i dont know who i got the message from and i appreciate being missed its just that after 2.5 yrs of no weight loss and just having my pain pump removed because it didnt work either i'm not very cheerful.

i feel like my life has gone downhill steadily and it keeps slipping .

i used to be an inspiration to many. i spent my life helping others (not for them for me) and now i cant even help myself.

sorry for the depressing answer. i cant seem to find any other. if anyone is interested they can read some of my few posts and see what my current life has become and how little hope i have of any kind of future.

people here need positive support and inspiration and i have none to give right now.

i do read however and sometimes laugh and i am happy for all of you who

are out living your lives . im just stuck here in bed in pain, drugged and fat. i cant even go on my laptop daily because of the opiate induced nausea and dizziness and the newer lower spine pain from degenerative disc disease. arent you glad you asked.

(honest i said that to be funny not mean or sarcastic) i still have one good quality and that is a great sense of humour. especially concerning myslef. just having a crappy day. love to all. susan

i welcome personal letters as long as no one suggests any religious conversion. i have very personal and deep religious beliefs. but, they are not mainstream. love love and peace

dang, susan. I'm really sorry to hear things are not well with you! I don't know what to say except to send a big ole squishy ((((hug)))). And you don't have to be a ray of sunshine to post. LOL Maybe it's a good time for you to accept the well-wishes of all those who leave them, and from those who read your thread but don't reply, because even if they don't post, you are thought of and hugged from afar.

thnaks kathy, it was kind of you to take the time to send good wishes to me.

im so isolated now and i was the most gregarious social person in the universe. i used to call myself " the entertainer" (when describing my position in a group). because of my pain im bedridden and cant be up for more than 5-10min without being driven back. had i not been so social

and physical (indoor jock dancer) and politically active i dont think id feel

like my current and possibly my future life is such a waste.

i try every day to wake up with a positive hopeful attitude but things seem to get worse for me every day and i cant find my way out.

i was a great problem solver. i loved the challange but the way i did it meant becoming very pro active and social and involved and physical. the limits im experiencing are so prohibitive im at a loss.

but, i do have a very strong internal ethical belief system that keeps giving me hope and there is the sense of humour which today doesnt seem to be

there but most days it is.

anyhow, your generosity of spirit wont be forgotten. love, susan

Dear Susan,

I just happened by this thread and wanted to send a quick hello. I can't imagine being in your shoes right now and I am so sorry you have to endure so much. I don't have any great words except to say except that I'm thinking about you today and wish you improved health and relief from pain.

hi Susan - we don't know one another but my eyes caught 'degenerative disk disease' -- I have the same thing! I've suffered with it since I was 13 years old - it is NOT fun and is very painful! When I first herniated 3 disks in my lower back it was the most painful and kept me bedridden alot - I barely handled the first three years of high school. Then I was better for some reason - found out it was because the disks deteriorated and no longer rubbed on the nerves - but so much for having disks gone...

About 5 years ago I herniated 3 disks in my neck - and that set me back for a few years -- I have been recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia too -- explains a lot of my overall pain

I am sending hugs and prayers your way - it is NOT the way to live a happy, fulfilling life - stuck in bed and on pain medication....I know where you are at right now and I pray that you will get to at least functioning level soon

Don't worry about being depressed - it is part of the pain medication causing that - and frustration because we just can't do things that people take for granted on any given day

Hang in there girl! We 'in pain' gals need to stick together!