Dashofpixiedust8

@Missy161 Thanks! @kurigotmoxie I'm so glad! @Apple1 No problem!

@Entrise It's good to be ambitious as long as it doesn't set you back! @jimp444 You are so close! @naty Congrats on meeting your challenge goal!! Did you want to set a new one for next week or just let it stay the same? @Missy161 You are doing great!!

@FabNFit@40 Aww! Thank you so much! It is really hard, we will get through it!

First of all, congrats on your success! Also, I agree about the elastic pants. I refuse to wear stretchy pants or t-shirts because thats what my only option was for soooo many years! I agree with @Sosewsue61 though. Dresses are much more forgiving than actual pants/shorts. It would really depend on your frame and goal weight what size you would need. Are you near your goal? For me my goal is a size 10, but I am 5'10 and have broad shoulders.

@sleevedshereenAww thanks. I know, change can be scary. Some days I feel so confident and pretty and other days I feel like the girl who was 540 pounds. Anytime I think about my weight I automatically put a 4 at the front instead of a 2. I have to correct myself EVERY time. I don't know why. I do need to work on self love, we are our own worst critics.

@jvleeuw Thank you! I am not really beating myself up too much about it, especially since I didn't really gain. I'm just going to move on. I just wonder if anyone else can relate to my fear. @heycrystal2052 Thank you so much! I'm just in general therapy. I have been seeing my current therapist for 14 years, I have depression and bipolar. I have a lot going on right now but lately in sessions we have been working on my body image issues and at my most recent visit, my self sabotaging behavior.

I kind of just need to vent and air out my laundry. So feel free to read on and offer advice as you see fit. I know it is long so you don’t have to read it either. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can’t but I wanted to share this with people who might understand. I do have some before and after pictures at the bottoms also if you just want to look at those! I am having a hard time lately. I had my sleeve surgery on 5/29/16. I started this process at the end of October 2015 weighing in at 540 pounds. I used to have to wear portable oxygen 24/7 because I was so overweight my fat was pressing against my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have managed to get down to 248 pounds since my surgery 14 months ago. Now I can walk 6 miles up and down hills without even getting out of breath. I just had the first of many plastic surgeries on June 5th. It was just an interim surgery since I am not at goal yet, but losing over 290 pounds will affect your skin drastically and I needed my stomach hang removed for quality of life reasons. I want many more plastic surgeries. My thighs are my biggest concern. My plastic surgeon told me he wants me to get to goal and wait at least 9 months at a stable weight before we do any more though. My doctor’s just want me to get to a size 12 or 10 as my goal. I started at a size 38/40 and now I am a size 14/16. That is insane to me honestly. I don’t think I have been a size 14/16 since I was 10 years old. Now, to be clear, I am a huge self-sabotager. I have been challenged by this since I was a kid. I have been in therapy since I was 6 with various issues and still see a great therapist every week. For over the past month I have not been cooking. Mostly because I had no energy and I was in pain still from my surgery. I don’t heal that great after surgery and it lasts with me a long time. Instead of meal planning and cooking I have been eating take out, sweets, and junk and I know it’s not helpful. Thankfully I have only gained about .8 of a pound with my self-sabotaging ways. Honestly guys, I think it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of what it will be like without my fat around me. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old. It’s all I’ve known. I used to have day dreams when I was in school of just getting on the bus and unzipping myself from this fat suit I was stuck in and everyone being amazing at this beautiful girl I actually was. Here I am at 30, basically doing that and it terrifies me. I’m not saying I’m unhappy with the weightloss, not at all. I am ECSTATIC! I can actually live my life and join in on the world instead of being trapped in my body and only living as a shell of a human being. I can go to amusement parks and fit on the rides. Which is what I did this weekend as a kind of declaration of freedom and just a time to enjoy myself with friends. I can be active, I don’t need to worry about if I will fit in a small space (but still my mind tells me I won’t and I’m scared every time that I won’t fit. I was terrified to get on every roller coaster at the park. Not because of the ride, but I was afraid I wouldn’t fit and the embarrassment would kill me). This has been a draining experience, both physically and mentally. But for me, the mental part has been the hardest. I was able to recognize that I was self-sabotaging out of fear though. I was able to get up, shake myself off, and start again. Because that is what you have to do. I have meal planned, weighed and measured my food, tracked everything, and started more activity. I will not let my manipulative brain win this time. I have come too far to stop now. I will not give up and I will NEVER go back to the girl who couldn’t live the life she wanted.

