tmorgan813

So many things change when we lose weight. Things we don't even realize until it's been going on awhile. For example, the way I sleep next to my husband. I no longer take up the majority of the bed. I can lay with my head on his shoulder and my leg wrapped around him without worrying that I am going to kill him with my weight. Or how about hugs. My husband's arms wrap so far around me, I feel like he's holding a different girl than he used to. There is also the shower and being able to reach areas I couldn't get to before. And let's not forget underwear...yes, underwear. Befoe surgery, my uderwear was too small for me. I mean it fit, but it didn't fit correctly. I just refused to go up in size. Now, it all hangs on me. There is nothing like putting on a thong and having the crotch flap around becasue they are just that big on you but, the big one for me is laundry. Yes, laundry. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out...or at least read me out. Now being fat, we learn little tricks to help us feel a little better about ourselves. We learn that wearing black and other solid earth tone colors helps us feel better about ourselves and can take off a few pounds. We learn what styles work with our bodies and how not to wear a light color up top as it makes us look bigger all around. There are so many little tricks that we learn from magazines and friends and to be honest, i am not sure if any of them work that well. Another HUGE one is to lay on the bed to get the hanger to hook into the zipper of the jeans to pull them up and button them. The key was if you were able to sit up after you did this. Sometimes i couldn't even bend at the waist and would have to roll off the bed and get help to stand up. I'm still not sure how I thought I looked good in pants that tight and painful but at least the number on them said size 10, 12, 14....or where ever I was at the time. Sure they may have been a size or two too small, but i didn't care. Funny thing is, that once you wedge yourself in pants like that, you end up with a huge fat roll in your mid section. This can not be hidden so you must wear a very baggy shirt and hope no one tries to hug me or that I don't get caught in a big wind where it forces my shirt back and my roll to be seen by all. Oh the fun times of being over weight and aiming to look thin. But the biggest most used trick in the book comes during the cleaning phase. As we all know, bigger people don't dry clothes on the dryer. Or at least we don't dry most clothes in the dryer. I can't recall the last time before my surgery that i dried my shirts in the dryer. We all know shirts shrink in the dryer!!! So, why would I put them in there when i could hang them up on a hanger and allow them to air dry....but only after I have stretched out them out with my hands. That way, when i put them on, i can feel as though they are getting to big for me for me even though I KNOW that's not true. So, imagine my surprise after surgery when I started noticing that the clothes i was hanging up were getting too big for me! So, I decided to take the plunge. I decided to dry the shirts and sweatshirts that have NEVER seen the inside of a a dryer. I figured that of they didn't fit when they came out, I could always re-wash them and stretch them back out again as they dried on a hanger. So, I took the step from the washer machine to the dryer and placed my wet shirts in there. After what seemed liked forever, I pulled them out to inspect the damage. To my shock and awe, there was none. Not only did they still fit, they were still to big for me. Another crazy thing I noticed was that even my new jeans weren't tight after they were washed and dried. That has never happened to me!!! They fit me just like they did when I bought them. So, is this what it's like to wear the correct size for you? How crazy is that? I never knew this is how the other side lived. LOL To be completely honest, there are a couple of things I can't bring myself to dry. They are new sweatshirts. I don't know if it's just habit or if it's becasue I like the way they fit and I don't want them to shrink. I do know that I don't stretch them out at all when I hang them up and I've even thrown them in the dryer for a few mins to warm them up prior to wearing them with out any issues. But I still can't make that step from the washer to the dryer with those things. Maybe once I lose a few more pounds and they get a little bigger, i will be able to do it but for now, i am happy with the progress I've made. I am also happy with the lack of sore, red marks around my stomach from squeezing into those jeans i was talking about earlier. That is one thing I will never miss!!! So, what major changes have you noticed that have surprised you? I would love to hear about them. Come on people, comment and let me know you're actually reading these things I'm writing....also, let me know I'm not the only one going through these crazy changes and you can relate. I need to know I'm not alone here.

