MK86

It sounds like you and your spouse have an understanding and allow this type of relationship, while it is obvious the OP does not have any such agreement or arrangement. I would have to disagree that infidelity is a given, as well. Fidelity should be expected from both partners and that is sexual fidelity as well as emotional. However, I have lived overseas for years and it seems to be a particularly American thing to have this expectation. I get incredulous looks when my response to an offer is that I'm married, because it's inconsequential to many people in many other countries. Same goes for my husband when he's propositioned, so I swear, I'm not pulling this one out of my rear. But I do think that despite your intent to help, your post came across as rude and dismissive to the obvious struggle the OP is experiencing.
OP, I'm very sorry you're going through this. The fact is, emotional infidelity is almost worse than a one-time sexual fling. It means he is looking for something that he is not feeling in your relationship. The fact that he blames you instead of at least accepting responsibility shows a lack of remorse for his action and raises the concern he'd do it again. Couples can and do overcome these things, though, if they really want to do so.
That said...all I can do is say how I'd feel. And I'd feel like crap if my husband cheated on me, blamed me for it, and then all of a sudden rediscovered his interest in me as I dropped weight and got my life into a better place.
Only you can decide what to do and I wish you the best. And for anyone else reading this, I agree 110% with the PP that surgery isn't the cause of problems. If there is any type of issue prior to surgery it usually gets worse as the sleeved person starts to change. And I really think a lot of people are unhappily married but simply accept it as a part of life until they start dealing with their issues and shedding weight. Then they start to question why they're unhappy and choosing to stay that way.
Best of luck to all of you going through these things,
~Cheri

You guys are so awesome. Believe me, I'd give this a 1 in 10 chance of working out -- I'm not a doormat.
He's apologized for what he said and what he did, but the lack of respect and the lies are just not okay with me. I've never considered myself someone with self-esteem issues, so I wish I could say I should have read the signs and realized what a selfish ass he was capable of being... But I'm shocked and our friends and family are absolutely floored by his behavior. Even his guy friends are on my side. I've kicked him out already and have told him that the burden to resolve my trust issues are on him. He's playing nice for now, but if I had to write down my reasons for staying versus my reasons for leaving, one side would be MUCH longer than the other. Can you guess which side?
I don't believe in staying married just for our daughter's sake, but I do want to know that I can tell her years from now that I gave him a chance, even if he didn't deserve one.
PDXMan, that article was fantastic and totally verified some things I'd been hypothesizing. Thanks for sharing it!

I want to second what Supersweetums said!
Your fault?!? What a bunch of crap! He had an affair and he is lying to you! And, he will do it again. Your surgery didn't create his disrespect nor disregard for you. No one deserves to live with or be with a cheating, disrespectful, selfish idiot. And he had the affair with a co-worker = scum bag.
Honestly, take a full assessment of the reality. You likely had issues way before your surgery. He cheated on you - doesn't matter if they had sex or not - he cheated on you and showed you a total lack of respect, flat out.
Can you both work it out and create a healthy, loving, respectful, honest, trusting relationship? It is possible. Anything is possible. Will he do it again, it is definitely possible. Love conquers all. If there is enough love between you and you can forgive that is up to you. Do what you want. He certainly is doing what he wants without regard to you.
I dunno...I personally wouldn't put up with a cheating man...unless that is the arrangements you have between the two of you.
Don't stay together because you have a child together. He had an affair and didn't consider how that would affect your child. Do what you need to do!
I wish you the best and peace at whatever decision you make. I do recommend asking for help and support in your family and group of friends. AND, talk about it. There is strength in asking for help and support.
One Love.

I to am sorry to hear it.
All I have to say i that what he told you is just a lie, and excuse to cover his actions. I for one am an adamant supporter of every story having two sides but his story just plain stinks. When you need him the most he ups and fools around on you.
Only you can make the decision of what you want out of it, to heal or not. Otherwise just dump his sorry ass and move on. Sorry to be blunt but I just really, really hate people who play games and lie.
I've been married 30 years and there has been a LOT of times it would of been easy to stray, opportunities have presented themselves or I could of MADE an opportunity. I have NOT strayed as I value my marriage, my wife and the solidity that it gives both of us.