Obsidian

I came to VST in July to relay my story and see if anyone else had a similar story as mine and the same fears as me. Of course I found out that in fact we are all alike in our fears and yes there are plenty of people out there like me (at least when it comes to this surgery, ahem..). I didn't stick around, yeah... I know... bad me. I think at the time I was still in denial about whether or not I would even allow myself to go through this surgery. Well.. I kept on it and now I'm not too far out from the surgery. Surgery has been scheduled for February 4th! (two days after my birthday btw) As the time is coming closer I find myself feeling two things... firstly, anxiety! I expect this emotion. Frankly I have anxiety disorder and at this point in time anxiety is completely normal for someone WITHOUT anxiety disorder. So for someone with anxiety disorder, forgetaboutit! I also have this swings into what I have trouble describing. It's kind of a numbness or the refusal to acknowledge what is about to happen. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It's kind of like.. you feel NOTHING at all about the surgery. I guess it's as if the surgery just IS. Almost like you're in a dream except you know you're not dreaming. I dunno if that makes sense... It's definitely an odd feeling, but one I've felt a lot more as the process went on and each stage was finished. It's almost like I'm apathetic one moment, and the next I'm anxious and my heart is beating hard. What a roller coaster!

Thank you all for the kind words. I will push myself forward through this process and have until the last moment to change my mind. The only thing that is holding me back is my fears. Yet I know I am not truly living because my weight has always prevented me from doing what I have always wanted. I will undoubtedly have more times when I second guess myself and I am glad to have found this awesome community. Again thank you for the support. Sent from my DROID RAZR using VST

Hello. I started the process back in December 2011. I have been working with the nutritionist and have seen the psychologist twice. I've gotten my six months worth of doctor progress notes and everything is in order. However i have yet to see the surgeon. They wont schedule me until i get under 400 lbs on my own. They won't do any of the surgeries unless you are under 400. I don't see too many on the forums with the same problem as mine.. or many people doing this near or over 400.. but I'm curious if anyone else has run across this? Currently I'm out of town swimming a lot to lose weight and I've lost almost 20 lbs since being here and am at 404. I don't plan on leaving to go back soon since the weight is coming off fast and easy with the swimming. I'd like to get well under 400 before i go back. Assuming they will even let me pick up where i left off. I've had moments where I've considered not doing it at all because i am doing the one exercise that i love (and CAN actually do because of bad arthritis in my knees that I'm prescribed narcotics for) and feeling pretty good considering. But i also know how easy the weight can come back since I've lost 100lbs in the past with low carb and exercise and subsequently regained. I had a hard time convincing myself to do this in the first place since i have severe anxiety and a bit of a phobia of drugs and procedures. So they delays are hard on me since they are making me second guess. I'm currently trying desperately to convince myself to stick with it. Guess I'm hoping to find someone with a similar experience.