<3 Carolina Girl <3

Great job! Congrats on your new beginning!

You can blog on this site to keep everything together. Or many people start blogs on Blogger - it's connected with your other Google accounts (assuming you're a Google user). Best of luck!

So you had a little fall? Stand back up and fight, fight, fight! You can do this! Best of luck to you.

I had another appointment with my surgeon yesterday. He was extremely happy with my food journals. My Upper GI, chest x-ray and EKG were great. And I've lost 9 pounds! He had told me his best expectation of his new patients was about 4 lbs in a month. I more than doubled that! It's paying off! I feel pretty impatient at most times, and just ready to get this surgery, but knowing all that I'm going through is really paying off, makes all the waiting worth while. So then we talk about my other outstanding appointments & that they'll be completed next week. He says, great! Then here's your blood work orders, get your PCP to send over their records and recommendation letter. Come back to see me next month and we'll set your surgery date! I was floored! Really? So soon? I don't have to wait forever & ever?! You couldn't have knocked the grin off my face. Then we talked for a minute about my insurance. I had spoken to them a few weeks ago & was expecting to be mailed all of the requirements, etc, of bariatric surgery, but it never came. I explained that from my understanding, I would need the 6 consecutive month weight loss attempt - documented by a Dr, of course. He told me, no worries, if that's what we have to do, we'll just keep seeing you every month until we get there. And that's fine. We talked about this to the lady in the office that works closest with the insurance companies. She tells me she should have the policy already. She finds it, prints it out and gives me a copy. We're looking over it and sure enough, there's that stipulations - six months documented attempt, blah, blah, blah. So I leave the office. I had another appointment to get to. Actually with my PCP, so I'm all fired up to find out if last year's phentermine attempt had me in the office for 6 consecutive months. I'm crossing every finger, toe and eyeball in hopes that I won't have to wait another 4-5 months. As I'm waiting to be called back, I find the next point in the stipulations - the six month documented attempt will be waived if the patient has a BMI of greater than or equal to 50. (I have a BMI of 53/54) Fireworks went off in my chest! Really?! So, that means, I can get my surgery date next month?! Do you have any clue how excited this made me? I was literally sitting in my Dr's waiting room, reading from this huge stack of papers and wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't wait to get out of the Dr's office so I could go back to the surgeon's office to let everyone know what I found! Sounds crazy and dramatic, but I was crazy with excitement! And I also had forgotten to make next month's appointment, so I needed to go back anyway. I showed the ladies what I'd found and they were all so happy for me. My surgeon has such a wonderful team. I'm so blessed to have found them. Everyone is so supportive and welcoming. They treat you like family and it's a wonderful feeling. I know I'm in good hands and I'm so thankful for this feeling of confidence in them. So now I just have to get a few things out of the way - Tuesday I'll have my Dietitian and Exercise specialist appointments. The following Saturday, I have my second/final session with the psychologist and one day I'll drop by the hospital for my blood work. Then I see Doc again on September 22nd to set my surgery date. I'm coming into the home stretch! I'll be sleeved within two months and I am barely containing my excitement. Thanks again for reading my ramblings. Best of luck to each of you, no matter where you are in your journey!

Thank you! I don't know exactly when I'll have surgery. I have lots of questions for my surgeon Monday at my next appointment. I don't have a clear understanding of my surgeon's definition of "ready" really is. Also, my insurance requires 6 consecutive months documented weight loss effort. I'm not sure if my appointments last year with my PCP were consecutive "enough" to satisfy that requirement. My diet is really just cutting out starches; not necessarily all carbs. Pretty much, just avoiding sugar, potatoes, pasta, rice & bread. It's not so hard because I know I need to do it. But I haven't yet seen the dietitian either - so that might be changing as well. Like I said, I've still got lots of questions! Best of luck to you.

What a great outlook! Best wishes for smooth sailing!

