notateechanow

Jay, I'm so glad you finally posted. I was hoping Singing would somehow get your input. Let me begin by telling you both that this band hasn't changed--in any form--my compulsion for eating. The only thing separating my weight loss from yours is my ability to stop being such a perfectionist. During one of my many stints at Weight Watchers, I remember a leader telling me we're all perfectionists or we wouldn't be overweight---we all suffer from the "start on Monday" or "I made a mistake so the day is shot" syndromes. Jay, you've made a lot of progress lately that you failed to acknowledge in your post. Even if you've been able to keep record of your calories or kept certain behaviors under control for a little while, you've at least made those attempts. I hear both you and Singing saying something similar---that you both have huge responsibilities that are overwhelming. Let's be honest---none of us wants to be fat or we wouldn't be in this situation. You've made a commitment to yourself long enough to be banded---but other responsibilities have taken the focus you once had on yourself and placed it elsewhere. Jay, I'm really glad you've continued to go to the support meetings. Even if they haven't helped you lose weight, I hope they have helped you to realize that we're all very similar in most facets of this experience. I wish I could give you all a magic potion and make this go away. Honestly, I remember so well numerous times in my life when I believed I'd rather eat myself to death than have to face this horrible fat life for another day. Jay, I know we've talked about counseling---and I do recognize many people don't believe in it, but I hope you'll talk with someone--if for no other reason than to understand why you're eating and maybe the triggers in that. If you can isolate and avoid a few of the triggers, it will at least give you a small sense of control. Let's not sugar coat this---we all have major control issues or we wouldn't be in this position. It's how you choose to address those issues that separates us. I found that staying on a nearly liquid diet for the first year worked for me. Yep....sounds drastic, but it worked. I needed results to keep me going. I couldn't deal with the frustration of having had this and not losing weight. I couldn't fail at this too. I've certainly failed at EVERYTHING else I've tried. I just hope that Jay and Singing come to realize that we all have far more in common than things that separate us---but the thing that determines whether or not you're successful with this is whether or not you eat and the quantities you consume. It really is all mathematical. Sure, there are factors that will vary, such as how your body metabolizes food, but we were subjected to so many tests prior to surgery to be sure there aren't metabolic or physical reasons for our obesity. That leaves only 2 other reasons---psychological and behavioral. I think you'd find---even if you had GB, you'd be patients who eventually gained the weight back. Until you change your eating behaviors, you'll never have success. You've heard it a million times, but the band is merely a tool to provide you some control. If you choose to circumvent it (consciously or unconsciously) then it won't work. I share your frustrations and believe we all do. I have the utmost respect for your honesty and your willingness to put yourself out there and share your stories. Most of us won't do that. I appreciate it more than you know. Jay, I believe that acknowledging what is really going on is one major step in facing this demon---and you've been working at that. While YOU may not notice the change, the past few meetings have been progress. Every time we see you, your attitude has changed slightly. You can BS about what you're really doing behind closed doors, and only you know what's really going on. If you want support and help, we're here for you. I hope you'll come to realize we're not all about butterflies and smiles. We're fellow fighters in this battle who have had some amount of success with the same fight. Good luck---face this one meal, one hour at a time. You'll have far more success if you cut yourself some slack. :thumbup:

Singing-- I "came" upon this website and really relied on it when I felt like I couldn't make this thing work. Tiny can attest (we talk about our frustrations....) that this has been anything but easy. The last 2 or 3 support groups have actually been about our frustrations and disappointments. I understand that the group wasn't meeting your needs, but please know that we've all been frustrated and disappointed by our bands at one point or another. I don't often get hungry any more. I know that sounds so unrealistic to you, but it's true. My problem is that I love to eat. It's unconscious and completely out of control when I start bingeing. The band doesn't keep me from doing that. For a while I worried that the band has allowed me to be bulimic. While I have managed to keep a lot of my weight off, I EASILY gained nearly 20 pounds over Christmas when I didn't take the time to focus on myself---THAT is one of the things that really separates you and I....Singing, I'm single. I don't have many responsibilities. I come and go and do my own thing. I don't take care of anyone but me. People like me are bound to be successful because we have the time and energy to devote to ourselves, not our families, kids, etc....no one brings home food that I shouldn't eat. I workout because I feel guilty not doing it---certainly not because I enjoy it. I do it because otherwise I have nothing to do after work til it's time to go to work again in the morning. One thing that really helped me when I was struggling was to start going to a counselor. I needed help with my emotions that drove me to eat. I ate A LOT. I ate when I stressed, when I was happy, when I was sad---and I turned to food when I thought it would make me feel better. Counseling is covered by my insurance. I realize it's not for everyone, but with all you have going on, it might be nice for you to have someone who HAS to listen to you. The band will be there for you----when I suggested talking to P, I was thinking more along the lines of really picking her brain for a plan that works with YOUR body. She was super helpful when I needed to tweak the lap band "diet". It didn't work for me, plain and simple. I needed far more protein (and if you're hungry, it's likely YOU do, too!) and more carbs. She's good about playing around with the different combinations to help find something that will work for your body. We're all here for different reasons, and one plan will not work for everyone. Keep up the fight. Just be sure to make time for yourself. :cool:

