my father is very overweight and my mother is very thin. She doesnt really undertsand our struggle at all. I have a hard time dealing with my father being overweight bc i know he has alot of health problems bc of it. Its scary to think of what envevitably will happen to him... i hate to even talk about it bc it scares me so much. Unfortunatly thats the reality of the situation. Hes not a good canidate for wls - even though its probably the only thing that would help him at this point.

I get soo mad sometimes. Like why cant he just loose weight. But then i think to myself... I KNOW WHY HE CAN'T bc i suffer from the same problem. Its not THAT easy...it never was and it never will be. I couldnt help myself until i got the band. i know its soooo hard but i still get so mad and so upset when i think about what he is doing to himself. I feel so bad that i am so hard on him when i have the same issues myself. WHY IS THAT? I just can't imagine my life without him... and i know that at the rate hes going...hes not gonna be around for much longer.

I know this post probably sounds really silly to most people. But i guess i just dont know how to accept that this is my father. This is the way that he is and the way he will alwasy be...no matter what the outcome.

Im just wondering if anyone has had these feelings about a family member or friend...and maybe shed some light onto the situation for me

I think when you love someone, even if they are doing exactly the same thing that we are, and it's hurting them - it hurts us. Because of the fact that he isn't a good candidate makes it frustrating because you know what could happen for him if only he could have the surgery too. All you can do is love him, pray for him and support him in anyway you can. I lost my father 2 years ago and I'd give anything to be with him again and not be angry at him anymore. Hang in there and remember that positive energy always helps more than negative. No matter what the situation.

My husband goes through the same thing with his mother. She is 74 and extremely overweight. She has diabetes now and just doesn't move around that much. She sleeps on the couch b/c she can't make it up the stairs anymore. My husband and I both want her to try and help herself but sadly I think it's too late for her- she has beat breast cancer twice and I think she feels a bit invincible.

We get angry too (not in front of her) but I think it's just b/c we really love her. So, the only thing we can do now is make sure we don't bring any junk to her and cook healthy meals for them when we are there.

I'm sorry you're going through a similar situation.

HI, well, no one else has a weight problem like I do, but then, they still drink and smoke, and I quit that a few years ago. I understand your anger and frustration, because I feel that way toward them and their drinking problems. One in particular has already had many physical problems due to smoking and drinking, and will not stop his risky behavior. I feel angry about him, and angry about the effects his decision to do nothing about his problems has on my DS and nephew.

The bad news is, there is nothing you can do to control someone else's behavior, if they do not want the guidance.

Very insightful thread, and I hope you get the support you need in this situation...Cindy