It's not getting much easier. I'm sticking with the diet changes that I'm supposed to make, but they are not easy! Sometimes I just want a sandwich! Or a bowl of cereal. That used to be a great, easy dinner when I didn't feel like cooking. We've been eating eggs a lot lately. When I make them over medium (with the yolk still runny), I just want a piece of white bread to sop up that yolk! It's the best thing in the world when you can't have it. I can do without pasta - except for Aunt Faye's mac & cheese that I only get on holidays. That's my only pasta vice. I will have a bite (or 3) of that at Christmas time - no matter what. Hopefully by then I'll have had surgery and be well enough to be ok with the occasional treat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning my cheats even before I get my surgery date. There are so many things that I shouldn't have that I can absolutely see myself never wanting again. And I am ok with that. I would be totally satisfied if I never had spaghetti noodles with my meatballs & sauce again. Like I said, pasta isn't a big thing for me, unless you put a pan of Aunt Faye's mac & cheese in front of me... I would be completely happy to never have white bread again - I'll be just as happy with some yummy whole grain ONCE IN A WHILE. There are too many sugar free options for me to worry about every having sugar again, no worries there. Rice - eh - not a big deal to me. I would like to be able to have some really good sushi again, but I'm sure my sleeve will only allow so much. I'm ok with that. I'll just make sure that I have the best quality to make up for the quantity. Potatoes aren't that big of a deal for me either. Who doesn't love a nice baked potato or yummy garlic mashed potatoes, but I'd much rather have that filet. I can make those choices and not feel deprived. I'll be fine with it. Do you see what I've done here? It was not my intention to write about what I can do. It was my intention to rant a little and let off steam about how much I just wanted to give up. But here I go - I've convinced myself that I can do without these things. I've turned my head hunger around just a little bit and reminded myself that I don't need it. I know someday I'll be able to add some of these starches back into my life, but for now, they aren't priority. Yes, I miss bread & rice & potatoes! I'm only human. But I can make this journey. I can do what I have to do. I want to do this! I need to do this! My life depends on this. In my first consultation, Doc told me that my chances of living to age 65 were 10%. I'm 35 years old. I never thought it was this bad. I knew I was fat - that was never a secret. I knew I was doomed to high blood pressure & diabetes. It's all over my family. But I never thought I'd hear someone tell me that I probably wasn't going to make it to retirement age. My last two years have been tough medically. And it seems to never end. I truly believe that it can all be alleviated, or at least helped, if I could just get rid of this weight. I'm carrying around enough weight to almost equal 3 of my 14 year old daughter. WOW! That's a lot! I can not continue to live like this. I don't know where I'm finding this discipline, but I thank God for it. It's so hard. I just pray it will be worth it in the end.

This month is dragging by! It seems I'm waiting so long between my appointments...they seem to never come. I've got a week & a half still before my next appointment. I'm being very impatient. I think I'm doing very well on changing my diet. My doctor believes in and teaches that starch addiction is the reason behind obesity. While I know that not everyone is the same, I have cut out starches (bread, pasta, potatoes, rice & sugars) and am losing without much other effort. I feel like I've cut my portions pretty well. I use MyFitnessPal & 9 times out of 10 I'm well below my calorie allowance for the day. I look back at what I used to eat and I'm really amazed at how many calories are in starches. And I really don't miss them. The biggest issue I have is eating out for lunch. I try to bring food from home, but many times I don't. I know I should plan ahead more & I'll have no choice but to do so after surgery. I have a 30 minute lunch break with very limited options for lunches...and when you add in the fact that I'm broke and everything nearby is so expensive, it's just hard to make good choices. Wendy's chili is a great, cheap lunch & fills me well - but it gets tiring when you have it two or three times a week. I have to say though, I have not made those bad choices on this front for quite a while. I am willing to have chili as my "safe, go-to" rather than stuff french fries in my face. Just another thing I'll have to work on. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?! I know I need to get moving more, that will accelerate my loss, but almost every day, the number goes down just a little. I keep hoping that I'll start feeling some of the energy come back to me. Right now, I am tired & exercise, even just walking, wears me out pretty quickly. By the time I work a full day, come home, make dinner for the family, I'm pretty much wiped out. But I'm going to get there. I have to push myself & I've not been doing that much. The rainy weather we've had lately hasn't been cooperating with my walking either. Just excuses though...it's me & I have to own up to that. I'm anxious to meet with the exercise physiologist to see what is expected of me. Am I going to have to make it up to a consistent average of 10,000 steps before I can have surgery? There's another question to add to my list. I guess I'm not exactly clear on my requirements. Doc assures me that it's not a race to surgery & he's there for me until I'm ready - whether it takes one month or two years, but what does he consider "ready"? I feel like I'm ready right now. I foresee a long conversation when that appointment finally gets here. I probably bore you all with my ramblings, but it's good for me to put my thoughts - no matter how random - out there. It helps me to slow down my mind for a moment and see my thoughts. And if by chance I stumble across anything that helps or provokes thoughts or ideas for someone else, then yay - bonus! Best of luck to you all in your journeys. I'm finding this site very informative and helpful. Thanks for reading my ramblings

