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bashful1269

LAP-BAND Patients

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Blog Entries posted by bashful1269

  1. There are times when I am not sure what kind of hunger I'm having. It seems that I am hungry most of the time. I've had two fills, after the last fill I was feeling pretty good and not hungry. Now, it seems that I am hungry all the time. I'm not sure if it's real hunger. I'm on vacation and staying at home since I don't really have the money to travel on this vacation. When I'm working I have set times to eat and don't think about food. Now that I'm home on vacation my roomy thinks I should cook for everyone and their dog...I love company and cooking, but it's tough for me because I want to taste everything I'm cooking. Then when it's time to eat I'm not really hungry and I eat anyway....BAD HABIT!! Roomie doesn't cook, she loves to brag on how good of a cook I am and that's why she's always inviting people (guys) over to eat.
     
    My question is this...how do I make myself stronger? How do I realize when it's head hunger, real hunger or habit hunger? I chew really good and it seems that everything goes down just fine...Am I just not restricted enough?
     
    Oh, update on Hot Greg...He now knows that I am interested...I was being bad text messaging back and forth earlier... I told him that I left HR Manager Stacy at work for a week. He told me I was allowed. He's SO HOT!!!! I know this is terrible to say, but it's my view point. The way that he dresses and just the way he presents himself he is a perfectionist, I am NOT, I feel it's more important to have fun and enjoy life than to keep an immaculate house. I don't think that I'm good enough for HG...Besides, he's talking about moving away. :thumbdown: Oh well, if it's meant to be it will be.
     
    That's it for me tonight.

  2. The flu

    · bashful1269 · 09/07/2009 02:07

    Ugh, the flu is kicking my butt!!! I'm coughing a lot and I'm a little worried that it could cause my band to slip. I've read several post about people having coughing fits and their band slipping. It has only been six weeks or so since I've been banded. I'm hoping nothing bad happens.
     
    I've been able to eat the recommended amounts and stay full for three or four hours which is much better than what I was able to do.
     
    I ate steak for the first time tonight, it was wonderful! I had to cut it very thin and chew chew chew. I'm beginning to feel like a train...chew chew ...chewwwwww

  3. The wedding

    · bashful1269 · 09/06/2009 02:25

    IT'S FINALLY DONE!! As any of you who have been reading my blogs know, I have been diligently working on flowers and decorations for a friends wedding. I'm so glad I'm done with that! It turned out awesome and she was extremely happy.
     
    NSV of the day, I wore a skirt to the wedding that my ex husband bought me about 15 years ago and I have never been able to wear it, he bought it about four sizes to small. (thanks honey) It FIT today!!!!! It was fun I had a friend tell me that it made me look really skinny!!!!! I will admit, it was a nice thing to hear~~ I'm starting to see a change, with this last fill and feeling the restriction, I'm hoping the number on the scale changes too.
     
    That's it for me, I have the flu and I'm headed to bed.
     
    Hope everyone in bandland is doing well, keep in touch!

  4. Finally restriction

    · bashful1269 · 09/04/2009 02:38

    I went for my second fill today, I felt fine drinking the little bit of water that she gave me. I stopped and bought a bottle of water on the way home and drank a little bit, by the time I made it back to work, 40 minutes later (long drive) I felt ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH!! After about three hours I started feeling better and attempted to eat some white chili, after about four spoonfuls I was full!!!! YAY!!!! FINALLY!!! That feeling of fullness lasted well over four hours and a five mile bike ride. Went for dinner at a chinese restaurant and ate one crab rangoon and the broth of my egg drop soup and was full again. AMAZING, this is what I've been waiting for!
     
    I have to admit the prospect of getting stuck more easily makes me a little nervous, I know there have been times in the past when I have not chewed well enough. This fill, I'm going to have to be careful and chew chew chew. I'm still a member of the clean your plate club, I need to break that habit. I'm hoping with this fill, it will help me control that by that last bit syndrome where I'll really feel it if I over eat.
     
    Not much else to report tonight, I'm tired and heading to bed. With a special prayer of thanksgiving for finally feeling some restriction.

