fairee

Let me share my experiences and my thoughts. I have quite a bit of experience in the love market of life. I have been married 4 times and divorced 3 times.Currently I am separated from my 4th husband. To me, looks weren't important at all! It was all about who they were. Unfortunately, both myself and the guys put on a false face when we met and then tried to keep a relationship going after that.We tried to "connect" and establish a friendship in the marriage but the cracks began to show very early on. In examining my true self, I have realized that I saw what I wanted to see. I have tried online dating, actually back in the days when it was on AOL. I would meet someone who was fun to talk to, seemed to have a lot in common, but boy oh boy when we met..... it seemed like it was a different man that I met! One was married! Many people posted pictures from 10 years ago. When I met, what turned me off was their dishonesty! I posted my current picture and was mostly honest ;} I had 2 great connections, not for a romantic relationship but for friendships that have lasted 15 years. Even through 2 of my marriages. And what have I learned throughout all of this? I learned that a relationship can't be sustained if you lie to yourself and don't love yourself as you are! Once you accept yourself and love yourself then you are ready for love and a lasting relationship. Slowly my husband and I are both learning to relate to each other as we truly are, not the idealized versions of ourselves from 10 years ago. He is my best friend and we are closer than ever. He supports me emotionally now and we connect more than ever. We are currently interacting only as friends and I prefer it this way. I'm not ready to explore a physical relationship with him again. It's not because of my body or wanting to see other men. It is because I'm not ready emotionally, I still am working on me. I'm sorry this is long, but in a nutshell I guess I'm saying a relationship based on lies or idealized versions of people isn't a strong relationship. You need to accept who you are inside, not the outer shell. Don't focus on your weight, don't defeat yourself by saying that a woman can't see who you are because of your weight. Don't put a picture of who you are going to be in the future, but rather who you are now. I wish you good luck in your future relationships and always remember that this forum is a great place to get advice and support from others!

Everyone is so helpful! I have been copy & pasting the posts in an email to myself so I can compile a list of foods and ideas. I have also been looking over everyone's posts for additional info from those who are post op. I need to visually see things and having the words of wisdom are helping already! You guys are the best! I love this site and forums!!

@@toasty I think this is a great way not only to explain to others but also for myself to think about it. I'm going to print this out so I can refer to it when I need to Thank you!

After reading these replies. I have started going thru my cupboards and I realize that I don't really have too many things to give away. Most of the food there are good foods

You are an incredibly understanding and perceptive man. It sounds like you have been grieving over parts of your marriage/relationship for awhile. You've learned to adapt to the changes, but it isn't the same as accepting them. I admire the open and honest communication the two of you seem to have had throughout all of your relationship. She has been your one and only since you were 5....... how many people can even fathom this? I know I can't, although I wish I could I personally know that living in a marriage without any type of intimacy is very hard to do. My husband quit touching me in any way 3 years ago. I tried to reach out to him but was only frustrated in return. Last year, I moved out and found my own place. Since then we have actually become closer, but as friends. Neither one of us has any intention of dating or looking for anyone else and this is working for us. I guess what I'm saying is, there is no one size fits all for the human race. You have something special with her and you will find a way to make it work together. Believe in yourself and do what you need to to keep yourself happy. Hugs to you

Thank you for such a comprehensive list! I know it will be awhile before I will be able to eat most of this, but I'm making a list of everyone's suggestions and I'm going to go from that! You guys are the best!! I'm so glad I found this forum. You all have reinforced my decision to pursue WLS. I have learned so much.

@@JosieAppleHead .. your post is the first I have seen that has sweet potato in it. I love it! I haven't tried the almod milk with coconut yet, I'll have to try it

I have a lot of spices because I'm always looking for new flavors. I think just about everything I eat has some type of added spice to it! I'm not a fan of mustard or mayo, but I do love my homemade salsa! I usually have artichoke hearts on hand at all times too. I keep pickles in the fridge too, and also save the juice. I read that it is a great for hydration, you just drink some.

Thanks everyone! I'm getting some great ideas on how to prepare myself for my new life!! I love to use fresh veggies, but most of the time they go bad. Freezing in the right portions is a great way to use them up!

