gowalking

Soo....the first serious discussion with the MOMD (man of my dreams) was that he had to stop sitting on my couch in the altogether. As I am a Brooklyn girl, I pulled no punches. I leaned in close and whispered in his ear...'I can't have my couch smelling like ass'. I'm still working on him using plates, eating with a little less 'gusto', and general neatness where none existed before. I love him to pieces so these things are not deal breakers...only little flys that I have to swat away from time to time. More important...is that he's all in with this relationship. Got a call this morning from my son who is moving the family from Jersey to PA this weekend. As I suspected, his friends are bailing right and left and he now needs mom to drive one of the cars to the new house. Probably. I won't know till 8:30 tomorrow morning when the friend who offered to drive either shows up or does not. Means that MOMD and I have to take the train from NYC to Jersey, head up to PA with the car, help move stuff when we get up there...or for me, help to watch my grandson, and then....take the bus back to NYC that evening because there is no furniture available for us to use to sleep over. What was MOMD's reaction to all this? Two words...'road trip!'. I think that trumps a little ass on my couch and crumbs on my floor now and then.

We're a tri-state support group...NY/NJ/CT but the most active group is the one from NYC and LI. It's currently where we meet most times though we do meet in the city sometimes as well. Here's the link to the thread so you can see posts and know when/where we are meeting. Liz http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/304888-ny-nyclong-island/?view=getnewpost

My office is right near MetroPark. I know Edison fairly well as my son and DIL lived there for many years before heading to PA.

Hi all. Will try to make it. I'm on babysitting duty one of those weekends so I'm not sure yet of my availability. Will do my best to attend though as I'm looking forward to meeting you good folks....and seeing my pal Lisa if she indeed coming as well.

Having had my own business for 20 years, I can tell you that the restaurant manager handled this incorrectly. A good owner/manager diffuses a situation. They do not ramp it up. Yes...I had customers who were looking for a fight and I couldn't do a thing about it. But my late husband was a pro at handling unhappy customers and 90% of the time, the end result was a resolution that satisfied both parties...and often led to a return customer...which obviously this restaurant is not so interested in. Your satisfaction might be when you pass by one day and they are out of business...

LOL! I must admit, you said it better and offered more suggestions than I did but we both basically said the same thing...you cannot control what someone else eats...and how much of it.

Interesting question @MindyMe. I must tell you that I had a boyfriend...not a fiance, but nevertheless, we were a couple and he gained weight because he was eating his portion, and what I left over. I know he felt like he was out of control and it was a facet of our eventual breakup. My current boyfriend also eats some of what I don't, but he's learning to let me bring home leftovers and not always eat them. I know he's gained some weight and I've also told him I want him healthy...which is true. I don't care that he's chubby...it's not what he looks like, but who he is that makes me love to be with him. Other than that, I leave him alone and say nothing. Now having said the above, the takeaway is that you are not the food police....and you cannot make him eat less, and stay away from your leftovers. You can try to do more sharing if that works because we know how much excess food there is when eating out, but otherwise, leave him be because you can't do anything about it anyway and all that would happen is he'd start to resent you being on his case.

Just sending an update. A picture is worth a thousand words...

As comprehensive as it was, it still only scratched the surface. Not that I'd expect anything more...it was just an article and not a book. But to give it it's due, the reporter actually touched on so many experiences we've faced such as not reaching goal, and interestingly, not seeing the changes we're going through to the point of not recognizing that we are not fat anymore. What differs for me is that these folks in the article said they didn't crave certain foods anymore. Well I can tell you, I know I have them...and have always had them. I had them within a few months of being banded and nearly four years later, I have them as much as I did before the band. The only difference now is that the band helps me to make better choices and eat less, but I've never stopped wanting the cake and carbs. I just know that they're not going to do anything but make me put weight back on.

...and this is what success looks like. Kudos to you Julie. You are my hero... Liz

Firstly...I'm nearly four years post banded. Just a couple of weeks till my anniversary. I've been at goal for around three years give or take so I absolutely consider myself a vet though not necessarily one of long term duration. So...this week has been both a bit of a challenge and also a great joy. The joy part is that I'm with my friends, family, and loved ones and I'm doing a spectacular stay-cation home in NYC. A little background is that my boyfriend owns a food tour company and is obviously very knowledgeable about food and is a huge foodie as part of his job and interests. And that is often the challenge...especially this week. We decided to do a global food tour and in tandem, head out of Manhattan to explore the outer boroughs and eat foods from different ethnicities. So we went to Greenpoint Brooklyn which has a large Polish population and ate Polish food. We went to Staten Island and had Spanish food, we went to Arthur Avenue in The Bronx which is a well known Italian enclave. We've done Brazilian, Malaysian, Jewish delicatessen (along with movies on Christmas Day), and we're still heading to Astoria Queens for Greek food. I got on the scale this morning and am exactly the same weight I was a week ago when we started this foray. And what does this tell us? For me, it tells me that as long as I watch my volume, and make good choices, I can eat anything and live the life I want even when my interests still gravitate towards food. The difference now is that I don't need or want to eat to excess. A little bit goes a long way. Last night was my biggest challenge. My danger food is pasta. I ordered the house special...Nona's meatballs and spaghetti. Suffice to say the spaghetti was perfectly al dente. Chewy deliciousness. I had about three or four small forkfuls, and let the remaining three dinner companions go to town on the rest of it. This worked so well as I got in my chance to enjoy this food and still not give in to it. I know everyone has to approach living post WLS the best way they know how. For me, this works. My fervent hope is that I'm posting the same when I'm ten years post banded. Today I think I can make it. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all my friends on BP.

