wendytip

Hey Band Groupie, You WON'T gain it back. Just remember where you came from and find out "who" you really are. When I was going through "Bandster's Hell" I had to give up sugar, of course. I decided then and there, that I'd give it up for good. Like I said, it's a trigger food for me. I NEVER thought I could do that...EVER. Go the rest of my life with no Dove chocolate? NO WAY! I mean life wouldn't even be worth living, right? Wrong. I just can't chance it. It's like an alcoholic taking that first drink after being sober...what's one drink? I can handle it. What's one bite? I can handle it. Hell, I could NEVER handle it, and you know what? No way, it's worth the risk. To think that everything I've worked for and have now could slip through my fingers...to know that my sanity could go away, just like that...with one little(?) bite. And on a lighter note; here's something you'll love. You know, met that cute little Kenny Chesney not once, but twice. Oh God, I was so excited! Me and two friends went back for a "meet and greet." I'm dressed to the nines. I just know that Kenny is going to take one look at my fine, sexy self and beg me to leave my husband. So, I get up there and have my picture made with him. I had to kind of lean in and down 'cause he's so short. I wanna make sure both of our faces are in the photo...that's how short he is...seriously! So, my friend takes the picture, and this was before everyone had a digital camera or a picture cell phone; you had to have the film developed; remember that? Well, I get the pictures back (24 hour developing); I take them out, and...What the HELL? See, what I didn't realize is that not only is Kenny short, he's little as well...real little...tiny...little bitty, teeny tiny, pocket sized. And there I am standing beside him and I look HUGE. No lie. I look like a man in DRAG. GIGANTIC! Everything I have is twice as big as what he has. I look like a red-necked Godzilla. I swear, it looked like I could pick him up in my big ole' hand and just pop him in my mouth...bite his head off, like in those old Godzilla horror flix. Everyone was like, "Let me see the pictures," and I was going, "Uh...they messed 'em up at Walgreens...dammit...yeah, they messed 'em up, that's it." Oh well, I like George Strait way better anyhow.

Thank you so much! I’m thrilled that you find me inspirational, and if my writings bring a smile to your face, even better…and, if I cause you to “pee your pants” from laughing at something I’ve written, then even better! That positive attitude will be very important, in the future, but know that you CAN do it. When you get to “Bandsters Hell”…that month after surgery, when you have virtually nothing in your band and you’re on liquids for two weeks, yep, that hell. Make sure that you take in plenty of lean liquid protein. I lived off that Special K protein water mix; low cal and 5 grams of protein in each packet; it’s a godsend. That and liquid protein supplements got me through just fine. Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention; find something you love more than eating, and when you feel like eating; do that. For me it was art. For others it can be knitting, sewing, online scrabble, painting…whatever. Find what it is and do it. You have to have a way to deal with life without using food, so find another outlet. I wish you much success. I know you’ll do great!

No I ain't had nothing to drink I knew that’s probably what you'd think If I dropped by this time of night Remember way back when I promised you I'd drop in At one of those meetings down at the Y Well, they started talkin bout steps you take Mistakes you make The hearts you break And the price you pay I almost walked away You could hear a pin drop When this old man Stood up and said I'm gonna' say it again Like I do every week For those who don't know me (Chorus) It's the simple things in life Like the kids at home and a loving wife That you miss the most, when you lose control And everything you love starts to disappear The devil takes your hand and says no fear Have another shot, just one more beer Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here This ole boy stood up in the aisle Said he'd been living a life of denial And he cried as he talked about wasted years I couldn't believe what I heard It was my life word for word And all of the sudden it was clear (Repeat Chorus) That’s one of my favorite songs. It’s written and performed by Kenny Chesney, and for a long time I couldn’t hear it without crying; sometimes, I still can’t. I know it’s about alcoholism, but it’s also about me and my eating disorder. So many times, I thought, “I got this. I’m in control. I’m NOT an addict. I’m not ill.” Then there was the time when I lost 71 lbs. on Weight Watchers, and I was convinced that I was “fixed.” I was cured. I wasn’t “that” person anymore, and I was never going back; ever…but, I did. The devil definitely took my hand and I thought, “Just this once.” “Just this once” led to a downhill slide and a massive weight gain. I spent years beating myself up over that. I could not believe that after all that hard work that I blew it, like that. And then, my darkest days began. I felt as though my eating was so much bigger than me. It was something separate from me, that I couldn’t control. I hated life. Every day was a struggle of when do I eat/how much do I get to eat/when will I get to eat again/ what is there to eat? Worst of all, I knew that if I ever did get it together, that it wouldn’t stay together. And I hated everyone; but no one as much as myself...I really hated me. I think that everyone has to have their “moment of truth.” Mine came for me at 3:00 in the morning, watching a show on WLS. I remember thinking, “Life doesn’t have to be this hard.” I pretty much decided right then, that I was going to do this thing. You know, I would have NEVER thought that anything positive could have came from that 71 lb. weight gain, but I was wrong; several positive life lessons came from that. I learned that just when you think you’ve got your demon under control, and you get so high and mighty and complacent that it will rear its ugly head and kick your ass. I learned what to look out for, and what foods that I can’t handle; foods that are “triggers” for overeating. I learned that I am WAY stronger than I ever imagined. Lastly, I learned that the weight loss is secondary for me. The main thing is that I’m free. I’m free from the prison known as my eating disorder. And life is good. Life is very good.

