mini_me

Oprah is a ZULU??? i don't even know what that means...if Oprah does it then i am going to do it!!

carlene and kathy i feel both of you with my heart. kathy, i did not see what carlene said as a direct attack on SIL. She is right...love is not enough. and i am very sad for my SIL. i am not sure that her problem rises to the level of addiction, but it is a problem. I do not know how extensive the problem is at this time. i want to help her, but i no longer know what to do to help her. i think that to send the baby back to her now is NOT in the best interest of the baby. i have no idea if she should EVER go back. I just don't know if SIL will ever be fit. BUT--she has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO DISRUPT EVERYONE'S LIVES, INCLUDING THE BABY'S. off the soap box... NO FLAMING IN HERE PLEASE. THIS TOPIC IS TOO SENSITIVE TO ME.

well, i went ahead and bought the Y-Clan analysis. There is a father's day special right now...180 pounds, currency exchange is approx $330. it comes with a certificate, book, and some other goodies. get this, the book is about women outnumbering men...eventually extinguishing men...ROTFLMFAO...

http://www.oxfordancestry.com Has anyone here ever looked into this? What do you guys think of this? My DH recently learned that his Dad was not his biological father. He has been consumed with knowing about his heritage. He is very curious about where he comes from. Does anyone think this will help him find peace?

pier13-thanks for the words of encouragement. i held on to every word you typed. lisa-you may be very right. i guess we will see what tomorrow holds. i am still wandering if abandonment is an issue. she has changed her mind, yet she has made no effort to go get the child. i am not even sure that she has called the cousin to tell her that she is not signing the papers.

bumping...for the evening crowd's advice

thanks kathy...i DO believe that she loves this child, but you are right, she chooses her addictions over the baby. the baby was 8/9 months old when she went to the cousins and could not even sit up unassisted or crawl. my sil would strap her in her little swing and leave her there all day. within a week, the baby was sitting unassisted and crawling...even pulling up on furniture. SIL loves the baby, but does not know how to handle loving and providing. she does not SHOW the baby love. oh, i wanna scream. this is so painful.

Donna I appreciate your response, that is how I felt when i read the post, but my energy is consumed with my own thoughts. I was offended by the comment that perhaps the cousin was not interested in the best interest of the baby. I am against the baby going back to mom, and NOONE can argue that I do not have the baby's best interest in my heart. I never got a good night's sleep when SIL had the baby. Since the day that precious little girl was born i have worried about her welfare. Pier13-you are SOOO right. We should have handed the baby off in a courtroom. i guess we were complacent because it was family on the giving and recieving end of the matter. everyone trusted that everyone was secure in their decisions. the cousin has a lawyer already. they had already paid the $3000 to get the adoption process started. Tidge, thanks for your input, i DID solicit opinions and info. I DO believe that you were thinking of the baby. I just have a very different opinion. I would not let my SIL babysit my kids for an hour, much less have a defenseless little baby depending on her. Wheetsin-close call was another baby(not baby in question), my baby neice is currently with the cousin. SIL does not have the resources to go get the baby. I think that if we ignored her, she would NEVER go pick up the baby, but she won't sign the papers. she has not called to check on her not once. btw, on the day she called and told me to get the baby, i tried to get her to come home with me. she refused. she was in the process of moving out of one of her houses, and she was with her boyfriend. they seemed like they had plans. the next few days, everytime i called to check on SIL's state, she was high or something...did not make any sense, either elated or dead sleepy. i have called her regularly to check on her mental state and to discuss if she was still ok with this. Just two weeks ago she told me that she was good to go and was certain that she was going to sign the papers. i just don't know anymore. if i thought there was any chance that she could provide a loving/stable life for this child, it would be so different. she is just so friggin...nomadic, emotional unstable, irresponsible, and i do not even know what else to say. i wonder if she will do this again next time she gets tired of the stresses of parenting.

Kathi, please do not misunderstand my position. i am fully in favor of my husband's cousin and her DH keeping the baby. i am just afraid that they will have no rights to the child to be able to fight this, as NOTHING had made it to a court/legal level in the process. All that was done was dropping off the baby and writing an informal letter saying that the cousin could make decisions for the baby's welfare. (not notarized or anything) My SIL is definitly being VERY selfish in this ordeal. She keeps saying she can't live without her and she doesnt feel right, and she wakes up looking for her, etc...i asked her "what about the baby?" what is best for her? She had no answer. she just kept saying oh, well. i am sooooo upset by this. she just wanted a little break from the responsibilities of motherhood and took advantage of the cousin in their time of need. Wheetsin, i know you are looking. you always have good advice...what do you think?

yes, the baby is with the cousins. i do not thing there is any danger of SIL going to get the baby, she has no idea where they live, and has never asked for us to give her an address, etc. she has no transportation, and no sense. i think she is just going to let them hang on to the baby and think that she will get her back at her convenience. i sure hope the judge makes her fight for the baby, because then she would surrender because she won't want the hassle of the ordeal. she is a quitter.

thanks for the advice. i am waiting for the cousin to call. i am hoping to stay out of this as much as possible. i do not want to take sides and be overly involved in the intricate details, as i do not want anyone to question my bias if the time comes to tell a judge what has transpired. maybe THAT does not even make sense, but i am going to tell the cousin the things that you have suggested and i am going to start writing everything down. thanks, and if anyone else has advice...please offer.

