Zannie

It's been so long since I posted here, but I really wanted to share... I've lost 100 POUNDS!!! Next stop: ONEderland!

Okay, y'all... It's anniversary time again -- lets get an update! I'm 9-months out today...how can that be possible? Am I really doing my math right? I had a check-up at my surgery center Wednesday and am down from my high of 320 on my surgery date to 226 pounds! :cheer2: 94 POUNDS LOST! :cheer2: I'm doing really well at embracing the changes in lifestyle that this tool requires and couldn't be happier with my weight loss. I've far exceeded my own expectations, and apparently my surgeon's, too -- he said I was a star patient! I no longer have any co-morbidities, am 1/2 way to goal & no longer would qualify for this surgery! Let's hope the upcoming holiday season doesn't derail me in the progress I've made. :cool: Personally, my life is in utter turmoil, and I've totally dropped out of my LapBandTalk circles to focus on home... In fact, this is the 1st time I've logged on here in months. I'm still not ready to jump back in, but I really wanted to check in with everyone for our 3/4-year anniversaries. How is everybody else doing?

Argh! We're supposed to be leaving in a 1/2 hour for a beach vacation with my parents & brother -- my 1st real vacation since 2001 (well, there was that weekend trip to see Thomas the Tank Engine last fall). But we're nowhere close to ready, and I've been totally distracted (wonder why?) & really let the preparations fall to the wayside... And I think I broke my pointer finger last night while doing last-minute laundry!! Plus, I just got disturbing news... This was supposed to be a week without electronic communication capabilities -- leaving the cell phones & laptop at home, that sort of thing. But the brand new laptop that my dad ordered earlier this week arrived yesterday (damn the efficiency of Dell, wasn't supposed to arrive until next week!) & he's bringing it with him to play with setting it up!!!!! If I have yet to say so, my philandering husband is a computer tech. So not only is the "well, just set a password" thing a complete farce as far as security goes, but e-mail was "their" primary mode of communication! I was supposed to have a week "off" from my vigilance & worry -- taking time for myself, for us, for our family & just relaxing... But now I'm just taking my vigilance & worry & my 2 young kids & my adulterous spouse & my harboring-hostile-feelings-toward-HIM parents & brother to a new house and letting everything stew for a week! I am suddenly dreading what, in its May conception, was supposed to be the long overdue vacation during which I reignited the passion in my marriage, re-proposed to my husband that we renew our vows on our 10th anniversary this x-mas in my made-smaller wedding dress, and was physically able (thanks to the Band) to enjoy rough-housing with my kiddies on the beach (even if that meant my saggy baggy elephant body being seen publicly in a swimsuit)!!! :hurt I know I'm whining to all of you. :phanvan Thanks for listening... I've got to get this all out now because I know my anxiety & preoccupation with his adultery & very recent declaration of commitment to have no contact with the home-wrecking whore is enough to ruin this trip on its own -- without his doing a single additional thing wrong!!! It's not right nor fair to ask my parents to leave their much anticipated brand new toy at home so that my husband isn't tempted to start cheating again on our family vacation... But WHYYYYY did that damn computer have to arrive early?!?!?!? ARGH!!!!! Okay, this will be my last post for a while. Can't wait to read all your back-n-forth upon my return! I don't reply nearly as often as I check in -- but I appreciate your support & constrictive advice/feedback very much. Y'all have really helped me keep MY sanity over the last moth... Until my return... Zannie

Okay -- every one of us has made it to 6-months post-op! That's a pretty big milestone, in my book! Time for an update! I was banded on Feb 15th, and at 6-months even was down by 72 lbs... As of yesterday, I'm down 81 POUNDS!!!!! From 320 to 239 -- WAHOOOO! How about y'all?!?

NOTE: I began exploring LapBand about 6 years ago now. The doctor at the 1st seminar (of 6!!) that my husband & I attended (for bypass & LapBand) brought up the staggering statistic of divorce among WLS patients. His theory was that "we" realize we married our partners for reasons that the "new ME" people we become no longer find to be valid/enough/necessary. That, by in large, WE leave our partners. He also said that partners who've never really "had to be" jealous over their WLS spouse, are suddenly faced with other people finding that spouse attractive -- which raises insecurity & jealousy issues within the partners themselves. I remember hearing that, looking over at the love of my life, making eye contact, & patting his thigh where my hand was resting while he squeezed me on shoulder his arm was slung over. The doctor even commented on our reaction, saying that we didn't look like a statistic. Again, the info is about 5 or 6 years old now. The source of the statistic is not listed in the materials I have from that presentation. I have come across it elsewhere over the years, but never really thought enough about it to look into the source. I was positive that divorce was not in :love:MY:love: future. I still hope it isn't...:think