Thanks so much JLB!!! Trust me, if I put everything in here that has happened in our attempt to be sexy with each other it would take up 20pages. LOL

NOTE: Before I start this blog, there are a couple of things you should know. The first, the photo is NOT of me. It is a random curvy attractive woman on the web. I was going to put a photo of myself on here from tonight, but my husband thought it was a tad too reveling...So, I colored out my breasts and posted one at the end of the blog. LOL..... Second, in an attempt to take a photo of my sexy self, my husband almost ended up in the ER last night....more on that later.... LOL Lastly, every time I attempt to surprise my husband in a sexy way, SOMETHING goes wrong, Tonight was no different. A LITTLE BACK STORY........ Saturday night I was headed out with the girls. I borrowed a pair of jeans from my niece (size 16, which I haven't been in since I was in H.S.), I borrowed a pair of shoes from my sister (my only shoes I own are the kind people wear on comfy days....translation, heals and bad backs don't go together) and I bought a new shirt that when I tried on and looked at myself, I have to admit took me awhile to accept that the person staring back at me in the mirror when I tried it on was really ME. But since I had been made fun of the weekend prior for wearing clothes that were WAY too big for me, I figured it was time I took the plunge. And according to the neck line on the my new shirt, i did just that! So, once I got my friends overwhelming approval, we headed out. My husband was already out with some of his friends and said he would stop by the bar before he headed home for the night. I knew he would like what I had on, and I couldn't wait to show off to him. Sure enough, as soon as we got there, he pulled in the parking lot. As I walked up him, he took one look at me and turned and walked the other way. HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???!!! I thought for sure he would LOVE my outfit. It hit my curves in all the right ways, showed off the three things he likes most on me....my boobs (that's two) and my butt (number three). Now, my husband is a very shy. He's a geek, nerd, dork (whatever word you feel more comfortable using here) and since I know him as well as I do, I knew exactly what happened. He took one look at me, thought I looked amazing, didn't know how to respond so he tried to act like nothing was different. Even when I asked him his thoughts, all I got was a, "You look nice." AGGGGHHHHHH, really? Nice? That's all you have for me? Good thing I love you and I know you love me!. But still, that doesn't take away a girl's need to see "that look in his eyes" and that "little smile" that comes out when a man l;ooks at you and thins you're the "cat's meow". Not sure where the meow thing came from...not soemthing I say EVER!!! Well, the place was too crowded for him and he decided to continue home. I got many approving looks from men of all ages and shapes and sizes. To be honest, I even got some approving glances from females as well. Nice to know both sexes found me attractive. The bathroom was where I received the overwhelming approval of my female sisters. I was told I looked hot with out looking slutty.....(every girl's goal when she goes out...unless she's a street walker) That means i somehow managed to have the approval of everyone that night....except it seemed my husband. So, when I came home feeling all frisky (and a little tipsy) , I was a shocked to find Scott asleep on the sofa. Once he woke up, I made him very aware of how his lack of interest in me made me feel. I also let him know that the only person i was out to impress was him and he seemed to be the least impressed of anyone who looked me up and down. Men I tell you. Because I was tipsy and hurt, I didn't really give him time to respond, i just laid it all out and then went and changed my clothes for bed. By the time i was done, he was in bed snoring again. So, the next night, I decided to surprise him. I dressed up in a very sexy outfit for his eyes only. I had on fish nets, a garter, a black lace bra, a black mini skirt, the shirt I bought from the night before. and then topped off with a nice pair of heals with a thicker heal So, I kind of looked like a high end street walker....or a wife trying to spice things up. Even Scott seemed impressed with what I pulled together. Now, due to Scott and my back being bad yesterday, i didn't expect anything to happen....ok, maybe I was thinking something MIGHT happen.....I was just trying to get the response from him that i didn't get the night before. And trust me, I got it!! I even got some jumping up and down and screaming as well. I have to say, that for the first time in years not only did I look and feel sexy, I looked and felt thin. To capture this moment, I asked that he take a couple of photos of me in my new sexy/slutty outfit. I was completely covered and planned to stay that way for every photo. Now, for the record, I wasn't planning on posting them on Facebook or anything....it was more just just him and I.. Then it happened. That moment I KNEW to expect. Everything was going well so there was no reason for me to think anything could ruin it On the contrary, I should have thought, "What is going to go wrong since things had been so well?" Yes, becasue if I had thought like that, the next thing that happened would haven't come as such a shock to me. As my husband was doing something (I honestly don't remember why he was even near me) somehow, he last two toes found their way under the heal of my shoe (remember they are a thicker heals) just as I put all my weight down on that foot. The screech I heard coming from him was that of a small animal getting hurt by a human. As he jumped out of the bedroom to the living room on his one good foot, curse words escaping