  5. Second fill

    · bashful1269 · 09/03/2009 01:40

    I go for my second fill tomorrow. I am hoping to start getting some restriction. Pretty much anything goes down and I can eat way more than I am supposed to eat. I know this because I have been STRESSED and eating too much, this week trying to get everything done that I need to get done before going on vacation. I have a friends wedding on Saturday and I am doing all of her decorations and flowers and photography for, it's going to be CRAZY busy!
     
    I don't think that I've lost. I haven't gotten on the scales because I'm afraid of them this week. One good thing that I've been doing is exercise. An hour a day of cardio, weight lifting twice a week, and yoga and zumba twice a week. I'm sure I've lost a few inches at least.
     
    I had a margarita last night...half a margarita more like it...I AM A CHEAP DrunK!!!! Bonus on the banding...little food...little drink= CHEAP DATE!
     
    That's it for tonight, time to rest.
  6. I was talking to a friend of mine tonight and he says "You're going to the gym pretty much every day?" I said yes, he says "So, the dedication was there before the surgery...so you really could have done this without the surgery?"....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
     
     
    If I could have maintained the results I've had the last one million attempts...do ya think I would have had the surgery???
     
    Hello!!!!
     
    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
     
     
    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
     
    I'm frustrated as heck!! I just didn't even say anything to him, I just kept quite! Grrrrrrr, I hate stupid people~!
     
    Sorry just made me M A D!!!!!!!!!

  7. Test

    · bashful1269 · 08/29/2009 02:22

    Seems my post aren't posting...this is a test...Ok that seemed to work...finally!
     
    It's been a long week! I'm ready to relax.
     
    We went to steak and shake tonight...they have the perfect little hamburgers for 89 cents! I love eating small, it's so much cheaper!
     
    Hope everyone has a great weekend.

  8. The weekend

    · bashful1269 · 08/26/2009 00:30

    The weekend was great, Hot Greg came out Saturday night with us and we had a blast. He was only able to stay for a little while because he had to work at 6 am Sunday morning...It was still fun. I sat next to him and he kept bumping into me with his shoulders or pressing his leg up against mine...I get the feeling I might actually have a chance. I'm just going to sit back and let what happens happen.
     
    Sunday we had the softball bbq, I cooked for thirty people and was happy that I could eat a little bit of the stuff I cooked. It was nice not having to be on soft foods. I ate very slow and tried to concentrate on what I was eating so as not to have any stuck episodes. That would be embarrassing. We played volleyball for three solid hours...I was whipped by the time we were done. That's some exercise for sure! I'm going to start having Sunday afternoon volleyball at my house so I can have a change of pace from just going to the gym.
     
    Zumba class tomorrow, I can't wait! It's been a while since I've done it, it should be a good time.
     
    Food has been a bit of a challenge, the restriction is less than it was a week ago. I do great during the day but at night I tend to want to snack and I know I'm not supposed to. Need to work on that, maybe I'm not eating enough protein...or maybe it's just head hunger and bad habits.
     
    That's all of my thoughts for tonight...I'm BRAIN TOAST.
  9. I got my first fill yesterday and I can tell the difference today. It took me 40 minutes to eat about 2 oz of meat and a tablespoon of green beans. I started out eating a little too fast and FELT IT!! OUCH! So, I've learned that I MUST chew chew chew!!! The restriction has officially begun!
     
    It makes me a little nervous to eat now, I'm sure that I will get used to it. I have to say it's amazing to me to take a piece of meat that before the band would have been two bites, and turn it into a complete portion and still not be able to eat it all. CRAZY!! I'm loving it though.
     
    I worked out hard today, it felt good. An hour of cardio, then 30 minutes of weight lifting then a two mile bike ride. I feel energized!
     
    I've officially RETIRED my size 16's!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited; and to be honest my 14's aren't going to be around long, they are already a little big. Way cool.
     
    The weekend is here and should be a good time. I've got to go SHOPPING!! Need to find something to make HOT Greg notice me.
     