Not to worry -- I have hard copy put away. Not of all their e-mails (about 1000 over what is now almost a 3 month time period), but of the ones directly related to having sex with each other & the ones in the beginning as they were establishing their "relationship" beyond that of co-workers. And, of course the one threatening to kick my brother's ass. (Laughable since she's 5'7" & only 117, but her hubby-dear came with her to "handle it" which my DH presumed meant defuse her or that he's be the physical one. Wish I really knew which.....ya know? The whore & her estranged-DH have a 2-1/2 year old son, BTW.) She really was institutionalized for about a week, one week after the SEX began/2 weeks after the flirting started -- I'm not just making that up. So I hope that will help me if it comes to that. Threats against members of my family ought to come in handy, too. Wouldn't you think? Back to the e-mails..... my husband GAVE to me a great many e-mails, printed them out himself in an "effort" to prove full-disclosure as I have repeatedly requested. No, he did not immediately give me everything,...not the secret e-mails from the 3 "adultery" accounts (that I know of to date), but plenty of "juicy" stuff from his work account (they were co-workers until she was fired for unrelated reasons & immediately sent to the loony bin) & from his regular "personal" account. At some point he got freaked that their identities were determinable in the e-addresses of those long-standing "regular" accounts, so they made "matching" yahoo accounts for the adultery. Only after I spotted that one of the messages had been FWD out of the regular account did I realize there was more he had still not disclosed, such as her psychiatric institutionalization. He created another "cheating" account a few days after my initial discovery of the adultery. They have been in constant contact (apx. 200 e-mails since Aug 6th) at that new account. He confessed that account to me last week because A) I'd already overheard the 2nd "discovery" that he was still in contact with her, and because his shrink said to give me access to all his e-mail accounts & voice-mail if he wanted to really put effort into saving our marriage. Granted, he could have easily created another adultery account that I'm not aware of at this moment. But I've also been told by the marriage counselors that if I am really "100% committed to saving our marriage" then I need to extend trust so long as he "continues to have no contact with the other woman"... She e-mailed him Tuesday morning (which I was sure he replied to under a new screen name), Wednesday afternoon (saying why didn't you reply - why aren't you at work--yes, she called a co-worker to find out why he wasn't answering his phone, pretty much "proving" he hadn't replied), called his cell at 12:45am (cell in my purse, didn't hear it) & our home at 1AM last night when we were expecting a buzz from his parents (where he used "can't" several times & "I'm sorry" in telling her he couldn't talk to her -- not WON'T statements like the counselor advised), but he did hang up on her very quickly. Does that mean he's really, finally going to TRY for our marriage? I don't know, but I'm being asked to trust that it does. And for some reason I still want to save my marriage... So, there you have it. Zannie

So, are we doing a SEPTEMBER thread? I know I've been totally out of it this month, but I hope everyone else is still trucking along! And how am I going to get back on the playing field...? Well, I'm planning to take a long walk around our neighborhood with my kids twice a week, during "preschool hours" -- which my son will begin 3 days a week after we return from a family vacation to the beach. I figure that keeping him on a consistent "ready to leave at 8:30am" schedule even on non-school days is smart. And the exercise will be good for me physically, and them mentally, too. So that's the plan here. It's not the treadmilling I WAS doing, but it's better than only having pacing to tally up for my exercise!

Yeah -- I just took my car in for the 60K work up & to fix most everything that had been wrong with it ...... to the tune of $2000. I've been suffering with all those problems for over a year now, just not having the actual cash to fix them. His charge card (on which I am still an authorized user) took care of that. I am well over due for new glasses & have some dental work needed, too... What I'm worried most about in terms of "papers" is custody of our children -- specifically keeping the wacko whore away from my kids! He's far too wrapped up in her to see this psyco-bitch as anything but a saint, and that means the well-being of my kids is in jeopardy should he choose to leave. (Again, I think he's waiting for me to hand his walking papers so he won;t have to actually make the choice. I am safe in our home, as are our kids. Well, unless SHE comes crawling around -- she made a threat to "kick" my baby brother's (29 :biggrin1:) "ass" because he hung up on her when she called to DH's 2nd job (where she knows my bro is manager), introducing herself as his girlfriend & wanting to speak with my husband. He told her politely that "DH was unable to accept calls from her at this number" & when she kept talking at him, he hung up. Her next e-mail is all about how she & her estranged husband drove from her town to where they work to "handle it", but that the place was already closed for the night by the time they got there. Um, uh.... WHAT THE F*CK?!?!? DH says he didn't believe she'd really harm anyone, and didn't tell anybody about this threat. (I did FWD it to my folks, brother & his folks when I found THAT e-mail!) But back to the bigger point: I don't want her anywhere near my babies! And I'm trying to keep that focus at the forefront of my actions... Oh, I don't know WHAT I'm doing........... Zannie

