Feeling BLAH

I don't want to be a downer, but I promised myself I would document how I feel through this process, so I'm going to be honest.

Last night, after work, I thought it'd be a good idea to "reward" myself since I've spent all week seriously trying to eat smaller portions and better foods - and lots of protein! I talked my husband into going out for dinner. Nothing awesome, just some chicken wings. Not even the worst choice we could make. We usually share a platter of 20 assorted flavors & a big order of fries. We opted for fried mushrooms as an appetizer last night & did not order fries.

My body must have been getting used to smaller portions. I know I felt full, but my head hunger got the best of me. I really wanted those wings! I did end up bringing 2 home, but I should have stopped sooner. I felt completely awful, not just mentally, but physically. I shouldn't have thought of a bigger meal as a reward. That's not the kind of reward I need. It's not even a reward - it's just another hurdle.

Another thing I'm worried about...am I obsessing on things a little too early in my process? I think I'm going to take it a bit easier for a little while. My first appointment is still 17 days away and it feels like FOREVER. I'm going to drive myself nuts! Don't get me wrong - I WON'T give up. I won't eat everything in sight, I won't stop trying to get some exercise in. I just won't be so obsessive until I know what my doctors really want me to do.

So there - I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm not going to stop striving for the best me that I can be.