No I ain't had nothing to drink I knew that’s probably what you'd think If I dropped by this time of night Remember way back when I promised you I'd drop in At one of those meetings down at the Y Well, they started talkin bout steps you take Mistakes you make The hearts you break And the price you pay I almost walked away You could hear a pin drop When this old man Stood up and said I'm gonna' say it again Like I do every week For those who don't know me (Chorus) It's the simple things in life Like the kids at home and a loving wife That you miss the most, when you lose control And everything you love starts to disappear The devil takes your hand and says no fear Have another shot, just one more beer Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here This ole boy stood up in the aisle Said he'd been living a life of denial And he cried as he talked about wasted years I couldn't believe what I heard It was my life word for word And all of the sudden it was clear (Repeat Chorus) That’s one of my favorite songs. It’s written and performed by Kenny Chesney, and for a long time I couldn’t hear it without crying; sometimes, I still can’t. I know it’s about alcoholism, but it’s also about me and my eating disorder. So many times, I thought, “I got this. I’m in control. I’m NOT an addict. I’m not ill.” Then there was the time when I lost 71 lbs. on Weight Watchers, and I was convinced that I was “fixed.” I was cured. I wasn’t “that” person anymore, and I was never going back; ever…but, I did. The devil definitely took my hand and I thought, “Just this once.” “Just this once” led to a downhill slide and a massive weight gain. I spent years beating myself up over that. I could not believe that after all that hard work that I blew it, like that. And then, my darkest days began. I felt as though my eating was so much bigger than me. It was something separate from me, that I couldn’t control. I hated life. Every day was a struggle of when do I eat/how much do I get to eat/when will I get to eat again/ what is there to eat? Worst of all, I knew that if I ever did get it together, that it wouldn’t stay together. And I hated everyone; but no one as much as myself...I really hated me. I think that everyone has to have their “moment of truth.” Mine came for me at 3:00 in the morning, watching a show on WLS. I remember thinking, “Life doesn’t have to be this hard.” I pretty much decided right then, that I was going to do this thing. You know, I would have NEVER thought that anything positive could have came from that 71 lb. weight gain, but I was wrong; several positive life lessons came from that. I learned that just when you think you’ve got your demon under control, and you get so high and mighty and complacent that it will rear its ugly head and kick your ass. I learned what to look out for, and what foods that I can’t handle; foods that are “triggers” for overeating. I learned that I am WAY stronger than I ever imagined. Lastly, I learned that the weight loss is secondary for me. The main thing is that I’m free. I’m free from the prison known as my eating disorder. And life is good. Life is very good.

And your story is the very reason that I am so open about my banding. I wish everyone could experience the joy and success that I have; it's such a blessing. I was like you. I wouldn't even consider WLS. I was going to do it the old fashioned way, BY GOD! I wasn't such a loser that I had to have my insides altered. I knew what I needed to do, and I just needed to buckle down an do it...Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. On night I was up at 3 in the morning and I got to watching a show on people that had WLS. Something inside me just clicked. I thought, "What the hell am I doing? I've struggled with this my whole life. My darkest days were when I was in the grip of my eating disorder, so if I could get a little help, then why not? And that's what banding is; a little help. It's only a tool, but it's an AMAZING tool. Life is too short to be unhappy. Free yourself and LIVE! Only you know if it's your time and what decision is right for you, but as for me; I say, go for it!