Last week I went for my first surgical consultation. I'm so impressed with the Dr & his staff. Everyone is so nice. They scheduled my appointment for my Upper GI, EKG & chest Xray, and they were done yesterday. My next appointments will be with the dietitian & exercise physiologist. I still have to set up a psych evaluation. So I'm moving right along... Doc was very encouraging and talked through some of my concerns. He took the time to hear my story and he agreed with me - he too, believes that the sleeve would be the best option for me. I had an "aha" moment...or actually, a weekend worth of it. We had friends in town to visit this past weekend. I knew there would be a good bit of alcohol involved in our visit. But I actually went completely off my wagon! My eating wasn't as awful as it could have been, but I wasn't following the plan. breads & potatoes were the biggest culprits. I even passed on ice cream...so I guess I wasn't so bad. But I certainly felt the difference. I gained 9 lbs from Friday morning to Sunday evening. Salty margaritas are my vice, so I'm sure most of that was water retention, but still - it made me feel horrible, physically & mentally. At the same time, I was able to recognize that I'm not going to be able to do this anymore. I don't need the alcohol in such mass quantities, I truly don't need the breads and potatoes - I would have been fine without them. I just have to work on finding better food choices when we're out and about. I'm back in the saddle again this week. And the water weight is dropping off already. I know I shouldn't be weighing myself everyday, but I have been & right now, I'm glad to see it going back down. Once I get back to where I was last week & see steady loss for a while, I'll stop weighing everyday. I've also called my insurance company to verify coverage and prerequisites for my surgery. I shouldn't have any problems, but I'm afraid of one bit of red tape. I'm supposed to have 6 months of consecutive medical weight loss (failure) documentation. I think I should be OK because I did take phentermine for several months and this was all documented, of course. And since then, I've regained every bit of the weight lost on that program. My worry is that "consecutive" word. I'm not sure that I was in the office exactly every month. I will be going to see her again at the end of the month, so I'll find out then. I really don't want to have to drag this out for 6 months. I'm hoping that I will be approved based on the records we have already established. I would be devastated to have to wait so long. I'm ready now. I want so much to start feeling better. I hate feeling so tired all the time! I hate that my back hurts from carrying all of this weight all my life. I hate knowing that I have only a 10% chance of living until I'm 65. Really? So my life is more than half over right now! Unless I can lose this weight, I won't have a life. I'm merely existing from day to day right now. I don't feel like I live at all. Who knows if I'll make it another 6 months? With my family history and horrible health as it is, I am simply a walking time bomb. I'm rambling...just some random thoughts that pop into my head.

Wow, what a crazy ride you've been on! I hope you have nothing but smooth sailing this time around! You certainly deserve it!

So I finally have my initial surgical consult today. I've been looking forward to this for what seems like so long! I had an appointment with my PCP on Friday. In the time since I'd lasts seen her, about 6-8 weeks, I think, I've lost 18 lbs! That's so exciting! Anyone have suggestions on questions for me to ask? I have read so much here and on other forums/sites that I'm not even sure where to start. I guess I just need to see what he says. I think my biggest fear for today is that he will suggest bypass over the sleeve. I am pretty confident in the sleeve decision. I don't think I would get enough results with a band, and I don't want to go as drastic as the bypass - it scares me. I don't want anything re-routed, I hope to not have to take supplements forever. But with a BMI over 50, I'm worried that he will want to go for a more drastic approach. My husband will be coming with me for this appointment. I'm so glad to have him on my side. He's such an amazing support. I think this is going to be a journey we take together. His diabetes has not been adequately controlled by oral meds, so our PCP put him on insulin injections a few weeks ago. This really freaked him out. He never wanted to take the injections. It really bothers him. So between his PCP appointment and him going to the info session with me, he has decided to look into surgery as well. He's not as large as I am, but could definitely stand to lose a good amount of weight. He is leaning towards the LAPBAND. I'm so excited that he is on board, not only with me doing this, but to get himself more healthy as well. As for me, I just want to push fast forward and get it done. There are moments when I'm scared, but those are few and far between. I want to be healthier. I want to be active. I want to not be in pain from just walking down the street. So guys, wish me luck this afternoon. It's going to be a LONG Monday as I watch the clock until 3:15! But I'm taking one step closer to the loser's bench!

I've been trying to slow down and not let this thought of surgery consume my entire life just yet. I'm sure I have plenty of time to get all of the information I need. After all, I'm still 12 days away from my first surgical consult. But it seems like time is standing still and I can't wait to get the proverbial ball rolling. My husband thinks I'm crazy...who gets excited about the possibility of having their insides rearranged and removed? I'm pretty impressed with myself as far as eating less, smaller portions, less calories and very few carbs. Sugars and sweets haven't really bothered me at all. It's been a long time since I was a regular soda drinker, so I'm not going to have a bit of a problem letting those go. I am still having a problem with breakfast though. I have some protein shakes, but I'm not a big fan of sweet stuff in the morning. Why can't they be bacon flavored? LOL! I know I'll need to try other types of protein mixes and shakes to find something I can stomach, but I'm worried about buying these huge tubs and not being able to use it. I guess I need to start checking out websites and looking for samples. My morning McDonald's habit is the worst decision of my day, but I feel like I have no time in the AM to do anything at home - and let's face it, there aren't a lot of good options for breakfast on the go. I'm just going to have to suck it up and get up a little earlier in the mornings I guess. Hopefully time will start to tick a little faster for me...I'm ready to start this journey!

