care about you and want to see you make it. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone for the support. I wanted to wait till i lose the weight just so he would see what he would be missing. Beauty is only skin deep. any way i have another issue, I talked to the doctor and told him that i wasn`t feeling any restriction and he said that maybe i needed another fill but he didn`t understand why it happens after leaving the office. Too make a long story short he told me it is a possibility that i may have a leak. WTF a leak, he said that when i come back in and he draws the fluid and he doesn`t pull out what he had put in its a leak. that means i will have to go all the way to Mexico to get it fix. Friends I am not claiming it but it would be just my luck. if that is the case then this band is not meant for me and i was just meant to be big. Also i wondering if me eating beforegetting fill has anything to do with that. also i was on my monthly.Why would he say i may have a leak why couldn`t he just say maybe i haven`t reached my sweet spot. One more question, does .4 or .6 cc make a difference in your band. He took that out before i left the office b/c i couldn`t swallow. I`m not getting it done under floro. Please tell me this is not the case. If so I am considering removing the band. Please anyone with any feed back is aprecciated.