Green -- you ought to read the e-mails -- she's a manipulative bitch. And That's not just the scorned wife saying it -- these e-mails are huge pitches - "fight for ME instead" - she's even asked him to marry her in one of them ====== she's still married (though supposedly separated from her husband)!!!!!! It's just the opposite of what you said about being the perfect lover because you didn't WANT attachment... She set out from the beginning to steal my husband for herself & despite his initial NOs, she kept coming on strong (using a different tactic)... And now that their lies & his betrayals are exposed, she's trying every trick in the book to keep him. His e-mails to her have said "I don't know you like this" and "I've never seen this side of you before" and "it scares me to hear you talk like that"..... She's pulling out all the stops & while he hasn't left home, and continues to tell her he doesn't intend to leave ME, he still hasn't cut it off with her... Until she's out of the picture, what chance do I have? I don't know why, but I feel like if he could just shake her off & refocus HOME, then the choices we make would be OURS together to stay & fight or to let it go -- but right now the choices are a tug of war between the greener side where somebody else is mowing the grass & home where he's expected to do the yard work! Years & years of yard work are what he faces before home has a flowering garden again... And I can't help but feel like owe it to everything I value in this world to fight... I'm just delusional, I guess...because I know this isn't a fight I can fight (let alone WIN) alone.

BabyGirl, I know that.....I know I'm the only one fighting to save us -- 16 years of loving and friendship and family. I know that. But those thing still remain of value to me for whatever reason... I keep thinking about them. And my husband is the most indecisive person I've eve met -- he's waiting for me to make this decision for him too, hand him an ultimatum & follow through when he still doesn't choose. Then he can blame me for the split because A) I gave him an ultimatum, and because I said GET OUT in the end -- all rather than him saying he's leaving. I'm don't doing any thinking without my shrink -- and here I thought THEY were the crazy people!

Thanks, y'all, really..... I can't imagine ever not feeling this betrayed... I'm hanging in there for my kids, but it would be so much easier to just crawl under the covers & sleep until the pain was gone. (Well, except for the whole not being able to sleep aspect...) Why does he not love me any more? That's what I keep asking myself... How fucked up it that? I rationally know it's about him & not about me...we've had our problems like any marriage, but I've always been open to working them out. But I just keep feeling that I somehow let him down -- let us all down. I swing from extreme anger, to extreme despair. Right now is a "despair" moment, so just ignore me! I've got an appt. with my individual therapist tomorrow(Tue) afternoon, and I really liked her the one other time we've met (last Monday). But things have drastically changed since then!!!!!! And she has no clue. So it'll be interesting to see what she has to say about the latest developments that he's never stopped communication with the home-wrecking whore! He still wants to come on our family vacation this Saturday -- and I don't know how to explain his absence to the kids... There's an extra bedroom, so I'll probably "let" him come with us, but I would really prefer he just go someplace ELSE instead. Not with me & for Pete's sake NOT with HER!!!! Oh, I don't know what my brain is thinking.........but thanks for listening! Zannie

Ha! Maybe I should invest in a pedometer then! I hardly ever SIT anymore unless at the computer, or on the therapist's couch! Got another appointment tomorrow at 2...........

:welcome: A fellow 'Burger -- we're few & far between, or at least on LBT! I'd talk your ear off about my Band -- nothing is taboo, so ask away. And feel free to send me a PM (private message) if you'd like a local hand to hold! (Though I know some people prefer the anonymity of the Internet!) The exercise consult is just a tour of the gym at which WLSC has arranged for you to get a free personal trainer session post-op. You are not asked to establish your current fitness level or anything like that, which is what I presumed. Clear liquids are only until they check your innards post-op by x-ray with barium swallow, which if you stay over-night (as I did, by choice) is the next morning. You have to go back down for the x-ray if you don't stay over night. And frankly, I felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck the next morning so I'm glad I didn't have to face a car ride, too. (The day of my surgery I felt terrific, unless I laughed & when "potty time" arrived. The next 2 days I felt like shit, but then things got better pretty quickly up to a point. At 2-1/2 months post-op, I was still having "port pain" discomfort when I twisted or over extended myself.) Full liquids are for two weeks (the really hard part, IMO), followed by 2 weeks of mushie foods (oh how good that 1st egg salad tasted!)... It all seems like it happened a lifetime ago! And I've only been banded 6-1/2 months! According to my home scale, I'm down 80 pounds, but I only update my LBT ticker with weigh-ins at WLCS or Port Warwick (where you'll get your fills). Okay - I'm so excited to see another Williamsburg Bandster here, but I will refrain from babbling on any longer! Again, :welcomeB: to LBT!

