Hi all!

I haven't been on here in a while but here is the latest! On 12/28/12 I reached my one year mark. So far the lowest weight I have seen is 154. Right now I am 156, I gained 2lbs over the holidays. I have lost over 46 inches and I wear a small shirt and a size 6/8 pants. According to my family I am tiny and I shouldn't lose anymore. The problem is I don't "see" what they see. When I look at myself in the mirror I still see the heavy me. I would love to have that one moment of clarity where I could see what other people see. When I look at my body I see the same saggy legs. I have seen photos where I think I look pretty good but I still am dealing with the mind game of not having met my goal weight.

I am able to eat a lot more than I used to which scares me. I fell off the wagon especially because of the holidays.I know that the joy of the holidays didn't help when there was wine flowing everywhere those calories add up! I think the thing that bothers me the most is I never reached the goal weight the doctor put forth of 140. However, even he told me he didn't expect me to get down that far but I sure wanted to. He is happy with my progress, so why can't I be too?! I have also been told I am probably closer to my goal weight than I may know. I am carrying around a lot of excess skin and apparently that is something I need to be aware of. Maybe I am just making excuses at this point I don't know. In some ways, I feel like I have failed. Rationally, I know that's not true.

Don't get me wrong, I honestly have never been happier. I would do this again in a heartbeat. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. I "thought" my life would change and boy has it! But now I have more energy and now I have to figure out where to apply it. I am trying to figure out the new me so to speak. I work out 4 days a week and I drink plenty of water.

It's time to get back to the basics but right now I am trying not to be an emotional eater, night time is the worst! I am trying to recapture the feeling of restriction because it does fade.

How do all of you veteran sleevers get over the rough spots? What keeps you going? How do you re motivate yourself? For the first time since the sugery I feel a bit lost. I can pinpoint that feeling to the fact that I am able to eat more. I really wanted to be able to feel that restriction forever.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated!

I'm at about 18 months post-op, and though I surpassed my surgeon's goal, I never got to my personal goal, and I've gained quite a few pounds from my lowest. I know I have it in me to get to goal, when I was still really keeping low carb high protein, low calories, my body was still losing at a fairly good pace, but I've been off track on and off for most of the past nine months, so here I sit, more than 10 pounds from goal.

For me, I just had to decide whether or not I really wanted it, and then commit to it. I've found some supplements that help me over the worst of the carb and sugar cravings, and I'm nearing on 2 weeks back on track, exercising, and staying within my protein and calorie goals. Part of my motivation was a horror of how much I'd regained, and how quickly. I could see I was heading down a very dark ugly road if I didn't get myself back on track. The rest of it is just determination. I spend a few minutes every day focusing on my goal and some of the things I want to do when I get there. Nothing major, one of them is nothing more than the privilege of being able to announce GOOOOAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!! But they're important to me! I've joined a couple of challenges for motivation, and I'm tracking my food and exercise compulsively on MyFitnessPal. I'm focusing on changes I can make to what I'm eating to maximize satisfaction. I'm one of the few who dearly loves her protein shake (I make a killer morning protein hot cocoa!), but I'm going to try subbing it out for solid protein that will keep me full longer. Less cheese, more grilled chicken ... that kind of thing. Basically, just a lot of little steps, and short goals like staying on track for a week ... and then 10 days ... and then two weeks, so I can build a feeling of confidence and can-do-this!

The most important thing for me is, decide how badly you want it, and then decide what changes you're willing to make to get there. If you're game, come join us on this thread for a little healthy competition:

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/28952-gonna-get-to-goal-wanna-join-me/page__st__760#entry638166

At the moment the scale is NOT rewarding my hard work and dedication, but I've got my motivation mojo back in gear, and I'm going to get there! Race 'ya!

Escape_Pod thank you so much for responding! It is nice to know I am not alone in this. Only a fellow sleever can understand. Fortunately, I caught myself before I got to out of control. Those two extra pounds were my wake up call. If I am honest with myself, I know I did not follow my program, since Thanksgiving, all the way through the new year. My only saving grace was that I worked out like a fiend and that kept my weight gain at a minimum. I do think one of my biggest issues is the ability to eat more. I definitely need to up my solid protein, more chicken etc. It's been hard since I allowed myself to start eating more carbs. I am doing my best now to limit them but then I find myself in a situation because I run. I was told I wasn't getting enough carbs so it's a balancing act. But hey I did go overboard. So now I begin the journey again. I am going to remotivate myself. I will do this. I will personally be happy to get down to 145 as opposed to the goal the doctor set for me. I think the other set back is the fact that my body image is shot. I can see the muscles I have built but they are blanketed by loose skin...:/ Seriously not a happy sight. I have lost my breasts and my butt sags like nobodys business. It's awful. However, I had a long talk with my best supporter, my dear hubby. Between his pep talk and your response, I am feeling so much better. Thank you so much and I am definitely going to check out that link