Singing, I'm so sad that this has been your experience, but know that there are many like you---in fact, my primary care doctor warned me that I would likely end up in the same situation and strongly advised me to have GB instead. Would you consider having that at this point and having the band removed? I respect and more importantly, really appreciate your honesty about your experience. I'm wiling to wager that there are far more like you than will admit--many who just drop off out of disappointment. You also sound as if you've got a full plate personally. I'm sorry your surgeon wasn't more supportive. Have you met with the dietician to see if maybe the "diet" you're following just isn't working for your body, in hope of adjusting it for you? I hate being hungry--I have days that I'm hungry but my band won't allow me to eat and I end up resorting to mashed potatoes and shakes from McD's. NOT band friendly, I realize, but it's what stops the hunger.... I won't be running any marathons. To be entirely honest, I've lost a lot of the wind in my sails and become rather complacent. I ran two 5 K's. I don't really want to do it again. I'm not gonna lie---it's pure torture. I haven't lost any more weight since last year, but maybe about 5 pounds. I still hate running. I'm having surgery on my foot at the end of summer and hope that it will at least make walking/running more comfortable for me. I do have a little PSA for all of you---Laffy Taffy is NOT band friendly. Yep---had some left from the Easter baskets and it just smelled sooooo good. It looked like I ate the poor Easter bunny. Came out looking just like it went in, colorful and all! Gross! Hope you're all having a good week. Singing, is there any chance that---when life stops being so complicated---you'll give the band another shot? If not, would you consider GB? A good friend of mine had it just last week and is very pleased thus far....but then again, we all had that honeymoon period. Keep smiling and be sure to make time for yourself. Sounds like you need it!! :thumbup:

Hey there, Holly--it's the 2nd Monday, which is next week.... :smile2:

So sorry you guys are struggling. I'm just having a hard time getting my rear end into the gym regularly. I'm pleased that Tiny's suggestion for Miralax and flaxseed oil have worked wonders. My pressure has never felt band related, but always more intestinal. Sad that the wonderful Dr. R. never helped me find a solution and realized how that would affect my band.....but I feel like a new woman. I could likely get a fill next time, but not sure I will. Thinking I need to practice a little self control and considering making an appointment with Phyllis to get myself reacquainted with what I am supposed to be doing then start journaling again.....but not so sure. I did make an appointment with him just in case. I figure I can either cancel or just not get a fill if I'm not ready. Tova, I'm sorry you're struggling. I can imagine that stress (as Tiny mentioned) adds to the hassle. It's a super busy time of year for us at work! Keep your chin up. When you're ready to get back at it, the band is there for you. Blue Sam, how are you? Heidi, I get odd port pain from time to time, but it usually goes away after a day or two. I used to work out heavily with my trainer and do really tough ab workouts, but my port hasn't moved---not to say it isn't sore, particularly after those workouts, but it hasn't moved as far as I know....Hope it's feeling better. :biggrin: Enjoying this beautiful day and hope you all are, too!

You had nacho chips? I definitely don't remember that....maybe it was one of the big blue drinks that kept me from noticing--or that tequila flavored thing? UGH. Sorry to hear it didn't stay down......I ate the fried mozzarella at the end of the night--but the breading and the cheese were apparently both very bad ideas. I think it might be a few weeks before I head out like that again---but who knows?! I was down a good 7 pounds until I started eating again. By the way---not sure if it's the Miralax or flaxseed oil, but I'm taking both daily and feeling like a million bucks!! :thumbup:

Was reminded of a very important lesson this evening---- "bartender, make it strong" + fried mozzarella to go = an hour spent bent over the garbage disposal. Wasted money, very drunk. I forget that I'm banded when I've been drinking----but remember quickly when the food comes back at me. Did I say I was "happy" with this decision? Mel, is that what I was saying tonight???????

Hey there, BlueSam. Glad to hear you're feeling ok, but particularly happy to hear you're confident you've made the right decision. Even on my worst, over-filled, dehydrated and can't keep food down days, I've NEVER regretted doing this. I do miss a few things---being able to gorge myself til I feel better and a few old favorites that I just can't stomach any more, but I've never questioned my decision to be banded. It just keeps getting better......sure, there will be frustrating days ahead, when the scale doesn't seem to be accurate, but all things considered, this has been so worth it! Incidentally, I've just gotten home from the gym where I was running---training for my next 5K. If you told me even 4 years ago I'd look forward to running or do it for stress relief, I'd tell you that you're crazy. Headed out to grab a salad---though I'm not sure I can tolerate it. I'm just looking forward to a nice, quiet night at home when I can relax and slowly eat a salad!!! LOL Crazy. Definitely not where I imagined I'd be at this point in my life.:smile2: There's a support group on Monday night @ the Faulkner at 6 with Phyllis. I hope some of you guys will join us!!!