I don't want to be a downer, but I promised myself I would document how I feel through this process, so I'm going to be honest. Last night, after work, I thought it'd be a good idea to "reward" myself since I've spent all week seriously trying to eat smaller portions and better foods - and lots of protein! I talked my husband into going out for dinner. Nothing awesome, just some chicken wings. Not even the worst choice we could make. We usually share a platter of 20 assorted flavors & a big order of fries. We opted for fried mushrooms as an appetizer last night & did not order fries. My body must have been getting used to smaller portions. I know I felt full, but my head hunger got the best of me. I really wanted those wings! I did end up bringing 2 home, but I should have stopped sooner. I felt completely awful, not just mentally, but physically. I shouldn't have thought of a bigger meal as a reward. That's not the kind of reward I need. It's not even a reward - it's just another hurdle. Another thing I'm worried about...am I obsessing on things a little too early in my process? I think I'm going to take it a bit easier for a little while. My first appointment is still 17 days away and it feels like FOREVER. I'm going to drive myself nuts! Don't get me wrong - I WON'T give up. I won't eat everything in sight, I won't stop trying to get some exercise in. I just won't be so obsessive until I know what my doctors really want me to do. So there - I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm not going to stop striving for the best me that I can be.

Not really sure where to start. I want to document my journey and become a part of this community. So I guess I'll start with what brought me here. I have been large my entire life. I have very few pictures from my childhood where I thought I was normal size. I'd say that stopped by the time I reached first or second grade. I'm 35 years old now. I topped out at 360lbs in 2011. Until that point, I had not kept up with my health at all. No yearly doctor visits, I hadn't even seen an OBGYN since 1999 when my daughter was born. An occasional trip to the urgent care center for a horrible migraine that I couldn't get rid of would always result in my promising to see my PCP (didn't even have one) and taking care of my HBP. My breakdown came in 2012. I had always had unpredictable monthly cycles, but this one was off the charts! (TMI warning) I bled for a straight 4 months with no breaks! I finally had to break down and find an OBGYN to see. A month of trying different drugs stopped it for a few days, but it came back with a vengeance, ultimately leading to a D&C to reset my body. This scared me. I found a PCP and started to try and get myself together. I was lucky to find a PCP that I love on the first try. I would have given up if I'd had to "shop" for a doctor. So we got my BP stabilized with meds, I started on cholesterol meds as well and added in an antidepressant to help me through this. After more testing, she warned me that I was on the diabetic borderline. We started talking weight loss & she suggested phentermine. I started it and loved it! the weight was coming off, slowly, but surely. I did 3-4 months on and 1-2 months off. Things were looking up. I got down to about 320 or so, and I thought I was doing great. Then I decided I could do it on my own - without the phentermine. I seemed to be building a tolerance to it anyway, so I stopped taking it. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. I gained back every single pound! Not to mention, in the interim, I had a heart scare (another long story) that now prevents me from having the phentermine option again. So now, here I am. I'm at 333lbs. I finally had the courage to ask my PCP about surgical options. She was happy that I asked. She thought it was the right option for me, but was not going to push it. (I had mentioned it before & we decided to try phentermine first) I've been to the info session & have an appointment on the 28th for my first surgical consultation. It's been a few weeks since the info session & I'm trying to experiment with upping my protein, downing my carbs, etc. I even tried my first protein shake today...UGH, that's gonna be tough! Right now, I have a lot of confidence in my ability to get this done - with the help of a surgical tool. I'm excited at the thought of getting down to a size that I have literally never been before! I'm excited at the thought of cleaning my closet out because everything is too big! I'm excited to be able to walk for more than 10 minutes without pain. I'm excited to be able to ride bikes with my daughter - something she always wants to do, but I can barely make it down our street before feeling like I have to turn around, or I won't make it back home. I've been reading so many success stories in this and other forums and I want to be there too! Oh, and I can't forget! While it might not be good news that my husband was put on insulin this week for his diabetes, it's great news that he has decide to "seriously consider" having surgery as well because of it. I certainly hope he does. It would be great to have each other to lean on and to actually know what the other is going through. It will be a different journey for him - I think he leans more towards a lap-band procedure, while I am pretty much convinced I want to do the sleeve - but we could take this journey together. I sure hope he goes all in! I'm ready to start my journey. I hope that I will find friends here to support me along the way. I look forward to being able to learn and experience all that comes with WLS so that I can share my knowledge in the future to those who are just starting out. I'm ready for a healthier me. I'm ready to be a healthier wife & mom. I want to LIVE - not watch my life go by as only a spectator. I guess that means it's time for a change. Let's get this party started!