his mouth at every jump, I could tell he was in horrible pain. The more I looked at the swollen, bruised toe on his foot, the more obvious it became to me that I was not made to be sexy. i was not made to be accident free. I was definitely made not to seduce. So, my sexy evening did end up with us both of us in bed alright...just not the way i planned. He was laying there with his leg elevated and with ice on it as I (now im sweatpants and a tee) lied next to him saying how sorry I was for breaking his toes . But at least we are now laughing at the craziness of the evening. You see, my husband and I always seem to hurt one another whenever we are trying to do soemthing fun and exciting. I have dislocated his shoulder numerous times while we played wrestled, I have broken nails playing around, and even once gave myself a concussion while attempting to be sexy for him. So, funny sexy mess ups are normal for us. Apparently we can't have seduction in our lives without having a little pain...or at least an attempt of the seduction. I am not surprised one of us hasn't ended up in the hospital yet (Ive come close....the time of the concussion) . I think the only reason is that we don't want to explain the ER doc that the reason we're there is because I'm a accident waiting to happen and when you throw trying to be sexy in the mix,,,,,it's a lethal combination. LOL So, with all that.....are we the only couple that attempts to kill each other as we try to get frisky or do you have the same issues? I would love to hear your funny, painful stories...if you can remember them after the bang to the head!!! Sp [;ease comment and let me know Scott and and I are not alone!!!!! NOTE ABOUT PHOTOS.....I AM SO SORRY ABOUT HOW DIRTY THE MIRROR IS. IT'S THE FIRST THING TO BE CLEANED WHEN I"M DONE HERE!!!!!!!!! The Red Out (translation boobs covered shot of me) Just my face without three chins!!' The Killer Shoes

Today's post isn't about weight loss. It's about me and my husband learning to adjust to living with cats. First, you have to understand that neither he nor I are cat people. Please, let me explain. In 1997. after graduating from college, I got a dog. Bear (I didn't name him), was black lab, boarder collie mix. He was full of life and the most loving animal I have ever known. I found Bear in a local paper and when I left to go look at him, my mother's last words to me were, "DO NOT bring him home if he's nothing but a ball of energy!". So, I set off to take a look at this dog that I more than likely wouldn't bring home. All I knew was he was between three and four years old and he was a black lab mix. Once I got to the home, this big bouncing ball of fur pounced out the door and on to me. All he wanted was to to be played with and loved on. There was something about him that told me I couldn't leave him there. So, after assuring the owner he was in good hands and giving my vet. references, I said the magic words, " Wanna go bye-bye?" That was it. He took off towards my car in a full stride. By the time I caught I up to him, I could see him sitting by the car door, tail wagging, and what to me looked like a smile on his face. To be honest, I felt really bad for the owner, who was in tears. I could tell she loved this dog. The only other thing I knew was that she was going through a tough divorce and that she could not have Bear in her new place. So, with another jump, he was in my back seat and we were off to my house. Once home, many things became obvious. The first was that he had not come from a loving and caring home. I believe the woman did love and try to care for him, but he was scared to death of men. My father would try to play with him and he would whimper and hide. The same thing would happen if my father or anyone would try to throw food to him. Other than these signs, he was a loving, caring, empathetic creature who seemed to be very happy to be in his new home. Over the years, Bear and I moved on. He watched me go on many dates and never seemed to give any of the men the time of day. If I would have a date over, Bear would stay near me, but he would never engage anyone. That is until my husband. On our first date, we ended back at my place to play Trivia Pursuit. I later found this was a test of my intelligence....thank goodness I passed. It was when Scott sat down that the strangest thing happened. Bear, jumped up on the couch and placed his head in Scott's lap. It was as thought Bear was trying to tell me to give this one a chance. To be honest, I am not sure if it wasn't for Bear if I would have even thought about going out with him again. I guess there are just somethings dogs know that we don't. That brings me to 10 years later. Scott and I are living together and I am an hour away visiting my parents when I receive a text message. It's a photo of Scott holding this tiny orange kitten. Now, i wasn't too shocked as even though we are no cat people, we are humane. This kitten had been outside in the cold for awhile. We had been feeding it and even gave it a safe, warm place to sleep. Apparently, that wasn't good enough. While my husband was getting firewood, this kitten decided to walk right inside, past the dog, and jump up on the couch and take a nap. Despite my attempts to find a home for him, he seemed to nudge his way in our lives and hearts. It took a little longer for Bear to be as open with him but once they learned to live together, things were fine. Then, a year later, my husband and I are watching T.V. when we hear what sounds like a baby screaming. Because at the time, we lived in a not so nice place, we allowed the sound to go on for a few minutes. When we knew it wasn't going to stop, it dawned on us that it wasn't a child but a kitten making this heart wrenching noise. Sure enough, when we opened out front door, we found a kitten, around four to