MichiganChic

I think there could be some truth to this. I know I should work out. I go through spurts where I do, and I feel better for it. I'm irritated because walking would be the simplest thing to do, and every time I try, I pay for it in pain. I need a knee replacement and I'm putting it off. If I don't overdo it, I have little to no pain. However - I know there are plenty of other things I can and should be doing, but I have a zillion excuses for not doing them, and "I don't feel like it" is at the top of the list, lol. I have no illusions about it. Thanks for your thoughtful response - I appreciate it!

I bet those other women also have problems with jiggling and rolls, too. You are at a normal BMI, so Kudos to you! As far as comparing, I think it's human nature. I think as we adjust to a new size and space in the universe, it's natural to try to figure out how you compare in size to others. As long as self depreciation does not come with it, it might not be such a bad thing. I think it adds some perspective to help us "see" our new selves, and might actually help us change the old image.

I wish my skin was elastic as my memory, lol! I can't forget what I looked like, either. Thank you for the wonderful advice, and it's what I'd tell my friend or daughter, too. In my case, I see what's in the mirror, think "ok, good enough", but then that BMI makes me think "nope, still fat", and then I see the old fat, and rinse and repeat. That's why I've sought the outside council (all of you) of others who have been there. It's really not such a deep seated emotional issue as it is a reality check for me.

For me, it's both. I'm honestly not that hungry, and the restriction will stop me from overeating...however, sometimes my head does not want to stop eating! It's still a battle every day, but its one we can all win!

I'm 5'4" (almost). Thank you for your response!

Thanks for your response. I do have to rethink exercise. Hate to do it until I'm doing it, then I love it. I bet it would make a difference - I'm just lazy, lol! But you answered my question, which was how do I look to you, and I appreciate that. It's not so much a question of can I lose, or how do I lose, it was more of a question of should I lose. From all the responses I'm getting here, I'm starting to shift my thinking from healthy BMI to just healthy (subtle but big difference). Funny how we can get fixated and forget the original intent - mine was just to be normal and healthy. Looks were never much of an influence in my decision for WLS. Thanks again!

No, I can still tolerate it (and everything else) just fine. I just don't drink it because of the calories. The dietitian told me at one of my pre-op appointments that "we don't drink milk" and I guess I believed her, lol.

Thank you. Normal is good (to me)

I agree, the BMI seems outdated to me. I'm a registered nurse, and grounded in science, so I have a hard letting go of it. Many health professionals don't really agree with it, but it continues to be used as a standard in this country, adding to my distress of hitting that number! I used to exercise, but then I got a new job, knee needs to be replaced, blah blah blah - all excuses!! I think you have great advice about being strong - I do like it when I feel like I can DO anything! Not sure my body would be defined much even with exercise, though. I'm 51 and was heavy a long time, but I'm certainly sure it can't hurt. Thanks for the thoughtful answer, kind words, and good advice.

Regarding not thinking you were as heavy as you were - I also did that! I had a different picture in my head - somewhere between where I am now, and where I was at my heaviest. Strange thing.... As for excess skin, yes, I have that. I think plastic surgery would knock off a couple more pounds, but not sure when (or if) I'll do that. So, I'm trying to get a place where I think I'm good and just accept the weight, whatever number it may be. That's what prompted me to ask the question of others here, thinking people would be honest about what they see, since I can't realistically tell right now. Thanks for your response and kind words!

Every patient is unique, and every physician has a different opinion. I was suggesting you call them because there might be another option for you.

I had to do the two liquid diet, and I was able to accomplish it, but it was hard! It was much easier after surgery. The dietitian did tell me it has more to do with the decreased calories and low - not so much with the liquids. She said if i couldn't do it, they would allow a a 1000 calorie low fat diet. I'd call and see if they have an alternative for you. I DO think succeeding during this phase is important to us, not only physically, but also mentally. Good luck!

You look GREAT! And the fact that you're further out is a testimony to your success - always an inspiration to me. Good thought about learning what's normal in maintenance. I do think there is a lot of work to be done there...and normal is all I ever wanted to be. I feel like this last little mental hang up keeps me from enjoying it to the fullest, so thanks for that...never really thought about it that way. I think we all deserve to enjoy what we've accomplished. It helps to hear it from others who have been there. And thanks for your answer. I figure people I don't know would be most likely to answer honestly, and it does help to shape my opinion as I shift gears.

@RJ'S/beginning Thanks or your response and kind words! I'm cracking up at "fat head", never heard that one! I so agree that we can't take it for granted that we have this whipped - I know I need to forever be on guard. I'm also glad to hear you ask your family the same question. Here's another one they roll their eyes at me for - Right after I as them if I'm fat, I ask them if they want to feel my bones, lol. Totally nuts, I know. I think it's because I do have "fat head". My head says I'm fat, buy my logical side says people with protruding bones probably are not too fat. So, I AM going to work on my fat head, too. Thanks again

I take gummies, try to eat leafy vegetables, and recently added Flax and chia seeds to things.