I have very little prepackaged foods, some canned veggies I'm getting rid of; mac & cheese I had for my granddaughter..... I do have rice, couscous, quiona, tri color Pasta, and some reg pasta. I also have regular oatmeal. Which ones of these should I hold on to?

@@Tssiemer1 ... what part of Ohio are you from? I'm in Warren, just outside of Youngstown

I am just beginning this journey and I am curious to know what items to keep in my pantry and what to get rid of. I live alone, so I don't have to keep anything that I don't need to eat there. I'm also on disability so I can't afford to waste food I love spices and seasonings and I realize that I have to be careful with the seasonings. I figure the spices I have are good. I grow some herbs and dry them or freeze them in ice cubes. What about any condiments or dressings? I figure I'm getting everything out of the house now so I'm not tempted. My hubby (we're separated but still best friends) is going to get a nice package of food!

I'm 55 and am new to WLS. I have been thinking about this for quite awhile. I have my consultation on Wed. I have been reading many posts about bypass. I decided on this because it is the gold standard and I think it has the best results from what I have read. I have tried to diet and exercise but the results have been dismal. My health has been getting worse and I don't see an end in sight. In the past 18 months, I have had 8 rounds of shots in my back, and 3 radiofrequency ablations. And my pain from the osteoarthritis not only gets worse, but is spreading to my hips and knees. I can no longer walk unaided but need my cane. This has limited my activity. This summer was the worse! My 9 yr. old granddaughter, who I've practically raised from birth, came to stay with me for 7 weeks. I wasn't able to do the things that meant so much to her before.... no long walks in the woods, no hiking at our local park, no festivals and I constantly heard "Are you okay Ga?" from her when we did go out cause I was breathing so hard I was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and have a BIPAP machine, it scared the crap out of her! She actually asked me what she had to do if the mask came off and I wasn't breathing!!! Talk about a wake up call! The first time I saw obesity on my medical report, I was in denial...... see I haven't always been overweight. I haven't wanted to really say this on here but this is my reality. I was very thin until I was in my mid 30's. Then I started gaining and gaining. It began when I started my bipolar meds. One of the docs decided that I was too thin and put me on a med that took me from a size 7 to a size 16 in 3 months! And of course, it stayed in that range until I had my hysterectomy. Then I gained and gained. Anyway, I don't want to be the fluffy Ga who can't do anything fun with her.... I want to be healthy and happy. I want to set a good example for her and my other granddaughter. I want to be there for their journey thru life. I want to be able to live again and enjoy life for the next 40-50 years. I don't want to be in worse health than my 83 year old Mom, like I am now! I'm glad I found this forum and all of you!

Hi! I'm from NE Ohio

I don't know if he is or not. I'll call later and ask. If he's not, then no harm and I'll have the answer to my dilemma.

Thank you Daisee68! I appreciate your input. I think you're right. I'll ask when I have the consultation to ask if thier social worker can do the eval and if she offers ongoing therapy.

Awesome!!! I salute you!

Gotta have the ducks! I saw you're from Ohio, I'm in Warren close to Youngstown. Where are you from?

They do have a licensed social worker on staff. I haven't met with her yet, so I'm not sure if I have to have my own yet. I'm trying to get all my dicks in a row!

I finally did it.... I scheduled a consultation with a local surgeon who is highly recommended. I also told my hubby (we're spearated but friends), Mom and sister. They were all very happy with my decision and told me they would help anyway they could! I'm now wondering if I should get my psch eval done by my regular psychiatrist or someone else. My dilema is that he and I don't see eye to eye on some things. We have had our differences in opinions about pain meds and more importantly, when I was told that I may have to have back surgery. Believe me I didn't want to have it, but if it was the last resort I would have done it. He is of the opinion I should just tough it out. When I'm there for a med check for my psych meds, I agree with his recommendations because we are on the same page. I'm afraid that his report may not be completely free of his bias. We have talked in the past about how my weight is affecting me, that is always a consideration when a med change has to take place. I really like him as my psychiatrist but I'm not really comfortable with hime doing the eval. Any thoughts? Thanks!