FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bathtub?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells to her 92-year-old sister sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden table for good measure.

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's knocking at the door."

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"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

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WHAT A CHOICE

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in the nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the Soup."

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OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just sat and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it!

She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"

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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried

The dispatcher say, "Stay calm, Ma'am, an officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US, PLEASE!!!! :help:

LOL those are cute.

I love the elderly. I used to work with them (or their medications) and all the stories the nurses shared were hilarious.

LOL those are cute.

I love the elderly. I used to work with them (or their medications) and all the stories the nurses shared were hilarious.

I am the elderly. :faint:

I am the elderlytoo, and I'm getting more elderly every day. I can't remember anything. My hip hurts off and on. I have all sorts of pills and I just want to retire. But I have to wait 2 1/2 years to retire early. I think people don't realize that some people age faster than others. I take care of my 86 year old mother (I will shoot myself before I am 86), 7 animals, a house, two cars, bills, etc., and I work. I'm getting old fast. But what the hell, I think I'll get out my ipod and dance to some good 60s numbers. Maybe I'm not all that old.

I am the elderlytoo, and I'm getting more elderly every day. I can't remember anything. My hip hurts off and on. I have all sorts of pills andI just want to retire. But I have to wait 2 1/2 years to retire early. I think people don't realize that some people age faster than others. I take care of my 86 year old mother (I will shoot myself before I am 86), 7 animals, a house, two cars, bills, etc., and I work. I'm getting old fast. But what the hell, I think I'll get out my ipod and dance to some good 60s numbers. Maybe I'm not all that old.

Hell you just described me . Take out the taking care of the mother part and add in taking care of 2 boys and a husband , who btw are slobs and think im their maid , bills, a business , the house, dinner. I Just get out my Ipod and dance to FOOTLOOSE . O Wait im only 31 But BOY Do i feel old sometimes lol

I feel for you taking care of your mother though seriously . I did home heatlh care for 4 yrs and THAT Is hard work when its a job , I can only imagine when its life.I admire anyone who does that. Go have a good dance. And try FOOTLOOSE its a good pick ya up song lol

Love

Mindy:clap2:

I'm one of those 'seniors', too, but by golly I'm 10 years younger than I was 90 pounds and 6 months ago!!! I can't wait to be me this time next year!~!!!