Shanny

Well, this weekend me and my girl went away to the ocean. It was a weekend filled with crying and yelling (mostly on my part) - long story short, we got back together. She missed me as much as I missed her. She apologized for her behavior, but admitted that now everyone finds me more attractive and she started to feel like she needed to do something to keep me looking at her and not everyone else. I explained to her that I didn't have weight loss surgery to jump start her to make any changes. She's perfect to me. She an average size and average weight. I was always short, and fat. Before my surgery she was a 12 and I was a 22. Now, she's still a 12 and I'm a 6-8. There's nothing wrong with her. She's beautiful, and she carries herself like she's the best thing since sliced bread. That's how I see her, too. But, my new body has brought out her own insecurities that she never talked to me about before. I didn't know that she was unhappy with her weight, and that she now feels selfconcious because she feels like she has to compete with people who now approach me and outwardly show that they are attracted to me. Let me say this, I am by NO means some sexy beast now! But going from no one approaching me to random people approaching me when we go out really did a number on her. I don't pay any attention to it because I know where my heart is. Apparently, she did. I think we've reached an understanding. We got back together. As wonderful as I feel right now, I have to admit that I took this weekend to indulge in every self destructive behavior I know. I ate nothing but Oreo Cookies and potato chips, literally, all day Saturday. In fact I ate Oreos so much that I started throwing up. As soon as I threw up, I'd start eating them again. I just wanted the comfort that food used to give me, and it wasn't there. No matter how many cookies or chips I tried to stuff into my face it didn't make me feel any better. It didn't even soothe the pain at all. I ended up getting pissed after she took the bag of cookies from me and threw them in the trash. Then I started drinking. Can't drink carbinated beverages, so after I tried to drink beer and thought I was going to die from hiccups and belching, I tried Vodka. After a few sips and it went straight to my head! I used to be able to hold my liquor. Damn this sleeve! I swear it's like anti every self distructive trick I know. God, it's so frustrating! It's great because it won't let me damage myself, but until I learn when to employ the coping skills that my therapist talked to me about I don't know what to do with myself when I feel out of control. It's funny that I couldn't remember a single coping skill that I worked with my therapist on in the middle of feeling this body wrenching pain from a broken heart. It was just easier to go back to what I always used to do. But, this damn sleeve wouldn't cooperate! In all honesty, I'm so glad it didn't! But yesterday, during the height of me acting like Sybil, I really just wanted it to give in so I could feel better. All in all, with every negative that has come as a result of my sleeve, I wouldn't change it for the world! I would have the surgery again in a heartbeat! It's really put a lot of things in perspective for me. It's torn some relationships apart, and hopefully has just brought me and girl closer together. I still think it's odd how my weight loss journey has changed the lives of those around me, when I haven't changed on the inside at all!

When I started this journey I could only think about the good things. I would feel better, look better, I could buy cute clothes. You know the normal stuff. I never really thought about the down side of it. It wasn't until I had the surgery did I realize that food, which was a huge part of my life, would not have the same comfort for me, had people put me down because of my choice, and my weight loss, alienate my friends, and my weight loss would ulimately end my relationship. So, to date I've lost about 95 pounds. I'm down to between a size 6-8, and I feel pretty good. I'm still the same person. I can't eat as much and can barely eat any meat but chicken, but hey you can't have everything. Granted, I'm not as social now because I'm uncomfortable around large varities of food. I always want to taste things that I know make me sick and when I'm with my friends and everyone's passing the plate, I take some and end up making myself sick. I still can't figure that part out. But, it's a learning process. I've lost a not only pounds and pants sizes, but a few friends because they can't deal with me being this size. They think I cheated them somehow. I still don't get that. I've also gained some fake "friends" that didn't give me the time of day before, but now they want to have lunch with them and invite me out to after work functions. Again because of my dress size. First people were happy about my weightloss, now they are telling me that I've lost too much weight, as if I'm doing this for them, or that I'm showing off. Then there's the rude comments made by people as if they have the right to just hurt your feelings because they feel like it (see previous rants about that). The one thing I didn't think would change was my relationship. I've been pretty open about me and girl on this site. We'd been together for 2 1/2 years. Things started to change when my weight loss became noticable. She became a little more clingy. Then I started volunteering with my son's football team and that's when everything went down hill. Apparently because I'm smaller now, people notice me - not just her, anymore. Somehow that means that I want everyone and everyone wants me, too. My weight loss brought out her insecurities. My wieght loss brought about this performance in her that whenever we were around anyone she had to act like I was hers, so that everyone would know. Even though everyone already did know. Fast forward a few weeks...we broke up. Why? Because she thinks I want one of the football coaches and she can't stand the fact that they're nice to me and joke with me and somehow that translates into them wanting me. When I was 247 pounds I was friendly and joked around and flirted. It didn't bother her then. Mainly because she was the only one looking at me. Now that I'm 151 pounds, I'm not invisible anymore and she can't handle it. What am I supposed to do with that? I haven't changed. Only my body has. I don't wear revealing clothes. They may be more fitted than they were before, but I'm not trying to sell anything. If anything I'm more clingy to her because I'm still trying to find my own sexy in this new body. Who would have thought that other people would be so effected by MY weightloss? This was my journey to finding the person that I was hiding beneath the fat. I like this person. She finally matches inside and out. So why is it that the people that were closest to me when I was hiding her don't want to Celebrate it with me? I've worked damn hard and I'm proud of my success. For all the successes I've had, and the awesome job of encouraging others, this downfall is like a slap in the face. I just don't understand it. Has anyone else gone through this?