Pharmagirl, I never would have believed that my life would be this great. Really, the weight loss is secondary; it's the peace of mind that is so wonderful. I have NEVER known what it's like to be this "normal" mentally. I used to wish that I could just be free from the hell of my eating disorder, and now I am. A few things to keep in mind; The band is ONLY a tool. Read some of the blogs on this website. Lots of people complain that they don't experience much of a weight loss after being banded. Often, it's because they don't do what they're supposed to. There's ways to get around the band. You can "graze," eat a bunch of junk, overeat, drink with your meals... Being banded is not just a lifestyle change, it's a lifestyle "overhaul." Your weight loss should settle in to no more than 2 lbs. a week...max. Contrary to what soooo many misinformed people believe, the band is not an "easy way out." In some ways it's harder with the band. You have to not only change what you eat; you have to change "how" you eat. I wish for you all the happiness that I've had. I'm sure you'll do great! Celebrate every lost ounce!

MsMia, First of all; you look beautiful! Secondly, it's weird that your blog is about liquid protein, because I went for my 3rd weigh in and when my nurse asked me what I was doing for protein and I told her lean, low cal. liquid protein, I thought she was going to freak! She was all about how I need to do solid protien or I'll get hungry because the protien will go through the band. I've never had that happen. Plus, it doesn't make any sense. Protien is converted into muscle, and keeps you from getting hungry. If it didn't work, bodybuilders wouldn't use it and get the results they get. Plus, I use it as a little insurance policy. I know that when I start my breakfast out with those 42 grams of protien that it's going to be impossible for me to get physiologically hungry. I'm like you; I can go all day on that protein. So, what is the actual name of your protein? Any fat in it? What is the calorie count? How much does it cost? Mine is fairly expensive, but worth it.

I think...but I'm not certain, that if you have regular acid reflux it's a sign that your have too much fill in your band. Are you having any other symptoms that your band is too full? I could be wrong, but I don't experience acid reflux at all.

I went to today for my 3rd weigh in/fill and was down another 10 pounds! Wooooo-hooooo! Every time I zip up a size 18, I still can’t believe it! It’s strange that I can pretty much predict down to the pound how much I’m going to loose every month…and yes, I only weight once a month. My mom asked me if I’d lost as much as I was hoping for, and I told her, “yes,” because even though I was hoping to loose 12-15 lbs, I knew that was unrealistic, and I knew going in that I was going to be down about 10 lbs. And really, when you think about it, what difference is two more pounds going to make? It’s not. It’s not like people won’t notice that you’ve lost 38 pounds, but they WILL notice 40? A steady loss of 2 lbs. a week is fine with me, hell, it’s more than fine; it’s GREAT! So, here’s what’s weird…and this is sooooo difficult to explain to people who haven’t been banded. At my last fill, I actually felt real restriction, so for the first time in my life, I don’t obsess over food. I don’t binge. I don’t eat and eat and eat and then eat some more. Food has become a non-issue. When anyone asks where I want to eat, I tell them I don’t care; because I really don’t. It’s just not a big deal. So, what’s the problem? Here’s the problem: For almost my entire life I’ve been an addict. My eating disorder had as much of a hold on me as heroin would have on a junkie, or booze would have on an alcoholic. Now, when I’m not hungry, or I’m satisfied…when I’m not “using” food, I associate that feeling with “binging”. Does that make sense? It’s just that it’s been that way for SO long, that my mind has trouble accepting that I’m satisfied and not hungry, and it’s NOT because I’ve eaten everything in sight…it’s because I’m banded. So, I’ve walked around these past 5 weeks thinking, “Shit! I can’t believe I did that! How could I have eaten all that food? How could I go back to “using?” Then, I have to actively remind myself that I haven’t gone back to my old ways; I haven’t binged. It’s just strange…a good strange, but very unsettling all the same. And, get this; I go in and tell my nurse that I don’t think I need a fill, but I’m not sure. She hooks me up and has me drink the “stuff,” and she says, “Oh yeah, you need a fill.” I ask her how she can tell, and she says that she can tell by how easily the liquid is going down. So, as I’m getting ready to leave, she reminds me that I won’t be back for three months, but if I need a fill I need to let them know. My thing is this; I won’t know if I need a fill. I didn’t know this time! I tell her this and she says, “Well if you find yourself getting hungry, then you know you need a fill.” O.K…I didn’t get hungry this time. And I won’t get hungry next time. I guess what I do, is just push it out of my head and ignore it. I joke around that I’m really good at being hungry, but I guess, it’s not a joke. It’s kind of pathetic in a way; I’m so used to being hungry that it’s normal now. Ah well, I guess that’s a concept only a former fat kid can grasp. At any rate, I will close saying this: My life is so GREAT that I can’t believe it’s MINE!