My SIL decided a couple of months ago that she could not care for her 9 month old daughter. She decided to allow her cousin to take custody. The cousin is married and they have been trying to get pregnant and adopt a child for years. They had been able to obtain a baby for adoption at one point. The went through the WHOLE pregnancy, paid the attorney $5000 to arrange the legal work, were present for the delivery, took the baby home from the hospital, and had her home for one day when the mother knocked on the door with police officers telling them that she changed her mind. They had no choice but the hand the baby over. They were so devastated. JUMP TO PRESENT DAY--The cousin mailed the court documents to me, and I was going to help her get the papers signed by my SIL. (they live 150+ miles from each other and I am halfway between) I called SIL and she has decided that she changed her mind. There is a lot of history behind my SIL and her parenting skills. She cannot keep a job or provide housing. She tested positive for THC when she delivered the baby...prematurely. The baby has some health problems...nothing severe, but she should be monitored regularly. I suspect that SIL had not been taking her for immunizations, check ups, etc. while she had her. I think she may still be dabbling in drug use. While I have no concrete evidence that she is an unfit parent, I strongly suspect that she would be considered unfit by professionals. My concern...SIL called two months ago and told me that she could not care for the baby. She told me to come get her TODAY. I repeatedly asked her if she was sure and she reassured me that she was, and stated that she could not provide for the baby. She asked me to come get the baby and take her to the cousin. She had written out a statement that she was handing over legal guardianship of the baby to the cousin, and that she intends to allow the adoption. This wasn't notarized or anything, just a statement on notebook paper. I guess she did it to reassure the cousin that she was serious about this matter. (father unknown) Is there any recourse for these cousins? I love my SIL, but understand, I feel this is wrong, not only for the cousin, but for the baby. SIL already admitted that she cannot care for the child, and SIL still has no job. She is currently living a nomadic lifestyle, staying wherever she can from night to night. Can the cousin's seek legal action indicating that the baby would be in danger going back to my SIL? If they did that, would they be allowed to keep the baby? Would the baby go to foster care? Is what SIL did two months ago considered abandonment? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE???

thanks mia!! i can't wait to see your pics!

good luck and congrats!! where are you being banded??

kristin, thank God you are ok. i bet i have checked this thread a hundred times today!! you stay tough!!

nerdpunk, hang in there. this is a pretty common complaint. how long have you been banded? listen to wheetsin...she is really knowledgeable 'bout this stuff. i'll bet you are converting that fat to muscle. pretty soon, you will be so confident that you won't care what the scales read!!(is that possible?) good luck!

kashia, i am so sorry you are going through all of this. i do not have any information to offer, but maybe by bumping this, more people will see it, and maybe they can offer some helpful info. ((hugs))

gosh Kristin, i hope you update us soon, we are worry to death about you!!

yes it is in the signature... go to www.tickerfactory.com make your ticker copy the bb code paste to your signature. take out the 's and you should be left with something like this: http://www.tickerfactory.blah.blah.blah

Ok, Yall go ahead and start your countdowns...that date will be here before you know it!! Practice chewing... ((winks)) good luck!

hey carla, my weight loss pattern did the same thing. but then all of the sudden, the scales started moving. i was doing everything the same...and for all that time(well over a month..about two months) there was NOTHING...no weight loss at all...then i got up one morning and my scales were less 3 lbs. i couldnt believe it, so i doubted it until the next morning when it said the same 3 lbs was gone in addition to a half pound. who knows why the body does that, but it does. Hang in there and keep your spirits up, i CERTAINLY understand the frustration.

my bmi was 38, idid the band in march, and i am very glad i did. good luck to you!

also, you are starting at a low weight, and i suspect a lower bmi. mine was 38 to start. it is widely believed that lower bmi-ers lose slower that higher bmi-ers.

ditto what vines said... your feelings are completely normal. i did the EXACT same thing...search for and read my thread "scales R Moving" and you will see that i lost nothing... from the time i was 1 week postop until 2 1/2 months out. it was very discouraging and i was beginning to feel that the band would not work for me. i had two fills before the weight started to change...and the losing did not start until a good three weeks after the second fill. just try to be patient and concentrate on forming good bandster eating habits. that is what i did...tried to abide by the rules, even though i did not feel any restriction. i also became obsessed with tracking my diet on fitday.com and learning how to live with 800-1200 calories a day. once you get used to it, it is really a lot more food than you think, and by the time you have restriction, there are days when 800-1200 calories is more than you will be able to easily consume. no, it is NOT a waste of time/money, etc. you are wasting energy worrying about it, but we are all guilty of doing that the first moments of life with the band.

((takes a bow)) (with her back to the audience...of course...lol)