Here we go my "steadies." Post away.

Sorry Boo - Chef Dan and Pro Lynn are the drama "queens" that I work with. Good deal on the bmi! I just want to hit that spot where I'm not in the over weight group. But I have about 40 lbs to get there.

Bman - I feel for you. I know all farm work is HARD WORK!!!

As for the fill - yeah I think it may take a little while to feel it. Besides being on mushies and fluids.

Just got back from the dentist - always alot easier then I think its going to be.

Boo - where do you get something like that done?? at your regular doctor? or your band surgeon? or somewhere else?

I've felt like an enormous fat cow lately... I know it is ridiculous because of how much smaller I am, but seriously... I've felt like a beached whale all weekend and all this week. HUGE! I tell you! HUGE!

I feel like I've gained. I am afraid to step on my scale. I don't know how I could have gained, but it just feels like I am a bloated jelly doughnut!

I don't know what I need. ugh.

STEPH- HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND HE HAS TWO KIDS HE APPARENTLY DOESNT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH NEATHER .

BEV- I JUST QUESTION MY SELF NEVER EVER HAS HE SAID WE ARE BEST FRIENDS TIL SUNDAY NIGHT ON A TEXT MESSAGE AND MONDAY MORNING SAYING I PUT UP WITH HIM SO MUCH. I DONT UNDERSTAND LOTS OF THINGS WHY : IF YOUR BEST FRIENDS YOU SEE YOUR SELF IN THE FUTURE WITH THAT PERSON ( THIS IS HM) HE WANTS TO BUY A HOUSE . TELLS ME THAT IF ANYTHING WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM I NEED TO FIGHT CUSTODY FOR THE KIDS THINGS LIKE THAT . HE MAKES ME REALLY CONFUSED I TELL MY MOM EVERYTHING AND SHE TELLS ME SHE IS CONFUSED HE SHOWS HE LOVES ME DO TO ACTIONS AND WORDS BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE CANT HAVE ME . I COULD ONLY SAY THIS TRIP MADE ME MORE CONFUSED IN MY HEART .

JOB WELL I DONT KNOW MAYBE CHICAGO IS NOT FOR ME AND THAT WHY ALL THE CLOSED DOORS . HERE IN SAN DIEGO MY JOB IS JUST THERE . I COME IN THE OFFICE FEEL STRESSED DONT LIKE TO BE HERE ANYMORE . I CURRENTLY HERE AND CRYING WISHING THINGS WERE LIKE COUPLE MONTHS AGO..

I DONT WANT TO FALL BACK IN A DEPRESSION I DID THAT ONCE AND THAT WHAT I AM STARTING TO FEEL AGAIN . ON MONDAY I WAS ASLEEP ALL DAY JUST TO NOT THINK OF EVERYTHING I HONESLY FEEL LIKE A LOOSER HAVE DREAMS AND GOALS AND CANT ACCOMPLISHTHEM . I AM NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER YOU KNOW. AND WHAT I DONT WANT TO DO THINGS THAT WILL JUST MAKE ME FEEL WORSE ON THE LONG RUN . (LIKE DATE SOMEONE JUST TO GET OVER THIS ONE )

THANK YOU FOR READING EVEN THOUGH I WRITE NOT GOOD AT TIMES BECAUSE I THINK IN SPANISH AND THEN TRANSLATE IT . IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME AS WELL AS THE OTHER WAY AROUND I WRITE IN SPANISH THINKING IN ENGLISH LOL

LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.. MY HEART IS REALLY BROKEN ...

THANKS AGAIN WITH TEAR IN MY EYES

CLAU :faint:

Claud - Dont worry girl. I understand everything perfectly :-) you write very well. I think in English all the time. That is why I can't speak Spanish properly... too much time spent translating. I've been told you have to think it or your in trouble :-) I can read it and write it... enough to be ok if you dropped me in the middle of a spanish speaking country. BUT my brain doesn't compute in Espanol THAT is for sure.

You do an excellent job :-) I have no trouble figuring out what you have to say!

I know you are confused. I would be too. THAT is why you have to ask those tough questions that you necesarily DONT want to hear the answers to. You may ask him if he has those feelings for you, but you have to be prepared for him to say "no" and then, you have to be prepared to accept it. If you keep waiting for him to "realize he really DOES feel that way." You could spend your life waiting on him, and he may never figure it out.

My good friends here always tell Eric (my best friend) and I -- that we need to "call them for the wedding." We always laugh, but if I allowed it to... I could have very confused feelings for him. I spent 4 years thinking I was in love with him, and that someday he would realize that he was actually in love with me. THAT never happened. I finally saw that he wasn't gonig to feel that way, and accepted that we just had a very special friendship that was different that what most people experience.

