Kim8 and I wanted to share the following PMs with you all to bring you into this conversation. Please add your thoughts.

A PM from Kim8 to PhotoNut:

Sus - As I sit here and read your PM and laugh about the 12 course sonic meal, I start to contemplate skinny people. Do you think we'll lose our personalities along with our weight? If it wasn't for self-depricating humor, I might be humorless - what a terrible thought!!!

Oh surely I can still laugh at myself about the big zit on my chin, or my extra stomach skin, or my saggy boobs, or, or, or - yikes... will this be different!

I have such a smorgasbord of things to laugh at myself about .....

(Kim listed several things but I wasnt sure she wanted to share them - although, they were pretty darn funny) and the list could go on forever....

It seems to me that some of the funniest and most fun people I know are overweight - come to think of it, I know very few skinny people who I think have a really funny personality. Maybe I just don't know enough skinny people???

So - do you think we'll lose our sparkling personalities??????????? Please say no!

PhotoNuts response:

Wow, your question has really hit home. I have been wondering the same thing. Part of me wants to think logically and say, but but.. we only laugh because it hurts so much.. and.. wouldn't it be nice to have people laugh and enjoy our company when it's not at the expense of our inner sorrow? But I know exactly what you mean. Some of the funniest times I can remember, the side splitting laughter, tears and gasping for air from laughing so hard, were times when me and my fat girlfriends were laughing at ourselves. You know, I dont think we ever thought it was truly funny. I think perhaps it was just a release.. to laugh was a means of letting out the pent up emotions which weren't really funny at all.

When I first started coming here, i told my husband that I enjoyed reading the posts because everyone seemed so happy and funny. And he said, well of course they are.. they are all fat. (He is too by the way. He's dieting on his own along with my changes. More on that later.) It hit me that he was right. Fat people have always been classified as happy people. But they arent happy at all, are they. Jovial Santa. Round belly, big smile. Aunt Jemima. Big old fat lady, with a big smile. Your favorite gradman image. Fat lady with lots of love and warm squishy hugs. Odd how happiness was ever linked to obesity. Perhaps at one time, it was a sign of wealth.. which would in turn make you happy? I dunno really. Maybe fat people are happier than skinny people, because fat people eat and comfort their stresses and sadnesses. Skinny people have no comfort. They just (let the stress) eat away at their own bodies?

My hope is that the answer is no. We wont lose our sparkling personalities. My hope is that they will be magnified when coupled with the physical ability to get out and enjoy life to the fullest.

You know, this would be a great topic for the board. If you dont mind, I think we should share these last two PMs in a post and see what others have to say.

Kim8 repsonded:

I dunno Sus - I think I'm happy??? I have a pretty good life --- I just think that it would be so much more fun to be able to live life a little more and do the things i'm too self-conscious to do now. Also - it is depressing to go get clothes - that's the only time I'm really not happy - that and god forbid pool parties . So I don't know what the answer to this one is. I'm agreed - you want to post it? It seems like a decent discussion topic to me.

Thank you for starting this Thread! (althought i have to admit when I first read it I thought you said "daughter" so I was a little freaked out.

My sparkling personality has nothing to do with my size. Absolutely nothing to do with it.

Usually my self depricating humor comes at what I've done, not what I look like.

Sometimes I wonder if we ar fatter because we take a bigger bight out of life. I have a great appitite for life, and I sometimes feel that I am more passionate about things around me than others. My life's work isn't a job, it is my passion. Maybe I take a bigger bite out of life than skinny people... I don't know.

I did lose my sense of humor once when I was a young woman. The greatest gift I ever recieved was getting that back, and I will always love the man that helped me find it again.

I will sparkle all the brighter when I lose all this extra weight because there will be nothing to hold me back.

Better get your sunglasses ready now.

I'll speak for the flip side. Having a sparkling personality has nothing to do with being big, and being big does nothing to guarantee one will have a sparkling personality. Of course there is the "big people are jolly" stereotype that probably stems from some of us using laughter as a defense mechanism, but that's not really personality.

My personality has not changed one iota as my weight has lessened. Not one. But I wasn't ever what you'd call "sparkling" in the first place. Not by some standards, anyway. :rockon:

Great topic!! I have asked myself the very same questions!! I am the BIGGEST in my family & also considered the fun, goofy one. When the family gets together, they usually start out with - "Hey Diane, tell us a story!" Pretty soon the entire room is laughing so hard they're crying. I have a story for everything. My stories are usually about myself & the funny situations I get in to. A lot of the stories revolve around my weight. (What happened when I wore a swimming suit snorkeling, falling down in church, running myself over with a car.)

Our last family reunion, one of my sisters told me she was afraid that after I had my surgery, I wouldn't be the "fun" sister anymore. I told her not to worry, I'll never change.

However, I've lost 46 lbs. & am no longer the biggest in the family. I have noticed that they aren't asking me to tell the stories anymore. Since the surgery I haven't had a single moment where we got together & just laughed. I'm not sure if I truly HAVE changed or if they are just treating me differently.

I'd love to hear more responses on this topic.

I feel like I'm funnier now that I'm a bit thinner.... I feel better about myself and have come out of my shell a bit.... more willing to laugh and have others laugh with me...

good question!

My philosophy is this.... once a since of humor ....always a since of humor!!!! I think that is something even weight can't change. You are who you are!!!!

In my case, that more vivacious personality got locked away somewhere behind the fat that hid who I really was. I'm by no means skinny, nor will I ever be, but I can honestly say my old personality is coming back, or maybe peeping back through with the weight that I've lost.

I was extremely depressed being overweight. I hid myself away and hated myself and just knew (in my own mind) that everyone else must also. Sad, but true. Although moments of myself passed by, the heavier I was, the less of me :hippie: there was to see.

