ouroborous

I really wanted to reply to this. Yes, sex is a LOT of work for a big guy. Ladies, all due respect, but most of the time, sex is all about US doing the work -- abs and core, legs, arms. If you're out of shape, as a guy, sex can absolutely destroy your stamina, and let's face it -- collapsing like a pile of Jello halfway through just ain't sexy. So we try REALLY hard to please y'all, but when you're that heavy, it just ain't going to happen! Add to this the fact that fat converts testosterone to estrogen (yes, estrogen. Look up lipid aromatization for proof...) and you see a real "double whammy" for us guys emerging; not only are we expected to be nearly machine-like in our movements, with no reaction to the sheer strain and stress of moving 250, 300, 400 pounds of flesh around (not counting the lady!), but our testosterone can dip so low that we have a hard time keeping an erection (and what THAT means, ladies, is that ANY distraction can make "it" go away -- slowing the rhythm, changing position, even just worrying that "oh god, I'm gonna lose it!" And when you're panting and wheezing and worried about having a heart attack (yes, contrary to urban legend, people can and do regularly have heart attacks or strokes during sex), that's a pretty serious distraction. So, for a heavy guy, sex really ain't much FUN! We want to do it to keep our lady friends happy, and sure, it FEELS good, but it also feels like we're gonna die, it's a race against the clock with whether Mr. Happy will keep playing along, and a lot of times those negatives outweigh (heh) the positives. Now, switch to skinny sex. My muscles are MORE than capable of hauling my carcass around and doing ALL sorts of interesting positional things. Sure, I sweat and breathe hard in the throes of passion, but my heart and lungs are healthy and I have a ton of stamina, so I'm not worried some artery is going to explode. And best of all, because my testosterone MORE THAN DOUBLED without drugs, just by losing the weight, my libido is crazy -- that one hormone makes ALL the difference between just being caught up in my head and worrying about how I'm going to "perform" and getting utterly, absolutely lost in the moment. And that is so insanely sexy. Apparently for both of us! So yes, ladies, if you want a better love life, definitely lose weight, but get your guy to lose weight too. You will NOT regret it!

Well, thing is, I don't feel like I'm some kind of huge stud or something; I just feel like maybe this is what a "normal, healthy" male libido is like at my age when you're near target weight, working on your physical fitness, and are rarin' to go. In other words, it's not so much "I'm such a stud now!" as "Why on EARTH didn't I get this surgery in my 20's..."

First real "encounter" since the surgery (lots of fooling around, but yesterday was... the full meal deal). And... guys... wow. GET THIS SURGERY. Before the surgery, I was a real "one minute wonder" (if I could even get lucky; at 338, it doesn't happen much). I would be panting and wheezing and see spots, and I was lucky to even be able to finish. I was used to the woman not... finishing, either. Yesterday. SEVEN. HOURS. She had more... moments of joy than I could count (maybe 12? 15? 20?), and I had... THREE. THREE. In one night! Guys, I'm 42. That just doesn't HAPPEN to guys my age. And it certainly never happened before the sleeve. Good god, men, if you have ANY problems in that area at all and are pre-sleeve, RUN, don't walk, and get the surgery. UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE. I thought that stuff only happened in porno movies... Ok, I'll shut up now. But... wow. Sore... exhausted... and happy Edit: uh, it wasn't seven hours continuously, I should mention... 8pm till 3am, but not all, uh, action. Even at my current fitness level, that WOULD kill me. Seven hours of go... rest, chat, laugh... go... rest, chat, laugh... repeat until too sore and exhausted to continue! And NOW I WILL shut up.

Immediate post-op, about a 3, because I was still drugged up. Day 2 (first day after surgery), about a 5 -- all around the incisions. Nothing hurt "inside" Day 3, about a 2 -- just a dull ache, starting to itch Day 4, about a 4 -- itching (healing!) scar driving me insane Day 5-onward, zero -- nothing hurt. I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Honestly, a case of strep throat is worse. Hell, in some ways, a bad chest cold is worse!

Thank you! I'm feeling great, too!

Thanks! I'll try to keep the bragging and vanity to a dull roar; to be honest, there are still PLENTY of things to feel bad or be insecure about. But after a lifetime of that crap, a little ray of sunshine now and again is a wonderful thing!