    So, I'm off...
  10. I went for my first fill today, easy nothin to it! Just had to lay there he stuck a needle in to numb it and then the fill needle, didn't hardly feel it at all.
     
    I am losing an average of 2.6 pounds a week according to the dietitian, I'm ok with that. I'm glad that I can start weight lifting now. I'm ready to hit the gym on something besides cardio.
     
    I'm glad to be on real food!!!! FINALLY~!~
     
    on to other things....
     
    I cooked dinner for HOT Greg and my mom and roommate last night. That was FUN. HG needed a place to store his 68 vet and my mom has four garages and she offered to let him use one of hers for a little while. So, since he was going over there anyway...I offered to cook.
     
    It was fun! He acted surprised that I knew how to cook, I wanted to say "HELLO, I'm a fat chick, of course I know how to cook!...I didn't though. I kept it pretty simple and ate just a small amount. We talked a lot last night which was fun for me. He's so HOT he makes me nervous. At least it's a step! He's going to go out with a group of us on Saturday night, now I have to find some clothes that fit so I can show off the 30 pounds I've lost!!!!!
     
    FUN TIMES AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. What a week!

    · bashful1269 · 08/16/2009 15:28

    It's been a week since I've posted on my blog, I feel bad for that, I've found it's a great source of stress relief from me and really should do it everyday.
     
    My friend John who retired (at the age of 42) last year from being an air traffic controller came in for a visit on Monday. It was an unexpected visit and I had to work which was a bummer. I did take off Tuesday with him and we went to the gym together. That was fun. He's addicted to my rockband game! We had a blast just jammin.
     
    My friend Dalena moved in last Friday with her ten year old son. It's been a lot better than I thought it would be. Mikey her son is going to have some serious food issues if she doesn't change his eating habits I can already see that. He doesn't want to eat what is on the table and then goes to the cabinet that is now loaded (ugh ugh ugh) with JUNK food and gets whatever he wants.
     
    Dalena has never once read a food label doesn't know the difference between fat, carbs and protein and no clue what a serving size is. I'm working on teaching her. I think that I will take her to the nut with me on Thursday when I go for my first fill.
     
    I am SOOOOOOO ready for my first fill. It's so hard sticking to just what I am supposed to be eating. I've been cooking a lot more since Dalena has been here which is rough for me. I'm going to back off on that. It's better not to have the temptation of tasting while I cook. I'm getting burnt out on cottage cheese and yogurt. I do great during the day when I am at work and want to eat the house at night.
     
    Dang scale must be broken it's not moving:cursing:
     
    I am exercising at least an hour of cardio every day and have noticed a difference in the size of my clothing. I was SHOCKED:w00t: last night when I bought a pair of inspiration workout pants from old navy in a size medium and they FIT!!!:thumbup::thumbup::cursing: Doing the happy dance!
     
    Today my cardio will be spent in the garden, my Weed, oh I mean flower beds have been overtaken and i must find them.
     
    With that I'm going to sign off and get to work. Hope everyone one is doing well with their band, I hope mine starts working soon, it's been a slacker!

  12. It moved!!!! Finally!

    · bashful1269 · 08/08/2009 15:21

    Finally, the stupid scale moved this morning!! All at once I'm down to 234!!! Yeah, I'm so excited. In fact I had to get on and off the scale four times just to make sure it was right.
     
    That gives me 19 pounds to lose to make it to my first goal. I was hoping to hit 215 by October 18th, I think I can do it! Wouldn't it be great to be in Onderland before Christmas??
     
    Well, it's off to the gym.

  13. Food

    · bashful1269 · 08/08/2009 01:27

    How is it that you can be hungry without being hungry? Head hunger..SUCKS!
     
    The dietitian says between 300 to 400 calories a day is what I'm supposed to be eating. I'm eating around that many ...I wonder though...What does eating this few calories do to the metabolism?
     
    I worry about my metabolism shutting down and going into starvation mode. I have been exercising at least an hour a day and eating somewhere between 300 to 500 calories a day and I have stopped losing...HOW??? what the heck???? I mean I've lost 10 inches total but come on ...Move scale!!! I know I'm burning more than I'm taking in.
     