Welcome, Tiff! Your plan sounds like the definition of "get that butt in gear" to me! I know you'll see major progress by December! Okay! So I've totally given up on the Challenge for August, unless I were to go buy a pedometer & count all this manic pacing I find myself doing lately! How's everybody else doing? Just ONE WEEK left of the month... Suzanne

Thanks y'all, for checking on me... I did start what grew to be a HUGE, detailed update on Thursday night before it got wiped out thanks to Internet Explorer. (Argh! Don't you hate that?) But things further deteriorated on Friday morning, so oh well... That's right -- things here are not going well in terms of reconciliation. While an abortion via RU486 supposedly happened on Saturday, Aug 18th (the truth of her pregnancy is very much in doubt however - her story is inconsistent & the facts, when she bothers to include any, don't match up), it turns out my adulterous husband is still in contact with via e-mail & phone/seeing his crazy (really -- she was institutionalized for a week at the beginning of July), home-wrecking whore. (Ouch - harsh these days, aren't I? Well, F*CK HIM, f*ck them both!) If that wasn't bad enough, his lies are now being told to "protect her" rather than "deflect his guilt"...in my interpretation of them. I'm fed up. And I have very little emotion left to expend on him... We'd been sharing our bed this whole time (though not having sex, despite my own wacko desire to do some major "hysterical bonding"), but I asked him to sleep elsewhere last night & don't foresee reversing my stand on that. I don't hold out much (any...?) hope that he'll make any real changes at all to save our marriage, even though he still says what he WANTS is to work it out, has begun taking anti-depressants, and is going to individual counseling. Keeping in mind that as well as being a betrayed wife, I'm also a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids ages 2 & 4-1/2, who is 2 classes shy of a college degree that should have been completed years ago, and has not worked outside the home in almost 6 years...I have sought some professional advice. The highlights of that advice so far are: 1) take control of the finances (his job thus far, but one he's neglecting now) 2) stop "doing for him" at all (i.e. laundry - "have cake & eat it too" theory) 3) don't have intercourse (condones & forgives his pasts acts of adultery) 4) take care of/protect myself & my kids (even nice guys can turn nasty) 5) get solid proof of the adultery (for alimony purposes in case of divorce) 6) do not kick HIM out of the house (makes it harder to get alimony) 7) do not move out of the house myself (makes it harder to KEEP the house) I have not seen a divorce lawyer as of yet, but I can't imagine (or perhaps "can no longer pretend") things are not heading in that direction... On a warped & twisted but related note...I again fit into my wedding dress -- without the cinching undergarments on! My home scale says I've lost EIGHTY POUNDS since my surgery in February at 320#! I'd had a long-standing fantasy of re-proposing to my husband on a beach vacation the whole family is supposed to take at the end of this summer. My fantasy had us renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary at Christmastime, with me in my "altered smaller" wedding dress... At this rate, as completely implausible as it seems to my HEAD, I think I'll probably be down over 100 pounds by December! My goal weight was a number with a Normal BMI, which for my height ranges between 101-136, so I started out with 184-219 pounds to loose. I am so grateful for my LapBand because I am a major stress eater & just know I'd be up 80# at the end of this, rather than down that much without our tool!! Zannie