Thank you One of these days, I'll be brave and post a photo or two. But I'm so freaking PALE that it's a tad embarrassing

Yup! Men want eye candy, and they want arm candy. We shouldn't it's shallow to want it and vain to want to be it. But we still want it, and we still want to be it. I think that for me, what's changed is that I'm just not going to apologize for feeling that way anymore As MoreganK said: I've earned it!

Well, I had a best friend say "hey, a man on a diet can still look at the menu." Meaning that it might not be TOO bad to remind hubby that you're a catch, and he needs to work to keep you. You don't have to hurt his feelings or anything, but reminding him that you're a hottie and he needs to be damned grateful and proud to have you as his wife...? Yeah, that's not a horrible thing.

It's true. Whether we feel like we should be more "evolved" or not, there are still clear dominance hierarchies among humans. If you watch body language you can see it; with men, look for averted gaze, slumped shoulders, looking "small" (submissive behaviors), challenging grimace or scowl, aggressive eye contact, puffed up chest, exaggerated swagger (threatened, frightened, challenged behaviors), or clear, straight gaze, strong, erect posture (dominant/confident behaviors). With women I'm less clear what the body language is, but I'm 100% certain that there are hierarchies as well. One body language that seems to be cross-gender is this: if you look at a group of men OR women, look to see who everyone looks at, whose conversation everyone listens to, even something as simple as who everyone faces; this will most likely be the most socially dominant one of the group. Like it or lump it, I've discovered that I'm sort of turning into an alpha male. Not in the swaggering, chest-beating, gets-in-fights kind of way (that's not dominant behavior, anyway; it's frightened behavior... it's the behavior of a male fearful of losing his status in the "pack"). But just in the sense of being very confident of my worth and strength and sexuality. It feels so very odd to talk like this. You're not SUPPOSED to talk this way about yourself. You're supposed to be humble and downplay your strengths! But it's the truth, and I want to point out that THIS is what you can gain from losing the weight and doing the work, guys. You can be the man you wanted to be (assuming it's what you want to be; and if not... don't get the sleeve, because you'll be all hot and confident and happy and you wouldn't want THAT!)

While I'm not "in" to BDSM, I do agree; most people misunderstand the sexual power dynamic. Submission doesn't always mean "weak." In fact some of the strongest women I know (in "real life") are submissives. Again, it's not "my thing," but I've learned to avoid sweeping value judgements

Oh, I agree completely. **** shaming (and please be aware of the context of me using the word "****" here) is still terribly fashionable. God help you if you're a woman (of any orientation) with a strong libido. I think things are changing. But maybe not fast enough...

Well, I don't do it ANYWHERE but here, trust me. I even waffled and thought about deleting this post because I thought it was just too vain! But it's true. I LIKE my body now (and apparently others do, too ) And this is the "Success Stories" forum, after all -- if my story of going from being a giant blubbery tub-o-lard to a sorta hunky middle-aged guy can motivate one guy to get the sleeve and/or do the hard work necessary to build and strengthen his body, then it's worth a little good-natured teasing over bragging a bit Now if I could just get rid of the last saggy bits around my midsection. I've 99% decided to get a tummy tuck/lower body lift for that, and then -- watch out, world! Thanks for the kind words. And ladies... ah, this is a g-rated forum, so I'll shut up

