A female member asked me to post this question to Men here on BP as she wanted to respect the guideline of women not posting in this subforum. She also wished to remain anonymous, so here is a question from her:

I'm wondering if any of the men on here had trouble with ejaculation (ie: not being able to ejaculate or having delayed ejaculation) when they were heavier. My husband has been between 300 - 340 lbs (his weight fluctuates) in the two years that I've known him and he has a lot of trouble in this area. Though he gets and maintains an erection the entire time we are intimate, he's never once ejaculated. At first I thought maybe he wasn't attracted to me, but he initiates sex and becomes aroused when we're close.

When he "stimulates" himself, it takes him anywhere between 15 - 25 minutes (and that's AFTER 40 minutes of foreplay and sex with me). My husband and I are pretty young (28) so I don't think it's an age thing. We've been to the urologist who said he'd never heard of this issue and didn't have any advice. My husband has sleep apnea and only wears his mask sometimes. According to him, he has never been abused, nor does he have any feelings of guilt or think sex is bad.

He's been to his primary care physician and aside from needing to lose weight, they found him physically healthy.

I'm at a loss here. Husband's been considering applying for WLS in October if he wasn't lost weight on his own and I'm wondering if this is an area that might improve.

I'm surprised your urologist has never heard of this issue and didn't offer any advice. Did he check your husband's testosterone levels? This is one of those things that tends to snowball. I know it did for me.

I had a very similar story to your husband, though I was a few years older. I was having this issue and to compound things came the mental aspects of performance anxiety, which my urologist believed to be the main, continuing factor. Shortly after my VSG procedure, he did a testosterone test and sure enough, my levels were low. The reference range is somewhere between 350 to 1,200 and mine was 120. I also had what was discovered to be a benign growth on my ejaculatory duct removed. Having this procedure and being on TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) has been the difference maker for me. My levels are monitored and have stayed steady in the 600 range. I was hoping with my having a normal BMI, my levels would return on its own, but it hasn't happened, yet. The TRT may be attributing to not returning on its own, so we will be looking at titrating off.

That is my story. Sexual issues with obesity are common, from my research. It could be physical or it could be psychological and most likely, a combination of both. You are correct in thinking it is not about you, because most likely, it isn't. I would suggest finding another urologist because there are many things that can be done including a cystoscopy. Google it. It isn't as bad as it sounds. But surely your husband knows there will be many benefits to lowering his BMI, including benefits in the bedroom. Have you had him read this sub-forum or others here?

Edited May 14, 201412 yr by PdxMan

I think this is just something that varies from person to person. Some guys can finish in minutes, some have a hard time finishing at all with a partner. I have had the issue my whole life. Most times it is takes a lot of work to finish when I am with my wife. Before my WLS, it was even more difficult because I would run out of steam alot quicker.

I'm with Pdxman, he needs to get a full blood panel done to check things out. I was low T prior to WLS, around 330 total T at age 26. Some Drs will say that's within range, or "close enough" but if he goes to an endocrinologist, they should aim for you to be at a higher level based on age.

Also, some guys just go...well...longer. My wife and I can't have quickies. If we do, its strictly for her, and afterwards we'll come back later to complete the task.