Bama302

Hi Everyone,
 
I was banded in 2008 and immediately thought it was a mistake, by the time I was able to start solid foods I was vomiting. A few days later I was hospitalized for vomiting blood. In all the consultations and prepping for surgery nobody had really addressed the issues with my head. I started on the day of surgery at 229, within 3 weeks I was down to 179 severely dehydrated and has bleeding ulcers. Of course as soon as I got some fluids, the weight cam back. I thought there was no way to get over the emotional toll of those 3 weeks. I was depressed, sick, and had a world of regret. This decision was about to be the end of me.
 
Over the next year I tried desperately to get my fills and make them work but I was never able to get beyond 2cc's, and then, after the fiasco of the first year, I was so terrified of food getting stuck that I chose to eat with drinking just to be safe and prevent mishaps. Of course by trying to be safe about it I only reinforced my horrible way of sabotaging myself. I quickly gained my weight back and  then some reaching 242 lbs.
 
In January of 2011 I met  and began dating my husband, a 6'2" gym rat who new everything about nutrition and working out. How would he want to be with me if I'm such a fat blob? I was immediately in love with him and swore I would be skinny soon. He never cared about me saying that. But soon after I began going to the gym with him and eating like he did, meal prepping, eating 6x a day, washing it all down with fluids and never realizing the scale wouldn't budge. I increased my cardio to 2 hours a day and started lifting weights for an hour. Slowly the weight started coming off and I hit 230. Throughout 2012 I was under so much stress that I was only able to lose another 6 lbs. That is where I have been ever since. 224 lbs. Sure I would lose 5 then gain them back, but I couldn't get below it for  too long.
 
 I would still drink fluids with meals out of fear or just because I wanted the great tasting steak, knowing of course I would throw it up soon. The life I was creating, or had created, was becoming more depressing than when I was at my highest. Then something clicked, I made an appointment with my doctor and went to talk to him about starting over. he advised me that Kaiser doesn't even perform lap-Bands anymore and if I wanted it removed and get the sleeve that was an option. That appointment was this past Tuesday, December 16. My weight 220.5
 
I could tell that he has no faith that I can do this, he even stated "if it hasn't worked in 4 years why would it work now?" While he made a very valid point, it hasn't worked, but I GET IT now. I told him I wanted to add fluid, see a dietitian, and see him every month. luckily the RD had an appointment 2 hours later and I was talking to her about portion size, proper food guidelines, how I meal prep, eat 6 times a day, workout for hours at a time, but still don't lose weight, and then she said the one thing I NEEDED to hear..she said "How can you expect to lose the weight like a bariatric patient when you don't act like a bariatric patient?"
 
Suddenly it was clear, I never ate 1/4 cup of food at a time, I never sipped on fluids, I chugged them, HOW could I NOT have problems with my band when I was acting like it didn't exist? So, here I am, two days in, 4 lbs. down, and more determined than ever to weight, measure, and time every bite that enters my body. I am committed and with your help, I will succeed.
 
It's great to meet you all, and 'm looking forward to getting advice and support from you.
 
   

Back to top Quote MultiQuote Edit