We still do have a very special/different friendship. It includes cuddling sometimes. It includes "dates" that aren't called dates. It includes dinners at his mother's house, and alot of comment from both of our friends about our 'closeness' -- BUT we've both come to understand that it is still just a friendship. He doesn't feel that way about me, and once I'd met my husband I realized that I didn't really feel THAT way about him either. Close... but not quite.

It will hurt alot, but if you really come right out and ask him about it... at least you can spend this time in the future healing and becoming better FRIENDS instead of waiting for something that may never happen.

I know it isn't what you want BUT i know you don't want to lose such a good friend. i wouldn't want to lose my Eric for anything. i am so glad that I finally got over my "romantic love" for him... and got to keep my unique "best friend love" that i DO already have. I know you truly care for him. So, make sure you do what is best for you. Ask the questions and then figure out how to move forward.

It is the best thing for you. No sense in putting your OWN life on hold girl!

Brandi--I had it done by an Herbalife representative, so I am sure if you can find one you can get it done. Of course they watned me to get onto their prggram, I am not but I ordered some protien shakes and these really good protien drinks like kool aid from them. I have a friend that sells it so I can find you someone if you want me to! It is weird you have these little pads hooked to your hand and feet and it measures all that stuff. It was developed by a UCLA Dr! Pretty neat!

And I have been thinking maybe the 12 pounds of fat to loose is right. I mean how much do you think this HUGE pile of skin on my tummy weighs? I am thinking 15 pounds or more, it is huge. That gone would take me to 15 pounds to goal, so I think it is right~~woo hoo....lol..

Steph--drama queens, ok got it. I thought you were watching tv or something...rotfl...

Claud--I am sorry sweetie you are having a rough go of it. But like you said Chicago may not be for you right now! I am going to San Diego in November, go there!

Hi girls!

Claud - I hope you didn't think I was saying I didn't understand your english - I was refering to the whole 'bf messing with your heart' situation. I think I have to agree with Bman, I think you're going to have to put it into the perspective that he's a friend and not going to be anything else, and then hope mr right comes along soon.

Boo - I have that 15 lbs of fat on my belly too! I hate it. When we were in Philly last weekend we were at the mall and my dd said mom from the back you look really small. LOL Yeah but if I turn side ways I'm just as wide!

Bman - me too! Feeling fat again, but I'm glad bc I was getting comfortable at my current weight and to feel fat gives me extra incentive to eat right and exercise. I was thinking about getting these last 40 lbs off me and how I'll look when I do. I have a pic of me and dd when she was about 3 and I was about 28, I was in a dress with a belt, I was looking hot. I just kept thinking I wonder what it'll feel like to WANT to go shopping. I'm definitley not there yet!

My fill is working. I just ate some cereal and I'm stuffed. Normally cereal isn't the best thing for me, so I'm timing it to see how long I feel full. If I can last 3 hours on cereal that'll be great. I didn't walk this morning, I took a sleeping pill last night and kept hitting the snooze this morning but I'll catch up this evening.

Ok ladies....So, here is a little story. FROM last weekend.

I went out to a club last weekend, and couldn't figure out why the bouncer thought I had a fake I.D. -- He actually almost turned me away, and asked me every piece of information he could to verify that my ID was accurate.

So, Today i thought about it and I decided to take a closer look at it.

Although I can't see the changes like everyone else does... I think I am starting to see his point.

Time for a new ID

Scroll across to see the "current" new pic of me side by side with the ID pic.

Funny -- check out the weight I listed on the ID back then! ha yeah right!

Was just a little wake up call I has last week :-)

ummm did you get your hair cut?

JOKE!!

I guess he was right to double take! Looking good!

Hey Ladies!!

Claud...sorry to hear about your man troubles and your job woes....I know how they both feel!! Although I haven't had any contact w/"the guy" since my b.day on 8/23, and I am feeling like I'm finally healing. cutting off contact, as much as I hate it, really has been the best thing. I think maybe some day we'll be friends again, but it will never be the same as it was.

BMAN...kinda sounds like your relationship w/Eric was similar to the one I had w/this guy...I had the romantic love, but he clearly didn't! Oh well! Too funny about the license!! I can see why they wouldn't think it was you!

Brandy...so sorry to hear about your hubby taking the girls! How old are they?? Has he agreed to get help?? If he doesn't you have GOT to get out of there for the sake of your sanity and the girls'! Hang in there girl and keep us posted.

Steph...I'm feeling fat too!! Haven't had a fill since May and am thinking it may be time for a small tweak, even though I don't have much room left! Glad to hear it sounds like you have restriction! woo hoo!!

So the job hunt continues.....no real good prospects yet :-( But I'll keep you all posted!

VA - good to hear from you sweetie!