I went to today for my 3rd weigh in/fill and was down another 10 pounds! Wooooo-hooooo! Every time I zip up a size 18, I still can’t believe it! It’s strange that I can pretty much predict down to the pound how much I’m going to loose every month…and yes, I only weight once a month. My mom asked me if I’d lost as much as I was hoping for, and I told her, “yes,” because even though I was hoping to loose 12-15 lbs, I knew that was unrealistic, and I knew going in that I was going to be down about 10 lbs. And really, when you think about it, what difference is two more pounds going to make? It’s not. It’s not like people won’t notice that you’ve lost 38 pounds, but they WILL notice 40? A steady loss of 2 lbs. a week is fine with me, hell, it’s more than fine; it’s GREAT! So, here’s what’s weird…and this is sooooo difficult to explain to people who haven’t been banded. At my last fill, I actually felt real restriction, so for the first time in my life, I don’t obsess over food. I don’t binge. I don’t eat and eat and eat and then eat some more. Food has become a non-issue. When anyone asks where I want to eat, I tell them I don’t care; because I really don’t. It’s just not a big deal. So, what’s the problem? Here’s the problem: For almost my entire life I’ve been an addict. My eating disorder had as much of a hold on me as heroin would have on a junkie, or booze would have on an alcoholic. Now, when I’m not hungry, or I’m satisfied…when I’m not “using” food, I associate that feeling with “binging”. Does that make sense? It’s just that it’s been that way for SO long, that my mind has trouble accepting that I’m satisfied and not hungry, and it’s NOT because I’ve eaten everything in sight…it’s because I’m banded. So, I’ve walked around these past 5 weeks thinking, “Shit! I can’t believe I did that! How could I have eaten all that food? How could I go back to “using?” Then, I have to actively remind myself that I haven’t gone back to my old ways; I haven’t binged. It’s just strange…a good strange, but very unsettling all the same. And, get this; I go in and tell my nurse that I don’t think I need a fill, but I’m not sure. She hooks me up and has me drink the “stuff,” and she says, “Oh yeah, you need a fill.” I ask her how she can tell, and she says that she can tell by how easily the liquid is going down. So, as I’m getting ready to leave, she reminds me that I won’t be back for three months, but if I need a fill I need to let them know. My thing is this; I won’t know if I need a fill. I didn’t know this time! I tell her this and she says, “Well if you find yourself getting hungry, then you know you need a fill.” O.K…I didn’t get hungry this time. And I won’t get hungry next time. I guess what I do, is just push it out of my head and ignore it. I joke around that I’m really good at being hungry, but I guess, it’s not a joke. It’s kind of pathetic in a way; I’m so used to being hungry that it’s normal now. Ah well, I guess that’s a concept only a former fat kid can grasp. At any rate, I will close saying this: My life is so GREAT that I can’t believe it’s MINE!

A few weeks ago, my I was shopping around some funky, little shops with my daugther. I was ready to leave so, I called her and started out the door. She catches up to me on the sidewalk and say, "I couldn't find you. You've lost so much weight that I didn't recognize you from the back!" I gave a delirious shriek and did a little happy dance, right there in downtown Chatt. This morning, I'm getting ready to go to work and I have on this cute little bolero type jacket. When I bought this little number, about 3 weeks ago, it was snug, but it worked; this morning I had to MOVE THE BUTTONS, to make it TIGHTER! That's right! You heard me! So my totally hot husband says, "I've been able to tell that you're getting thinner when I put my arms around you, but since I see you every day, it's harder for me to tell just by looking at you...until this morning! I could really tell, just by looking at you this morning!" I was so ecstatic at hearing this, that had I not already been dressed and ready for work, I would have given him a little "something-something" right then and there! As I'm leaving work this afternoon, a co-worker walks up to me and tell me how good I'm looking. Then she says, "Last week, when you were on duty, I didn't know who you were. I looked down the hall, and thought, who is that?" I gave her the little happy dance too! Life is good, SO GOOD! Life is GOOD!

