Pretty much everything about having this surgery and living with it forever. Hi... This is my first post here. I've been consuming blogs the way I once ate potato chips in my Quest for peace regarding the decision to have surgery. My story, briefly, is that I swore I would NEVER have surgery, telling myself that if I had to change my entire relationship with food post surgery, I may as well just do it now and spare myself the pain. Of course, I now weigh over 300 pounds, so that plan obviously hasn't worked.

Two weeks ago I saw my ortho doc about knee replacement. He regretfully informed me that he absolutely refused to do surgery with so much potential for a poor outcome, told me to lose 100 pounds and come back. As I hobbled out the door, devastated, the first thing I wanted to do was go to Krispy Kreme for a couple of kreme filled donuts, but instead I came home and started doing research. I have decided on the sleeve.

But, here's what I'm afraid of: 1) I'll get some rare complication and die. 2) I'll be one of the people who doesn't lose much weight afterwards, 3) Without ample comfort food (my best friend's name is "Sugar"), I'll simply go crazy. I'd say this third thing is the one I'm most afraid of.

On the other hand, the thought of actually seeing some success is SO exciting to me. I start every diet excited and end it in tears.

I ask myself, if I don't have what it takes to be self disciplined and eat right NOW, why will that be different later?? I haven't had what it takes in 40 years.

So, to those of you who have done this for awhile, did you feel this way before your surgery? Did you think you'd go crazy as you went thru your weight loss? Does the struggle EVER get any easier??? Sigh.... Thanks.

I've only been sleeved for a month, but I would say the surgery took the struggle out of the equation. It is by far a better way for me than the diet roller coaster. I would say there is more of a "challenge" to get the Protein in and follow the plan. Like right now, I know I need to increase my calories and Water intake to stifle a one-week stall, and its kind of hard to figure out a new way to do it that is the challenge. Mostly because I'm not eating regular foods yet.

Yes, I've had a couple of moments with "head hunger" but I was able to ignore them and they went away pretty fast. I am a carb addict, so right now the only thing that scares me is the thought of adding some in without going over-board.

This surgery will work for me, and it can work for you if you use it as the tool it is. It is amazing to me the lack of cravings and my ability to make better choices so far I can do this and I'm confident you can as well.

May I make 2 gentle suggestions if I swear I'm taking them myself? First, the knee: my right knee would need to be replaced if I kept the weight on it. I had a series of 3 orthovisc injections and though I was uncomfortable the next day each time after three I find myself able to get up and down like I haven't been able to for years. Not pain free, but drastically better. I'm hoping that between these injections and a lot of weight loss I might be able to put the surgery off...just the 35 lbs I lost pre-op has made a difference.

Second, there are counselors who specialize in helping you work through your relationship with food and find healthier choices and comforts. I'm not suggesting instead of the surgery - I was sleeved a week ago Monday - but in addition to the sleeve. I passed my psyche evaluation just fine first time, but in my discussions with the therapist I told her I thought I could use some ongoing counseling as I adjust to the lifestyle change. I'm going every two weeks now, and will see how it goes. Each session we talk about my fears about what's coming up, just as you did in this post.

It's not a must - most folks don't do it. But if you're really concerned and your insurance will cover it, a few sessions might help your confidence.

As far as why this will work - I drank 8 oz of a Protein shake too fast yesterday and felt like I'd eaten a whole Thanksgiving Turkey and some of the sides. I didn't become actually ill, but I was uncomfortable for hours. And that was before I've eaten one bite. I know the surgery will work for me, because if I can get stuffed on a small serving of a slightly thick liquid once I start eating I expect to have excellent restriction.

Good luck. We can do this!

I asked myself a very similar question before deciding to have surgery (and I have not yet... but I am in the process). I kept thinking that if all the sleeve did was restrict how much I ate, then I might as well not bother and just cut down on my food on my own. But then I remember all of the times that I have tried to do that on my own... and the constant hunger was agony and inevitably I ate more and gained whatever I had lost back. I see this sleeve as a tool that will give me the time to change my habits by allowing me to focus on what i'm eating... instead of focusing on what i'm not.

