Leila

Oh honey, I am so sorry you are struggling with this! My heart goes out to you. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to write this in a public forum. It shows you do have strength. You've said yourself that you have nothing stopping you or helping you with your willpower. Some times you just can't conquer these problems all by yourself. Get help, get strong professional help. Do it for yourself, because you deserve it, and do it for the people you love in your family. Don't try to do it alone. There are support organizations. Since you are religious 12 step programs may be effective for you, but don't suffer with this by yourself! Reach out in person to someone, or to an organization or group of people who can help you. Don't wait, pick up the phone, search the phonebook, make an appt. with your family Dr., google resources close to you, something, anything to get yourself help. Don't punish yourself for what you already have done, you can't undo it, just look ahead, and do the best you can. Please let me know what you do and how this going for you, here or private message me if you like. I want to hear back from you that you've taken some step to get someone to help you with this in person. XO Leila

Check these mouse over images out - http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/bikini/bikini2.html And see the before and afters of manipulated photos of celebs on this site - http://www.fluideffect.com/

Yup! West coast of Canada! - Though the real witch of the west melts in water, and I'd be in trouble since it's Pacific Rainforest country! The weather in Vancouver is mostly wet, and more wet. Though we like to think of it as liquid sunshine... it comforts us on the many gray days!

Poodles - I hear you on the fill, I think I might be loosening up, I don't seem to have much in the way of restriction, particularly in the evenings. A lot of people seem to be tighter in the morning and looser in the evenings. I think I'm too loose all day now that I'm a few days post fill. Last night I over ate, and on high cal/fat foods. One of the things I ate was a cup of mixed nuts, nuts are so dense in fat and calories wise, 800 calories and 80 grams of fat - wham. Just like that in one over sized bad snacking choice. Randi - sorry to hear about your bad egg experience! PBing is painful and scary. I was miserable when my mackerel came up the other day! Eggs for me go down super easy. I agree with Barb, I think it's partly how they're prepared and what with, partly about doing the tiny bites, chew everything super well, and eating slowly, and I also think it's partly individual, it seems from my reading that some foods that are the worst for some people are just fine for others. I guess there's a learning curve we'll all have to work out. I buy the fat free liquid eggs in a carton - chive and cheese flavour, and I microwave them in a microwave egg poacher, let them cool, and add some low fat mayo, they go down very easy for me. Cindy - I can really see a difference! your face and your tummy look SO much smaller! Congratulations!!! Keep up the great work everyone! One day at a time, one bite at a time, one sip at a time! XO Leila

Thank you 3loves... at least someone can tell where I'm coming from! LOL. I was starting to feel like the wicked witch of the west! Woody's - good added info, and nice and short and succint! I need to learn how to say it in a lot less volume than I do. I like words, I like to read, and I like to type, and I know I can go on and on and on... drives some people batty. I have to remember not everyone likes to slog through reading tonnes of info and articles just because I do! I hope the thread doesn't get locked, I think there is lots of good information here, and lots of varied opinions, if you look past the tension. I'm personally not going to respond to anything else of a personal nature or that comments on my personality issues, and keep on topic. XO Leila

