I'd like to hear your opinions on how to help overweight kids lose a little weight. I know that whatever I say to my daughter will stay with her forever. She knows I have the band and that I'm losing weight. She's only 8 years old but she's very mature. She's not horribly overweight, but she has fat genes and if she continues to gain weight she'll quickly become obese. Her brother is 10 and can eat more and not gain weight. Tonight he has a friend over and they each had a few cookies. My daughter walked in and immediately said that she wanted one, too. My first thought was that she doesn't need to eat cookies. I know he doesn't either, but we don't have cookies very often and they were his favorite kind. I don't want to punish him by never having any junk food but at the same time I don't want to tempt her either. As adults we understand that people are different....some gain weight easily and some don't. How do I help her without scarring her for life? Weight issues will probably be a life-long battle for her.

Oh.... both of my kids are pretty active. I work on making sure she exercises, but food is my main concern.

I definitely wouldn't refuse her the same food you are feeding her brother. That's food issues waiting to happen. I would try to treat them both the same. If one shouldn't have cookies, neither should the other. I would encourage both to exercise and eat healthy foods. Don't constantly be bringing her weight up, I can guarantee that she knows she isn't as thin as the other girls already. In my family, that's what I always hated. It was like my parents and brother didn't realize that, yes, I DID know I was fat and needed to lose weight. Them trying to start conversations about it didn't make me feel any better about it. In fact, it made me get depressed and eat more.

I have the same problem and to be honest, I have to realise that its not totally for me to control. Really.

The best thing you can do for her is help her to learn to eat foods like that in moderation - to ban them for her and not her brother wont achieve much I dont think, other than encourage eating in secret and that type of behaviour. Its so hard isnt it? You dont want her to feel judged for her size, but the hard truth is some of us are luckier than others in the types of eating and exercise behaviour we can get away with.

Family rules must come first, your son doesnt need Cookies and not getting fat is only a small part of the health equation - he can still be a walking heart attack risk by age 45 if he leads an unhealthy lifestyle, so dont think you are "punishing" him by not having cookies in the house for the sake of your daughter. I'd allow them both treats very occasionally, if its not going to hurt your son, its not going to hurt your daughter either.

Kids need to play sport, whether they're fat or thin, they need lots of outdoor play and not too much time in front of tv, computer and playstation. You dont need to only focus on your daughter here becuase she has the fat genes, its every bit as relevant to your skinny son.

But most of all, you just cant force it past a certain point. My oldest son definitely got the fat gene and he got the lazy lump gene from Doug's side of the family. None of his family are fat but they are without a doubt the laziest most inactive people I've ever known. I've kind of beaten it out of Doug over the 25 years I've known him, but Fraser has it too and he will exercise if I make him, he plays sport because that's fun, but in between he sits and doestn move much. Whereas Ewan runs around from dawn till dusk. Its that incidental activity that makes the real difference, but you absolutely cannot be on a child's back all day to make sure they never sit still! It should be a normal part of being a child but more and more these days it isnt.

YOu can only provide the healthy environment - and you dont need to distinguish between your daughter and your son here, not at all - they have to do the rest to a certain degree and past a certain age.

I have this same problem. I have a 4 kids and my 3rd boy has the overweight gene. It's so hard. My 2 oldest are very intense into sports and exercise all day. My 3rd is very, very active, but just loves to eat. I absolutely agree that there shouldn't be different rules for different kids, it's just not fair and will only lead to secret eating and low self esteem. I am so torn by this issue and want to help him. He is shaped just like my husband. I gained my weight all on my own without much of a genetic issue. My husband is about 20 pounds overweight but always struggled even as a child, so my son has it coming from both sides. I guess I'm posting just to say I understand more than having any advice. I just don't know what to do and how to help him. He seems so obsessed with food and does not care what people think at this point.

Gretchen

banded 2/23/07

Thanks for all the input. I agree about cookies not needing to be in the house. It was probably the first time in several months that they were here. It was just a "red light" for me and I wanted to know how other parents handle their children.

