I am . . . let's see . . . 7 months in. I have lost 25kg's now or thereabouts (that's 55lbs to those of you who know that measure better) and just had a fortnight of up and down moods, anger and depression that I am still so far from my goal and even hatred at my lack of control.

I still snack on chocolate at work even though the second it is in my mouth it tastes awful and makes me feel sick and lethargic.

My exercise has improved, I have a walk in town at lunchtimes usually, except for the days I do a weights class at the gym (that's either once or twice a week depending on how my back is feeling) and I have stretches I do at home to help my inner core strengthen and improve my stability. To be honest I think I was intent on the exercise mostly because it was making me feel healthier.

But I feel like I am really sabotaging myself - still eating chocolate at work and having to fight so hard not to buy that sort of thing - chocolate, pastries and bread (even though I know it makes me sick now), icecreams when my husband is not with me. How can this be? I know it physically hurts me now to do these things but I find it so hard to fight the urge to give in - to the point the other day where I struggled for half an hour in the supermarket before marching myself to the checkout and forcing myself to leave (and ending up in tears in front of the cashier because I wanted that food so much and the illogical part of me felt it would help!).

Has anyone else been through this?

Have you been unable to really recognise your progress and been sabotaging yourself so badly? I feel like such an idiot for this.

I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Is this the way you ate before the band? I know that before I had the band my eating was out of control and I would definitely eat past the point of feeling full and keep eating if I felt sick or overfull, - I had to finish what I was eating, - all of it! You are eating despite the discomfort it is causing you and I am sure that you are not enjoying it.

Have you seen anybody about your depression? Anger and anxiety go hand-in-hand with depression and maybe you are dealing with it with food.

I have sabotaged myself a few times since having the band, - mainly finding an excuse to eat something I shouldn't, - but it hasn't become an ongoing problem, - just the occasional slip-up.

I hope you are able to stop this self-sabotage by being aware of it and trying to deal with how you are feeling.

You are not alone.

How about an accountability partner or a support group. I know that blogging helps but I know that meeting face to face with someone that holds me to my word is a lot harder and makes me want to do this journey better. It sounds like you are going through emotional eating. Chocolate used to make you feel better so your brain is trying to recapture that feeling even though the moment you put it in your mouth you want to puke. That is where an accountability partner comes in, call that person instead of putting the chocolate in your mouth. I understand the emotional eating, I was in a dark hole after my dad died in June. My best friend pulled me out by holding me accountable for what i was doing to my body. I started going to support group meetings ever week. That is when I was introduced to a weight loss meal plan called Bandtastic Meals that has helped my struggles at work. Instead of the chocolate I would use those meals and drinking tons of water to satisfy the mental and physical cravings. Hope this helps. I know you talked about getting ice cream when your husband is not around but call him next time you want to do that and ask for his help. Men are fixers by nature let him have that job instead of eating that ice cream.