So, I had my surgery "eons" ago (in Jan 07!), I had my first fill in Feb, and I need to update my ticker because I am now down to 195 pounds. Which means that I am back down to where I was when I felt extremely confident and sexy. Only this time, I dont have those same feelings. I am wearing the same size clothes I did back then and that really excites me. However, when I happen to pass by a mirror and sneak a peek (before, I would break a leg rushing to find a mirror to check myself out!) and I gasp. Literally, I gasp. I quickly look away in disgust and rush through the store so no one has to see me.

Never in my life (except the past year and a half that I spent being really over weight) have I ever had such low self esteem issues and it is really concerning me. I mean, I should really be enjoying being back down to my original size. So why am I spending my time obsessing over "not being thin enough"? Does this mean that I was never really happy with my body before? Will I ever be satisfied with the way I look? Will I ever be thin enough?

Has anyone else had these feelings before? :faint:

Stephanee-

I can really identify with you. Like most of us, it sounds like you have some emotional issues with your weight. I have not been banded yet. I had my first appointment this week. My next appointment is next week. One of the people that I will see is the psychologist. I am sure he will have a lot to say to me! I cried on and off through the whole appointment the other day. My doctor, his physician assistant and my patient advocate all wanted to go over my medical history and questionaire. Just talking about my weight and self-esteem and how it affects my life is very painful to me.

Growing up I was always very beautiful and beauty was highly prized in my family. As I have gained and gained weight my entire self worth has been lowered to nil. What made me read your thread was you tag line, "not just a pretty face." I know how that feels. I have heard that so many times from well meaning friends and family...."You have such a pretty face." It is meant as a compliment, but it is definitely not! I hear "the rest of you is ugly."

I am working on myself and will have to have some counselling before and after my surgery. The doctor said this will help my weight loss results and my overall well-being. This website is also very helpful because I see so many people struggling with the same feelings of hurt and sadness.

Please add me to your buddy list. I would like to keep up with you.

Dana

not banded yet

Weight 228

Age 35

three little ones - age 9, 6 & 9 months

long-term goal 140 and healing soul

Dana...it is so nice to meet you. It's tough isnt it? Having to face what you didnt want to have to face. I am glad that I took that step that you just took the other day. My life really has changed dramatically and the change couldnt have come at a better time. Well, if it had happened a few years ago, that would have been nice too! lol

Anyway, I never imagined I would be here, in this position. The funny thing is that I never viewed myself as being emotionally tied to being heavy. But I was...and still am. I just chose to ignore that part. Matter of fact, when they told me that I would need to see a professional therapist, I just scoffed. I went into the appointment and answered the questions how they needed to hear them. Not once did I ever think that I would ever feel bad about myself again. I mean, as long as I was smaller, I couldnt be upset anymore. Boy, was I wrong! The feelings I had really hit me like a ton of bricks. But this site has been so supportive that I have been able to come to terms with my emotions. And believe me, that is really hard to do (for me anyway!).

And omg, that pic of your you and your baby...how adorable is that?!?! I have 5 (3 bio and 2 foster) ages 4, 4, 7, 10, and 17. My 10 year class reunion is coming up and I am terrified!!! But I am very relieved that I get to go to the reunion at a much smaller size. Heck, I am just relieved that I convinced myself to go in the first place. This time last year I had full intentions of not going due to my weight. How sad was that?!

Anyway, I have added you to my buddy list. I really look forward to talking to you, Dana! Do you know when you are going to have your surgery?

Stephanee, you either didn't say, or I missed it whether or not you are doing much exercise.

I know what exercise I do helps me, but I also know it doesn't make a HUGE difference in anything except how I feel. It releases feel good hormones I am told on here. I DO feel better about how I look after I DO something. Slowly things are less jiggly---I still have almost 40 pounds to go, but life has changed a lot already! But if the weather gets bad, and I stay down a couple of days, my emotions drag down too---I feel like it is nevery going to all go away, and I have all this skin....just down on myself. But when I even just take a walk, breath some fresh air, work my muscles a bit, soak up some sun---I come back with a whole new frame of mind.