Even things like just getting another serving of food at dinner or eating again a couple of hours after dinner is an issue for my daughter. Take my son out of the picture. What does everyone think about training kids to eat responsibly and healthy? I know that being a role model is important. I'm really trying to be that for her. We keep healthy foods in the house, but too many calories from healthy food can cause weight gain, too. I just don't know how far to push it without causing lifelong emotional problems. Many of us here probably know what it's like to be a heavy child. It's not fun and we all want to spare our kids that. Do I constantly tell her no, even if it's healthy food? Do I set up very specific eating times? I'm just so torn about this issue.

Angie

AngieO, I would maybe start out by trying to serve small portions at mealtime for both kids. That way, going back for seconds would not be as bad as if you served large first portions. Also, make healthy meals. Limit the foods that are straight carbs or high in fat or calories. Just like with the bandster rules, make sure that they eat the lean protein first, followed by the low carb veggies, and then the higher carb veggies. You could even try making a limited amount of the high carb/high fat/high calorie foods, so there wouldn't be much for them to eat, even if they did decide to have second helpings. Make more of the healtier foods, less of the bad foods.

I think the most important thing is to teach them to live healthy lives in all aspects. Make sure they understand how to make good choices and praise them for that. Kids thrive off praise.

When she picks something healthy to eat, praise her for making such a good choice. If she makes a bad choice, just don't say anything. Also, give her opportunities to be even more active. I don't know where you live, but we have a store about a mile away. I don't keep treats in the house, but occasionally, I will ask my kids if they want to "walk" to the store with me to get a treat. I then feel that we have all "earned" it by the walk to and from the store. Even at the store, I encourage them to make good choices. I will grab a piece of fresh fruit or some juice (pre-band) and hope they follow. Sometimes they make good choices and sometimes they don't, but at that point, it really doesn't matter.

Maybe this will give you a couple more ideas.

I'm not sure what I think about food so I don't even know what I might need to change. Isn't it normal to worry about your kids being overweight?

I like the idea of starting out with even smaller portions. Maybe just the simple act of getting up for seconds is a mental thing for her it'll cut down on her total amount of calories.

Some days she is very active with sports and just playing with other kids. Other days she just sits and watches tv. We have exercise equipment that I like to use. Should I make her do it with me even when she just wants to be lazy? How do the rest of you make your kids get enough exercise and eat the right amounts of the right foods?

Thanks for all the input. I agree about Cookies not needing to be in the house. It was probably the first time in several months that they were here. It was just a "red light" for me and I wanted to know how other parents handle their children.

Even things like just getting another serving of food at dinner or eating again a couple of hours after dinner is an issue for my daughter. Take my son out of the picture. What does everyone think about training kids to eat responsibly and healthy? I know that being a role model is important. I'm really trying to be that for her. We keep healthy foods in the house, but too many calories from healthy food can cause weight gain, too. I just don't know how far to push it without causing lifelong emotional problems. Many of us here probably know what it's like to be a heavy child. It's not fun and we all want to spare our kids that. Do I constantly tell her no, even if it's healthy food? Do I set up very specific eating times? I'm just so torn about this issue.

Angie

Hi Angie!

WOW this hits close to home! Here's how we solved it!

My daughter is 13, my son is fifteen. We have had a "science experiment" going on in our house since they were toddlers....

he needs 3,000 calories or he's like a starving third world child all ribs and knees (the pediatrician would tell me he was underweight- until I brought in pictures of my husband when he was the same age. He never brought it up again.) On the other hand... my daughter smells bread and gains a pound! Just like mom. You can not tell me that genetics are not a massive indication of future weight.

Like many on this site I had a painful upbringing with foods issues, including parents that meant well but were uninformed. I was determined that my daughter would have a better shot at it! When she was 9 or so, and first bringing up to me that she didn't like her belly, I brought her to a local nutritionist who specializes in children. (She was about 10 pounds over where she should have been, and heading higher). Karen explained to me in private how damaging parents can be- she gave us (husband and me) articles to read on the subject and met with our daughter in private. She talked to her about food choices, food cues, portion size, levels of hunger.... and many other things. Karen gave her the power to make the decisions and the knowledge on how to make good ones. She asked us not to tell her how much to eat... it was merely our job to provide healthy food. The "what" was up to us, the "how much" was up to her. Karen does not even tell her how much she weighs when she goes. She has told her that girls her age often get thick bef'ore they grow. " just stay healthy, and it will even out as you grow." Our daugther has been amazing! She makes terrific decisions. Her food thermostat is so much healthier than mine ever was!! She is in great shape- maybe 5 pounds heavier than middle line on the pediatricians charts. She has not had a growth spurt yet- she is still one of the shortest in her class. Pretty soon that will come- she doees not have her "friend" yet. I was a late bloomer,too. This was the best gift we could ever have given her. Once when she was 11 she asked to go back to see her... just to get re-centered and on track.

