I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 10 years but we have been together 19 years. He has been there through my younger athletic years and the terrible spiral down or should I say up to obesity. Last year I made the decision to have gastric sleeve surgery and I've had success. Now 120 pounds lighter I don't understand the reason he says such hurtful things. Today I was upset because after working 10 hours I came home to a mess. When I asked why he didn't pick up he asked why I was so b****y. Then said I'm just cranky cause I can't eat. What the hell?

Wow, I am so sorry that he said something hurtful to you. It sounds like you're doing really well with your weight loss - great job! Is your hubby generally supportive, and this is maybe just him having a bad day? Or are comments like that pretty common?

I would ask the same questions... we all have bad days. and Believe me I can understand being upset after working all day and coming home to a mess when someone could have at least picked up some of it.. Sounds to me like he had nothing better to throw in your face then the fact that he can eat what he wants and you cant. You just remind him that you made a choice and happy with that choice.

Wow' date=' I am so sorry that he said something hurtful to you. It sounds like you're doing really well with your weight loss - great job! Is your hubby generally supportive, and this is maybe just him having a bad day? Or are comments like that pretty common?[/quote']

They have become the norm lately.

Is he becoming more insucure with himself as you lose your weight? Did he become acustomed to be larger and he was happy with that because he knew you wouldnt look somewhere else? and now that you are losing weight and prob gaining some pride and he is scared out of his mind?

I don't know what to think. He has started going to the gym regularly. So maybe that's it.

Well...Hun...sounds to me like he is feeling insecure bout himself and taking it out on you! Is he one of those men that dont like to talk? Mine is...so it is hard for him to listen to how I feel when he is being a jerk. If he is one that you can talk to then maybe you all need to have a talk and see if things get any better.,

Punch him in his face-ok not really-violence is never the answer! (only in my dreams) Talk to him about it-conversation is the only way to know how someone is feeling. Does he work? why is he home while you are working 10 hours? If he isn't working-is that the problem? HIS problem-and he's upset that you are questioning what he is doing all day? so he throws some verbal garbage at you to make himself feel better? Hmmm...I don't like it one bit-NO ONE should feel bad about themselves because of something mean that is verbalized by a person that claims to love them!

He works part time and is a student. He was home all day because his class was cancelled. So cleaning up shouldn't have been a big deal.

When I try talking he says I'm b*******g. He's not big on conversation. We have two kids so leaving isn't an option I just try to suck it up. But the mean comments are getting harder to swallow.

Danie, when he tells you that you're "b*****g" about something, do you ever try telling him that it makes you feel as though he doesn't care when he just dismisses your concerns as "b*****g"? Many men aren't big talkers (I grew up with one) but that doesn't give him the right to treat you poorly and dismiss you out of hand. Working part time and going to school are both good endeavors, but you working a 10 hour day, coming home to a house that's a wreck, and then being treated poorly? Not okay. I don't know your hubby, and I'm hoping that he may have some redeeming qualities, so please take this for whatever it's worth. There are some people who treat others poorly because they know they won't be challenged. I don't know if you have a history of standing up for yourself, but if you didn't do that much before, he may think that you'll just sit there and take it now. And you shouldn't, because you don't deserve it, it's not healthy, and it's not a good example for your kids. He may not be a big talker, but if it means the health of your marriage and family, then he should be willing to talk things out with you. And if he's not, then you really need to think about that. Please know that we are here for you and know that you are worth a lot more than being treated with disrespect!