    Ok, enough ranting about that...
     
    My friend Dalena is moving in this weekend. I'm a little nervous. I haven't lived with anyone in over a year...It'll take some getting used to...Oh well it will be nice to have help with the mortgage.
     
    Hot Greg was working today, it was pretty cool he was stressing trying to find the mistake on a cash drawer and I walked by and could tell he was stressing...I asked him if he needed help and he said "Sure". I found the mistake the accounting dept had made in a matter of about 30 seconds and he was Sooo, impressed...I shrugged my shoulders and said...12 years of accounting...and smiled at him...He's YUMMY!!! April thinks that I should just ask him out...I just don't have the nerve enough to do that just yet...in a few months, when I hit my first goal then heck yeah~!~ I'm hoping he will ask me out before then.
     
    So I was trying to keep the surgery kindof quite at work, I was just telling people that I had hiatal hernia which I did...anyway, everybody knows now ...apparently people think it's their business to know my business.
     
    Joe comes up to me and says "so, I heard you had the lap band done?" I thought that was for the morbidly obesed? I just looked at him and said..."that would be me". He said "I wouldn't have ever guessed you to be that over weight"...I thought to myself...Sweet, I don't look as big as I feel...He then goes on to tell me how he's 30 pounds overweight and he's just going to have to do it the "Hard way" HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO Did he just say this was THE EASY WAY?????...Captain obvious needs a reality check...let's see, 10 days liquid pre op, two weeks of full liquids and now who knows how long on 5 TABLESPOONS three times a day... all the while the freaking band is not doing anything but sitting there...Oh and not to mention an hour in the gym doing cardio, sweating my ass off!....YUP definitely, the "easy" way! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
    This is the reason I was not telling people!
     
    I did give him the reality check and had to give my sister the reality check as well...She said "Well, then why did you need the band if you're doing all the work?" I said "to keep it off!" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I think she's going to be the jealous type. She has always been smaller than me and now I'm probably a little smaller than her and will be a lot smaller by the time I'm done.
     
    Ok, so I'm just gripping, I'm going to turn this off for the night. Maybe, I'll go hop on my eliptical trainer and do this the easy way....

  14. Much better today

    · bashful1269 · 08/07/2009 02:08

    I'm in a much better mood today. I went to bed really early last night and finally got a good nights sleep.
     
    Today has been a food struggle kindof day, I'm hungry and everything looks good. It doesn't help that I work at Hy-Vee and for those of you who don't know it's a HUGE grocery store that has the constant smell of fresh baked breads and cookies, chinese food, pizza and starbucks...Oh well, at least I love my job...it's a good time! Nice to be able to say that after sixteen years of working there. I think I like it so much because I'm spoiled!
     
    I worked out for an hour of cardio today. It felt good. 20 minutes on the treadclimber, 20 minutes on the cross glider and 20 minutes on the treadmill. Wheeeewwwww, what a workout! Feeling good!:frown:
  15. I woke up cranky this morning and it's been a battle ever since to try and maintain a happy face today. It doesn't happen often that I'm cranky, but man when it does...Look OUT! :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing:
     
    I stayed in my office most of the day because I knew I was cranky and although, I really wanted to chew today, I thought it best not to chew on my employees.
     
    Happy thought for the day...I did get to the soft food phase finally, man it is really nice to have to chew even if it is only 1.5 ounces at a time.
     
    I did go to the gym after work and had a good workout on the crossglider..45 minutes ...500 calories burned!!!!!!!!! Heck that's about 200 more than I ate today! Life is good.
     
    That's all I have for today, I'm going to BED!
  16. I'm so excited! Tomorrow is the beginning of a new phase for me. I get to move on to soft foods. I will be making copies of the food log the nut gave me and will be writing down everything I put in my mouth. The scale hasn't budged for the last four days and I'm getting frustrated with that. I know I know, stay off the stupid thing!
  17. Today was my first day back after having surgery on 7/22/09. I am a wage continued employee which means that I continue to receive my full salary whether or not I'm there, so I took ten days to recoup. Since that's what my doctor told me would be a good amount of time considering the type of work that I do. I'm glad I listened I'm BEAT!! I had every intention of going to the gym today after work, but there is just no way. I'll go for my two mile walk after it cools down a bit.
     