...and I don't mean the temperature! OK, this will sound like bragging, and it IS a little, but remember where I'm coming from: I had been obese my WHOLE LIFE. I first had to wear size 38 jeans in junior high school. And now I'm wearing size 34, bordering on size 33. I was at the gym this morning -- it was arms day, biceps, forearms, trapezius, and deltoids (shoulders) -- and was working out HARD. I was looking in the mirror to check my form, and suddenly I thought -- who IS this guy? I realized that I'm looking... well... A-MAZ-ING! I mean I'm 42, so I don't look like a kid; I have laugh lines on my face, and (when I don't shave my head) a little gray around my temples. But my shoulders are broad and muscular (amazing what deltoid workouts will do, guys; wanna look broad-shouldered and thick through the chest? WORK. ON. YOUR. SHOULDERS!). My chest is just slabs of flat, hard muscle. My forearms literally RIPPLE with muscle when I move my fingers. My legs are turning into little tree trunks, and a lot of HARD work on my glutes (butt) has rescued me from the dreaded "white guy ass" -- I am getting a nice, muscular butt. I still don't like my midsection; the remaining flab and loose skin are all there, but sometimes when I move and the light is right, you can see my rectus abdominis quite clearly. Another term for rectus abdominis? SIX PACK! ME! A SIX PACK! I wished I could have taken a picture to show you, but I'm not THAT vain; I don't bring my camera to the gym with me I have to compare and contrast this with just two years ago, when my face was lost in a SEA of chins. My legs were big, but it was all just flabby, jello-y fat. My arms were big... with fat. They JIGGLED. And my midsection... oh dear god, what a train wreck; I had to wear size 3XL shirts just to avoid too much plumber's crack! I couldn't walk 200 yards without being tired. My feet hurt all the time. Men treated me with scorn, and to women I was simply invisible. Now, men often do submissive body language (you know, hunched a little shoulders and eyes down) or challenging, threatened (puffed up chest, swagger, frightened/"tough" glare) body language. The one thing they don't do is scorn me. And women... well, as often as not, women have a sort of "hungry" look in their eyes when they're looking at me. I've even caught women out with their husbands/boyfriends "checking me out" and then looking away, embarrassed when I smile at them. Am I bragging? Yes, I am. But this is all so bloody new to me. I'm a hunk! I have to avoid turning into a vain douchebag (and this obviously borders on douchebaggery already), but I figured that "Gastric Sleeve Surgery Success Stories" was the place to put this bragging if anything was. Two years ago, I was obese, depressed, hated my body, sore, sick, tired, a clear "beta male," invisible to women, and probably on a fast track to diabetes, heart disease, cancer, or some other form of slow, painful death. Now? I'm fit -- within 2% of my "normal" body weight according to the height/weight charts. I can run several MILES without running out of steam or injuring myself. I lift weights nearly every day. I am happy, healthy, have a strong libido, a good sex life, and I *like* what I see when I look in the mirror. I would NEVER have believed it possible two years ago if you'd asked me. NEVER. And, while I'll take credit for eating right and going to the gym/doing other physical activities regularly, the weight loss and health I owe completely, 100% to the sleeve. THANK YOU, SLEEVE. Getting the surgery was the single best decision I've ever made. It saved my life, literally -- it's given me a whole new me, one that I never would have believed I could be. Thank you, sleeve.

I think that there are a lot of previously "kinky" ways of being that are breaking into the mainstream. Now that being gay is no longer forbidden or naughty, other shades of sex are the new "hot topic." I'm polyamorous -- my girlfriend and I both enjoy other lovers, despite having been together for almost ten years. We disagree with the notion that love and sexuality are something that gets "used up" and so can only be shared with one person; our experience has been that the more people we love (in all meanings of that term), the more we're capable of love (including with each other -- our relationship is stronger than it's ever been). Up until recently I had thought that I was in a teeny, tiny minority. Society tells us that the only acceptable sexuality is one man, one woman, missionary position, lights off, to make babies. Imagine my surprise when we finally went to a polyamorous potluck dinner, and it was FILLED with nice, attractive, interesting, NORMAL people like us. No slavering deviants, no serious mental illnesses, just normal people who like (safe) sex and enjoy it with multiple partners. Wow! We're not kinky or deviant, after all; we're definitely in the sexual minority, but that's okay -- we're not broken or mentally ill or morally defective, we're just in the minority. And that's okay! Moral of the story? Most things that most people think are "naughty" or "kinky," aren't, really. And I think that the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon isn't really about BDSM suddenly becoming acceptable (it always WAS acceptable), but rather because society is suddenly deciding that it's perfectly okay to talk about "non mainstream" flavors of sexuality. It's okay to be who you are, people -- gay, straight, monogamous, polyamorous, swingers, single, coupled, in a "clan," a furry, into BDSM, a Dom/sub, into ropes, fire, whatever. Just make sure everyone is consenting adults and having a good time (and please, folks, practice safe sex!) and just remember: It's okay to be who you are. Sexually, too. It's really okay.