I went to the doctor yesterday and he told me that I may stay cold. I asked him how do skinny people do it? He said, "They dress in layers." Are you kidding me? Today I have on 2 shirts, and a sweater, panty hose, pants, socks, boots and my space heater and it's only 67 degrees. When it's 40 degrees I guess I'm going to die from hypothermia!

Me too!!!! My butt hurts 90% of the time I'm sitting. It's like there's NO cushion anymore. It's like I'm sitting on the bone. Between freezing and my butt hurting I'm just cranky here lately. I have to admit though, I bought some leggings and big sweaters and knee high boots. I haven't worn them yet, but I bought them. I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it.

Okay, so I'm 8 months out from surgery and I've lost roughly 95 pounds. I noticed somewhere around the 50 pound weight loss mark that I started to have this chill that I couldn't shake, even in the summer time. Now, that it's getting colder outside, and I've lost more weight I'm freezing all the time! Like literally freezing. My nose, hands and ears are always cold to the touch. My body is cold, and I always have goose bumps. My nose is running all the time, like it's snowing outside. And this is in my office with a space heater on; plus I have on long pants, a long sleeve t and a sweater. It's only 68 degrees outside. How am I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life? My surgeon told me it's normal to be cold for the first year or two after you lose a lot of weight because you've lost the body's insulation. Well, when does it get used to the way things are now? Do skinny people stay cold? I'm not hardly skinny but good lord this is ridiculous. I'm miserable!

You look amazing! Congratulations!!!!

I went to a information session. In fact two weeks ago, I was the guest speaker at an information session for my doctor because I am one of his success stories. It's a great way to get to ask all the questions you have about the surgery before you undertake it, and if they have actual patients there, it's even better because you get a first hand account from a non medical point of view.

I would like to stress exercise. Even though I have some days when I fall off the wagon, I still make sure to exercise. I notice, that I still maintain or even lose weight. Do something that you like. I do every exercise there is, I think, but I actually enjoy walking. I put on my headphones and walk for about 3 hours. I have a tracking app, and before I know it, I'm walking over 10 miles. It really helps to melt away the pounds and build the muscle. If you like to dance, do Zumba. If you like to swim, do that, or try Water aerobics. It doesn't feel like exercise while you're in the water. Once you get it out your muscles tell a different story. Just make sure you're staying active. Also, measure your food. My doctor stresses to measure not weigh. Like the others said Protein first. I do allow myself a "snack" a day that's not on the list. But, it's something low-fat or fat free, like those Weight Watchers Mini Fudge pops, or Fat Free chocolate pudding and fat free Cool-whip. It's yummy, and I stay under 100 calories. I think it's about balance. Granted, I'm only 7 months out, but I've already lost 60% of my body weight and I'm 4 pounds from my goal. I think I'm doing pretty well. I hope I can maintain it! Good luck to you. We're here if you need us!!!

Give your body some time to readjust! The scale will move. If you're like me your body will start to demand exercise and the pounds will start flying off, sometimes 2-3 in a day!

Another pound down! SN................................Starting Wt........................Current WT.....................Goal......................Lbs to Goal Shanny..........................168.6...............................159.................................145............................14

SN..............Starting WT.....................Current WT...................Goal................Lbs to Goal Shanny..............168.6.....................160..................................145.....................15

SN..............Starting.....................Current....................Goal.....................Lbs to Goal Shanny.......168.6.......................161.4......................145...........................16.4

I had my surgery on February 11, 2011, and I've lost 85 pounds so far - not even six months out. Over 50% of my body weight!

SN..............Starting.......................Current................Goal..................Lbs to Goal Shanny.........168.6........................162.4....................145..........................17.4

OMG, I tried it for the first time yesterday. EVERY muscle in my body hates me today! It even hurts to blink!!!! I could't wash my hair this morning because I can't lift my arms over my head. It's horrible. But, I love a challenge, so I'll be going back again!

