I've been gone from BandLand for awhile due to some technical difficulties as well as an extremely crazy schedule. I'm back thanks to my dear husband who got me a brand new laptop so that I would be able to stay entertained while recovering from my band surgery.

I'm actually pretty discouraged at the moment regarding my future band. I was initially supposed to get my band on February 27th. However, I unexpectedly ended up in the hospital on Feb 7th with severe pains and ended up having a (benign) tumor removed that was pinching one of my ovaries. I was out of work for 3 weeks and had to reschedule my surgery for May 1st. Unfortunately, when I went in to my doctors office the Thursday before my surgery he determined that I had not lost enough weight to be able to proceed. I was supposed to lose 5% of my body weight prior to the surgery which for me was a minimum of a 19 pound weight loss. I had only lost 12 pounds and my doctor refused to go forward until I lose another 10. (Not sure why I have to lose more now than I did before)

I'm super frustrated because dieting is obviously an issue for me. Otherwise, why would I be having the band in the first place? We have been under a lot of financial strain lately and so I've taken a 2nd job and am basically working about 70 hours a week to try and pay down some debt and save enough for my co-pay for this procedure. Mon-Fri I eat every single meal away from home. Which means I'm living on Lean Cuisines which, while tasty, get VERY old sometimes.

My doctor wants me to be on a strict pre-surgical diet consisting of 3 Slim-Fast's per day and unlimited fruits and veggies. I'm supposed to stick to this diet 75% of the time. It's just so hard becuase I truly dislike Slim-Fast (as well as all other Meal Replacement shakes) and it's such an extreme diet that i don't understand how anyone could be expected to maintain this diet over such a long period of time. Especially a person who so obviously doesn't do well with diets in the first place. Plus, I've essentially been trying to stick to this diet since January and I suppose it's pretty obvious by my failure to lose enough weight that it's just not going well for me.

I'm experiencing an extreme lack of motivation and an overwhelming discouragement regarding the band. I was so excited to have it back in February. To be delayed essentially 3 months has really eroded my confidence that this is really the right thing for me. What if this is a sign that I am not supposed to do this? What if I can't succeed in this? I've never known success in this area and this latest setback has really knocked my feet out from under me. I have so much goin on in my life right now. And I am so FRICKING tired of focusing on food so much! Whether I'm binging or dieting it's all the same. All I can think about is what I can eat and what I can't eat and then feel bad because I either ate something I shouldn't have or becuase I want to eat something I shouldn't.

I'm just so damn tired of the whole thing. :think

I also want to add that I agree with Shontel 100%... I mean, come on... If we could do well on a diet, we wouldn't be in this situation. I also was self-pay and went to Mexico. My dr. wanted me to lose 5-10 pounds because he said that the shrinkage of the liver is really helpful during surgery, and even a 5 lb loss was very beneficial. I think 5% is too much to require, IMO...