I definitely didn't mean to be 'preachy' and I definitely don't think I know it all. I'm sorry if it came across that way, and I apologize to anyone who may have felt that way. It definitely wasn't my intent. I was honestly concerned about PNut, and affected by the fact that my sister in law had just died two months earlier from alcoholism and binge drinking. I didn't realize I was coming across as stand-offish. I really do think PNut is a sweet and vivacious person, and I was scared for her. I hope I haven't hurt anyones feelings, and I do know my own feelings got very hurt from Telly's comment to me about my meds. I'm human, I lost a sister in law, I have a brother struggling for his own life with addiction, I'm dealing with being on disability with severe depression and I care deeply about people - it's what drew me to being a therapist. I'm sensitive, and when I read about PNuts drinking, I was worried. As far as being attacked and misinterperted... I don't know if there's anything you can do to avoid it, people can attack you for asking questions, or even for reporting on what you know from personal experience, as easily as for reporting what you saw on a television program, or what you've learned in university, or from reading medical studies. You were not the only one feeling attacked, I know both NancyRN and myself felt very attacked. I even feel attacked right now by you for feeling I came across as preachy and "know-it-all-ish". It can be very hard to express ideas and thoughts writing in forums, people assume you are coming from a place, or meaning things you don't. When you try to tell them what you really do think and feel, they still can see it negatively. I think it can also be human nature for people to read negative intent to things people say, or to feel attacked. I think we all just want to be supported and accepted, and when people challenge us, or our ideas, it can shift us off balance. I never meant to attack you, I just wanted to voice my own understanding and information about colon cleansing, not to argue, not to attack anyone, I was motivated to post my information for two main reasons - One, NancyRN seemed to be getting slammed and attacked for having a different opinion than everyone else on cleansing, and two, I agreed with her information and it supported all the medical information I myself had gotten on cleansing being a scam and potentially harmful. I wanted to add my voice to hers to caution people on the possible risks. I tried to do it as respectfully as possible, and from as clinical a perspective rather than a personal perspective as possible, and to try to just give 'facts' so people could make up their own minds. If it came across as anything else, I sincerely apologize.

Even though I have Telly on ignore, a third party actually private messaged me with this post link. So it got read by me anyways. That being the case, I'm going to respond, keep Telly on ignore, and make this my very last post to you Telly and on this subject. I'm saying my bit, and leaving it at this. I don't buy that it was an honest question. I don't think anything I've written or my behavior has indicated me being 'off my meds'. I think you were being deliberately cruel. You start your post to me with 'what I've noticed about you...' So I'll respond with what I've noticed about you. I've noticed you have a tendency to be deliberately cruel to people when you disagree with them. I'm not the only person that has noticed. I had a stack of private messages this morning, of people with similar experiences to mine, with you. I didn't realize, using your words, 'showing soooo much compassion' was a sign of instability. As for taking a keyword such as drinking and then pracitcally 'accusing' someone of being an alcoholic, I don't think I did that, here's the thread - http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?p=254351#post254351 and in my one post of concern I did not accuse her of alcholism, I clearly state "I don't know whether you have a problem with alcohol or not". As for the ice cream addiction, you remember wrong, here's the thread - http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?p=248176#post248176 - The person themselves mentioned multiple times that they had food addiction issues, particularly ice cream addiction before I even responded. From their posts: "...I am only as sick as my secrets!!!!!I bought two pints of ice cream yesterday. Ate one before DH came home from work and ate the other when he left..." "...Thanks for all the words of wisdom! I feel like an addict! It is crazy this food addiction!..." "Thank you all for the support. I actually went the whole day today without ice cream! I had to break the cycle of eating it everyday again...I am addicted to food. I know in my head I can't have it... I know it in my heart I can't have it! One taste and I'm off and running..." "I told DH last night and he said he was disapointed in me, but understands that this is a food addiction. I feel so much better getting one day under my belt and sharing with you guys and DH my secrets!!!!" "Donna... I also had that discussion with Dr. Rodriquez! I knew going in that my addiction to ice cream would be an issue! The result is I can't have it! If I start I can't stop! Bean: I want to thank you for being a constant support for me! I am unfortunately well aware of the downfalls of addiction. I can become addicted to anything and everything that alters the way I feel about myself... alcohol, relationships, drugs, cigaretts, ice cream and potato chips! I work on this addiction on a daily basis through diffent avenues, but sharing where I am at helps to get it out in the open so I can move one. Makes me accountable! Thanks so much for the love and support! It means the world to me" There are actually more posts of hers still before I respond about food addiction. Many other people were writing her with support before I did, and I didn't label her an addict, she knew it was her own issue. If you are so motivated about concern for people, like me, why not chime in and have supported her? Or did you only read the thread recently? Maybe searching through my posts looking for questionable posts I've made so that you could find an excuse for having said something cruel to me? You're right, I do have a background in psychology, and when I wasn't on disability and was practicing I made a good therapist because I tend to have good insight into people, and I care about people, and I'm pretty sure I have your number. I don't think you're worried about me at all, I think you're scrabbling to cover up your impulsive nasty behavior. You can think what you like about me. I figure you're hurting yourself with your nastiness to others as much if not more than you are hurting me. I know I'm not the first person on the forums you've had conflict with, or the second, or the third, or the fourth. Maybe you should stop examining other peoples behaviors and attend to your own.