I kind of just need to vent and air out my laundry. So feel free to read on and offer advice as you see fit. I know it is long so you don’t have to read it either. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can’t but I wanted to share this with people who might understand. I do have some before and after pictures at the bottoms also if you just want to look at those! I am having a hard time lately. I had my sleeve surgery on 5/29/16. I started this process at the end of October 2015 weighing in at 540 pounds. I used to have to wear portable oxygen 24/7 because I was so overweight my fat was pressing against my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have managed to get down to 248 pounds since my surgery 14 months ago. Now I can walk 6 miles up and down hills without even getting out of breath. I just had the first of many plastic surgeries on June 5th. It was just an interim surgery since I am not at goal yet, but losing over 290 pounds will affect your skin drastically and I needed my stomach hang removed for quality of life reasons. I want many more plastic surgeries. My thighs are my biggest concern. My plastic surgeon told me he wants me to get to goal and wait at least 9 months at a stable weight before we do any more though. My doctor’s just want me to get to a size 12 or 10 as my goal. I started at a size 38/40 and now I am a size 14/16. That is insane to me honestly. I don’t think I have been a size 14/16 since I was 10 years old. Now, to be clear, I am a huge self-sabotager. I have been challenged by this since I was a kid. I have been in therapy since I was 6 with various issues and still see a great therapist every week. For over the past month I have not been cooking. Mostly because I had no energy and I was in pain still from my surgery. I don’t heal that great after surgery and it lasts with me a long time. Instead of meal planning and cooking I have been eating take out, sweets, and junk and I know it’s not helpful. Thankfully I have only gained about .8 of a pound with my self-sabotaging ways. Honestly guys, I think it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of what it will be like without my fat around me. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old. It’s all I’ve known. I used to have day dreams when I was in school of just getting on the bus and unzipping myself from this fat suit I was stuck in and everyone being amazing at this beautiful girl I actually was. Here I am at 30, basically doing that and it terrifies me. I’m not saying I’m unhappy with the weightloss, not at all. I am ECSTATIC! I can actually live my life and join in on the world instead of being trapped in my body and only living as a shell of a human being. I can go to amusement parks and fit on the rides. Which is what I did this weekend as a kind of declaration of freedom and just a time to enjoy myself with friends. I can be active, I don’t need to worry about if I will fit in a small space (but still my mind tells me I won’t and I’m scared every time that I won’t fit. I was terrified to get on every roller coaster at the park. Not because of the ride, but I was afraid I wouldn’t fit and the embarrassment would kill me). This has been a draining experience, both physically and mentally. But for me, the mental part has been the hardest. I was able to recognize that I was self-sabotaging out of fear though. I was able to get up, shake myself off, and start again. Because that is what you have to do. I have meal planned, weighed and measured my food, tracked everything, and started more activity. I will not let my manipulative brain win this time. I have come too far to stop now. I will not give up and I will NEVER go back to the girl who couldn’t live the life she wanted.

Congrats on your success!! Good luck with surgery!

I'm not as far out as many of your but I am 14 months out! I am so thankful for this sleeve!

I save time by planning what I'm going to eat for the whole day and tracking it all in the morning. I can adjust at the end of the day if I added anything or didn't eat something. I use my fitness pal though I've heard not everything is completely accurate on it, I still find it to be the best for me.

@DedicatedLady I have updated the sheet for you!

It's so true. The number on the scale is not the end all be all of weight. You can lose inches while you aren't losing pounds. It's very important to not just focus on the numbers, I know it can be hard but if you only focus on the scale you will not be happy.

I am so sorry to hear of all that you are going through. First off, I need you to do the most important thing, forgive yourself and move on. If you feel like you are a failure you will be more likely to wallow and graze more. You have to just stand up, accept the bad eating and grazing of the past, dust yourself off and start again. I have had to do this many times. I was sleeved on 5/29/16 and am down 260 since surgery and 291 overall. I just had a bout of a few weeks after having my panniculectomy surgery and some stressful times where I was eating really bad. I was giving in to my cravings and not counting my calories. Maybe not everyone will slip but many people do. I feel the difference between those who regain their focus and those who don't is forgiving themselves. I came to the realization that I was self sabotaging myself, and even though I gained less than a pound I was on the path of regain. I just had to sit down with myself and say, I am not going back. I have come too far to ruin this now. I will never be that person again. Then I did some meal planning. I started weighing everything again and have tracked everything that goes in my mouth. I am keeping to a 1,200 calorie a day limit because that is what my surgeon recommends. I know this is hard, and you have had a lot of stressors in your life that would test even the strongest will power. You can come back from this, just take it one day at a time. If that's too much just one meal at a time. You can't change the past but you control the future. We are all here if you need us to vent to people who would understand or if you are looking for suggestions!