    Work was good now time for the NSV!!
     
    Hot Greg NOTICED I had lost weight and told me that I was looking good!!! Yea!!!!! Me!!! :cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing:
     
    and I was able to completely slip my size 16 work pants down over my hips without undoing the buttons or zipper...time to go SHOPPING!!! I have a feeling it's going to be my new addiction...shopping!
     
    That's all the energy I have for the moment. I'm going to take a much needed nap!
  18. I went out for the first time since having surgery. My friend Dave and I went to Hunans, I was good and ate a bowl of egg drop soup minus all the stuff they put in it. I just ate the broth.
     
    As we're sitting there having lunch Dave asks..."So, are you full yet?" So of course I have to explain to him that right now I could eat anything that I wanted but because I'm healing I follow what the Dr. tells me to.
     
    So he goes on to ask Why, if I could follow what the Doctor has been telling me to do under my own will power to do( and doing quite well since I've lost now 25 pounds total), did I feel the need for the lapband surgery. I explained to him that I saw this as a way to finally keep the weight off. I've been successful at getting weight off before just not keeping it off.
     
    A little later he says "So, I failed you." I said no, you didn't fail me it was a choice that I made. He kept pushing that he had failed me by not supporting me and blah blah blah.
     
    Now, I'm a little frustrated and feeling down about myself...Questioning myself...Dave's right I should be able to do this, why can't I, why haven't I, I know how to do it I just don't...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I have been ok with this decision and researched it and know in my heart that I made the right decision, why am I letting someones opinion have this much of a hold on my thinking?
     
    Why does it matter so much???? As I sit here in tears....Why do I care what he thinks anyway??? I'm just feeling like a failure. I hate this feeling. :biggrin::thumbup:
  19. My friend Donna came over this morning and we went shopping. I ate my 4 oz of yogurt before we left around 11am and we weren't planning on being gone that long...HA! We finally made it back home around 6:30 pm and I hadn't eaten anything all day except for the yogurt. I was STARVING!! I made potato soup which I made using skim milk and low fat cheese. I ate an entire soup cup! I was so FULL that I was having a terrible pain in my shoulder and smack dab in the middle of my chest, it felt like I was having a heart attack...I pray my stitches weren't ripping from my band. PAIN PAIN PAIN, THAT WILL TEACH ME TO OVER EAT!! I didn't think it would be that bad because it was just liquid I didn't even eat the potato parts. Dumb!
     
    My hot water heater went out today too. Fortunately, my friend April's bf is a HVAC guy and he just came over and took a look at it. Looks to be a bad lower element. I'm hoping it won't set me back too much. I'm thankful that he is willing to help me out. He's a great guy.
     
    I walked even though I didn't really feel like it today. I am committed to doing what I have to do to make this band work as a tool for me. I know it's not going to be easy, but I also know that if I don't exercise I don't lose. I am planning on doing personal training with my trainer Davey in October as a birthday gift to myself. It will so be worth it, he KICKS my ass, but it's so much fun. I love working with him, he's HOT (oh yes, I do accidentally on purpose not understand how to do some exercises just so he has to show me again :biggrin:) and he's very motivating. He will be so happy that I will keep the weight off this time.
     
    Well, it's time for me to sign this off for the day. I have to work tomorrow! I'm so excited to go back to work I know it's going to be a rough day. It will just be good to get back into the routine of working and I hope to settle into normal set eating times.
     
    Night everybody, have a great week!
  20. Well, it's Friday, two more days and it's back to reality. I'm a little nervous about going back, I work nine hour days and as it is a three hour trip to town yesterday wiped me OUT. Thankfully, I have an office job but can get up and walk when I want. I'm sure my office is a disaster by now as no one does my job while I'm away...Oh well job security right??? I love my job, I miss the people they are great.
     