Thanks, I wrote you back in regards to the Effexor. I did switch Telly to ignore, and I'm just going to move on. I feel much better. I had many private messages this morning that helped give me a more positive perspective on things. I totally second what Bettina says about contraindications between herbal supplements and prescription medications. Just like prescription medications can interact and effect one another, herbals can effect them also. And different supplements can also effect one anothers. Even something as simple as Calcium can impact absorption of medications. There are great resources out there available now to let you know of the contraindications between pharmaceutical medications and supplements/herbs/vitamins. I always research carefully before I add anything into my routine. Sometimes you can still take a remedy/supplement you just have to take it at a different time of day from your other medications or supplements. It pays to be thorough, and that way you don't have any unexpected complications. Health is something I'm passionate about too. XO Leila

It's my own damn fault, I don't know why I can't just stay out of it. I honestly just wanted to let people know of some possible risks... I should know from being in online communities for years that whenever you disagree with people, someone is going to take it personally, and then make it personal. Problem is, I'm not a toughie, and I get very reactive, partly because of my depression. I should protect myself better, and just resist the impulse to type things that might be controversial. I've just put Telly on ignore, and I'll just try to keep a lower profile here, I just wish I had thicker skin, so I could participate in discussion like this, voice my opinion, and -not- go to pieces if someone gets nasty. It just gets tiring living life trying to avoid 'stress', but you don't get to pick and choose your weaknesses. I might take a short break from the forums, not sure, I get such good support and info here sometimes, it's a tough call to make. Don't feel responsible or bad, really. Laying blame anywhere doesn't help anyone.

You know Telly, you win, that was hurtful, and cruel, score for you. You win because I was never in 'fight' for winning or losing, I'm sorry that having an opinion different than the popular one on this topic, and for trying to post information to be helpful for people has led to this kind of personal attack. I have to take meds every day, twice a day, I suffer from severe depression, and you know what, I don't cope well with people attacking me, particularly on such a personal level. When something brings me to tears, I'm out. I'm out of this thread. I'm off to see if there is a block option for users - If I'm going to stick around and get positive support and info from people on here, I have to protect myself from this stuff. Sorry, it's me thats weak, and I fully admit it, I -can't- take what you dish out, so in case I can't block you, I wave the white flag of surrender, just do me a favor, and never write to me again. Your stronger, tougher, smarter, and you've proven it, leave me alone.

I know we're going to disagree on it, and as I've said, I feel you're entitled to your opinion and I respect it, I just disagree with it, and want to put the other side of the story out there for people so that they can make a decision based on multiple perspectives. Here's a warning label on a supplement bottle of pure psyllium http://www.warrennutrition.com/NNFPsylliumHuskWhole.htm - it's not something I would personally want to risk as a bandster, If it swells in the pouch or the stoma, it could cause a major problem. The psyllium itself won't turn your movement black, unless of course it's black psyllium and not blond psyllium - but I'm assuming that since you know it wasn't the psyllium that was responsible for your stools being black that the source listed the psyllium in your cleanse product as the blond variety. But often there are other ingredients in colon cleansers to affect the color of the movement. So blackness, if it wasn't caused by black psyllium, could also be caused by another additive. The psyllium itself will bulk to over 100 times it's dry density, causing massive amounts of bulk. Most of the time people pass it without any problems. When they don't, they can obstruct anywhere from within the throat - causing choking, to down into the bowel, causing bowel obstruction. Here is a really good article that talks about both the benefits and the risks of psyllium - http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/PrintablePages/herbMonograph/0,11475,4040,00.html I know you've said you have read a lot on it, so all the detailed information in the above link is stuff you are very familiar with, but other people may not know, and may want to know, before going ahead with a cleanse. XO Leila