A few weeks ago, my I was shopping around some funky, little shops with my daugther. I was ready to leave so, I called her and started out the door. She catches up to me on the sidewalk and say, "I couldn't find you. You've lost so much weight that I didn't recognize you from the back!" I gave a delirious shriek and did a little happy dance, right there in downtown Chatt. This morning, I'm getting ready to go to work and I have on this cute little bolero type jacket. When I bought this little number, about 3 weeks ago, it was snug, but it worked; this morning I had to MOVE THE BUTTONS, to make it TIGHTER! That's right! You heard me! So my totally hot husband says, "I've been able to tell that you're getting thinner when I put my arms around you, but since I see you every day, it's harder for me to tell just by looking at you...until this morning! I could really tell, just by looking at you this morning!" I was so ecstatic at hearing this, that had I not already been dressed and ready for work, I would have given him a little "something-something" right then and there! As I'm leaving work this afternoon, a co-worker walks up to me and tell me how good I'm looking. Then she says, "Last week, when you were on duty, I didn't know who you were. I looked down the hall, and thought, who is that?" I gave her the little happy dance too! Life is good, SO GOOD! Life is GOOD!

Hello Everyone, I wrote this piece about 8 years ago, and it still holds true for me. I thought you might enjoy. Skinny Women Skinny women how I hate them. How I love to berate them. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but size 9, FAT?- now that’s pathetic! They pat their tummies all nice and flat and say, “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” I sweetly reply, “Not to be rude, but those very pants ... make your ass look huge!” A skinny woman I’ll surely beat if one more says; “I forgot to eat.” “You forgot to eat...now how can that be? Isn’t that like forgetting to breathe?” When they do break down and decide to dine, listen closely and you can hear them whine: “Dry broiled fish.” “No dressing, please.” “No beer, just a water with lemon for me.” “You know I never eat red meat, so a bite of liver, for me is a treat.” “French fries? Onion rings?-Take them away.” “Chocolate mousse?...I’ll take fruit sorbet.” I see television shows like “Ally McBeal” I think to myself, “Can this chick be real?” How in the world does she stay so thin? Does food come out? Does food go in? And the beautiful Renee in “Bridget Jones”, is supposed to be fat or merely “big boned?” “Full figured” gals are back in style? Well, I haven’t seen one in quite a while. The problem here, should I venture a guess... A size 12 is average-not Reubenesque! You see, I’m honest and nothing more, and I find false modesty a tedious bore. Cause I tell you sugar, if I were svelte I’d tuck in my shirt and wear a belt. I’d have leather pants and a halter top. Everything I owned would be “mini” or “cropped.” I’d buy black garter belts and maybe a thong. I’d dress like a whore all the day long. I’d say, “Hey everybody, look at me! I’m looking good at 123!” My friends would say, “Can you believe that? I liked her better when she was fat!” “You liked me much better when I was what?” “Did you mention the “F” word? That’s just what I thought! When I was fat, I was so out of place with my great personality and pretty face. Now I’m much better. I’m better I say! Step back non-believers! Out of my way!” As I sashay by on stiletto heels, leaving them to guess what’s been “bought” and what’s “real”. But enough flights of fancy of this fantasy. I’m sure that I am, and will always be me. And “me’s” pretty good. Yep, “ME”- that’’ll do... but... I would like some thighs you can see daylight through. Just kidding. (Not really) Bear with me my friend, for soon I’ll be finished; this tirade will end. It’s just that I struggle and struggle some more, You’d think I would learn; (that’s what therapy’s for.) When it’s all been hashed out. When it’s all said and done; I like me a lot. I’m really quite fun. I know what’s important I do know what counts, and it’s not what I weigh measured out pound and ounce. I just need to vent every once in a while, and give all the fat girls a reason to smile.