I am also seriously considering talking to a therapist to help change my habits and my relationship with food. As for your fear of surgery I think it helps to know the facts. I have not had surgery before, but both my mother and grandfather were in and out of the hospital having *major* surgeries so I grew up around it. The greatest risk with this procedure is the anesthesia. But anesthesia has come so far along that as long as you are frank about your medical history/habits they will be able to keep you safe. When you have your consultation tell your surgeon your fears and maybe even schedule a meeting with the anesthesiologist that will be working with your surgeon. Your surgeon has decided to specialize in bariatrics for a reason. They care. They have learned how to operate on obese people and will do so on you in the safest way possible. Ask them questions, ask them about all of the risks and what they do to prevent it. One of the reasons people have such long pre-op diets is to help shrink the liver. This is something surgeons have learned and now it makes the operation much safer. It struck me really hard that I am more likely to die from being obese than I am of this surgery.

Hi Writergirl, the sleeve has totally changed my relationship with food. I use food as an energy source now, not as an emotional crutch or a distraction. I used to be a kind of bingey, emotional eater and the sleeve just won't let me do that now. Here are some of the fears that I had before I had my surgery:

- I'll be the one person who doesn't lose any weight with the sleeve or regains it all.

- I'll die, get an infection or leak, or need to have an open surgery instead of laproscopic.

- I'll be a big flabby mess when I'm done losing.

- I won't enjoy food anymore.

- I could have done it without the surgery, so it's a waste of money.

Well, now I'm four months out and I can say that none of these fears materialised for me. The sleeve is like a safety net. Even if you feel a bit bingey - it just won't let you screw up that bad. I have had one instance since my surgery where I felt like eating chocolate (TTOM). I ate a few pieces and I felt so full and sickly that I didn't have any dinner that night - so my calories for that day were actually lower than if I'd just stuck to my plan that day.

I can also say hand on heart that I couldn't have come this far this quickly without the sleeve. This is the most I've ever lost in one go without having little gains/slip-ups.

Of course all surgeries have risks, but it sounds like the health risks for you to stay as you are and keep struggling are significant too. It's up to you to weigh your options up. Read forums, research, see a therapist and don't rush your decision.

All the best

Claudia

Hi Writergirl, the sleeve has totally changed my relationship with food. I use food as an energy source now, not as an emotional crutch or a distraction. I used to be a kind of bingey, emotional eater and the sleeve just won't let me do that now. Here are some of the fears that I had before I had my surgery:

- I'll be the one person who doesn't lose any weight with the sleeve or regains it all.

- I'll die, get an infection or leak, or need to have an open surgery instead of laproscopic.

- I'll be a big flabby mess when I'm done losing.

- I won't enjoy food anymore.

- I could have done it without the surgery, so it's a waste of money.

Well, now I'm four months out and I can say that none of these fears materialised for me. The sleeve is like a safety net. Even if you feel a bit bingey - it just won't let you screw up that bad. I have had one instance since my surgery where I felt like eating chocolate (TTOM). I ate a few pieces and I felt so full and sickly that I didn't have any dinner that night - so my calories for that day were actually lower than if I'd just stuck to my plan that day.

I can also say hand on heart that I couldn't have come this far this quickly without the sleeve. This is the most I've ever lost in one go without having little gains/slip-ups.

Of course all surgeries have risks, but it sounds like the health risks for you to stay as you are and keep struggling are significant too. It's up to you to weigh your options up. Read forums, research, see a therapist and don't rush your decision.

All the best

Claudia

Thank you, everyone, for your kind and honest replies. I know that I'm an emotionally strong person. I've gotten through so many things in life without help or medication. But food has definitely been my crutch, and I guess it's just hard to imagine being in a place where I really don't want to eat every 5 minutes.

I have my first appt on Friday, and I plan to ask for the name of a counselor who specializes in weight loss issues. I'm definitely going to line up a good support network going into this.

I'm one of those people who always has statistically improbable things happen. The list is long, but includes my daughter dying, my house being struck by lightening and burning to the ground, and me being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease so rare that it took 18 years and a team at Johns Hopkins to figure it out. Ok, I'm not throwing out a sob story here... just hoping you'll understand why it's hard to quiet the voice in my head that keeps pointing out all that can go wrong.

Anyway, I'm so glad I found this website. I'm sure we'll get to know each other over the next year or so,and I'll try not to be too neurotic! Thanks again.

PS: Thanks for the suggestion about the knee injections, Virginia. I did ask my doc about them but he said there's no room between my bones and they (injections) would be useless. Cortisone has helped a bit.

It honestly never occurred to me the sleeve would fail or rather my use of it would. Did worry a bit right before surgery about things going wrong but thst is normal I think. I need knee replacement badly too but

even with a lot of weight left to lose my pain is not as bad as it was. I can walk farther and stand longer. I find Voltaren gel actually helps the pain now so I don't have to take as much hydrocodone.