Psyllium is the primary product in the vast majority of colon cleansers, and yes, it creates thick bulk, it's what is passed out in great amounts on cleanses. Psyllium can and has caused blockages in people, and it's generally -not- recommended for people with gastro-intestinal irregularies, so I would think it would be contraindicated for people with the band. I would definitely check in with your bariatric surgeon whether he feels that using a large dose of psyllium over a period of time would be safe for bandsters. As for the parasites... funny story! I've eaten raw fish (sushi!) approximately 2x a week for the last 25 years. I recently noticed little white specks in my bowel movements and got paranoid that I had a parasites. I went and got my stool checked in the lab, no no parasites. Still had white specks... insisted on a second check for parasites.. I'm 37 dammit, a massive sushi eater, exposure to lots of dogs, cats, and kids, some of whom have had worms.. I was so sure I was totally wormy... LOL, I insisted on a 3rd test, nope, no parasites... I chatted with my Dr. about my concerns over the little round white things in my movements that looked like worm eggs. He laughed, he reminded me that I was on effexor time release medication... he asked me if I had any on me, I did, I opened up my purse, he asked for a capsule... he opened the capsule.. he said "is this what they look like?" I felt so silly!!! I was passing part of my meds that hadn't broken down yet! Not worm eggs after all. So despite my fears, and three lab tests on stool samples later... mystery solved! XO Leila

Telly - Ummm... psyllium when mixed with Fluid produces massive bulk, like gel. Did you read the link to the article I posted? The article explains where all that bulk really comes from. The 'colon cleanse' products themselves bind to the fluids and that creates large, often unusual bowel movements. If you ever have to go in for a colonoscopy, all it takes is 1-2 days MAX on a laxative like sodium citrate to -completely- clean you out, to clean anyone out, and when they do the scope, everything inside is totally pink and clean and empty. You would find that even though you were totally clean and pink and empty inside - proven by the camera/scope. That on the one to two day cleanse they put you on to prepare you for the test, that you would pass not a lot more in terms of solid waste than your body normally does, just more Water content added, since the laxative effect uses the water to cleanse the bowel. Both my husband and I have had to have ir done at one time in our lives, my hubby brought home a few pictures they gave him of his insides, pink and shiny like the inside of your mouth! Dr.'s that do thousands upon thousands of these scopes will testify, as well as those that do autopsies on the bowels of the deceased, that this stuff -isn't- in our bowels. What is causing all that weird elimination, is the colon cleanse products themselves! What are the potential dangers and harm... well I would recommend googling for information on the possible risks and side effects of psyllium, especially in larger doses. Many places recommend that anyone with gastrointestinal irregularities avoid psyllium because it can cause blockages, because it binds with water/liquids and if there is not enough water to keep the mass soft, you can end up with blockage. Now depending on where you got blocked, for someone with a lap-band, this could be a serious problem, what if the blockage occured in the stomach, and pressured the band into a slip? I'm not typing this to 'fight' or 'debate' with people, I don't care about being 'wrong or right' - I just would like people to be carefull and really investigate alternative health regimes carefully, I use a lot of supplements and alternative medicine and therapies, and believe some are great. Though I do believe some, like colon cleansing, aren't beneficial and can even be harmful. Like NancyRN, I really do believe that this is quackery, and is a healthcare fraud perpetuated by modern day snake oil salespeople... that's simply my opinion. You are definitely entitled to your own. I just do hope that people look at all the information they can, take in as much information from as many sources, hopefully some scientific medical studies included in that, and then make the decision they feel is best for them. I think if you feel that colon cleansing is positive for you, and works for you, and makes you feel better, and that you don't feel there is a health risk to you, or a risk to your band - that you should go ahead and indulge. If your bariatric surgeon/Dr. and you, or even you on your own, feel it's something you benefit from, I think that's great. Doesn't change my own beliefs on it, from my own research though, and like you, I'll still want to voice my cautions to others. People can never have too much info, from all sides of an issue, when making decisions. XO Leila