    Donna came out and walked with me. I'm so proud of her for at least making the effort. She said she felt drained before we went and then she felt great after we got back...YEA!! Me on the other hand...I'm ready for a nap. Which I'm going to take as soon as I finish this.
     
    I like blogging because it gives me an outlet for my thoughts and helps me sleep better. I should have done it last night. I didn't go to sleep until well after 2 am as I could not shut my mind off. I was a little wound up after the softball game. It was fun! We lost but oh well. For those of you who read my blog I apologize if it's random and disorganized. I mention lots of people in my blogs and have even created a blog about the people just for additional information, if you want to know the background of the people involved in my ...days of our life blog...
     
    I'm starting to notice a difference in my legs and I have to say I'm a little miffed at the fact that it looks like I am losing muscle, I really don't want to lose muscle although, I know that I will probably lose some. I'm going to have to drink more protein shakes. They just are so sweet that I don't really like them, never thought I'd say something was too sweet. Sugar has always been my addiction. I will struggle with it until the day I die I am sure of that. Thankfully, Russell Stovers makes really good sugarfree candy.
     
    I'm ready for a nap! I'll blog more later if I'm feeling frisky when I wake up.

  21. Pre-op

    · bashful1269 · 07/14/2009 02:42

    Well, the pre-op diet pretty much sucks! I'm a starvin marvin... and it's only day two! Eight more days to go. I can do this!
     
    I'm still trying to figure out which band to get. It seems Dr. Pitt is correct that it doesn't really matter which one he uses. I like the way that realize band attaches to the port and I like the low profile port as well. Silvia explained that the lap band port could be changed but I'm seeing $$$'s there. So, I am leaning pretty heavy to the realize band at the moment. I really like the band design of the lap band and the band is actually the thing that's going to be doing the work....decisions decisions.
     
    I'm ready for a STEAK!!! If I close my eyes and imagine this protein shake is a steak do you think it would taste like one?
     
    Oh well...life goes on ...you can not have what you've never had unless you're willing to do what you've never done. So, I'm doin it!
  22. I feel totally DRAINED today. I think I may have over done it a bit yesterday, that and TOM(time of the month) had to show up...dang it!
     
    I did force myself into going for a walk, I thought maybe it would give me some energy but it only drained more out of me. I think I'll have to take a nap.
     
    The one thing that I absolutely hate about the band is not being able to take pills normally. I have to cut them in really little pieces and put them in applesauce or pudding to get them to go down. I hate taking pills anyway so having to take six small pieces of one pill is FRUSTRATING!
     
    Last softball game is tonight!!! I really like it but I think ten weeks is a too long, it's tough keeping everybody committed. Besides it will be good not having to see Larry every week. I have to plan the bbq next I'm waiting until I'm on the soft food stage though, I want to eat like everybody else...Just not as much.
     
    Well that's all the energy I have for my daily random thoughts...It's off to napland!

  23. Tuesday 7/28/09

    · bashful1269 · 07/28/2009 16:28

    I woke up feeling ready to exercise, I got up and went for a walk down the hill and down to the end of the road maybe 1/4 mile total, TOTALLY kicked my butt! I will do it again tonight. It may not be far, but at least it's moving my tail. I'm ready to hit the gym and do some weight training so I don't lose the muscles that I have built over the years.
     
    I'm so excited! I talked to my friend Jimmy from St. Louis last night on the messenger and he told me that he had the lap band done in April and has lost, get this...90 pounds!! That's amazing to me. I'm pumped, I don't think I will lose that much that fast but it gave me hope. So far I've lost 12 pounds this week just by following what the nut told me to eat. I've been hungry, I mentioned that to Jimmy and he told me to make sure that I was using the protein shakes. I'll be honest I haven't really been doing many of those. I think when I get to the stage where I can eat I will start making some smoothies with the protein whey and have them for breakfast.
     
