Hey everyone,

I am super new to this, in fact, this is my first post. Forgive the length...

I am still at the point where I am leaning towards the sleeve, but not sure.

The thing is, I am 22. I have a BMI of 39.4, and have pretty much been overweight/obese my ENTIRE life. I don't remember a time when I could feel my ribs or hipbones...but in this past year, I have hit an all-time high. I had a miserable year last year, and a combination of binge eating and a medication that made me gain weight...I gained 70 pounds. In 12 months...which was beyond devastating.

I am off the meds and I have already lost about 35 pounds, but I need to lose at least 100 more, if not 120...and I am terrified of the prospect of failure. Everyday is a struggle and I feel like my daily thoughts are dominated by food, and trying to keep my impulses in check...I am doing much better than I used to, but there are still nights when I binge...My weight has been a source sense of shame and guilt since I was young enough to realize I was overweight. Maybe kindergarten?

Frankly, I am done with it. I am done feeling this negativity about myself, and I don't want to incur any major health problems in the future. I also don't want this to be an issue for the rest of my life, I want to move on, be a normal weight and be healthy. BUT, in the same token, I have a lifetime ahead of me. Do I wait for surgery? Do I just do it and realize that my entire life, and my obsessive relationship with food is over? Do I accept that there will be no more Thanksgiving dinners, or pizza and beer with friends, or the comfort of eating terrible food? This is silly that I hold on to this, its killing me...but I have been an emotional eater from a very, very young age. I feel like a drug addict, and I'm starting to panic.

Do I give myself more of a chance and attempt to lose more weight dieting? But then insurance won't cover my operation...I am pretty sure I could lose more weight, but my fear is being stuck around 70-80 pounds away from my goal. Forever. Or yo-yoing, forever.

I know there are plenty of forums on 'regrets'...but anyone get a sleeve in their early twenties? Or maybe wish they did? Anyone with a sleeve for 5+ years that has maintained the weight? Anyone with comments on long term sleevers? I plan on living at least another 60 years, and that's a long time to live with this.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated, and thanks for reading.

OP

I forgot to add, you can still have thanksgiving dinners and nice times with food. Just not as much food.

I am still pre op but have been struggling with insulin resistance for 5 years. I have been forced to give up carbs. Part of it is that I simply can't tolerate my metformin in high doses so carbs make me feel sick... I've cut back a lot. I'll eat m turkey (white meat) at thanksgiving with green Beans but will only have a single serving (1/2 cup) of mashed potatoes... No rolls or pie because I feel sick. And I can't have seconds of carbs. I can overeat turkey though, unfortunately.

I anticipate I'll be cutting a lot more after surgery but honestly, what I'm doing now, it's not that bad. You get used to it. I think I like turkey more now!

Things will be okay we will all adjust.

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