I considered actually getting an unfill----I'm having issues with not using the bathroom. I have pressure on my stomach that's causing discomfort and reflux here and there, but it's not the tightness of the band. So...he referred me to Miralax and my PCP who I see on the 19th for my annual physical, anyway. SO there it stands. If I get tighter or have reflux again, I was told to go ahead and call for an emergency unfill. So.....we'll see! Waste of a trip to the Faulkner.

You totally should have said hello. I'm not easily bothered by people! I wouldn't have been weirded out at all! The gentleman next to me is just about 2 weeks post-op and comes to the support group meetings at the Faulkner with us. He's a really good guy. More of a listener than a talker, but typically because it's usually us girls taking over the forum! The woman all the way down on the far wall with glasses has come to meetings, too, and I felt badly because I couldn't remember her name. I also don't know if she's pre or post op at this point! Congrats on the weight loss thus far. You're doing a great job!! No words of advice. Just sit back and relax and do your thing. I went back to work far too soon and didn't give myself to enjoy the time off. I need to be busy, but if I had to do it all over again, would have at least taken a week or so off. Take your time and listen to your body. Move as soon as you feel up for it. That made a big difference for me. The anesthesia was the one things that really screwed with me. I never bothered with the pain pills. TAKE the laxative if he gives you one! By the time you realize you should have taken one, it's often too late and you're super uncomfortable. Without a good amount of fiber in you, you won't be going regularly after surgery! Good luck and keep us posted! Get some rest. :thumbup:

I realize many who started this journey with us no longer visit the site, and like many of you, I turned off notifications for a while, too. I've been really struggling lately and wondering why, particularly now that I'm 2+ years post surgery. It's made me sit back and reflect on the many changes that have occurred in my life---the many positive and few negative, too. So I'm curious to know---what struggles do you have now, if any? What changes most surprised you? What has enabled you or kept you from being successful? It's been one more year and yet I've barely lost 10 pounds. (I'm down around 110-115, so I'm not complaining....) I swear it's not from a lack of trying or working the band, but I feel much like my old non-banded self with regard to the frustration and disappointment. So with all of that, I'm back here for inspiration and commiseration. Hope you're all well. :eek: Paige

I signed up and got on immediately---not waiting 7 days for the mail! It doesn't have much info--tests run, appointments scheduled, etc. Nothing about weight or about fill levels. It had tests that I'd had pre and post surgical. My primary care stuff is on there, with prescription meds, too. Not too much about the band though. :redface:

Congrats, Heidi! Sounds like you're keeping yourself on the right path! I have a rather "intimate" question for all of you---if you're easily grossed out, please read no further! I'm struggling with feeling full all the time, but it's not like food is sitting above my band. It's in my stomach and intestines. I've tried laxatives and benefiber, but it doesn't seem to do the trick. I have a really tough time getting and keeping water down because I feel so full! I worked out today and that seemed to help slightly...but not sure what else to do to prevent this. I don't think it's a too tight thing. No reflux and not getting stuck---it's all just behind my belly button. Really uncomfortable. Suggestions, anyone? I've tried adding more liquids, but often can't stomach them....Help, anyone?! :biggrin:

Hope your fill went well today, Tova. I'm tight today, but working well with my fill. I notice the restriction with the volume of what I can eat, so I'm happy with that. I'm headed back again in a month--or at least, I'm scheduled to go. I think I'll likely go, even if I don't want a fill just to keep on track. I'm also thinking about making an appointment to start over with Phyllis. I think it's really time I get back at this wholeheartedly. Meeting next Monday! Anyone going? (Jay, I think you said you have class. I have negotiation meetings on Tuesdays so I can't go to the Brigham....)

Hey there, Sandy. Sounds like you've got some concrete goals. That's always the best kind to have, to measure your progress. Like you, I've struggled for the past 3 months without much fill. I went in on Monday after being unfilled for the most dreadful 3 months possible. (Just like old days---no control, bad choices, and tons of bad holiday food....) I gained 14 pounds since I went in for my big unfill in November. Yep. Gross. Now I just have that much farther to go to One derland! I'm now back to 6 cc. I'm doing 2 days on, two days off at the gym. I have to because I don't have enough workout clothes for more than 2 days at a time. My "ah-ha" moment was when my bras and pants got too tight. I got rid of all of my fat clothes and have nothing to wear. (Incidentally, it's amazing how gaining or losing 20-25 pounds in size 24 made little difference in how things fit, but 10 pounds in a misses size 14 makes an enormous difference!!) OH, the bad memories it brought back. I'm off to the gym. Looking forward to attacking the 5K course that ate me alive last spring. I managed to finish in 36 minutes, which isn't bad, but I could have WALKED it that fast!! I'm still working on recruiting a few friends to join me this time around. It's a new day.....Keep up the good work, ladies! Anyone headed to this month's support at the Faulkner?

