That is what my favorite aunt was told today about how long she has left to live. She has been fighting cancer in different parts of her body off and on for years. None of us expected this. I am completely crushed. This aunt took care of me and my siblings while my mother went through breast cancer and chemo. She has always included my family in all the holiday parties she threw. She was like a second mother to me.

My head is pounding, my heart breaking. I feel numb. I took pain medication for a migraine (diagnosed with them as a teen- Im no wimp) and ten minutes later I found out the news about my aunt. I don't think the medication is working and its been hours... I was feeling rather helpless and -depressed? almost about yesterdays horrible events, and now this, I just dont know at this point how much more yuck I can take. I need a vacation, or some encouragement or something...

Someone, say something wise and give me some strength here. I could really use it right now. :think (this isnt the first death in my family for me, just the most heart breaking for me)..

Hi Sissy -

I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt. I can honestly say I know what you are feeling. This last month has been very difficult for me since 2 of my very close cousins who both have cancer and were fighting it were told they only had a couple months left to live after both battled through chimo and every other option.

Lance died last weekend. He was only 48. He has three lovely children that were completely shattered. But so were my children. It was their first experience with death.

Paul <my beloved cousin... the most remarkable person I have ever met> Died this last Saturday. Sunday was Lances funeral, and today was Pauls.

IT hurts deeply. and I feel for you in your time of helplessness... yes that is exactly what it is. We are lost, we cant control this dreaded disese, and we are losing beautiful people in our lives!

As hard as it is, be with her as much as you can! Talk about things you never knew about her. Family cookbook maybe? You said she always had family gatherings... Make a cookbook of all her favorite family dishes. Honor her in ways that she will appreciate. The cancer is not who she is. Its just an outsider... give her all of you without sorrow... laugh with her. Do what you can to make the last of her life here on earth beautiful! As she has done for you.

I know how hard it is. I would be giving you a big hug right now as we both shed our tears. If you need anything, just message me. I have a soft shoulder to weep on if needed.

I will keep you and your Aunt in my prayers.

Autumn

Autumn,

Thank you for responding. I to am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your kind words and thank you for finding a word that fits how I feel. I certainly couldnt last night. I felt so small and so lost. I feel hopeless. I am on auto pilot. Sometimes when I wish I could cry and let it out, there are no tears. I dont know if I cried them all out or if I am just so stunned by it all that I just cant. This isnt my first death. There have been several. But this aunt took care of us when my mother was battling breast cancer and always made us feel like we were part of her family instead of just our aunt.

I sure wish I could spend time with her right now. Unfortunatly I moved to florida last summer as my husband is in the air force, and my family is in alaska. We did spend loads of time with them before we left though. She was, I think, trying to make sure we all had good memories with her before she goes. She made sure to have her usual 4th of July party, and the Thanksgiving and Christmas parties for everyone. She made sure all her kids and wives knew how to make the dishes she always makes for the parties so when she is gone they are to still have these parties.. She is preparing, and has been for awhile. I guess I am just being selfish. But I love her.

Youre not being selfish... Your being human. I am glad you have had time with her. And that she has opened herself up to the family as she has. All that we can do now is pray that she does not have tramendous pain and know she will live on through all the people and family she adores,

Take care -

Autumn