It's interesting that this should come up because just last night, after Water aerobics, I came into my house after having been at work all day, then going to aerobics and my body was totally ALIVE, refreshed, rejunvenated and invigorated as well as my spirit:high5: . It was the first time in probably 25 yrs that I felt so totally alive and I was literally thanking God out loud, over and over for allowing me to get to this place. :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

I think I'm a lot like Leatha (whose post made me cry but the way! Good for you for taking your life back!).

I was painfully shy as a child, but when I went away to college I met some friends who really helped me come out of my shell. When I worked, I knew I was exceptional at what I did, and I felt confidence from that too.

As I gained weight, my confidence took a nose-dive. Then, I became a stay-at-home mom with few friends close by so my self-worth is pretty much tied up in my kids (and of course I think I'm ruining them). I'm trying to come out of my shell, and it's getting easier as I feel better about myself, but it's a sloooooow process.

I told my husband about this thread, and he wanted me to correct a misquote. He didn't say fat people are happy, he said they are funny.

His theory is that we know we will be the center of attention because we are the biggest person in the room. So, as a form of defense we develop a distraction from our size. We become comedians. Now this may not be true for everyone, but for those of us who know we will end up in the spotlight entertaining everyone (Just like ChefDiane said) it could be a very interesting theory. I read him Diane's post and he said, well yea, others will treat us differently that's to be expected. We won't be the focus of the room anymore.

Do you feel like the focus of the room. Like a spotlight comes on and you have to entertain? Something else I think about is husbands of my friends. Right now, nobody's threatened when I'm the laugh of the party or a husband hugs me. What will happen when I'm 130 pounds? Will I be forced to tone down my personality so I'm not a threat?

Good grief. I hope I can handle this. *bites nails*

I think size and personality are completely separate facets of each of us. My best male friend is that because he looked past my size and saw my heart and mind and spirit. That usually isn't the case with big women...we're so judged on our size that people often don't see anything else. But I am who I am who I am, and I think that if anything, I'll be more outgoing once I like my "outside" better. I'll feel more free to be open with people.

Emily

I'm a middle child. If I wanted attention, or at least positive attention, I had to figure out some way to draw that attention to myself.

I'm pretty sure I hide behind my humor. My personality is bigger than life; I think it's a bit much for some people to handle. I find myself becoming more self-conscious about my personality. I don't think I'm a drama queen, but I laugh all the time, have lots of sarcasm, and talk an awful lot. For one, I'd like to have a little less personality - that is to say, I'd like to be able to not hide behind it someday.

Well, just thought I'd check in and see how the thread was moving along... nice to see the feedback!

It sounds like we handle our insecurities in different ways... for me, I'm with Dianechef, Susan and Puddinpie. I am always the center of attention around my friends and family. I keep the party going with laughs --- almost compulsively! Maybe this is just an insecurity creeping out to draw attention to something besides my weight - who knows! I do like the Jammin & Losin theory of once a sense of humor, always a sense of humor. I also like the note that the humor will only get better. I hope so!

Although this may be a defense mechanism - I don't want it to ever stop! It makes my life entertaining.... there's usually something to find humor in - even in the worst circumstances and that makes me happy. Dianechef's story gives me chills! I would miss the joking around if it was to stop or if my friends and family were to treat me any differently.

For those of you who have been hiding that personality and now it is starting to creep out with your new weight loss - I'm so happy for you! I don't think there's anything in life much better than that!

Kim

After reading what others have wrote, I've been thinkin' about my situation. My sisters & friends are all overweight. I was kindof the leader of the "unofficial" fat group. I weighed more then all of them & was the first person to make fun of myself. I've always had a good self-esteem & didn't feel like I was trying to cover up for being overweight. It was just who I was and am!! However, I think there is a little bit of jealousy from others since losing the weight & I am just being treated differently. I don't think it's on purpose, but it IS happening. I now feel like I'm a threat to them. It's hard to explain!!! I am truly the same person but am being perceived differently from everyone.

My sense of humor is still there, but it doesn't feel like it is welcomed like it once was. It's a little sad to me!!

I would have to say that I have always had a great sense of humor regardless if I'm a size 10 (back in the day) or a size 22. I am more like you PuddinPie. You wouldn't survive growing up in my family of 4 kids if you didn't have a good humor with a touch of sarcasm, not to mention my husband says I talk to much. :blabla: I am 5.5 tall with a BMI of 43, but I still love to make people smile where ever I go....Wal-Mart, bank, dr's office. That is a constant in my personality that will never change. :drama:

I do know several thin people that are very funny and just a blast to be around.....my baby brother for one. He is such a nut and is ALWAYS the center of attention at family gatherings doing something funny or telling a funny story. I have an older brother that is heavy and he prefers to stay in the background.

With that being said, I still think your personality can change as your weight goes up or down to a certain extent. The core of you are will always stay the same. Where is Dr. Phil when we need him?

Kim_8.....I think you are one of the funniest people on this site. I love reading what you have to say b/c you do have a great sense of humor and you have a unique way of expressing everyday experiences. I would put money on you to still have that when you reach your goal!

Maybe a sense of humor sometimes goes along with higher weights just as a general love of life thing -- good natured, love to have a good time, love to eat. Maybe they go hand in hand rather than one causing or being direcly linked to the other. I have to say that I also know some pretty miserable heavy people, and some hysterical skinny people. I think that humor largely has to do with your outlook on life. Maybe it's no coincidence that folks here are humorous & happy alot. Remember, we are the ones who have chosen to DO something about our weight -- maybe THIS is the direct link to humour and out outlook on life..........I'm not sure I can be so philosophical before my coffee. I'll check in later after the caffeine has hit my noggin.............