Kristina J.

With my first lapband I lost 100lbs and felt like a completely different person with different interests. My first marriage suffered for it. I was eager to get out and enjoy life since I felt so much better, but he was content to sit at home and missed me sitting with him eating on the couch. Our marriage eventually ended, and while I certainly don't blame my weight loss, I can't deny that it was a factor. He wanted the old me and I loved the new healthy me. I had a bit of a roller coaster weight story, and am now back up to just shy of my peak weight. But this time, I don't fear it effecting my marriage (my 2nd marriage). When I met my current husband, I had already lost a bunch of weight and knew how I wanted to live. I find myself lacking the energy to do that these days, but I know it's what I want and that is what he wants for me. I think it all comes down to how solid your marriage is to start with and how supportive your spouse is. Of course there are issues with being noticed in ways you weren't before, but I found those to have little to no effect on my marriage, even though they're a nice flattering change. For me, having my partner involved and wanting that active life with me only encourages me and my weight loss can only strengthen our marriage. And I just didn't have that situation at all with my first husband. Keep your communication open and express your fears. The best way to deal with fears in your marriage is to talk about them with your husband. Good luck!

This topic and discussion are exactly why I joined this site. Everyone is so encouraging and ready to help. I loved reading your story and your information is wonderful to hear 8 weeks out from my revision surgery. Thank you so much for sharing and congratulations!!!!!

My story has been a long 10 year roller coaster ride both in weight and emotion! I was banded at 18 in California. I was just under 250 at 5'1". I had an easy surgery and started losing pretty quickly. After a couple years, I was down almost 100lbs and feeling great until suddenly, in August 2005, I couldn't swallow Water. My band had slipped and badly. I went into surgery the next day to have my band fixed, but due to erosion, it was removed and as the surgeon put it to my parents, he "MAY have punctured my stomach trying to navigate scar tissue, but it was difficult to tell what was a puncture and what was an erosion." I was devastated to put it lightly and spent 9 days in the hospital recovering. Insurance refused to replace the band (despite multiple appeals) because my BMI was too low. My surgeon and I worked through the year on appeals and by June, I had climbed back to my starting weight of 250. We found out in March that when my insurance changed at the beginning of the year, they had made WLS a contract exclusion and we had exhausted our appeals. I decided that if I wanted my band back, I would have to pay for it and began looking into options out of the country. For a bunch of different reasons, I ended up choosing a hospital and surgeon in Mumbai, India. The surgeon in Mumbai told me that my first band was placed so high, that my scar tissue wasn't in his way at all. I now wonder if that is the only reason it worked so well. I had a new lap band placed in August 2006 at 269lbs (my highest weight) and went home filled with hope. My hope faded as over the next year I only lost around 40-50lbs or so. Not a small amount of weight, but only half of what I lost the first time and only about a third of what I was hoping for. This band never worked like the first one. By 2012 I was back up to 250. My current insurance has a contract exclusion as well, and instead of going through lengthy appeals (since that worked so horribly before), I decided to self pay again. This time I am going with Dr. Fernando Garcia in Tijuana with Ready 4 a Change. I have my surgery scheduled for April 25th and I'm fearful that I am starting to get my hopes up that this will be the right path for me. I am hoping that this roller coaster will take one final dip (hopefully at least a 100lb dip lol). My kids need a mom that can keep up with them and I know I can't do that on my own. Anyone else struggle with the fear of getting your hopes up before a revision surgery?? How did it go for you? And more importantly, after going from band to sleeve, what would you say were the biggest changes for you? I'm so thankful for any input anyone has to share

That is a crazy story and I am so sorry for what you're going through. You mentioned that you feel bad for complaining when this is what so many of us want, but that isn't fair to you. I agree with previous posters, this was assault, and completely illegal!! And I think we all understand how horrifying it would be to wake up and realize that someone altered our body forever, without our consent. Yes, this is something that most of us here have either had or are working toward having, but we are making the CHOICE to do this. You had that choice taken away from you. So please don't feel bad for complaining. Your situation is very unique and anyone who is offended by you complaining, clearly lacks empathy! The only thing I would add, is that if you want to leave your options open for legal action later (even if only in the event of complications), you should seriously consider switching surgeons now. By continuing to return to this surgeon who performed such a serious surgery without your consent, you may be implying agreement with his decision, just by returning to him. It's kind of like if you wanted to sue for a bad haircut... your suit loses a ton of weight if you tipped them... does that make sense? lol And, I can only imagine the betrayal you must feel. But if you believe your husband was really trying to carry out what he thought your wishes were, I'd let him off the hook. If you forgive him, you have to truly forgive him. if you can't forgive him, then you need to move on. Staying and keeping it alive will only eat away at your relationship and it sounds like you really love him and don't want that. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Best wishes adjusting, I know it won't be easy, but hopefully this was the right path for you, even if it came about under such awful circumstances.