My recovery was a breeze. The day of the surgery was the only tricky day, because I was still drugged up! After that, I just followed my doctor's advice about foods and liquids to a "T," and sipped, sipped, sipped Water and walked as much as I could. By the end of day two, I was walking around the block, and be the end of week one I had more energy than I could ever remember feeling. The only hard part was remembering that I was still freshly healing inside, so to be gentle with myself. It was a walk in the park Remember that on the internet, you tend to hear more from the people who had a BAD experience than you do from the people who had a GOOD experience, because who gets online to say "everything's fine, nothing happened, smooth sailing!"

I tell everyone, up front, that I've had weight loss surgery. I don't judge other people's decision to keep it to themselves, but I frankly don't understand it. It's not something to be ashamed of -- why would it be? You made a difficult, frightening, and painful decision to do something that betters your health and appearance and longevity. You've gone to a great deal of trouble, and altered your eating habits *forever* in order to be around longer and be healthier for your loved ones and yourself. In my book, that is something to be *immensely proud* of, not ashamed of or hide. Like I said, I'm not judging; everyone has different lives and different needs. But especially in a dating situation, I'm up front about it -- in my online dating profile (yes, I have one of those) I mention that I had weight loss surgery in May of 2010, and it was an enormous success. This gets me off the hook at restaurants, I just tell them "surgery" and smile, and they help me pick out a more VSG-friendly meal and remind me to get a to-go box. And nobody that I have ever met has EVER made a negative or snarky comment. Nobody has EVER seemed to judge me (I can't tell what they're doing in their head, but their body language and words have been positive). Nobody has ever been anything other than supportive, and congratulatory, and sometimes curious (in fact, heavier people have often taken me aside later and asked me for more details, and confessed that they were considering it for themselves!). Again, it's your business and your choice. But I think that we need to stop shaming people who make the important decision to get this procedure done -- it's not a failure, it's not a flaw. It's a tremendously courageous and positive step. And I don't think I'd want to date anyone who couldn't be supportive of my choice to nurture and take care of my physical self; I mean, let's face it... the kind of woman I want to be with will love my physical self as much as my mind and heart, and will want it to be healthy. So why should she judge me for taking the best steps I know of to make that physical self healthy and happy. youknowit: I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but you seem very connected and articulate, so I'm sure you'll meet someone amazing soon (if you haven't already!)

I'd party with Bacchus

Most of them...? There are a few -- a very few -- denominations that believe that all that is required is faith (and even here I'd differentiate "faith" from "pretending to believe in something because you're scared of being wrong"), but most of them have lots of rituals you have to do, specific moral codes you have to adhere to, holy books you have to read and/or memorize, regular worship you have to practice, and more, if you want to get into their version of heaven. When you add up all the things you have to do to be a good (Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, Shinto, Zoroastrian, whatever) it's a fair amount of work.

See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pascal's_Wager The idea is that if you believe in God and he doesn't exist, you've lost nothing, whereas if you DON'T believe in God and he DOES exist, you burn for all eternity. So, you should believe in God. Problem with the argument is that the two sides are not equivalent; you don't just have to believe in God to get into heaven, you have to go to church, live by a particular moral code, dress a certain way, act a certain way, and so on. Many people are willing to pay the price, but getting into heaven is certainly not FREE. Similarly, you have to weigh the LIKELIHOOD of God's existence vs. the cost/benefit. If -- like me -- you think it's very, very, very unlikely that God exists, then that "burn in hell for all eternity" thing is ALSO very, very very unlikely. Finally, the ultimate rebuttal to someone who's reformulating Pascal's Wager is simply this: okay, I'll believe in God... which one? You see, there are dozens -- hundreds? -- of religions, each claiming to have the One True God, each claiming he has to be worshipped a certain way, each threatening some horrific punishment if you don't comply, and each completely incompatible with the others. It's simply impossible to believe in/worship all of these gods, who each claims to be the One True God, so no matter which one you choose, there are far more possibilities that you'll choose wrong than that you'll choose right. So, without knowing which god to choose, how can you make a choice based on logic? No, Pascal's Wager SOUNDS good, but it's actually just nonsense. Believe or don't believe, folks, but don't try to pretend that your belief in God is logical. It ain't; it's called faith, either you have it or you don't, and in God -- I don't.

