michellehill

A few days ago my bonus son (I'm his dad's girlfriend) surprised me with a ticket to his graduation and I was so happy cuz I am seeing more and more that his kids truly love me [emoji28]. So while in trying to lose this weight and to quite smoking so I can gave the surgery I decided I'm not buying any new clothes until after as a reward. Well this morning I wake up to see my boyfriend dusting off his pimp brim (LOL) and dress clothes to wear to the graduation and I ask is that what your wearing? He looks and with a I think I'm the shiznit smirk says yes it's my son's graduation. So I then inform him that I will not be able to make it to the graduation because he is way over dressed for anything I have (I lost everything in a house fire about 3 years ago). That's when he says oh i planned on taking you to Walmart and buying you a dress. Walmart really I wear NOTHING but Torrid so why would I go anywhere else? So we go to Torrid (haven't worn a dress in 10 year because I am so big) and I'm already self conscious he and I look. He picks out a 1 piece that is cute but I have reservations about it so I tell him we need to find a sweater to cover my arms. I also pick out a cute dress that would not need a sweater and when I go to try them on I wanted to try on the dress I picked first because I needed to see me in something I really liked B4 I try on this onesie. He stops me and says try on the 1 I picked out first and mind you the sale lady informed me there is really no sweaters due to the summer season. So ok I try on this pant suit or like I said B4 onesie and it looks hideous. Now I'm really upset because I've gotten this big and I then say I'm done as he rushes out to grab another dress. I walk pass him telling him I'm done. When I first entered the store I seen a cute dress but was called over to the clearance section by him. There is a reason that it's on clearance and in my size duh. No other women wants to wear that onesie if they are as big as me (at lease no women with since). Do I have self confidence no not all the time and to feel like a fat blob of existence is another level. If he would of let me do it myself I may have been able to go to my boys graduation [emoji35]. I will post pics of me B4 and now and you will see why in so unhappy wit my life and my damn eating disorder.
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Actually it was half way decent. Tasted like a very light (watered down) thousand island. I have NO idea what xanthan gum is but if it's going to help me and not kill me I'll deal with it LOL.

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Actually it was half way decent. Tasted like a very light (watered down) thousand island. I have NO idea what xanthan gum is but if it's going to help me and not kill me I'll deal with it LOL.

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Actually it was half way decent. Tasted like a very light (watered down) thousand island. I have NO idea what xanthan gum is but if it's going to help me and not kill me I'll deal with it LOL.

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Wow that many I need to search them because I only seen the 1 I posted. Another women said she sometimes use the ranch with canned chicken and it makes chicken salad. Will be on Google checking them all out LOL Amazon here I come.

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That's a great idea for the canned chicken thanks. I didn't see any others.

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Actually it was half way decent. Tasted like a very light (watered down) thousand island. I have NO idea what xanthan gum is but if it's going to help me and not kill me I'll deal with it LOL.

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Soft Proteins, yes.

I used my own recipe.

2 eggs
15oz part skim ricotta
1/4 cup grated parmesan
1tsp ground garlic
1tsp black pepper
Dash of basil
1tsp Italian seasoning
1tsp salt

Mix all these well.

Spoon 1 to 2 teaspoons into each spot on a mini muffin baking pan that you’ve sprayed with Pam.

Sprinkle a touch of reduced fat mozzarella on top of each.

Bake 20 minutes at 375.

I’m thinking of making a bariatric cooking/recipe blog. I love cooking and being inventive and really want to stay within my approved foods. So it may be neat!

I took Chantix about 10 years ago. It made me nauseated as hell but I kept on taking it. Now, if I even think about cigs I remember that nauseated feeling and all cravings disappear!


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I can really relate to not wanting to give up smoking. I am in recovery too and having to give up my unhealthy eating habits as well as not smoking seemed to be too much. I had a really honest conversation with my doctor about it, in which he told me that the absolute best thing I could do for my health is to quit smoking. It ranked even higher than losing weight, though my BMI is under 40 so that was seen as a secondary goal. It isn't easy either, especially if you don't want to quit. I had this weird thing happening where when I was smoking, all I wanted was to quit, but then when I quit all I wanted was to smoke. It went on that way for a few months, but I finally just decided my health is my priority and I can't be healthy if I am smoking.
I used nicorette gum, it was more useful for me than the patches because when I had a craving I could actually do something about it (chew a piece of gum), and I was able to cut back on the gum and then switch to regular gum after a while. I did vape too, and I have cut back on that to the point where I just don't anymore.
Good luck

Thank you and yes I'm talking to the dr tomorrow to get the patches. I only have 2 cigarettes left and refuse to buy another pack. Thanks all for the advice and info.

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Hey Kassandra,
My name is Michelle and I'm 45 yrs old with 2 awesome sons and 2 totally amazing daughters. I've been fighting with obesity all my life and now that my lower back (L4 &L5) is completely shot and I have sleep apnea life has gotten more difficult. I'm the biggest I've ever been and am in total pain all day every day. People really try and tell me different ways to workout or go with them to their gym but they don't understand that the cartilage between the L4 &L5 is completely gone so that's bone on bone, and moving all this weight around is not the business. My sciatic nerve is always getting pinched between bone my right leg is always numb and the left is often numb as well and now I'm losing control of my bowls and often pee all over myself. I am also experiencing balancing issues and often catch myself B4 I fall. People look at me and thinks I'm a falling down drunk when I've giving up alchohol over 12 years ago. I then explain its nerve and spinal damage. I went to a 4 hour consultation on May 2, 2019 and I meet my surgeon on May 17 yesterday and he informed me that I have already lost 14 pounds and only need to lose 4 more pounds and they will schedule my surgery. I meet the nutritionist on Monday and believe I'll be 2 more pounds closer and hopefully they will go ahead and schedule my surgery. This is why I believe my surgery will be in June because in here in California and Kaiser has been doing them super quick. I have 3 friends that went from day 1 to surgery day in about 45 days to 60 day. I'm just so nervous about losing that extra 4 pounds and trying to keep it off till Dday. Anyways nice meeting you and will read others and praying for ea of us to be able to get surgery done in June so by Thanksgiving we will be able to eat more then a dinner roll LOL. I am getting the sleeve done. Praying for all our dreams to come true. (My dream is to not have to live in sheer and constant pain for the rest of my life)

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