Cheryl -- I agree with so much of what you said in your post! Since so many of y'all do to, I think I’ll try to reply directly to it! I hate to exercise -- always have. I was never "thin" -- we met in Jr. high (size 12), started dating when I was 16 (size 14), ended things tearfully to go to separate colleges (size 16), realized long distance was better than apart a couple of years later (size 18), married at 23 (size 22), had our 1st child after 2 years of infertility treatment at 28 (size 28) & our 2nd at 30 (size 30)... My point is that I gain about 10 lb. a year, and always have... That wasn't the fault of a bad marriage! Now, not that it problems in any area HELP -- I am an admitted stress-eater, but I don't now & never have blamed my weight on my marriage. Hmmmm...but maybe I should....something to think about! :biggrin1: I hear you, Sister! Frankly, I hadn't thought about having me tested again (routine during pregnancy, so had tests in '04) -- damn good idea. But I did insist he get tested right away, and will insist again in 6 months for a 2nd HIV, presuming we're still together then. We just went together to our family doctor on Friday & the results should be back mid-week. And while sex with HER might have been unprotected, it shall not be with me for quite a long while. I hear you there, too... I SO AGREE!!! Of course, I don't know her & just don't understand that she's not that kind of person... Yada, yada, yada.:rolleyes I insisted he call her to find out if she was pregnant. My MIL (his MOM) says that was a huge mistake on my part. Giving her ready access to the oldest trick in the book & all... I feel better with it out there than lurking for a few more weeks when abortion wouldn't be an option. Even if it isn't true...had she tried the lie when the choice wasn't there to terminate, what kind of guilt trip could she have pulled THEN!! Really...at least now he's saying to end it as they, in hypothetical, had agreed. (For the record, the "fact" that she's pregnant has him petrified & not looking to leave home, at least that's what he tells me.) He's not saying he's depressed -- I AM!!! Saying he's been depressed for a while, that is... Chronic depression for over 2 years, in my totally untrained opinion. He's not at all saying I'm so depressed therefore I had an affair. He's "just going along with" the medication because he's counselor suggested he be on something -- isn't even sure he believes that he is depressed, but is just trying to do the right thing! I have felt for quite a while an explosion coming, I just didn't know what would blow!!! I'm pretty much justifying (to myself ) that the "explosion" came in the form of sex, but that it could have been anything -- getting fired, loosing our house, a heart attack -- you name it. He's just given up caring about so many other things in his life that I guess I feel like I should have expected "our marriage" to be one of them, too! Yeah, well...see, I have TONS of unaddressed issues with the actual adultery part here that I really need to vent out if we're gonna make this work. I can't believe how hard it's been to actually START therapy. :mad:We had one "crisis management" session together at a place that didn't even take our insurance. He's had 3 "solo" sessions, but finding a doc for ME to see within our provider network has been insanely crazy! My 1st "solo" appointment is Monday. We still don't have a 2nd "joint" appointment on the books... I'm going nuts here!!!!!! And venting to all of you at LBT! You're right that he's acting like a victim -- saying "how could this have happened to me" rather than "how could I have done this" even now. I call him on it every single time. I also say to call it what it is: adultery, not "an affair" (which has all sorts of positive connotations, really...a grand affair for 500 guests, a small catered affair, a new love affair -- and nothing about THIS is POSITVE for me, thank you very much!) I am holding on to hope that with treatment for his depression, MY husband will begin to replace the pod person I've been living with for the last couple of years... HIM I love more than I can begin to say, and HE is worth fighting for. This guy, well...I could do without him, and I will (:think) if there aren't real changes made. I just don't know quite what to do with myself in the mean time...ya know? I do bring that on myself, I admit. I ASK!!!! I've ASKED for all the details that I do know...and he's told me what I've asked to know. I'd rather be socked in the nose than sucker punched from behind, or something like that. See it coming, know where I stand...one of those cliché. Otherwise I can totally see my thinking we're on the same page here; he's over it & her, and we're moving forward together -- which is what I want to be true, after all. And then he comes to the realization that he's never gonna get over her & our marriage just isn't worth the effort to save it. Or whatever. Again, full disclosure & total transparency so I can see the road ahead, as much as possible in this sort of situation!! My best friend says it's fodder for self-flagellation, but some how it's helping me -- keeping me grounded and not deluded. Perhaps the shrink will tell me differently on Monday, but for now I can't help but ASK!!!! I know I'm trying to keep our marriage together, and that in wanting that I'm drawing out the hurt... I get plenty angry but what do I do with that anger in the context of keeping my family whole? I really do appreciate all of you reading my shit! And that you give constructive, objective (or as much as can be without HIS side of the story) feedback is really helping me get through this day by day. I have a wonderful, close family & my best friend in the world who I know are here for me completely (love you!)... But how much TAKE, TAKE, TAKE can I ask of them?!? And there's a lot more of it still to come, I know!! Anyhow -- thanks for lending the ears & shoulders, virtual though they may be! Zannie