    I go to see Dr. K today, he hasn't seen me since I started looking into this. Mom told him last week when she was in there that I had had it done and he was amazed at how quickly it all went through. I am too...it's so amazing from the time that I finally sent my paperwork into Silvia to the time of my surgery was less than six weeks!!! Crazy! Absolutely, Crazy! I'm so glad that I did this. I know it's just a tool, but I've been good at working out and even eating fairly nutritiously most of the time, I just eat too much and I hope that's where the band will come in and stop me from doing that.
     
    Well there you have it...all the random thoughts going through my head...
  24. To understand parts of my blog you should have a little background about me and the people in my life that you will see mentioned in my blog.
     
    About me...
     
    I'm 38, divorced and currently not in a real relationship. Relationships are a challenge for me, I just can't seem to figure them out. I am totally a people pleaser and give way to much of myself in relationships without expecting anything in return...You guessed it...the perfect setup to be used and taken for granted. Albeit by my own doing as I set the stage for such happenings. I'm working on fixing this character defect and trying to figure out a good balance which is why I am currently not in relationship..Another thing that makes relationships hard for me is the fact that I am very independent and self reliant and supported..I own my own house (my family and I physically built it ourselves) and make a decent living... I think that makes most men a little intimidated. PS to the guys out there who may read this...why wouldn't you want a woman who could take care of herself???....well enough on that subject.
     
    A little more about me...I have been trying to lose weight all of my life and I have made it a goal that if I was going to be fat at least I wasn't going to be weak so I have worked out a lot in the past yet, I am 100 pounds overweight. I'm a size 14-16 and wear and extra large shirt.
    I did this more for my health reasons than for looks...the looks thing that's icing on the cake...being able to get off my diabetes medicine and knowing I'm not damaging my body by not controlling the diabetes that's the important thing for me.
     
    Moving on...
     
    People in my life. Lets see.
     
    My mom, She's the reason I had the band put in. She's a walking medical book of her own. She has so many things wrong with her all because of being overweight and alcohol. She does not understand nutrition at all!!! She fell and broke her hip in July of 07 after my dad passed away in April from a broken hip, you can imagine how scared I was when I got that call. Three surgeries later she's finally able to walk and care for herself.
     
    My Sister Lisa, she and I were really close until she started working with me and couldn't separate work from home. Love my job but don't want to live it 24/7. She hates April because she blames her for taking me away from her. Totally not the case at all.
     
    My best friends April and Donna and Dalena.
     
    April, she's amazing. She has got to be one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She's under 30 and has lost two children. Serenity who was 20 days old and born with six major birth defects and Alex...My buddy...I miss him so much.
    Alex was four, he died September 10th, 2008 a day I will never forget because it was one of the hardest days of my life. To watch the life leave such an amazing little boy was heart wrenching. It makes me cry just to think about it. April has her days when it's really tough and the next six months I am sure are not going to be easy as we are coming up on the anniversary of his death and the Christmas holiday season. Most importantly I will be standing beside her and holding her close.
     
    Next is Donna. Donna she's complicated(She's my niece through marriage but also my best friend). She has the most amazing supportive attitude and helpful spirit. But, Donna like myself is morbidly obese. She's very frustrated about her weight and the fact that April and I are both losing weight and she feels lost. I try really hard to support her and have even set down and showed her the numbers of how many calories a day that she's putting in her body just by drinking soda(enough that by just stopping drinking soda would help her lose 12 pounds a month or at least not gain it). McDonalds or fast food of some type is a staple in her daily diet and it saddens me to watch her feeding that stuff to Payton my great niece who is 15 months old. I try to make suggestions such as order the apples instead of french fries.
    I think Donna wants to lose weight, but I don't think that she knows how to...Like so many of us. I see so many little changes that could make a big impact on her weight I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. I love her no matter how much she weighs or what she eats. I just feel a little guilty that I have this tool and I know that right now there is just no way that she could afford it with no insurance.
     
     
    Dalena...She's actually going to be moving in with me in a week. I'm a little nervous about that because she has a ten year old son and she doesn't drive. I live in the country and there is nothing within walking distance. I don't want to be a taxi service. We get along great I just worry that she will expect me to drive her around and that I will be the built in babysitter.
    Next the men in my life...
     