I tried Alli before the band...and never had any dumping. I think everyone reacts differently. It has similar ingredients to the Orlistat used in the chips and other snack foods. With that said, I swear I felt like I was taking a placebo. I intentionally loaded up on fatty foods one night, just to see if it really worked, with nothing happening. I took an entire bottle of it but never lost weight and no effects. I managed to pick up nearly 12 pounds since school started and was thinking of taking Alli to help me out. Now I realize what a stupid thought it was....what I truly need to do is get back to the gym, eating properly, and sleeping every night. Somehow I just pictured that this struggle would get easier after a few years.....but it hasn't. I'm still the same person, just smaller. Good luck to all of you. I hope you're able to find something that works for you. :w00t:

Heidi, I get this strange tight feeling/almost like a heart burn thing going at the bottom of my throat, top of my chest when I haven't eaten or had anything to drink. If I skip too many meals my stomach really reacts..... How are you feeling? Have you been making time to workout? I did on Monday, but that was it. My week has been far too crazy...

Hey all. Thought I'd pass the info along....I finally tried the Isopure (Grape something or other..) drink. Incidentally, it's on sale at Rite Aid this week. The six packs are buy one, get one free for $10.99 AND there was a coupon for $1.00 off in the Globe, too! It is pretty expensive for 6 (8 oz) drinks, but it's a really nice change from dairy based drinks. No hints at the protein even being in there, unlike the strange unflavored Unjury I tried before.... Hoping to hit Monday's meeting, but I'm in contract negotiation meetings on Tuesdays for the next few weeks, possibly months...so Jay, this may be it for a while! Glad to hear you're coming back. I'm due to visit Dr. R in 3 weeks. My bandless seeming life without fill has been reminiscent of life pre-band. I'm feeling gross and have to get back on track. Have a good weekend. Hope to see you all on Monday! :thumbup:

Great job, Heidi! You sound like so many of my friends who are SAHM's. The stress of having a husband who just doesn't seem to "get" your need to get out, after having been home with kids all day long. Hope you said something to him in a productive way so you can work together to fix that. Jay--according to the schedule I took in November, the dates are: Faulkner on Monday, January 11th and Brigham on Tuesay, January 19th. As a reminder--both meetings start at 6:00. I'm hoping to go to the Faulkner, but have meetings every single night of the week next week, so it all depends on my level of desire. Anyone else planning to go? Happy New Year, everyone. May it be a successful year of losing for us all! :smile2:

I get nauseous if I haven't had anything to drink and then more so after drinking on an empty stomach, too! I'm with you on that, Tova! Anyone making the meeting next week?

Hey there, Heidi. Sorry to hear your trip was less than enjoyable. I, too, had a very hard time while home for the holidays. My band is very sensitive to stress, bloating, etc. I think sometimes we forget to concentrate on eating when we're being social, too. You should definitely have a few liquid meals----at least to allow any swelling to go down. I had a ton of my fill taken out in November and definitely shouldn't be struggling, but I am. Go figure. It's just not an exact science. Hope you are able to get back on track. Relax and enjoy the next few days. Happy New Year. Feel better!

Great work on the mileage! Truly inspirational. Keep taking measurements. Stay the course. The pounds will fall off eventually. You're doing so well. I'm pleased to see you are using various methods to measure your success. (We call those Non-Scale Victories--aka NSV's) I think you're about 3 months post-surgery, give or take. You're going through the exact same things I did at that point. Give it time. Keep up the outstanding work! It will happen.....keep us posted. Happy New Year!!

I was going to PM you, but would rather apologize publicly. Unfortunately, you can't read tone in someone's message. Had you and I been talking, you would have known that I wasn't trying to be pushy or a know-it-all in any way. I'm sorry for coming off that way. I just really wanted you to reconsider, but knowing you have trip insurance really changes things. I wasn't trying to denounce you for not being a "seasoned" veteran, but pointed out that you're asking people with more experience and hope you'd take it into consideration...that's all. My apologies. Clearly it came off far more harsh than I intended and wanted it to be.

Yes indeed! Can't wait to see you! Phyllis was just asking about you the last time I went--maybe October? :thumbup:

It's held right in the waiting area at the Faulkner--Suite 4420