Just out of curiosity...why would you not try to concentrate on your sex life if your sex life is the element of your marriage that's always been bad? Okay - clearly I'm just focusing on the SEX part here -- we all know I'm skewed right now so what I say may not be worth all that much. But really...if she said that about loosing weight & then replacing her, I'm betting she WANTS to address your issues. (Not YOU your, but Y'ALL your.) I know part of the problem with MY sex life has to do with a not-meant-to-be hurtful comment before we were even married...and my knee-jerk reaction to it. This happened 4-months after our engagement when he found out his dad was cheating on his mom. At a time when he needed to know there was more to US than just sex & friendship before we got married, he said he thought we should stop having sex until our wedding night. I couldn't believe my ears & felt crushed as a woman, & changed the locks to my apartment. He didn't understand why I was so upset & I didn't understand how our not having sex was going to solve his issues with his dad's adultery!!! We "made up" but I didn't insist that we keep having sex! He took my silence as agreement & thought all was fine. Well, I still felt totally rejected sexually, and completely stopped "taking my turn" as the aggressor in our physical relationship even after we married a year later. If he wasn't wanting it, I wasn't gonna force it on him!! As a result, he felt I'd withdrawn from HIM sexually. But I thought he was withdrawing from me... It was one of those "what we have here is Failure To Communicate" moments & the impact of it has lasted all these years. Even after talking about it numerous times & with both of us fully understanding what the other was thinking at the time, it remains the underlying issue in our sex life. If you are content not to discuss your "bad" sex life with your wife, and knowing how emotional sex is for (most) women, I'd wager that she thinks you don't want her in all sorts of ways - not just sexually. It's hard to show support & love to someone whom you aren't sure is actually IN your relationship!!! And if she actually expressed worry (even if it was phrased as a joke) that you'd leave her after loosing your weight, I'm guessing she's scared stiff that you'll do exactly that!! Why would she want to encourage you to do the thing she fears will become the end of your marriage, even if not giving you support is subconscious for her?!? I don't know your wife, or the status of your marriage in other areas, but I do know I wanted to talk to someone professionally about our sex life years ago & could never bring myself to ask my husband if he was interested. (Fearing that he wouldn't be because he actually didn't want me!!) I should have done. Not that it would have stopped this infidelity (because it was a choice & I am NOT letting him off the hook for making it), but because I would know now that I'd done EVERYTHING I could have done to work on our marriage BEFORE this betrayal ever happened. Talk to your wife...just a thought! Zannie

Ya know...I knew I was not alone in having an unfaithful husband. But I really appreciate all of you sharing your stories with me because now I feel less alone, if that makes any sense. You've all been so wonderfully supportive...and I'm so lucky that there are people such as yourselves here on LBT! The counseling thing isn't going very well, but not for lack of trying. Apparent;y it's the end of summer & things are backed up everywhere as counselors try to cover for each other's vacations. We saw someone for an emergency session a few days after I got him to confess. That appointment left me feeling hopeful, if not optimistic. We have not been able to get in for another joint session yet -- no availability on the part of the counselors, not lack of cooperation from my husband. We do have appointments next week, however. So I'm hoping that some good will start to come of that. Right now we're wading through this shit on our own. But we're talking -- or at least i think we're talking! (Ha! :heh:) I'm not in as much shock as HE is to learn that the full story includes a pregnancy. I knew in my gut that she was pregnant from the moment I found out about the adultery. He believed she was not already knocked up, but knew that they'd had unprotected sex the week prior so it was too early to know for sure. He says that (as they were calling things off) after he asked her about the chances, she told him she was not pregnant. She now denies saying anything one way or the other because she already had a feeling she WAS. I heard the shouting on her end, and his part of the conversation -- I know he believes she told him she was not already pregnant at the very least; whether he just heard what he wanted to hear will never be known. It really doesn't matter now -- what's done is done. And she's not sure what she wants to do about the pregnancy... We've really been talking & he says that he wants to stay and work on us, regardless of her choice about the pregnancy. I know he's in complete shock -- his Fantasy-land life is crumbling down all around him, so I don't know how much stock I can put in anything he says while still reeling from the news of the baby. Right now the grass is not looking greener there & he wants a lawn service here at home -- I really liked that metaphor, Kat. Even though he's said over & over he wants to stay with me & work things out, I feared (and continue to fear) that once the pregnancy (that I knew was a reality) was confirmed he would choose her. I'm still waiting for that shoe to drop next, but that is borrowing trouble & we have enough of our own already! Speaking of borrowing trouble, there's an STD appointment set for tomorrow... I'm praying that there is not an additional layer of crap still to come with those results! I don't know a damn thing about STDs at all -- beyond "wear a condom, you idiots" that is!! I have all sorts of questions... How long do the non-HIV diseases have to be in your system before they show up on the test results? Is it like HIV where it takes 6-months?!? Is it really possible to pass STDs without sex, like via the toilet seat as one of you believed? :Banane20: (Our 2-year-old daughter is potty training...) Or is that an urban legend as I've always assumed it was? Are most STDs curable, or only treatable like the genital herpes commercials say?!? In any case, we have not had sex in the time that they've been together, so it's not my immediate health I'm worried about. It's the future of our sex life!! (I'm totally craving it, even while the thought makes my skin crawl -- which I have read is very common & called "hysterical bonding" after adultery.) Argh -- I hate how all-consumed I am with this! Thanks for listening... My 6-month Bandiversary was yesterday! :whoo:I have a dietician appointment & official weigh-in this afternoon!!!! Last week, I was down 71# since my high weight on the date of surgery! WAHOOOO!!! (Loving the infidelity diet - can't eat a thing. :heh: ) I'm trying to be excited about today's numbers, but am having trouble getting there... Off to the appointment now! Zannie