Start now. It might take a while to find someone you want to go with, and it takes a while to get in, then takes a while to schedule. This will give you plenty of time to decide what you want to do.

Thought I'd miss milk. I used to drink it with every meal, with snacks (and there were a lot of snacks, usually cookies or cake that needed milk ), and I would drink it just because. I'll never forget the horror of the day the dietitian told me that would have to change, lol. I thought I would really, really miss that, but I don't. Not at all.

@@DestinClair1983 thanks for your response. I can remember being 140 pounds in my 20s and thinking I looked fat, and that picture in my head still says I was. I'm generally a sane, realistic, common sense person, so this is mind boggling to me that I can't come to a conclusion in my mind that makes sense to me! When I had the surgery, I figured if I made it to 180 I'd be happy, but I guess everything is relative. Thank you for answering!

I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day: - I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something..... - Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK - No, you had a goal, you can do it..... - Well, you look good. You wear a size 10 - But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT. - You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them. - Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony. - That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy. - Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic! - But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out. - Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch. And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things. The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

Kathy, Sorry to hear about your fall, but glad nothing is broken! I love your spin on the whole incident, too! I slipped on ice and fell on my way into church a couple of months ago (and cursed all the way into the door, lol!) and I was also glad to be 140 pounds lighter. It was hugely embarrassing, but I couldn't help but think how much worse it could have been if I weighed 300 pounds! I also find myself immediately thinking about things like you mention with the gown - will it fit? For me, there is always a fleeting moment when I walk into a room - will I fit in the chair? Then there is always a small moment of elation - I fit in all kinds of small places! I think it's the things like that, that get me through the rough times/days when I feel like I could lose control. I remember those moments of panic, how BAD it felt to be so morbidly obese, and I never want to go back there. Being thin just strips a layer of complexity and misery away from an otherwise nice life, doesn't' it? Oh, and as for Kohl's, yes, I'm keeping them going in my town, too. Girl's gotta look good, right?

You might not be ready, and you might not have been, even without the URI. I had a post op incision infection, and I still remember how worn down I felt. There was no way I could have gone back in two weeks, and I have a desk job. I also had diarrhea in the early days, so that just made matters worse. I can remember the sheer exhaustion just from showering. I ended up being off 4-5 weeks. At the time I remember seeing so many people who went back in a few days and that there must be something wrong with me, but I think it's not a uncommon as I thought. I think you might want to reconsider going back until you're feeling better, and if you go back before the 6 weeks, you'll need a restriction, probably. This was MAJOR surgery, and sometimes I think we forget to treat it like one. Hope you feel better soon!

She wasn't specific, but said most people use Culterelle or something similar.

@It's all new, I'm so glad you were able to hire a care giver! It's usually our first recommendation, but because it is expensive, not everyone can do it. Hiring someone you know is a good idea if you are comfortable with them. You are giving your mom the sweetest gift of all. I think dying is one of the most important aspects of living, and I can tell from your approach that you are a shining example of a loving daughter. Taking care of yourself is a way of honoring your mother, too. The impending days are going to be tough emotionally, so make sure to lean on your hospice providers. Take advantage of the services they have. Usually the social worker and spiritual care providers are wonderful, and can offer great perspective for you both you and your mom, and any one else in the family who needs it. You might also check with your volunteer coordinator and see if she can find someone who could come on your schedule, rather than their own. Also, the nurse and home health assistant can (and should) stagger their visits so that if you need to get out during their time for a few minutes, (If you don't need to be there with them). Lots of time it is nice for the patient to have some time alone with them, too. All of these things are intended to shift some the burden away from you so you can focus on what's important - the time you have with your mom. I'm glad they actually found something with your thyroid, maybe things will level out for you physically. Who ever thought any of us would be trying to figure out how to gain a little weight? Let us know how you are. Hugs.

@It's all new, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! I want to offer my heartfelt support. It's a tough road you are on, and your mom is so fortunate to have you. You are a wonderful daughter, and this is such a precious time. I just wanted to make a comment on hospice - I was a hospice nurse and work in the field. There may be more help than you realize, even in a small town. What's NOT provided is a full time nurse aid or caregiver. Most of the care does fall to the family. However, there should be a great deal of help for you. In order to comply with the Medicare conditions of participation, the hospice must provide volunteers. Maybe ask them if there is someone who can come and sit with your mom a couple of times a week so you can take care of yourself? Also, you might be able to have your mom go to a skilled nursing facility for a couple of days so you can get some rest - it should be covered under your benefit for caregiver fatigue, and it's called Respite Care. Give your hospice a call and explore some options with them until you can get yourself well. Wishing you well.

Yeah, there's one (or 2 or 3) in every group. They want to dominate the conversation, and alternate between stupid questions they know the answer to, and acting like they are the expert because they've lost weight. The group I go to usually has some sort of guest speaker first, then an open forum. When it starts getting like that, I just leave. I sometimes wonder if it's worth my time to even go but since I read studies that people who go lose more weight and maintain it better, I keep going, lol. I never thought about looking for a different group, so good idea.