sleepyjean

I'm on the same page with you. I have dieted down to 135 twice, and both times, I immediately began regaining the weight. I guess that's a big reason why I'm so frustrated. I know I can't keep it off. And knowing that makes it even harder to motivate myself to even try. It takes a lot of willpower to lose that much weight. Unfortunately, it's hard to have willpower in the absence of hope (sigh)

I had a physical on Tuesday to get a referral to a surgeon and find out if I had any “ammo” that I could put on my medical history. My doctor is a 1st year resident and she said she’d give me a referral, but when she consulted with the attending physician he said no. We made a deal that I would give it three months and then we’d talk about it again. In the meantime, I’ve been directed to exercise three times a week and I have to go back and see her once a month so she can check on my progress. I also found out that – except for the obesity thing – I am in perfect health. No pre-indicators of heart disease, high cholesterol, apnea, high blood pressure, etc. In fact, my blood pressure is *lower* than most people’s. I am 31, 5’6” and I weigh 233. My goal is 140. (That may seem like a low weight, but I have a smallish frame. At that size, I was a comfortable size 10 and by no means “skinny.”) I don’t know what to do. Should I *try* to lose weight in the next three months or not? I bet I could lose 10 pounds in 3 months. But that would push me further away from eligibility for the surgery. Part of me thinks I should say screw it and try to gain another 10 pounds or so. But that’s so…I don’t know…dishonest. What would you do? SJ

I went to my physical on Tuesday, intending to leave with a referral to UCLA bariatrics. I also wanted to find out if I have any issues related to high cholesterol, diabetes, etc. I don’t have the lab results back yet, but I found out that my BP is lower than normal, so that’s not going to be an issue I can document on my surgery evaluation form. The doctor (a first year resident) said she’d give me a referral, but then her attending doc vetoed it. Basically, I have to “try” to lose weight and I have to see the doctor once a month at least until the end of the year. I actually don’t feel too badly about that because that same day I got a packet from UCLA saying I have to have documented proof of failure on a doctor-supervised program (which I currently do not have). I figured I’d wait until the end of the year, and then apply for the surgery. Meanwhile, she gave me the whole “the surgery won’t guarantee that you’ll lose weight” talk. I understand that. But it *will* keep me from bingeing and since that’s my main problem, I think I’d do just fine. At the same time, the shrink changed up my antidepressants and I’m feeling a lot better. So when the doctor asked me to give her three months and just try to lose some weight, I was all “Hey, I bet I can do this!” Well…now I’ve had a couple of days to think about it. I’ve been down this road before. In the past, the meds have worked for a little while, and I become able to function a little better and lose some weight. But then the meds stop working and I wind up bingeing and gaining all the weight back and then some. So I feel great now, but I don’t expect it to last. The past is the best predictor of the future, right? I have no doubt that I could lose ten pounds. But losing ten pounds does not require as much as losing 90 pounds. Losing 90 pounds means sticking to it for months before you begin to notice even a little change and that’s when the motivation fails me. I’m already a borderline case. Losing even ten pounds could get me denied, and then where will I be? A “mere” 80 pounds overweight. Still obese. Still miserable about it, but not quite miserable enough, apparently. I don’t know what to do. Do I try to lose weight, or do I wait it out (no pun intended)? On one hand, of course I don’t really *want* to have surgery if it’s not absolutely necessary. But on the other, I just don’t think I have it in me to go through this cycle of failure again, and I feel that I’ve already wasted enough of my life with this struggle. I’m tired of doing this to myself, you know? So if anyone has any insight to share, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks, SJ

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, what's the deal not eating the membranes on citrus fruits. Does that mean you can't eat oranges at all? That would suck.

They come in sizes???? Learn something new every day.

I'm trying to figure out what my healthy weight range is, but I need to know what my body frame is. I'm pretty sure I don't have a large frame. I've never been "big boned." But how do I know if I'm a small or a medium? I've seen three methods for figuring it out, and none of them really work. 1. Measure your wrist: Well, if you're obese, your wrist will be bigger, so that doesn't help 2. Measure the distance between the bones in your elbow: I can't ever seem to get an accurate measure on that. 3. Wrap one hand around the opposite wrist and see if your fingers touch: Well, my thumb touches my index finger and ring finger and overlaps my middle finger. So what does that mean? Maybe I have long fingers. Does anyone know of a better way to figure this out? Or is this one of those things "you just know"? *confused* SJ

As I've said before, I plan to tell no one. But the more I think about it, it seems like I'm at least going to have to tell my boss something. I could get a week off for the surgery and call it a vacation. But if I'm accepted into the program, that'll mean several office visits for different things. I'm not sure how to get around it. If I tell her I'm having surgery, then she will understand why I keep taking an hour off here and there. I don't want to lie outright, but I also don't want to tell her what the surgery is for. I can't think of what to say. Anyone have any suggestions?