Steph- I Agree The Best Thing Will Be What Bev Said Even If It Hurts

Bev- Yes Your Right I Just Need To Take It As Bestfriends And I Do At Times Others My Heart Wins But His Actions Call For It Like Yesterday Morning His Son Called Said Hi And He Hung Up Then In The Afternoon Called Me And Said Did You Like Your Wake Up Call I Laughed And Said Yes And He Said Your Son Got Up And Said Lets Call Her And Other Little Things He Said Make Me Not Understand . I Am Going Out On The Weekend With The Guy I Have Been Going Out With I Am Afraid Because I Dont Want To Miss Lead Him Nor I Want To Just Use Him To Get Over This But I Do Have Fun With Him .

Boo- If You Come To San Diego You Need To Let Me Know Were You Stay Maybe We Can Meet That Would Be So Kool.

Va- I Hear You Girl Nothing Is The Same !!

Thank You For Your Thoughts And Advice I Am Really Down I Need To Get Up And Start Something I Duel On It A Lot I Think Of All This And It Hurts Like I Said Work Sucks Love Sucks Lol

I Go To The Doctor Tomarrow To Take A Friend And I Am Scared To Get A Fill Or Just See My Doctor Dont Know Why .

I Keep You Posted !

Clau

Hey Girls

Well went to the Dr yesterday for a fill. I was absolutely right and I had lost .25 ccs from my last fill. So I still have 3.75 ccs and am feeling happier..lol...

I am miserable though. It is always rough on me when I first get a fill but it rained all day yesterday which mold is high today. SOOOO I have thrown up about 32 ozs of snot....it is horrible. Nothing works for me when I get like this...blah....

Claud-- I will be in San Diego November 14-18. The 14th I am flying in and work won't be started yet. Where do you live are you close to there??

VA-my girls are almost 7 and 8. He has made an appoitnment for Wednesday I doubt if he will go!

Gotta run and throw up...hugs to all.....

Boo....I will keep my fingers crossed that he goes on Wed!! If nothing else so he can figure out how to be a better male role model for his girls! Have you thought about what you'll do if he doesn't go??

Claud....How are you doing girl?? Are you hanging in there?? I sure hope so!

Hope you all had a great weekend! I'll check in again later....

VA- I JUST HANGING IN THERE JUST TRYING NOT TO CONFUSE MY SELF NO MORE AND TO BE OK . IT HURTS BECAUSE I HAD MY HOPES HIGH TO LIVE IN CHICAGO BUT FOR SOME REASON THINGS DONT WORK OUT AND THEY CLOSE THE DOORS ON ME :eek: HOPE THINGS START CHANGING BECAUSE I REALLY FEEL LIKE A BIG LOOSER .

BOO- I LIVE IN SAN DIEGO ABOUT 15 MIN FROM THE AIRPORT SO LET ME KNOW WERE YOU WILL STAY OR EMAIL ME @CLAUDIAGDLMEX@AOL.COM AND WE WILL EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS THAT WILL BE SO KOOL TO MEET.

BEV- THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE ITS HARD AND HARDER WHEN THAT SOMEONE KEEPS CALLING YOU FOR THE STUPIDIST REASONS AND MORE WHEN KIDS ARE INVOLVED . I LOVE HIS KIDS .

OK GIRLS AT WORK I NEED TO HANG IN THERE SO I CAN BECOME SOMETHING MY BOSS IS TRANSFERING AND MAYBE THAT A GOOD THING OR BAD IF ONE OF THE BROKERS WE HAVE BECOMES A MANAGER I JUST HOPE FOR THE BEST . AND MY LOVE LIFE KEEP TRYING TO COPE WITH EVERYTHING ITS SO HARD . WEIGHLOSS IS STABLE NOT PUTTING ANYEFFORT AT ALL JUST FEEL LIKE DUUUUUUUUUUUH MY BROTHER ACTUALLY TOLD ME EITHER YOU GAIN WEIGHT OR YOU ARE JUST THE SAME AND YOUR LOOKING FAT. I SAID THANK YOU THAT ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR . SO I GUESS I NEED TO DO SOMETHING SO I DONT LOOK FAT BECAUSE I BEEN STABLE FOR THE LAST 2 1/2 MONTHS .

OK HAVE A GREAT WEEK AND READ YOU ON A DAILY BASIS .

CLAU :faint:

Boo - me too. The whole fill thing. Actually I've never had this good of restriction, but its been miserable the past couple days. The first day was liquids and I was ok, day 2 the mushies and I was ok, since then I've thrown up at least once a day. And yes, its that snotty slimy crap. Last night I tried to eat a yogurt, purple slimy - yukko!! BUT - I'm loving it!!! I love having this kind of restriction!!! I can eat a 1/4 cup of cereal and I'm full. I don't think I've ever had this much restriction

VA - how about you? Are you doing ok?

Nat is MIA - guess we'll have to send the forces out