For most of my life I felt invisible. Well now, I'm visible - hooray! So last weekend I went to Artscape, a arts festival, in Baltimore. I worked for the organization that produces the festival for 7 years. I haven't seen then in about a year, so I went down one day to see them. People that I've known for years walked right past me and didn't recognize me. It took a double take for them to remember who I was. I thought it was a fluke. Last night, we had a block party for the neighborhood where I grew up. I've known these people for 25+ years. I show up, and NO ONE knew who I was. I had to tell people who I was, then it was all hugs and smiles. I look somewhat different, but really? I love the fact that I look and feel better, but I don't like that no one knows who I am anymore. I hurts my feelings. Maybe I'm just being whiny. I don't know.

No, I walk 3 times a week, for about 8-10 miles each time. I LOVE walking. It's the one exercise that I truly enjoy. I got some extra comfy running shoes, and this arm band thing for my blackberry...I put on my music and I'm off. It takes about 2.5 hours, but it's so worth it. I feel like I have all the energy in the world afterward. 10 miles takes about 3 hours, and I'm usually wiped out afterward.

Typically I eat chicken because I can't digest pork or beef. Breakfast is either Special K High Protein, with lactose free fat free milk. Snack, I LOVE apple dippers from McDonalds. lunch, 3 oz of tuna and 5 Keebler reduced fat Townhouse crackers. dinner, some sort of chicken - about 4 oz. I've been on this chicken Soulvaki kick lately. I usually try to make some sort of new chicken dish every week. Lately, I've been snacking on Weight Watchers mini fudge pops. God they're good and only 45 calories. Sometimes I eat almonds. I've been eating more stuff that I shouldn't have because I've been going out lately, and there have been cookouts. It's easier for me when I'm home and I know what I can and can't have, but when faced with a bunch of food, I have a hard time controlling myself. But, when I go out to eat I have my girlfriend take my plate away from me when I'm full, otherwise I'll keep picking at it, and that makes me sick. For exercise, I walk 8-10 miles 3 times a week. It's been hot out lately, so I haven't this week, and my body aches because I need to exercise. I do Zumba for an hour 1 day a week. Water aerobics for 1 hour one day a week. I'll be starting Body Pump next week, so we'll see how that'll work. Sometimes I use my gazelle or stepper or aerobics (Jillian Micheals) but it depends on the day. Hope that helps!

I went for my (a little bit early) 6 month post op visit today. My surgeon said he's proud of me! I'm down 30 pounds since my 3 month post op visit - that's 10 pounds a month. Plus, I've lost 57% of my body weight in under 6 months. He said, typically at 1 year post op, his patients have just lost 60% so I'm well ahead of the curve. He agreed that 145 is a good weight for me, if I want to lose more he'll support that but he doesn't recommend that I try for much more than that. He also told me to get these last 20 pounds off that I want to lose to switch up my exercise regimine, keep my portions to 1/2 cup, and cut out the carbs. I know this, but damn. I'm going to win this battle over my head hunger; I just have to try harder. And he documented this rash I have under my stomach. Tummy tuck, here I come! Then I went to visit my primary doctor because I was at the hospital, and she had said she wanted to see me when I lost my first 20 pounds. Well, I haven't seen her since before my surgery. The ENTIRE office staff came out in the lobby and then my doctor, who has been on my butt for years about losing weight, cried. She actually cried, and told me that she was so proud of me and she kept hugging me. The nurses all said that they would have walked right past me because I don't look the same. Normally I don't like the attention and I blow off people's compliments, but it meant the world coming from my doctor. So, here I am, 20 pounds to go. I can do this! I love my sleeve!

I'm 5 months post op and when I got to McDonalds I get a 4 piece McNugget, (I can only eat 3 of them) and about 10 fries (my son eats the rest), 3 apples from the apple dippers and 1/4 of the frozen lemonade. YUMMO!!! Doesn't sound like much but I'm full as a tick! I only do that when I'm splurging or like last week when we were out shopping all day. It sucks because I can't eat salad, lunch meat, fried foods, greasy food, beef or pork so most other options for eating while out are out for me (wait a minute - that's what a paid for! That's a GREAT thing and the reason I've lost 82 pounds!) I haven't tried Burger King or Wendy's. The McDonald's works. And it's cheap. I spend about $4.00 on my meal, and I don't eat 1/2 of it. Not bad at all!

I do water aerobics for an hour a week. It's a good work out, but I do it in addition to walking, weight lifting, Zumba and other things. It's good on a "cool down" day.

So, I saw my friend yesterday after not seeing her in a year. She raved about my weight loss. I knew she was a personal trainer and now she's begging me to take her Body Pump class. Has anyone tried this? I HATE lifting weights but she swears to me it's fun and it'll help me tone the areas I want to tone.

I exercise about 4-5 times a week (it's about 6 hours a week). I walk about 8-10 miles, Zumba, and do Water aerobics. I decided to quit all the other exercises that I don't enjoy and do what I like and what is fun, so it doesn't feel like a choir.

SN...................Starting wt................current wt.............goal...................lbs to goal Shanny..............168.6.......................165.2...................145........................20.2