Well I started with lapband surgery back in 2009 and had it emptied for a few years while going through IVF and then the pregnancy. When it came time to start adding fill again I had a lot of trouble because of scar tissue that had built up under the band so it was replaced, then that one was replaced because of a slip. As a result I had gastric bypass surgery last year but barely lost weight in recovery and have gone up and down ever since. The surgeon wants me to have an overstitch procedure to reduce the size of the pouch but unexpectedly I am pregnant again so everything is on hold for the moment.

I'm very down and miserable about my weight as after getting down to 70kg with the band I have crept back up to 110kg and even at this point in my pregnancy (just shy of 20 weeks) I am having tailbone, hip and back pain, am constantly exhausted and pretty hormonal. Just frustrated and seem to be eating uncontrollably.

As I think about it I realise that although on the surface the issue is that I have the capacity to eat so much more than I should since the surgery, which my surgeon advised is because I was one of his early surgeries and at the time he used a particular type of suture which has resulted in the same problem for several patients - but since he changed this technique others have had success. This is technically the problem. The deeper issue though is that there is something in me driving me to eat and eat and eat all the time and I don't know what to do. With the band the restriction I had resolved this issue because I physically couldn't eat more than I should but perhaps this is a problem because I never learned how to change my emotions and thinking around food. But how do you do that after a lifetime?

I feel a failure because I am battling anxiety and depression all the time despite treatment and feel like I will be in this cycle forever.

First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy!

It is normal for restriction to become less as time goes on (even with the best surgical techniques). None of us can depend on restriction forever.

We all have to change our relationship with food, what we eat, when, and how much. The surgery gives us a jump start, but ultimately the work remains.

If you can find a counselor, that could be a big help. Alternatively, there are a ton of self help books, youtube videos, and the like. I enjoy watching youtube videos by bariatric surgeons to understand more about what the surgery does and doesn't do. Dr. Duc Vuong and Dr. Matthew Weiner are both great.

(Hugs) Happy Mother's Day!

Loretta, I feel for ladies trying to keep their weight down during pregnancies. Don't beat yourself up, it's NOT you, it really isn't. Nature has made it so that we have the extra fat to cushion those babies!

Just do the best you can to eat healthily, protein first then veggies, take your vitamins and minerals, drink lots of water and walk. Walking is still good exercise and you know it's great for everything. So much of this is out of our control, just do what you can to control the controllable.

happy Mother's day from NY