MauiGirl5555

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

@@Sara Kelly Keenan LC Thank you for this topic. At my support group everyone was all champagne and roses and I know life isnt like that. I am a planner by nature so I like to think thing through and plan for the good and the bad. I am scared and overwhelmed at the possible path of my new life. I want to hear all kinds of stories...both good and bad so I can know what I am getting into. I know I will struggle greatly at loosing my best friend (food) so the more I can work through it now the better. My final appointment to submit to insurance is about 2 weeks away. Thanks

My two cents...meggie is right...your sleeve isn't a magic pill that makes you skinny.
You and your sleeve are a team working together to learn new eating strategies that
will not just get you to lose weight but insure that you keep off the weight you lose.

Please I am not chastising or blaming. I am a compulsive, emotional eater who may
even be a food addict I am not sure. I was sleeved a week ago. What I suspect you
are doing is TESTING YOUR SLEEVE to see if it is going to protect you from your
self sabotaging. It won't. It may make you vomit and make you feel ill but you are
ultimately deciding what goes into your mouth not your sleeve.

Yes, if the medical profession could only fix our crazy self defeating brains!
My poor stomach was sacrificed for the sins of my brain. My brain desires
food. I want prosciutto, fresh mozzarella on a crusty bread with balsamic
vinegar and roasted red peppers. I am not physically hungry. The idea of
this sandwich plopped into my head yesterday. I wasn't hungry. I am
sleeved for one week. I have been on thin liquids for 3 weeks. Two before
surgery and one since surgery. I know in a few weeks I could have a taste,
bite of such a sandwich. It would not be a good decision for me to have a bite
now. I even believe I would be able to eat a taste of this sandwich now and not
die -- maybe not even get so sick. Ah, my first of many food behavior dilemmas.
Yesterday I asked three different friends to order or make this sandwich -- not for
me to eat but for me to eat it vicariously while they ate it! They didn't even have to
eat the sandwich in my presence just eat it and tell me about it. I call this 'FOOD
PORN". My sleeve cannot prevent me or keep me from eating prosciutto, mozzarella
etc. At best it can restrict how much of I eat or how I feel afterwards if am able to eat
the whole sandwich.
Does this mean my sleeve isn't working? Of course not. It means my desire for food
has nothing to do with physical hunger and it never has. I love food. I use it for many
things. It is my oldest and most reliable coping mechanism for so many feelings, and
eating when I am not the slightest bit hungry is a habit I have had for nearly 56 years.

My sleeve isn't capable of stopping these behaviors I have about food and eating.
I am going to have to learn new ways of coping that don't include eating as a recreational
activity. Will I be able to do this 100%? Of course not. But if I learn not to eat for recreation
40% of the time -- I will be accomplishing a lot. I worried so much about whether any
WLS would work for me. So what a surgery is going to make me feel less hungry --
I never ate from only hunger! I eat because it is sunny, or it is raining. I eat because
it feels good. Food is my drug. When I went to meet my surgeon the first time I asked
him "if you only do this surgery on patients who eat because they are hungry I should
leave right now"...I said the same thing to the shrink who had to evaluate me before
I could have this surgery or before my insurance would pay for it. The shrink was more
insightful than I expected him to be -- he said to me -- "WLS is the only tool the medical
profession has now to help the morbidly obese. It isn't a CURE for obesity or for compulsive
emotional recreational eating. But it is the best tool with have right now. Then he said
to me "be realistic, what are the chances you are going to lose a significant about of weight
and keep at least a majority of it off if you don't have WLS?"

I am 56 years old. I have always been overweight and with each and every failed diet
I went on starting at age 9 years old I have lost weight only to regain it with interest. I
was a chubby kid who dieted herself to an obese (my starting BMI was 54. something).
I chose to do this before the co-morbidities I didn't think I would develop made me very
ill and possibly immobile. If I am successful in reaching my goal or even less than my
goal I will still be obese only less so. My parents lived to be in their 80s. I would like
to live at least as long as they did. I would also like to be able to do the things I enjoy
with the people I love. I don't want to be house bound or need a walker, scooter or
a pony & a cart to get around and that is where I was headed.

The sleeve is one tool in my new arsenal. I started seeing a therapist when I made
the decision to have WLS. I am going to have to work on making better food and eating
choices. I discuss my fears of failing at yet another weight loss attempt with my therapist.
Only this time I paid money for someone to remove 85% of my stomach -- this failure would
be a BIG failure. I will need to exercise because maintaining a significant weight loss increases
if I do cardio at least 30 minutes no less than 5x a week. I am a COUCH POTATO. I will spend
$ on a trainer if necessary to drag my lard ass outside to do some cardio. Do I have the money
for a trainer -- not really -- but I have pissed away lots of money on getting this fat without blinking
an eye. Spending money to save my life isn't an extravagance it is a necessity.

I am just like you. My sleeve can only do so much. It can remind me that I can NOT EAT EVERYTHING
I WANT ALL AT ONCE AND NEVER STOP. But it can't stop me from chugging down real milk shakes,
malteds, coca cola, pepsi, real non-diet ginger ale, ice cream, etc. If I chose for my sleeve to fail that is
what will happen. It won't be my sleeves fault...first because it is just a mutilated stomach now shaped
like a skinny banana and second because I am still driving this bus -- not my sleeve. I make all the decisions
and all it can do is follow my lead.

Your sleeve can work if you work with it and show it how to work with you. Not every single time you eat
but try for 30% of the time, build to 40% of the time, and see how you feel. I am an old fat hippie who
believes in harm reduction. If you change the way you eat for just tomorrow -- you have accomplished
something. If every time you eat you make a better choice 4 out of 10 times you have accomplished
something. Take baby steps. Travel only as fast as the slowest part of you can go.