Sorry to quote out of context, but this sounds like a manic episode; a lot of people who are diagnosed with depression are actually bipolar (manic depressive) and when you put them on antidepressants it brings out the mania. And mania is characterized by grandiose actions without thought of the consequences, up to and including delusions. I'm on antidepressants, and they do wonderful things for me -- remove my anxiety, keep me from dwelling on negative things I can't control, help get me "out of my head" in social situations. So I try to make sure that antidepressants don't get a bad name. But the flip side is that they are powerful drugs and should only be taken if you're being closely monitored for, e.g. signs of manic behavior. It makes me angry when doctors prescribe these powerful psychotropic (mind altering) drugs and then basically just turn you loose. It's our modern medical system, which is more driven by profit margin than patient care, that I blame. Ideally, sounds like your ex should have been on some kind of stabilizer as well as the antidepressant. But I'm not a psychiatrist

Yeah, I don't really have access to my nutritionist anymore, and it's too expensive to pay out of pocket right now. But the signs are really pretty strong that there's something nutritional going on: I perked right up tonight after I ate my dinner. I think that like most things, there's a bit of "all of the above" going on, but I really think that the key for me is proper eating, so I'm going to try to add more calories, especially on heavy gym days. Thanks, all!

MyPlate says I've consumed 1304 calories so far today, 158g carbs, 51g Protein, and 37g of Fiber. I'm sure I've burned off 500 calories -- I was working out until I was dripping sweat and unable to stand up at the gym for an hour, and I just got back from a brisk 2.5 mile walk. So my net calories for the day are 700-900 (so far). This is a typical day. Note that I'm being conservative with my counts; I'm overestimating how much I ate of things like my fiber chips or raw almonds, so probably my net calories are in the 600-800 range. At 3 pm. I'm at a BMI of 27.2, and my body fat is about 22%; I don't have huge fat reserves left. I suspect I need to bump up my daily calories to about 2000 or so if I want to maintain this activity level and still keep a healthy weight.

So, backstory. I have a family history of depression and anxiety. It sucks, but it's just a part of my genetic makeup, so I deal with it. I'm on an antidepressant med, and I think that MOSTLY it controls it. But my mood has been swinging lately, and I'm not entirely sure if it's a medication issue or not. It certainly COULD be; this is a new med and my body might still be adjusting to it. But... I have two "confounding factors" (as we science people like to call "monkey wrenches" in a good theory). First, my sleep has always, ALWAYS sucked. I have NO idea what my pressure on my CPAP is supposed to be -- I have sleep apnea. My last overnight sleep study concluded that I didn't NEED CPAP anymore, but when I sleep without it, I keep waking up and feel like I don't get any rest. Second, nutrition. This, to me, feels more relevant; let me explain why. I've recently started really "upping my game" at the gym -- working out with a trainer, going in almost every day, working out HARD instead of half-assed. I'm seeing progress, but I also notice that my energy and mood really seem to drop after the gym. It's not just normal sore muscles fatigue, nor is it the "I just worked out hard so I'm breathless" version. It actually feels like I'm sleepy! Like I want to just lie down and sleep; my eyes get heavy, my limbs feel leaden. I think I'm very close to my long-term "maintenance" weight now. I don't think my body has much more in the way of fat reserves to burn off, so if I am nutritionally deprived, I don't have a built-in source of calories at hand! And I haven't really changed my eating habits; I'm still eating 1200-1400 calories per day, mostly Protein. That's great for losing weight -- and I'm still losing, rather rapidly! -- but I'm not sure it's a good maintenance diet, especially when I'm burning 500-600 calories per day at the gym! I mention this because it seems to make me sleepy, and often for me "sleepy" and "depressed" feel VERY similar (in the past I've known I was depressed because my sleep wasn't up to to par). If I'm running a significant caloric deficit, my "depression" might actually be just "out of fuel." I'm sure it takes calories and micronutrients to manufacture serotonin and dopamine in the brain, so this sounds plausible. Anyone else have this experience?