@jimp444 I have updated the sheet!

i feel like some people don't know if it's okay to mention it. For me, it wasn't really that noticeable until I was down over 150 pounds since I started so high. Not everyone would mention it. I was on the fence about whether I even wanted them to say anything. Now that I'm down 292 pounds...it is VERY noticeable and I really WANT the attention. Not everyone gives it still but MANY people do. I really think it depends on how well that person knows you whether they feel they have a right to comment on it. Everyone is different and maybe they feel it would be insulting to say something. I know it's very hard but try not to focus on any one else's reactions to you but focus on your own reactions and abilities you didn't have before. Also, I'm not saying you are but if you depend on other people's reactions to validate your choice of having surgery it may affect your commitment to continue. Only you can make you happy. I struggle with the physical validation from others a lot. I'm trying to focus on the fact that before, I was a shell of a human in a round squishy cell. Now I am free and I am active and I am who I always wanted and knew I could be but always stopped myself from becoming. This is both a physically and emotionally draining experience and I'm sure there is a difference, others just may not know what to say about it. But you can tell yourself, damn, I look good! Sorry for the long post...I think I wrote some of this to remind myself as much as I want to tell you!

My weigh in this week was 249.6...up again. This is because I've been eating like crap and I got an unexpected monthly visitor for the SECOND time this month I am going back to basics and focusing on protein and calorie counting again. I CAN NOT sabotage myself. I have come TOO FAR. Mr surgeon wants me to lose 30-35 more pounds and I was to lose 50. It is so close I can see it and I'm just getting in my own way. NOT ANYMORE!! I can do this and I will do this...

@kurigotmoxie It's really hard when you travel and don't have your own kitchen. All you can do is accept it for what it is and do what you need to do to get back on track! @DedicatedLady you have BEAT your challenge goal! would you like to adjust your goal for the last 2 weeks?

@doingit4me2017 You are getting so close!! @klette0147 You did better than maintain, you lost a pound!

@braydens.momma Congratulations!! You made it to ONEDERLAND!!! That's so exciting!! @Torriluv87 I feel your pain! I wasn't even expecting my monthly visitor since I just had it 2 1/2 weeks ago! Grrr! @Mandi4417 That's awesome! I hope you are feeling good! @rubia72YAY!!! Congratulations!! You are in ONEDERLAND!!! You don't know how big of a smile popped on my face when I read your entry! I told you it would happen!

@Apple1 It will start to move again! @katieroybal You kicked that stall's butt! Way to go! @chrys129 I know how frustrating that can be. We just have to stay motivated and the scale will start to move again. It is important to also focus on how clothes feel and our measurements because sometimes the scale doesn't move but we shrink anyway!

@jimp444You have BEAT your challenge goal of 210!! Congrats! Would you like to adjust your goal for the last 2 weeks? @dede0314 I know how frustrating that is! We just have to stay the course! @thisisthenewme YAY! That's great! You have also BEATEN your challenge goal! Would you like to adjust your goal for the last 2 weeks? @tinytummy17 You are so close to ONEDERLAND!!

Well I am 5'10 Also I had a panniculectomy on June 5th that helped a lot! Lol Before my panniculectomy I was a size 22 bottom

@jkppt How are you doing now?

I just had my panniculectomy on June 5th...It was covered by insurance 100% but I had MANY skin issues from it and it hung very low. It also was just the flap removal...not much contouring. I am also not at goal yet, this is a interim surgery. I have lost 292 pounds so the extra skin I have is significant. I added it up and all the surgeries I want will be around $23,000. My surgeon thinks he will be able to get insurance to cover my thighs though which is the one I want the most and is also the most expensive surgery I need. He told me my thighs are the most significant he has seen. I'm worried though because I do not know what my insurance situation will be like next year since I have insurance through the affordable care act and I need to be at goal and a stable weight for 3 months before I have the thigh surgery. I am still 49 pounds away from my goal and do not think I will be able to reach goal in 2 months in order to have this surgery this year.