I just recently started seeing this guy again that I met 2 years ago. He liked me the way I was, even if I was a few pounds overweight. We happened to reconnect about a few weeks ago and it was like we were never apart. He apologized how things went in the past and asked for me to see him exclusively while we saw where things went in our relationship. Things went well until I told him I got the lap band. He disappeared for a few days before reemerging to tell me that he was turned off by the fact that I had surgery because that indicated that my self esteem was very low and that I cared what other people thought about my weight. This is the second time he decided to end things in this matter and both times have caught me completely off guard. My sister told me to tell him until later on, but eventually he would have seen the scars and felt the port. Maybe it was best that I was dumped now instead of later after I had fallen for him completely.

Sorry for venting this way, but I never would have thought that this would have been one of the side effects of having weight loss surgery. I'm so hurt right now I don't even know what to say...:biggrin:

Ugh, what a jerk! Getting the surgery isn't about hating who you are...just loving yourself enough to be healthy! I think maybe he just likes fat chicks?

It sounds like to me he was using your surgery as an lame excuse to repeat his previous behavior that caused your breakup before. If he is willing to be this much of an ass after only two weeks, think about how much worse it could have been. Kick him to the curb if he reappears, your better off without him. You made a hard decision to get the sugury and you need to have somebody in your life that is supportive of that decision and wants to be with you for you. His loss.

If this guy is so controlling that he wants to be in charge of your body, after just 2 weeks of dating, run like you are on fire. You only get one life, you should live it like you want to.

I consider my band to be a great people sorter, it seems to get rid of the small minded and petty.

I am so sorry you are hurting!

What a jerk. You are so much better off. I would have to tell him (before i never spoke to him again) that he is an ass and it has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with wanting to have a long, healthy & happy life.

Take care of you!

I just recently started seeing this guy again that I met 2 years ago. He liked me the way I was, even if I was a few pounds overweight. We happened to reconnect about a few weeks ago and it was like we were never apart. He apologized how things went in the past and asked for me to see him exclusively while we saw where things went in our relationship. Things went well until I told him I got the LAP-BAND®. He disappeared for a few days before reemerging to tell me that he was turned off by the fact that I had surgery because that indicated that my self esteem was very low and that I cared what other people thought about my weight. This is the second time he decided to end things in this matter and both times have caught me completely off guard. My sister told me to tell him until later on, but eventually he would have seen the scars and felt the port. Maybe it was best that I was dumped now instead of later after I had fallen for him completely.

Sorry for venting this way, but I never would have thought that this would have been one of the side effects of having weight loss surgery. I'm so hurt right now I don't even know what to say...:thumbup:

Dear Newgirl, he is not turned off by what you told him, he is scared to death! See the man that is not comfortable or sure of himself will choose women who are weak:wub:, be it emotionally or physically. Burn what ever this dirtbag gave you! :mad:You are a success your doing this for you!:thumbup: To better yourself and a true MAN will support you every step of the way and not be intimidated! Don't let him get to you! He is a horses ass and deserves to have his balls taken..... Have a great day~:biggrin:

PS. I have been married for 20 years and my husband has been my bestfriend and biggest support in any decision that has to do with me and how I feel or want to feel. That is what you need~

Thank you all for your words of support. Maybe you're right, Purity Child. Maybe he does prefer larger women. And Scott, I totally agree that it could have been worse had we had been seeing each other longer than we had been. Leigha, having looked back on our brief relationships, the way he chose to break things does reflect on how controlling he really is. Tracy, in my last email to him I did explain about how this surgery could help me address some serious health issues I was facing. Whether he takes the time to read the message, I'll never know. And Sslouha, if he were wanting someone who was emotionally weak, why not go for the girl with low self-esteem? Wouldn't he be able to control someone like that more?

And Sslouha, if he were wanting someone who was emotionally weak, why not go for the girl with low self-esteem? Wouldn't he be able to control someone like that more?

I don't know that would be a good question for him. I think sometimes you can have a person with good esteem and when they get into a toxic relationship the person's self esteem tumbles. Not to say it is with you but it does happen. Sometimes guys out of just pure jerkness think that they are God's gift and feel they can control women anyway they want. Some guys love to play the game, lets go out, no I don't really know and the girls believes they can't live without them and boom there goes their self esteem. However there are so many variables when it comes to the affairs of the heart and we can't know what the other person is thinking, but from past experiences can dictate how we react. In college I have some guy friends and they would tell me "oh that girl, all I have to do is snap my fingers and she will be here with whatever I want" I learned from that while not all guys act like that there are a few that will and do take advantage of what ever weakness a woman shows them. I am so glad I am married and do not have to go through these games that people play. You made the right decision for you good luck!

Edited May 14, 201016 yr by sslouha

Do you mind if I answer your question to Sslouha? Someone who likes control will pick someone who has good self esteem because they enjoy the actual breaking down process. So no, they wouldn't pick someone with self esteem issues because then they are denied the pleasure of creating the emotional issues. They want to start with someone who is strong, but someone that they perceive has a "crack" in their personality where they can start to exploit them. When he saw that you were doing something about your weight he realized that you were correcting what he thought was going to be his starting place in beating you down and he realized that his plan for control wasn't going to work because you were fixing his only perceived "crack". By the way, his perceived "crack" doesn't actually have to be one, he just has to think it is.

I know you feel bad now but I always say if you are tied up with the wrong person you are going to miss out when "Mr Right" comes along. Good luck in your band journey.

Actually, thanks to you all, I feel a lot better than I did when I posted this message last night. I realize now that I really did dodge a bullet and am thankful that I'm not going to be dragged down by him and his controlling ways. I think I was in shock more than anything. I consider myself to be a very kind-hearted person and to come across someone so mean-spirited was very disturbing for me. I guess the lesson I can take from this is that there are some very judgemental people when it come to weight loss surgery. If someone can't take the time to know me and the reason why I chose to have this procedure and respect my decision to do so, then I am better off without them in my life.

Amen! Good choice!

newgirl-hold your head high, never regret following your heart. Take care and best of luck to you!

Right on, Jack!