Here's a link to an article I liked... http://www.rawveg.info/coloncleanse.html

NancyRN, I never had the impression from any of your posts that you were attacking anyone on the forums at all. To me you came across as a person passionate about health and health care, and concerned about people being taken in by what you believe to be an unhealthy and sometimes expensive form of alternative therapy. To me it seemed you were debating and speaking out against what you feel to be health care fraud for profit, and trying to protect people from being taken in by it. My personal feelings are in alignment with yours, I think the body self-cleans itself just fine. I also know that the proper functioning of the bowels in part depends on our internal flora/friendly bacteria, and some of these programs must be hard on that part of the system as well. I think the best way to have a healthy body, and healthy digestive and elimination systems is through eating well. Using anything with a laxative effect can also throw your bodies electrolites out of balance, and that can be an issue with calorie restricted diets as well, I avoid laxatives and supplements with a laxative property like the plague, unless your talking adding a small amount of a natural Fiber like psyillium to the diet to increase your fiber intake if you're not getting enough from foods. On the other hand, I believe that people are completely entitled to their own beliefs around diet and nutrition, supplements, and their own health care. I think that we are all entitled to hold our own beliefs, and to be skeptical of claims that challenge those beliefs. Just because I don't agree with someone, doesn't mean I don't respect their right as a thinking feeling adult to make what they feel are the best choices for them. I'm all about respecting where people are coming from and everything that entails. I enjoy hearing different sides and opinions on health care issues, especially ones that challenge my own beliefs. The more information I have, the more I'm encouraged to do my own research and challenge my own ideas and beliefs and find out whether I still want to hold on to them, or whether there is information I've been missing on making the best decision for me. Even with believing that colon cleanses aren't healthy, there's that part of me that's curious to wonder whether if I tried it if I would feel some benefit or not. So far, I'm still sitting over in the 'I think it does more harm than good camp', but I'm open to researching and exploring more, as well as hearing about peoples personal experiences. I don't think anyone here has been deliberately attacking anyone else. It seems to me that people are just trying to share their personal knowledge and personal experiences in order to help others, whether they've been pro-cleanse, or anti-cleanse. I think if you look closely at what people are saying, the intentions are good ones, and really, isn't that what counts? XO Leila

Wow Melissa Lea! congrats on the size 18's!

So no PB problems since my issue with the mackerel, I'm pretty sure I was eating it too quickly and not chewing well enough, even though mackerel is soft and a high oil fish. Yesterday I ate some low fat refried black beans with fat free sour cream, salsa and some grated low fat swiss cheese for breakfast. Snack midmorning of fresh raspberries and some protien powder in water. Lunch I had some maple smoked salmon and some corn. Dinner I had out at a restaurant, I had one piece of bruschetta - which consisted of a small piece of toasted baguette with goat cheese and fresh tomato salsa on top, about 2 ounces of steamed salmon off of hubbies plate, and a couple of tablespoons of baked potato with a little sour cream, and a couple of slices of grilled zucchini. Then we went to a movie, I brought in two small sticks of turkey pepperoni and a couple of small cans of V8 juice for movie snacks. Then before bed I had a sillhouette yogurt drink with my meds. I had great restriction, was full on my meals, no discomfort, no hunger. Today so far I had couscous salad with tomatoes, onions, lemon, garlic, garbanzo beans and mung beans about half a cup and half a cup of cottage cheese for breakfast. then for snack had about a 1/4 cup of mixed nuts - cashews, almonds, pecans. The key for me seems to be that I can handle even toasted bread when I have restriction, or corn, or...? the key is little bitty bites, chew very well, and take my time. I do try to eat my food moist though most of the time, I have fat free sour cream, fresh salsa, lemon juice, low fat hummus, low fat mayo, even some guacamole, in the fridge, and I use them as condiments on food to help break it down smoother when I chew. Made water goal again yesterday, and today is off to a good start as well. I'm super happy to be having restriction!!!!!!!! It was amazing to have such a small meal in the restaurant last night, a little taste of everything hubby's entre had, and splitting the bruschetta appetizer with him, and feeling totally satisfied! Hoping my restriction stays where it's at over the next week, as I know it can shift tighter or looser in the first week, sometimes even two weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed! Keep up the great work everyone with working on the water. I'm tracking mine on fitday (I have the home PC version) and I really love the program, I've entered in my multivitamin and my other supplements, and I was amazed to find even with the careful focus I have on healthy eating, and taking a multivitamin, taking calcium, taking b vitamins, and some other supplements, that I've still been low in vitamin E and in zinc many days, so I have to pick up a some of those. I love that it calculates your levels of everything and so I can take a supplement, or not, as I need it, or I can search for a food high in that nutrient and have it as a snack. Okay, enough out of me! XO Leila

