Ok, I am in the process of going thru all that you have to go thru to get the band. I mentioned in the office that I had a seminar to go to, I was asked "why?". I told them and of course there's one out of 4 who said, "I don't know why you are doing this, you aren't that heavy (I'm 5'4" and 240), have you tried going on a diet, curbing your food choices and excersizing?". Seriously...she just said that?!? I am 42 years old, my son is 21...I have been at this weight for 21 years. I said to her...One, we have only been working together for almost 2 years, therefore, you have no idea what kind of dieting I've done. Then I asked her if she's ever been over weight. She said well, I've always had to watch what I eat so I don't gain the weight. Then I said ...well, you have no idea how hard it is to get this weight off.

I could have went the route of her not having any kids (she's almost 39, single, never been married and no kids) which helps her weight issues because I gained 70 lbs when I was pregnant with my son. Not to mention her parents aren't overweight and both of mine are.

I was so mad that day, I could have said a lot of mean things to her about her and her life from what I have seen in the 2 years but I didn't, I bit my tongue and stopped at what I said.

My question is, how do you basically tell a skinny bia bia to ...... off without actually saying it?? (sorry for the almost cussing but I am mad!)

Thanks!:tongue_smilie:

I'm glad you weren't rude back to her, it doesn't help. If you are ever confronted with those types of comments again just tell the person that he/she can't possible know the emotional and physical toll being overweight for most of your life has taken on you. Tell he/she that you want what is best for you and you think that he/she would want what was best for you too. Tell he/she that youa re doing this for you and hope that he/she will support you.

You mean diet? Oh, I haven't even thought of trying that! I was just going to go straight to surgery, spending thousands of dollars and putting myself through tons of pain for no reason. Oh thanks so much for the suggestion, you saved me so much hassle........

Well, I think firstly you pay her the same courtesyb you would like yourself and realise that YOU dont know HER experiences and situations!

I mean, do you really know how hard she has to watch what she eats? Do you really know how much willpower that takes her? Do you know her shopping, planning, cooking and eating habits intimately? Do you know she's ALWAYS been skinny or do you think its just possible she might have suffered the same sorts of image anxieties that many teenage and even younger girls do? Do you know whether, even if she's never been fat, she may have been taunted for having say, fat arms, as a kid?

If she's not seen enough to understand YOUR life in 2 years, neither can you assume that you understand hers.

I've never been 300 or 400 or 500 lb so I dont profess to even begin to know what that is like. But that doesnt negate the fact taht I've had my own traumas and long battle with my smaller weight problem. I also didnt gain anythign like 70lb in any of my pregnancies and you absolutely cannot say that someone who has never been pregnant therefore has an easier time staying thin.

I do think she might have kept her rather stupid opinion to herself and expressing it would make me think the same as you did - that she has no idea. But I'm sorry, I think you need to realise your own biased thought processes in this. Its yet another example of how heavier people think they're so discriminated against without realising they're just as prejudiced and biased themselves. Everyone who is thin is not walking round out there in this marvellous world where you dont have to try at anything. However, to be fair, it usually takes becoming a thin person for you to realise this.

personally, I think that the way our society is, the experience of hating your body, beating yourself up over your lack of self control, feeling guilty for everything you eat is no way no how the exclusive domain of fat people. I think thin people have body image issues just as devastating, even if the actual condition of fatness is not exactly reality.

Edited February 24, 201016 yr by Jachut

I so would have had a hard time not saying something back. I used to sit back and not say a word. My weightloss has given me back my self-esteem and then some. I too was 5'2" and 273. I started gaining weight when I was about 21 or 22 and it didn't stop until I got my band.

Well, I think firstly you pay her the same courtesyb you would like yourself and realise that YOU dont know HER experiences and situations!

I mean, do you really know how hard she has to watch what she eats? Do you really know how much willpower that takes her? Do you know her shopping, planning, cooking and eating habits intimately? Do you know she's ALWAYS been skinny or do you think its just possible she might have suffered the same sorts of image anxieties that many teenage and even younger girls do? Do you know whether, even if she's never been fat, she may have been taunted for having say, fat arms, as a kid?

If she's not seen enough to understand YOUR life in 2 years, neither can you assume that you understand hers.

I've never been 300 or 400 or 500 lb so I dont profess to even begin to know what that is like. But that doesnt negate the fact taht I've had my own traumas and long battle with my smaller weight problem. I also didnt gain anythign like 70lb in any of my pregnancies and you absolutely cannot say that someone who has never been pregnant therefore has an easier time staying thin.

I do think she might have kept her rather stupid opinion to herself and expressing it would make me think the same as you did - that she has no idea. But I'm sorry, I think you need to realise your own biased thought processes in this. Its yet another example of how heavier people think they're so discriminated against without realising they're just as prejudiced and biased themselves. Everyone who is thin is not walking round out there in this marvellous world where you dont have to try at anything. However, to be fair, it usually takes becoming a thin person for you to realise this.

personally, I think that the way our society is, the experience of hating your body, beating yourself up over your lack of self control, feeling guilty for everything you eat is no way no how the exclusive domain of fat people. I think thin people have body image issues just as devastating, even if the actual condition of fatness is not exactly reality.

:thumbup:awesome.