Ok, you've given me some hope. I feel a little better now. :-) I'm still nervous about having a physical today, though.

My first thought was "eeeeewww." But $5 says If I get banded, I'll do the same thing.

((((((((((good luck vibes)))))))))

awesome awesome awesome!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. :-(

I can't believe your insurance won't cover it. Did they cover the original surgery, or did you self-pay?

yay!!!! :-)

At work yes, but apparently fooling around online instead of doing actual work! Good to know I’m not the only one, LOL I’m a software project implementation manager

I’m just wondering. Because for the past week, I’ve been going on and on about waiting forever to get a referral from my PCP so I can get the evaluation process started. “Waiting is horrible,” I said. “I can’t stand it,” I said. “This SUCKS,” I said. I spent all weekend agonizing over it. So this morning, I decided to call my health ins. and get some more info. The guy I spoke to said I’d have to be screened by UCLA bariatrics and UCLA would make the yes/no decision – not Healthnet. However, the guy on the phone was a nice man who struggled a bit with his English (he said the requirement is a 40kg BMI, LOL), so I won’t take it as Gospel, but it sounds like that’s one less obstacle to deal with. Then, feeling upbeat, I decided to call the PCP’s office and see if I could get on a waiting list for the next available female physician. (I hate calling there because the guy who answers the phone is a real jackass.) This time, a lady answered the phone and – miracle of miracles – they have an opening tomorrow. TOMORROW. MANANA. MORGEN. DEMAIN. OMORROW-TAY. I actually jumped up and down and said wahoo. …And then I remembered that doctors, hospitals, needles, etc. terrify me. So now I’m busy thinking about that. Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be lying on a table like a mackerel on a platter, covered only by an oversized napkin, with some total stranger poking and prodding my big old nekkid bod and jabbing me with sharp needles in places I’d prefer they not go. I begin to see why head shrinkers and support groups are an integral part of this process…

That looks like a lot of blood tests. *faints*

I'm Albert Einstein and Apocalypse Now.

Does anyone here have any experience with healthnet insurance and/or the lap-band program at UCLA? They have a great website, (http://www.uclabariatrics.mednet.ucla.edu) but when I read their requirements, it looks pretty dim for me. Did anyone get banded there? *bummed*

Tom Petty had it right when he said "the waiting is the hardest part." I just joined this group and have mostly stayed in the general discussion forum. Everyone there has been so helpful with answering all of my questions, but I can't help but envy them all. It seems like the waiting will be forever - I can't even get in to see my PCP until the end of the month! After that, heaven only knows how long it will take to get the paperwork submitted. And though I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, I can't help but think I'm going to be denied or they'll tell me I have to do a diet for two years or something. More waiting. Ugh. And if - after years of carrying around an extra 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 pounds - someone actually tells me that I'm not big enough for the surgery, my head will probably explode. I just wish I could see into the future and know if I get rejected or not. Then I could go on with my life. But for now, I feel like I'm in this sucky holding pattern. Though I'm incredibly happy for everyone making the changes in their lives, it's hard to watch them all move forward while I'm left behind. Does that make any sense? Is anyone else having the same feelings? Has anyone figured out how to deal with them?

I would be very angry too. It's not like your mother had to lie. She could have told SIL to ask YOU that question. You have a right to your feelings and if you don't want to pick up your parents you don't have to (unless they have no other way to get home.) This is the worst kind of situation - when the other person is in the wrong and not only refuses to admit it, but tries to turn it back on you. Having said that, you had to know deep down, that if you told ANYONE at all, you risked everyone else finding out. So if I were you, I'd just say "Mom, I confided in you and I'm upset because you broke my trust. I understand you have a different point of view and that's your prerogative. I know now that it's not always a good idea to share confidential information with you, and I will be careful not to do that in the future." Just tell her the truth. Get it off your chest, and then try to put it behind you.

yay! :-) :-)

Oh geez, something else to look forward to. I keep thinking this isn't *real surgery* like gastric bypass or open heart surgery, but things like this remind me that this is really serious business.

I'm reading through these boards (and doing some research on my own) and when I come across things like catheter, endscopy, and barium swallow I get a little freaked out. It would really help if somone would walk me through the tests and things you have to go through to get evaluated and prepped for surgery, so I know what to expect. So for those who are banded, what medical tests did you have to do (x-rays, blood tests, etc) beforehand? And then on the actual day of surgery, what do you have to do? Does the surgeon draw lines on your belly? Do they stick a bunch of needles in you? They pump you full of gas? Is there an enema involved? *shudder* Give it to me straight. I'm prepared to be horrified, but it's got to be better than what I'm imagining!