sweet aBANDon

I'm 39 years old, just about to turn 40 in a few weeks.

I've struggled with weight all of my life. My weight caused me to be shy, lack self confidence, and miss out on a lot of enjoyment in life - avoiding restaurants, parties, clubs, social gatherings... you name it.

My weight has also caused multiple medical problems - hypertension, diabetes, sleep apnea. The "fat triad" if you will. I'm sure high cholesterol is just around the corner. It's also contributed to years of depression and anxiety.

My life is half over, and being fat has just made it that much worse. So... I decided to make a change.

I had checked into lapband surgery about 10 years ago, but didn't qualify because I wasn't yet suffering from the medical conditions associated with obesity. Luckily, in June 2012 I decided to look up some information. Here I am, a long-awaited 7 1/2 months later, and I'm 5 days post op.

In June 2012, I had my first appointment with Dr Adam Goldstein. My weight was 245lb.
Like everyone else, there were lots of appointments for clearances from psychology, pulmonary, cardiac, etc. My surgery was approved in December 2012.

I had to loose 10 pounds pre-surgery. It wouldn't have been too hard, but I kept looking at things as "this is the last ______ I'll ever have" (insert things like: sundaes, prime rib, hoagies... all my favorite culprits). I did it... but my "last meal" two days before surgery was an entire prime rib from Outback - with all the goodies like loaded baked sweet potatoes included.

Truth is... It won't be the last time I eat my favorite foods. Instead of a "large", I'll be eating a small, and making it last for three meals. It's hard to imagine that "nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels" when you are overweight and depressed and in a vicious circle.

I got on the scale today, and saw the weight of 222 lbs. I haven't seen that weight in quite a while. It's given me much more ammunition to continue on my path and eating the right things... and not the calorie loaded food that used to bring me temporary comfort followed by lots of guilt.

There have been a couple of hard things though...

The morning after my surgery, as I left the hospital, my brain wasn't ready to communicate with my stomach. My brain wanted a hoagie in the worst way... or at least a breakfast sandwhich from Dunkin Donuts. I didn't realize how much mental battle I'd have to do for the first few days. It's gotten a little better, but I'd still trade a first born child for a cheese curl once in a while.

The jello was a welcome friend on the first few days after surgery - but the broth quickly lost it's appeal. I don't want to see any more broth of any kind. I cheated on day 3 and had one potato chip for dinner... and I have to tell you... It was wonderful. But that was it. Short of a crouton or two falling in my broth, two well chewed french fries and two spoonfuls of strawberry yogurt parfait...I'm back on liquids.

The funny thing is, when I took the time to chew, and chew, and chew the french fry before swallowing it, I actually tasted it... the rancid grease, the frozen potato...it's amazing how much of the taste you actually miss when you shovel things in whole.

There was some pain too. Not much - more like a pressure - especially where the port is. Getting up from a sitting or laying position was an adventure for the first couple of days. Luckily, I have a very loving and supportive husband who was there for me every step of the way. I'm so lucky. I also found that a body pillow became my second best friend. It's allowed me slowly begin to sleep on my side rather than on my back. I'm a side / stomach sleeper, and sleeping on my back was just uncomfortable and led to morning headaches. My body pillow helps put a gentle pressure on my abdomen and provide support.

I've got to say, no matter the diet, or the "pain"... it's been totally worth it so far.

I'm looking forward to starting the life I want... one that I enjoy getting dressed up and going out and feeling confidence again. The clouds are starting to lift!!!!