Hello Everyone, I wrote this piece about 8 years ago, and it still holds true for me. I thought you might enjoy. Skinny Women Skinny women how I hate them. How I love to berate them. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but size 9, FAT?- now that’s pathetic! They pat their tummies all nice and flat and say, “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” I sweetly reply, “Not to be rude, but those very pants ... make your ass look huge!” A skinny woman I’ll surely beat if one more says; “I forgot to eat.” “You forgot to eat...now how can that be? Isn’t that like forgetting to breathe?” When they do break down and decide to dine, listen closely and you can hear them whine: “Dry broiled fish.” “No dressing, please.” “No beer, just a water with lemon for me.” “You know I never eat red meat, so a bite of liver, for me is a treat.” “French fries? Onion rings?-Take them away.” “Chocolate mousse?...I’ll take fruit sorbet.” I see television shows like “Ally McBeal” I think to myself, “Can this chick be real?” How in the world does she stay so thin? Does food come out? Does food go in? And the beautiful Renee in “Bridget Jones”, is supposed to be fat or merely “big boned?” “Full figured” gals are back in style? Well, I haven’t seen one in quite a while. The problem here, should I venture a guess... A size 12 is average-not Reubenesque! You see, I’m honest and nothing more, and I find false modesty a tedious bore. Cause I tell you sugar, if I were svelte I’d tuck in my shirt and wear a belt. I’d have leather pants and a halter top. Everything I owned would be “mini” or “cropped.” I’d buy black garter belts and maybe a thong. I’d dress like a whore all the day long. I’d say, “Hey everybody, look at me! I’m looking good at 123!” My friends would say, “Can you believe that? I liked her better when she was fat!” “You liked me much better when I was what?” “Did you mention the “F” word? That’s just what I thought! When I was fat, I was so out of place with my great personality and pretty face. Now I’m much better. I’m better I say! Step back non-believers! Out of my way!” As I sashay by on stiletto heels, leaving them to guess what’s been “bought” and what’s “real”. But enough flights of fancy of this fantasy. I’m sure that I am, and will always be me. And “me’s” pretty good. Yep, “ME”- that’’ll do... but... I would like some thighs you can see daylight through. Just kidding. (Not really) Bear with me my friend, for soon I’ll be finished; this tirade will end. It’s just that I struggle and struggle some more, You’d think I would learn; (that’s what therapy’s for.) When it’s all been hashed out. When it’s all said and done; I like me a lot. I’m really quite fun. I know what’s important I do know what counts, and it’s not what I weigh measured out pound and ounce. I just need to vent every once in a while, and give all the fat girls a reason to smile.

Hey guys, I wrote this piece about 8 years ago, but it still holds true for me. I thought you might enjoy. Skinny Women Skinny women how I hate them. How I love to berate them. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but size 9, FAT?- now that’s pathetic! They pat their tummies all nice and flat and say, “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” I sweetly reply, “Not to be rude, but those very pants ... make your ass look huge!” A skinny woman I’ll surely beat if one more says; “I forgot to eat.” “You forgot to eat...now how can that be? Isn’t that like forgetting to breathe?” When they do break down and decide to dine, listen closely and you can hear them whine: “Dry broiled fish.” “No dressing, please.” “No beer, just a water with lemon for me.” “You know I never eat red meat, so a bite of liver, for me is a treat.” “French fries? Onion rings?-Take them away.” “Chocolate mousse?...I’ll take fruit sorbet.” I see television shows like “Ally McBeal” I think to myself, “Can this chick be real?” How in the world does she stay so thin? Does food come out? Does food go in? And the beautiful Renee in “Bridget Jones”, is supposed to be fat or merely “big boned?” “Full figured” gals are back in style? Well, I haven’t seen one in quite a while. The problem here, should I venture a guess... A size 12 is average-not Reubenesque! You see, I’m honest and nothing more, and I find false modesty a tedious bore. Cause I tell you sugar, if I were svelte I’d tuck in my shirt and wear a belt. I’d have leather pants and a halter top. Everything I owned would be “mini” or “cropped.” I’d buy black garter belts and maybe a thong. I’d dress like a whore all the day long. I’d say, “Hey everybody, look at me! I’m looking good at 123!” My friends would say, “Can you believe that? I liked her better when she was fat!” “You liked me much better when I was what?” “Did you mention the “F” word? That’s just what I thought! When I was fat, I was so out of place with my great personality and pretty face. Now I’m much better. I’m better I say! Step back non-believers! Out of my way!” As I sashay by on stiletto heels, leaving them to guess what’s been “bought” and what’s “real”. But enough flights of fancy of this fantasy. I’m sure that I am, and will always be me. And “me’s” pretty good. Yep, “ME”- that’’ll do... but... I would like some thighs you can see daylight through. Just kidding. (Not really) Bear with me my friend, for soon I’ll be finished; this tirade will end. It’s just that I struggle and struggle some more, You’d think I would learn; (that’s what therapy’s for.) When it’s all been hashed out. When it’s all said and done; I like me a lot. I’m really quite fun. I know what’s important I do know what counts, and it’s not what I weigh measured out pound and ounce. I just need to vent every once in a while, and give all the fat girls a reason to smile. Wendy Tippens