Also, since she is more creative than sports minded.. and dropped out of field hockey and soccer and karate and ballet.... I told her that she would have to pick a trainer and develop a lifelong exercise routine. She has a great trainer at a small gym owned by a friend of mine and she goes 3-4 days a week. She likes it! She likes how she feels... she shows off her arm muscles to me once in a while with great pride! If you take away the expensive equiptment our son has for lacrosse, squash, golf, skiing...and so on, she's still a bargain in the money spent department!

She owns it. At thirteen she gets it. I am not her food cop!..and I am not stressed about her having unhappy teenage years... at least not in regards to her weight! If she is going to a birthday party, she'll say "I'm going to have a smaller lunch so I can have a piece of cake"... I'll say, "that's a good decision honey, I hope you enjoy that piece of cake. "

We keep only healthy food in the house and cook only "delicious, nutritious lite!" No cookies, no junk...mostly organic. We will sometimes bake a healthy dessert from cooking lite. We'll do a baked apple- which she loves- or a modified apple crisp...there's hundreds of great healthy lo cal Desserts out there. She loves to bake! My husband gets credit in this department. He grew up in a "healthy eating" home... his mom was way before her time on this. When the kids were little he found a package of oreos I bought for "treats" and threw them out... we have never had much junk since then. Even the chips are baked veggie chips. Children learn to like good stuff if that's all you have. He's always been crazy about the hydrogenated oils as well. Peanut Butter is our one vice.

NOTE- in the small world category... Karen was one of the nutritionists

on my Dr's list for the nutritional pre-op evaluation! She wouldn't even let me pay. She thougth I was a perfect candidate. She has followed my progress and has been an amazing source of information and support!

I would be happy to refer any of you to her or get copies of the articles if you would like.

ANGIE, Good luck with it...it's so important!

Best,

Kim :kiss2:

223/ps/217s/202t/135g

banded 1/30/07

first fill 3/09/07

I would be careful with the exercise equipment. Most equipment is not designed with children in mind.

Easy trick for portions. Have your daughter help you cook. While cooking, explain to her that you have to feed, let's say 4 people (or however many are in your family). Then let her look at cookbooks and recipes with you. Show her how recipes say "serves 4". Or, lets say you are making chicken, show her that you are making one for each person. This way, she sees normal portions and you aren't making extra for there to be seconds. Then if you are worried about her patroling for more food after dinner, find a way to distract her so that she can get her mind off food until her brain realizes she is full. Do some crafts or take a walk or something.

I may be simploifying this. None of my four children have issues with weight. I don't know if this is because I have been cautious about how they approach food their whole lives or just because they are meant to be bigger kids.

Kim,

You're an answered prayer!! I'd love to have any information you can give me. I've never even thought about taking her to a nutritionist. I'd have to bring it up gently the next time she tells me her clothes are too tight.

I looked into taking her to a gym but she's too young for all the ones around here. We have a treadmill, recumbent bike and a Gazelle. Honestly, I bought most of the equipment the same day that I couldn't find a gym for her to join. I think I should hang up an exercise calendar for the whole family and we keep track of each day that we spend 30 minutes exercising. Anything can count....swimming, trampoline, bike riding, walking the dogs, exercise equipment. Maybe the calendar will help keep us motivated without me having to say anything.

I'm really excited about finding a nutritionist. Having someone else explain it all to her is a great idea. I like that I can be the "what" and my daughter can be the "how much".

myfoursons...I love the cooking together idea. We like to cook together but we don't really discuss the portions very often.

THANKS FOR THE HELP!!

Angie