Yeah, um ................... she's pregnant. Numb, numb, numb...........

Yeah, our local LapBand group meets monthly, and I try not to miss it. But last month I did because we had family visiting. Then next one is this Thursday and I will for sure be there! I'm so relieved to hear they don't think the lump is malignant! How scary for you... I had a breast cancer scare last August that proved to be nothing in the end, but the wait for those results was excruciating. My DH is in our bed talking to his parents right now, so I guess I'm stuck up a bit longer tonight. :tired I think he might be moving out this weekend, into my brother's condo, for a bit of space...I don't know. And my therapy session was canceled by the counselor, so I feel completely adrift right now... I can't tell y'all how tired I am -- and I so need to just go to bed right now. Oh, bother...as Pooh Bear would say. Hope y'all have a wonderful Hump Day!!!

Way to kill a thread, Zan! Y'all are making me feel guilty for the silence here!!! Tell me it's not my fault everyone's gone silent. :heh: Really y'all have totally stopped exercising and have gone back to eating bags of Fritos corn chips (with HellofaGood Ranch dip) while sitting on the couch in front of old reruns, right? :biggrin1: Where is everyone?!?!?!?!?!?!? I haven't done any exercise since Sunday when I hit the pool... I plan to get in a short walk tonight though. I just have lost all motivation. Blaaaahhh! How's everybody else doing? The month is almost 1/2 over ladies! And my Band Anniversary is TOMORROW!!!!!! :girl_hug: Suzanne Feb'07 August Challenge: Level 2 ~ Moderate (down a step) 4 of 18 days (4 days a week) exercising for 30 min

Okay, my fall-backs for a plateau are: # 1) Start measuring everything. I serve up "perfect Bandster portions" & then wait 10 mins after eating it before deciding if I am still hungry. If I am, I measure a bit more at a time & wait before having even more -- never totaling more than 1/2 a cup of protein/starches (veggies I don't care about because they A) aren't as tasty so I'm not going to binge on them & grind right down to nearly nothing). I find that when I tune back in to what I'm eating at a plateau, it's always been time for a fill! And I've been a perfect restriction now for quite a bit of time after my 4th fill in a 10cc VG band. My doc wants me back to x-ray once more in mid Sept before moving all my check-ups to the office. # 2) One day of protein shakes to push past the hump. Not an extended liquid diet -- I avoid anything that isn't protein 1st and real food, soup included -- just a boost when it seems I can't climb the wall! You can do this!!! Good luck!

