Getting real

So I have my final meeting with the dietician on Tuesday, and an appointment with my primary for her approval on Wednesday, and then I suppose everything is going to the insurance company. So could be the early part of September, I suppose. This was an abstraction back in February when I lost my job and first had the thought that if my new job's insurance program covered it, I would do it. And it was still an abstraction in May when my new insurance kicked in and I made an appointment with the surgeon immediately. Here it 90 days later. I'm donw 36 pounds on the pre-op diet, and I'm active again. I don't miss my favorite foods like I did at the beginning.

I guess I'm a little intimidated by the prospect of surgery, drastic surgery at that, and with the weight loss I've had I don't feel the urgency for this that I did in May, but I also know that were it not for this surgery, I'd put all that weight back on by year's end. I suppose what I am getting scared about, as this becomes a real thing in the not distant future, are all the social changes and emotional changes. I mean, I've never not been fat. It's a part of me. Perhaps I'm afraid that I won't recognize myself. I don't know who I'll be, how I'll change. I guess I'm going to find out pretty soon.