Unfortunately you are experiencing what so many other WLS folks have gone through when a spouse is non supportive. I can't give you my take on it as I did not go through this but I've seen enough of what others have gone through to know that you need to reassure him that you love him. How was he when you lost the weight with the band? Other than you being 'a b**ch' which I will ignore for the moment. Did he support you at all or no? If no, I suspect he will not support you now either. You may need professional counselling and/or therapy with him so he understands you are doing this for your benefit and his. However, if the marriage is shaky, this might be the thing that breaks it. Again...I've seen it. Focus on your surgery for now but don't expect magically that he will come around. It will take some doing if it happens at all. Wishing you all the best.

Wow...unsupportive a little? I'm really sorry to hear that. It must make this all the more stressful.

Nothing personal...and I mean this in the best way possible so I hope I don't insult you but you are unrecognizable. I say that as someone who is also unrecognizable from how I looked pre surgery...and glad of it.

why won't mom stay home and watch the kids so hubby is available to help you?

it usually does not go beyond this thread...but if something comes up that we think should go out to a larger audience, we at times do post in a general forum so more folks can see and respond.

Well great....'cause that's what we are on this thread. Friends. So you know....I've had zero issues with the band. I've gotten stuck a few times, had sliming/productive burping, all that fun stuff....but no GERD, slippage, erosion...all the stuff they talk about. I'm not saying it's because I follow the rules...but truth is...I follow the rules... I know folks on the boards, and in my real life who eat and drink around the band. Some of them have issues...and many of them gain the weight back. I'm almost four years out and I can tell you....just like any other weight loss plan we follow...maintenance is the hardest part. Every day, I have to make choices. The band does not stop me from eating poorly nor does is always stop me from overeating. I have to avoid temptation same as I always tried. Most of the time, I do fine. Sometimes..I do not. As long as I make the right choice most of the time, I'm good.

Hi and welcome. Technically we are not a closed forum but those who follow this thread...and those who post, have been doing so for several years as this is the 7th thread we've started. You're welcome to chime in but know that most of us who are still here, just post personal things...and not necessarily weight loss/weight issues related. Did you have any particular issue or question to pose as a banded person? There are very few of us on here anymore and that does make it hard for folks with band-specific questions and issues. We'll be happy to help if we can. Liz

Glad you had a nice get together. I'm so hoping to make it to the next one. I'm sitting here now, wearing the backbrace...hoping it might help. Doctor tomorrow...hoping that might help as well. Have a good Sunday everyone. Liz

Me thinks that Mrs. jvleeuw is a lucky lady.

Oh I'm so glad you wrote to us. THIS is what BP is all about. Empathy, support, whatever it is you need...hopefully this site can help with. Everyone who wrote something back to you...especially Heather, gave you spot on advice. I can't add anything more than thank you so much for sharing with us and coming here instead of giving in to the demons.

Hi all: Just texted with Lisa. I won't be there unfortunately. It's not even weather related. I'm going through a pain flare and even with being on steroids, my back is not good. I'm so sorry I'll miss you all. Was so looking forward to this afternoon. If you cancel...or even if you don't...please know that I'm already anticipating the next meeting. Liz

Good luck to everyone. I was banded at NYU almost four years ago and I'm doing oh so well.

Hi all: Did well last night at our holiday party. I had too much dessert...but did not overeat otherwise. Talked more with the therapist about why I'm struggling with the food but will also likely look to get another fill after the new year. Got exact directions to the coffee shop from my boyfriend so I'll be on the 12:25 that gets me to Babylon at 1:44. He said it wouldn't take five minutes to get to Jacks. Looking forward to meeting you all. Liz

In a word...yes. All your feelings are very much understood by not just myself, but many who are here on this site. I've been banded nearly four years and for the past two and a half, I've been in therapy. First it was to figure out the 'new' person I saw in the mirror..and then it was all about the reasons for the obesity. I've been peeling back those layers for all this time and in the end...I truly believe it's all about abandonment and rejection. At least for me it is. I believe with all my heart that I gained the weight because I was building a wall around me. Now that I don't have that protection, I have to learn how to deal with the emotions and feelings without turning to food. I'm still working on this even though I've been at goal for years. For some, this is just a physical change and they are fine and good with it. For me...and you it seems...and many others, the obesity is a symptom and it's up to us to find the deeper issues..and fix them. Good luck...feel free to PM me if you like. I'm not on this site as much as I used to be but I'm always here to help if I can. Oh..and one more thing. I too am a widow...have been for more than 20 years...and still feel like he abandoned me. This is one of the many reasons I'm in therapy....and likely why the second marriage failed....and why I am working so hard to not let it interfere with the current relationship I have. He's a miracle in my life and I don't want my issues to overtake once again.