barb, the corn never came up, it stayed down. just the fish! eggs this morning and no problems!

The good news: I made the water goal and get a blue smiley for today! The bad news: the fill that seemed to be perfect restriction and let me feel full but comfortable after a breakfast of artificial crab and raspberries, a snack of mixed nuts, a lunch of tuna salad and strawberries, for some reason decided to totally reject my lovely soft moist steamed mackerel. I ate some corn first with no problem, about 2 spoonfools, and then wham, after the mackerel, about 2.5 ounces - golfball, then my first PB, then my second PB, then my third PB, then my fourth PB! Only the mackerel, my corn had stayed down, so weird. And why couldn't it have come up all in one PB! grrrr... I didn't feel like I was sliming, but my PB's were about 1/4 mackerel 3/4 slime! Sorry if it's too much information... LOL, I had to share with people who could relate... Anyways, I'm adding my blue smiley... and well, I'm adding another smiley for my PB virginity lost... XO Leila

I count calories, as part of counting all food info, I use fitday too, and love it. I add everything in, my water, my vitamin supplements, every bite. That way I can meet all my nutrition goals, not just my calorie range goals, but my goals for fat, carb and protien intake, fiber and water intake, and all the micronutrients too. If I'm low in something midway through the day it helps me plan my dinner and last snack to make sure I get the best nutrition possible. Getting the lapband was a part of wanting to make a bigger change in my overall health, so tracking my nutrition and my fitness to meet my goals is all a part of the big picture for me.

please add me into the water challenge! So far the fill is working just right for me, hoping it doesn't get tighter or looser as the week progresses!

Had my first fill today. For those of you still waiting on a fill, it doesn't hurt at all! A tiny little sting going in, but so much less painful than a shot, or an IV or having blood drawn. Though the needle is sure spooky looking! My Dr. has placed the port very deep so he couldn't find it by feeling it, even after he put a pillow under my waist to arch my back. However, he says when he went in with the needle it was exactly where it should be, where it was placed, it's dead center under a little round scar I have next to my largest incision, the little round scar is from where a stitch was anchored through from the port placement. I have the largest band size, the VG, and so the first fill he usually does is 4cc's, because I've felt so totally wide open, he tried 4.5cc's first, then gave me some water to drink, I was burping a lot and it felt a tiny bit sore, so he went back in and took that extra .5 out, and left the 4cc's in that he usually places for a 1st fill. I drank more water, this time with no problem at all. I'm on soft foods today, and regular food tommorow. I had some very soft refried low fat black beans with low fat sour cream and a little grated cheddar on it for dinner, about 1/2 cups worth in total, and it went down fine. I'm about to eat a snack of about a cup of scrambled eggs, I'm going to eat it very slow, and stop if I start to feel full. So that's it for me, hoping I have restriction and that it sticks! So far so good... XO Leila

Very interesting counter information, thank you. I definitely feel people have to make the right choice for themselves and their bodies. I completely agree with cutting out processed carbs, white flour, sugars, white rice, potatoes, I do it myself. My concern is when I read about people eating 600 calories a day in liquid protien, overfilled, underfed, and feeling ill. XO Leila

way to go!!!!

C = 266 Down -2.5 this week, Down -29 total!