bee13

The other night I had a nightmare that was all about the vertical sleeve surgery. I am still trying to make up my mind and generally soul searching to make sure this surgery is what I want to do, so I guess my brain is fixated. It was definitely a negative, bad feelings, waking up sweaty and scared kind of dream. Anyway, in the dream I had just had the surgery, I couldn't have been more than a few days post-OP in my home and there was a pizza container on the counter...and I just walk by, pick up a slice and eat it without even thinking (!!) - the entire piece in seconds. I realize my horrible mistake moments after I finish the last bite ("Oh God, what have I done, so thoughtless and now I am going to die!") and my mind races to think of what I should do. Would it be better for me to try and throw up or just let the pizza rip open my fresh stitches, who knows, I am totally panicking to the point where I make my husband drive me to the ER to see a doctor. Unfortunately, I had my surgery in Mexico and they refused to treat me because of possible malpractice, etc. and I am trying to tell them that I am going to die in their waiting room if I can't see a doctor ASAP. THANKFULLY - at this point I wake up. But I think it highlighted a lot of anxieties I have about the surgery. 1) Will I be mindful enough to follow the food guidelines? 2) Will I be knowledgeable enough to know what is good and what is bad for me, medical wise? 3) Will I have the support I need from my husband? 4) Will I be able to find the medical support I need in the states after returning home from self-pay in Mexico, if indeed something goes wrong afterward? Can anyone relate? Also, if you had a bad dream will you please share?

I'm not confirmed yet, but I am hoping to be an April 2013 sleever. I've decided on VSG, but I need to do more research on post-op diet. After the holidays, I am going to make some more definite plans. My insurance doesn't cover WLS at all and I am going to self pay in Mexico. I'm glad that we'll have each other for support through this process.