Thanks...y'all are great! I'm so lucky to have LBT, through this surgery, and now... My husband is living at home, but just last night (when I asked) said he still "misses" the other woman. We're seeing a therapist -- both of us individually and as a couple & he's started anti-depressants. I don't know what's going to happen, but I feel like I couldn't respect myself if I didn't do everything I can to save my marriage. And I don't know how my kids could respect me (in the future) or how I handled our lives if I just kicked their father out without trying. (Oh, and I would NEVER leave my house without a court order. No frickin' way!!! This is the house of our marriage; if he wants out of our marriage then he can leave the house. I will not have my children uprooted because their father can't keep it in his pants. Plus, he who leaves looses the house -- and I'm staying put. Um, but I don't have any strong opinions on that subject. :heh:) Remember, he is generally speaking one of the "good guys" with the exception of all this... I am not trapped in an abusive marriage where either myself or my kids are in physical danger. He doesn't drink or do drugs, and he's never hit me or them. We've been "best friends" starting in high school, and always had that friendship as the basis of our romantic relationship. It feels so very...unreal to have lost both my husband and my best friend in the same fell swoop! I feel a lot like I'm watching a movie...a bad movie. I'm numb so much of the time, and then oscillate from extreme anger (Gallagher-esque in need of a watermelon or something else to smash!) to extreme despair (never would have guessed I'd be a hyperventilater!). I settle at numb for most of the day, I know that is for the best with the kids around. But these other extremes need venting, too! And, even if it isn't my fault, I can't help but blame myself, too....like I've somehow driven him into her arms with the humdrum rhythm of life with 2 kids and a wife who's let herself become no one's definition of sexy, not even her own. Maybe it would be better if he moved out -- at least for the short term. Things are so much so "still the same" here at home. We've always gotten along just fine. We've always fought about the normal things, but full-blown battles are rare... The sex is kaput (but has been since I was banded anyhow, so even that isn't new new), but we're still sharing a bed. I almost feel like (protected) make-up sex would put us back on the right track!!! (But then, see, for some reason I just can't shake the whole "that penis in another vagina" bit...!!!! Damn it, we were virgins together & had never been with anyone else!!! How will I ever compare to her sexually?!? See? Yeah, um, I have all sorts of major issues with the whole sex with someone else thing. How do you get over that????? I'm hoping therapy will help with THAT on my end.) But otherwise things seem kinda almost normal at home. Maybe if he moved in with my brother -- got some space from all parties or something like that. The need for change in one way or another would become more apparent if everything wasn't so comfortable at home. I mean, it's not like there's much cause for MISSING ME right now either, because I'M STILL HERE! Ya know...? Oh, but that is a calculated risk that he would miss me/us more than her -- and that he wouldn't pull a Ross (we were ON A BREAK) while we weren't under the same roof. I don't know what to do... But I will be talking to the counselor on Wednesday, so hopefully clarity will come. And sooner rather than later... Again, thanks to all of you for your continued support. It means so much to know that y'all - virtual strangers to me - are here! And I value your advice & role as a sounding board more than I can say!! Zannie

I think your friend is exactly right. That food stuck in your throat feeling is EXACTLY THAT!! I mean, if you're worried or uncomfortable or having reflux, go see your doc right away. You can stretch/dilate your pouch by repeatedly over eating. But if it is a mild feeling without any real pain, just discomfort that goes away within a 1/2 hour of eating... THAT'S FOOD!! You're full. Head Hunger is a bitch. My suggestion is to serve yourself Bandster portions with measuring spoons!!! Be aware of what you are eating, and of how much!! Measure how much food it takes to feel content in addition to the appropriate Bandster portions. That info can absolutely help your dietician & doc!! And it keeps you in touch with what you're doing. I tried to "tune in" once a week to make sure I wasn't overeating, and when I was needing more than 1/3 cup of Protein at a meal, I'd call for a fill. That was then....now with perfect restriction I have no need for food, no hunger at all, and a few bites is all it takes to satisfy me. For example, I now eat (& feel very satisfied with the portion size) 1/6 of a can of tuna mixed with mayo as a meal. With nothing else. Just 3 small fork fulls of tuna fill me up to contentment. Freakish, eh?!?!? But I'm lovin' it!!! :biggrin1: It took time to get here - don't torture yourself because it isn't overnight. We did not have bypass. They are "here" right off the operating table. We start out with no restriction at all & slowly find that sweet spot over time. This is the better way, I just know it. And you'll be here soon enough!!

I'll be at Support Group Thursday night 8/16, but am fill-free for a while having reached the point of perfect restriction. :whoo:That's right, I said PERFECT RESTRICTION!:whoo: My next "fill" visit is set for the night of September's support group. At it, Dr. T doesn't expect to do an adjustment, but just wants to make sure everything looks good before we change check-ups to the office location. WAHOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I soooo love my Band! I'm down 71 of 190 lbs since surgery nearly 6 months ago. My energy level has sored, as has my stamina -- I feel great! (Well, aside from my life falling apart, which you can choose to read about or not at this thread. I don't know how into each other's sh...tuff we all want to be, especially if we're gonna meet! :heh: So I leave that up to y'all.) I'd love to get together if we can all swing a time & will PM you now with my number. Let me know what the plans are -- I'm not familiar with VaBeach at all, but I'm up for a face-to-face! Zannie