Bisbiglio

EarthyGoalie - those words hurt, too. They hurt because that's exactly what it feels like. The fact that 30 years of my life have flown by and I can recall each time I didn't participate. Or every time I didn't go where I wanted, sit where I could have or given my all because I wasn't sure I would "fit." It's been so very very painful. Far more painful than a few incisions, I'm sure.

I still haven't committed 100% to doing the surgery. I'm scared, basically. And I do think those of us who chose to keep it a secret, for the most part, are ashamed. I know I am and that's why it's taken me so long to fully commit to a surgery date. I have to make this extremely drastic choice because nothing else worked. So yes, part of why I'm not telling people is because I am ashamed and I think we would be fooling ourselves if we didn't admit that to our fellow posters. That said, I'm very glad to have the opportunity to maybe not be anymore.