Hey guys, I wrote this piece about 8 years ago, but it still holds true for me. I thought you might enjoy. Skinny Women Skinny women how I hate them. How I love to berate them. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but size 9, FAT?- now that’s pathetic! They pat their tummies all nice and flat and say, “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” I sweetly reply, “Not to be rude, but those very pants ... make your ass look huge!” A skinny woman I’ll surely beat if one more says; “I forgot to eat.” “You forgot to eat...now how can that be? Isn’t that like forgetting to breathe?” When they do break down and decide to dine, listen closely and you can hear them whine: “Dry broiled fish.” “No dressing, please.” “No beer, just a water with lemon for me.” “You know I never eat red meat, so a bite of liver, for me is a treat.” “French fries? Onion rings?-Take them away.” “Chocolate mousse?...I’ll take fruit sorbet.” I see television shows like “Ally McBeal” I think to myself, “Can this chick be real?” How in the world does she stay so thin? Does food come out? Does food go in? And the beautiful Renee in “Bridget Jones”, is supposed to be fat or merely “big boned?” “Full figured” gals are back in style? Well, I haven’t seen one in quite a while. The problem here, should I venture a guess... A size 12 is average-not Reubenesque! You see, I’m honest and nothing more, and I find false modesty a tedious bore. Cause I tell you sugar, if I were svelte I’d tuck in my shirt and wear a belt. I’d have leather pants and a halter top. Everything I owned would be “mini” or “cropped.” I’d buy black garter belts and maybe a thong. I’d dress like a whore all the day long. I’d say, “Hey everybody, look at me! I’m looking good at 123!” My friends would say, “Can you believe that? I liked her better when she was fat!” “You liked me much better when I was what?” “Did you mention the “F” word? That’s just what I thought! When I was fat, I was so out of place with my great personality and pretty face. Now I’m much better. I’m better I say! Step back non-believers! Out of my way!” As I sashay by on stiletto heels, leaving them to guess what’s been “bought” and what’s “real”. But enough flights of fancy of this fantasy. I’m sure that I am, and will always be me. And “me’s” pretty good. Yep, “ME”- that’’ll do... but... I would like some thighs you can see daylight through. Just kidding. (Not really) Bear with me my friend, for soon I’ll be finished; this tirade will end. It’s just that I struggle and struggle some more, You’d think I would learn; (that’s what therapy’s for.) When it’s all been hashed out. When it’s all said and done; I like me a lot. I’m really quite fun. I know what’s important I do know what counts, and it’s not what I weigh measured out pound and ounce. I just need to vent every once in a while, and give all the fat girls a reason to smile. Wendy Tippens

Wow, thank you so much! Now, do keep in mind that I take all of my own photos, so first off, I know just how to photograph me, so that the photo is flattering; the correct angle, my best side, great lighting...etc. Secondly, I took like 50 shots, so that I could get a few decent ones. Third, I have a little bitty face...little bitty hands and little bitty feet...the rest of me; SUPERSIZED! It's so strange though, and I don't know if it's because I'd grown so used to carrying around all of that weight or what, but I never realized what a difference 30 pounds could make...so at my 8 week weigh in I was down 28lbs...it's probably at least 30 by now. Also, I'm CONVINCED that when you stop drinking carbonated beverages and stop eating all that junk that your body totally "cleanses" itself from those toxins. For as hippie-tree-hugging-new age as it sounds I think you just sort of "shed" your old skin. And, I guess it doesn't hurt that I'm a deliriously happy on the inside for the first time in my life. Iguess it shows when you're not carrying around all of that sorrow. Let me tell you girl, when I get all my wieght off, I'm having my picture made butt ass nekkid! I'm not posting them, of course, but I am having them made! Thanks for the wonderful words. Wendy

I hate to be negative, I really do, but I HAVE to say this: I cannot understand WHY people want to post pictures of thier incisions. They all basically look alike...4 or 5 little holes and an incision about 3-4 inches long. It's not like anyone on the forum sees those pix and goes, "Wow, look at that! I've never seen anything like it! It's so interesting, so intriguing, so amazing!" A fat tummy, a few little puncture holes and a little gash. If I want to see that then I can pull up my own shirt and look. Now, if the incisions were all grouped together and formed an outline of Jesus or something, then that might be different...even the Virgin Mary. Or, if you could gaze into the incisions and fortell the future, or make out the winning lotto numbers, or connect with loved ones that have passed; that would be good...but otherwise; I just don't get it.