There was a thread on here called Body Dysmorphia---or something like that, dealing with similar issues. Still seeing yourself as fat, when you are not. It goes both ways---we have all seen the gal in the micro mini, who should NOT be wearing it!!!

You, right along with the rest of us, will get used to the new us!!!

Kat

Thanks Ms Kat...wow, you have done amazing!

To answer your 'question" (sheepishly, of course!): No, I have not been exercising like I used to. I could come up with a long list of excuses, but the answer is still NO. We have a gym membership through my boyfriend's work, so I have access to a gym. I will start taking advantage of it now that my kids (and me too) are no longer sick.

I really LOVE to do circuit training and the elliptical machine...so I have not dragged my feet on exercise because of a disdain for it. I actually am excited about getting back into the gym. I do walk alot (especially when shopping!) but my Dr (my appointment was earlier this week) told me to start doing my circuit training, etc. He said that walking simply is not enough if I want to tone my body. And of course, he is right. lol

I will look into that thread that you mentioned, so thanks! I do still see a really big person in the mirror and it makes me a lil sad. But everyone on here has given me some great advice that has helped me deal with those feelings.

So, thanks a bunch!

I think it has to do with expectations.

When you lost the weight on your own, you weren't expecting to get down to a model-sized body. So you saw the changes in a positive light, as a pleasant surprise, and were pleased.

After WLS, your subconcsious mind has the expectation that now, the weight's going to come off immediately, and it does expect a model-sized body when you look in the mirror.

So, now, when you look in the mirror, you're not pleasantly surprised by how much weight you lost. All you can see is how much more you still need to lose. Because your reality and your expectations have become so separate from one another.

Your expectations are what keeps you from seeing your success and what keeps you focused on your perceived failure.

For instance, when I look at old photos of myself, with the expectation that they're going to be horrendous, I'm pleasantly surprised that they're really not as bad as all that.

But when I look at a current photo, with the expectation that it's going to show what an attractive, thin person I really am (the one I see on the inside of my head) I'm appalled at what the photo winds up showing me. A heavy-set woman with a double-chin, who's aged enormously in the last 10 years.

It's all in the expectations.

That was one of the most beautiful posts I have EVER seen! Thank you soooo much and you are so right, of course! When I was younger, I too thought I was over weight...and now when I look back at those times, I only needed to lose like 20-30 lbs too! So much wasted time and energy...I wont waste any more, that is for dang sure! So, how are you doing...newly banded and all?! Please let me know!

LOL! Me too!

And it took me years to forgive my mom for constantly reinforcing how horrendously and humiliatingly fat I was, when I was really maybe only 20-30 lbs overweight.

And to accept the fact that I created my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Regardless of my actual reality, I thought I was fat, so I became fat.

So, in the end, I have to take responsibility for allowing myself to accept my mother's view of reality, and then making it real.

Well, Sophrosyne, thank goodness we are both on the right track, huh?! It is amazing how many people say things "out of support" yet it is only a slap in the face.

And you really hit a good point on the expectations part. I do have high expectations of myself and where I want to be. I think alot of us women (and men too!) have the same high expectations. I spent alot of time lowering my expectations too...so now that I have hope, my expectations have soared! My ego has soared a lil bit too and I am not ready to rein it in just yet@

Once upon a time, when I was healthy, (before I become narcoleptic and all that stuff) I used to do cardio kickboxing aerobics. I loved that stuff because it was such a great stress reliever and it made me feel like I was jackie chan and could really kick some major ass. Now I like the eliptical.

lmao, Kye...that is really really funny! Yeah, today, I had another "excuse"...I had to be in court (for the foster children I have) and I missed my morning gym time. Tomorrow is a new day, huh?!

psssssst.....today is Kyethra's birthday!!!!

Kat

Dont worry. Your not alone. I'm in the same position right now. I really can't see the difference myself. I know there is a difference. I just can't see it. :-) So, I guess it isnt that abnormal. (i hope)

Hey Ms B...have you tried lookin at your old photos? I took the advice of some great people and found a snapshot from 6 months ago....WOW! And you know what? You have lost a LOT more than me, so if I saw a difference, I am sure there is one in you too! Let me know...

And Ms Kat...thanks for the tip!