Hattie_from_whoville

My best advice would be do not go back to eating empty calories. Even a bite is not gonna be good for you. I was fine with eating nutrious foods and healthiyer until I took that first taste of forbidin food and it wass down hill from there. I'm pretty sure I have a chemical addiction to carbs and high fat foods and just like a drug addict I exposed myself to a taste and I am hooked again.

I am new here and really strugling. I had VSG done in May 2012 @ 304 lbs. I am currently 242 lbs. About 3 weeks ago my husband brought home some Black Cherry pop in glass bottles. I am addicted to Cherry Coke but have not had any since 2 weeks before my surgery. Well stupid me had some in a frosted glass and it has been downhill from there. It's like I opened the flood gates to hell. I tolerated it fine even thought I was scared to death from the stories about carbonated beverages, drinking while eating ect. The next day I tested a dorito then two then forget it. This cycle went on for aabout a week with a variety of highly processed foods, high fat foods until one day I drank while in the middle of eating and reguritated what I had just eaten. BINGO. Now to the point where I am struggling...... I make it my daily mission to eat whatever bad food I want and drink Water with it and throw it up after. It's a different kind of obsession. I'll eat stuff I don't even like or crave just because I can throw it up. Then to top it all off I justify it becasue I actually got past my stall and lost 3 lbs this past week. The the reasonable person in me starts to get her voice heard and she saying STOP. You are not getting your nutrients and water you need, you are so far off track, you did so good, you had goals and were never gonna touch that food or drink again, go back to that person. And I go to bed at night saying I am going to be that person again but the food addict in me takes over. I know what to do and I know what harm I am doing but why do I continue to do it? A couple weeks after my surgery I was stressed and pissed and I went for a drive and the thoughts that popped into my head where should I get onion rings at Burger King or Poppers at Arby's? Then I realized that the surgery made my stomach smaller but my brain was still the same. At that time it was an epiphany and I did neither but now I feel I am not sure how to get back. Thanks for letting me vent.