    Larry...I love him with all of my heart but know that he is a playa playa and totally the wrong man for me. I hired him two years ago. I could tell that he was into me because it was like he was making up reasons to come in just to "ask" me questions. I screwed up totally and fell into the game...I'm not a game player and had never been exposed to what would happen next. I dated Martin--Control freak--OTR truck driver...he broke up with me and I called my nephew who was working on the night crew to go and take all the pictures of Martin out of my office because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them the next morning. Anyway...The next morning, Larry shows up in my office and makes the move...I ended up at his place that night and stupid me...yes, stupid stupid me slept with him!!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB I would never do that again if I had it all to do over again. Anyway, this relationship without being in a relationship went on for a year and a half. I broke it off with him about two months ago because I knew that going into this lapband that I had to concentrate on me.
     
    T...Larry's best friend. He keeps asking me out, the only problems are one...He's Larry's best friend...Two He's Larry's best friend and Three he lives two hours away.
     
    Then there's Dave...He's awesome, we actually date, but he doesn't want a relationship either...GRRRRRR men they are so fickle. AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE?
     
    Lastly, Greg...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH Did I mention he was HOT!!!!! He transferred in about four months ago. He and I just clicked, not sure why, normally I would probably never have talked to him because he is way HOT and I am Way bashful. I get the feeling that he likes me. The other night we were on the phone, I was booking a trip for him to Ireland. I asked him if he missed having me around this week and he said "No, because we're sleeping together...or at least that's the newest rumor" I laughed and said "Dang it! I missed it." We laughed ... Why is it that when I sit down with a guy at lunch the next thing I know it's going around that I'm sleeping with them?...not that I would mind at all with Greg but sheeeeshhhh come on people.
     
    The pets...
     
    Ruffaluf...Grey tiger stripped regal looking cat. He was born on my mom and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. Making him nine years old in September.
     
    Hotta hootta Houchy moooo...Other wise known as Hotta B or Obbitchywan...He's my baby. I had to bottle feed him because he was so little when we found him his eyes weren't even fully opened. He's been my baby ever since. Can you say SPOILED!!! He's a beautiful black tuxedo long haired cat that loves to snuggle in the morning. I love it when he pets my face to wake me up.
     
    Bear Bear...He's was an abused dog that Martin rescued that I got stuck with. He is a beautiful black lab. His name used to be Dr destructo but now he's starting to finally be a good dog except for when left outside alone he gets in the neighbors trash and drags it all over his yard...BAD BAD BAD DOG!!!
     
    That about wraps it up as to the important people in my life.
     
    Totally exciting huh????

  25. One week today

    · bashful1269 · 07/29/2009 13:15

    One week ago today... at this time 8 am I was sitting in the surgery holding area waiting. It's hard to believe that I actually now have this amazing tool inside of me.
     
    This morning I got up and decided it was time to go for a walk, not like yesterday where I walked just a little ways, today was for exercise not just to see if I could do it. I turned on the music and headed down the road. I live in the country so walking on the road is pretty safe. I saw one car the whole 40 minute walk.
     
    It felt so good to walk and sweat and really know that I'm doing this. One thought kept running through my head and that was "How can I make this work for the rest of my life?"
     
    I have to figure out the answer to that question. I really like working out first thing in the morning but hate having to get up early. I used to be at work by 3 am every morning for twelve years. I've come to enjoy sleeping until 7. I could go to the gym after work or I could simply get my lazy butt out of bed and go at 5:30am....hmmm decisions decisions.
     
    I think for next week I will go as soon as I get off of work. I know I'm going to be exhausted going back to work. Should I get up and go in the morning? It's a tough choice. Maybe, I'll try both ways and see which one works out the best.
     
    All I know for sure is I'm not going to give up and let this weight beat me again. I am committed to doing this for me by me! I'm going to be proud of every mile stone, and every stumbling stone, it's not going to be easy but I am capable I have the tool to help me! I AM GOING TO LOSE 100 POUNDS!!!
     
    Only 78 pounds to go!
     
    Well that's it for the moment. I'm tired and need a nap. HEY I'm recovering from surgery here...napping is important!

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