I hate to be negative, I really do, but I HAVE to say this: I cannot understand WHY people want to post pictures of thier incisions. They all basically look alike...4 or 5 little holes and an incision about 3-4 inches long. It's not like anyone on the forum sees those pix and goes, "Wow, look at that! I've never seen anything like it! It's so interesting, so intriguing, so amazing!" A fat tummy, a few little puncture holes and a little gash. If I want to see that then I can pull up my own shirt and look. Now, if the incisions were all grouped together and formed an outline of Jesus or something, then that might be different...even the Virgin Mary. Or, if you could gaze into the incisions and fortell the future, or make out the winning lotto numbers, or connect with loved ones that have passed; that would be good...but otherwise; I just don't get it.

Wow, that's a lot of stuff! Are you planning on staying overnight, or is that just in case you have to stay overnight? I was scheduled for surgery at 8:00 a.m, and was back home by 12:30 or so. The only thing I wish I'd had that I didn't was Gasx strips, but we got those on the way home so it was fine.

I finally found my special purpose...as far as working out goes! The trick is to find something that you don't think of as working out...something that you don't hate. I've started swimming, and I noticed that I never refer to it as "working out." I also don't hate it...I...I...actually...like it! And, I'm good at it. I can already swim a mile, no problem, and that's with me not even being in shape. When I'm in the water I can go and go and go, and everything that troubles me just goes away. I'm going to do my first "open water" swim this year, and then I'm going to Alcatraz to do the "Swim around The Rock." They dump you in the ocean and you get to swim around the prison. Pretty cool, huh? Someone asked me if I was afraid of sharks, and I was like, "Hell, no! You think I'm finally going to be skinny and let some shark eat me, just when I start to look good in a swimsuit?...Not a chance!"

I finally found my special purpose...as far as working out goes! The trick is to find something that you don't think of as working out...something that you don't hate. I've started swimming, and I noticed that I never refer to it as "working out." I also don't hate it...I...I...actually...like it! And, I'm good at it. I can already swim a mile, no problem, and that's with me not even being in shape. When I'm in the water I can go and go and go, and everything that troubles me just goes away. I'm going to do my first "open water" swim this year, and then I'm going to Alcatraz to do the "Swim around The Rock." They dump you in the ocean and you get to swim around the prison. Pretty cool, huh? Someone asked me if I was afraid of sharks, and I was like, "Hell, no! You think I'm finally going to be skinny and let some shark eat me, just when I start to look good in a swimsuit?...Not a chance!"

I'm sure that being on 3rd shift sucks bigtime, but you're a Fireman, right? You should get a WII fit and take it to the firehouse with you. And yes, you need to suck it up. I hated working out too, but I hate being fat even more. I refuse to let this be another chance to change my life that I shoot all to hell. Working out, is just part of it. The trick is to find something that you don't hate. I swim. I know it's the right sport for me because I actually look forward to it, and when I swim I'm not preoccupied with "when is this over?" Explore all your options. You'll find it. DO NOT get complacent and give up! You'll regret it. Don't even think about undoing all that hard work. Now, get out there and find what you love...or at least what you hate the least!

You go girl! Congrats to you! Wendy

I'm at my sweet spot and I can eat steak. My doctor told me that most people have to give up steak because they can't get it down w/out a beverage. However, I eat my steak (get ready to say ewwwww, GROSS!) very, very, very, rare, so I have no problem swallowing it. I do have to take small bites and chew and chew and chew and chew. I guess the real question is "how much" steak can you eat? I would say that if you can eat up to 8 ounces, at the most, of anything that you need a fill. They way you know you don't need a fill is when you have to split entrees, and even then you may not be able to eat all of your half, and you certainly don't have room for appetizers, side items or desserts. Wendy