five weeks old. It had been thrown down the steps to our door. In the process, it had broken it's leg, busted three teeth, and peed itself. Needless to say, we couldn't allow it to suffer. So, as i went to get food for the little thing, my husband (a trained EMT), reset the kitten's leg and wrapped it. Bear became very protective of Bandit (the new cat) from the moment she came in our house. I think he knew she was abused and he remembered what that was like. Bear refused to leave her side and though he was too old to jump up on the bed to lay next to her, he did stand guard next to the bed. Every time she would jump down to use the bathroom or explore, Bear was right there to watch out for her. Then a year later, when Bear was 19 1/2, yes you read that right, he passed away from a brain tumor. When we brought home his ashes, Bandit curled up next to him and refused to leave his side. She became his protector and it was obvious she missed him. This was the most heart wrenching and loving thing I have ever seen. Now, all that was to tell you this. Though my husband and I are not cat people, these two cats really did help us through the loss of our dear friend, Bear. However, it is times like this morning where I wonder if maybe we should have tried a little harder to find another home for them. Let me explain. It's 3am. My husband and I are all cozy asleep in bed when Hunter (the orange cat) decided he wants to walk on us and kneed us. In my half awake state, I move him down towards my feet and begin to fall back asleep. I can feel him walking on the bed again, but since I'm almost back in REM state, I don't really care. Then I hear it. The blood curdling screams from the man I love. Apparently, Hunter, decided to use my husband's chest as a scratching post. Trust me, it's bad enough to be scratched by a cat but it's even worse when you're dead asleep and get woken up by razor sharp nails digging into your chest and face. The words I hear coming from the half asleep man next me are too risque to type here, but I am sure you can all get an idea of what he said. So, as my husband gets out of bed to care for the gashes in his chest and face, I have to smile. Not becasue my husband was hurt, but becasue I know that with out these two animals in our lives, I am not sure how we could have ever handled Bear passing away as well as we did. It's funny, we thought we were saving them, but in reality, they saved us......now if I could just get them to behave more like dogs we'd all be happier and my husband would be less scared.

My body is going crazy. it can't make up it's mind about what size it wants to be. Only two days ago, I was 10lbs lighter....yes, 10lbs. Now, I know this all water weight but it still sucks. I thought maybe I over ate too much during my BPDs (big pouch days) the past two days, but according to myfitnesspal.com, I didn't go that overboard. So, that means one of two things. I am getting more lean muscle or I am getting ready have a visit from Aunt Flow. Either way, I am fine with it. I am just getting frustrated with staying over 200lbs. My goal was to be at least 199 by Christmas, and I really don't see that happening. I hate to admit that I concern myself about the numbers on the scale, but I do. The sane person in me can see I'm losing inches and that all of my clothes are way to big for me. I am seeing bones I never knew I could show and I'm excited to say that out of all the chins I've had in the past, I like this single one the most. BUT....there is always a BUT.....I want the scale to go down regularly (or at least stay on the same number). Nope, that's not me. My scale jumps around more than a child skipping rope. It's always between 5-10lbs, but still, no one wants to get to a number only to weigh themselves a few days later and see that that number has jumped up in a attempt to do a slam dunk for the winning points of a playoff game. I know not to let this get me down, but it still does. Even though my food intake doesn't change much from day to day, I start thinking, "what can I eat less of today?" Why can't I just look at myself and say, "Look how far you've come" ? Are we so mentally damaged form years of being overweight that we can't see the positives of how much we've lost already? Again, I KNOW my thoughts are not helping me but I can't help but think them. You know the ones, "I am going to fail at this." "I suck", "I'm still just a fat girl with no control".....there are so many more that I would take up this whole site but I refuse to allow them to take over completely. Instead, I am going to ban the scale for a couple of weeks. That's right, I am going to say so long to something so small making me feel so bad. I've put a lot of thought in this and I am starting to think that the scale is my new drug of choice. Food used to do it for me, but not anymore. Now, I go to the scale to feel better even though sometimes it makes me feel worse. Think about it, we go from eating to feel good...then feeling really bad about what we ate to going to the scale to feel better. If the scale doesn't make us feel the way we want, we start getting down on ourselves. We start self doubting and trying to justify our actions or lack of them. We come up with excuses (my period is starting, It's water weight) and to be honest, these are probably right. However, none of this helps up feel better except seeing those numbers continuing to go down. So I say farewell to the scale and the ups and downs it's given me (both physically and emotionality). My plan is to hand it over to my husband for two weeks and then check my weight again at that time. Then, if it hasn't changed then I know it's me and I have to make some changes....if it goes down, then maybe my love of the scale will come back....I hope not....it's worse than a bad relationship....nice to you one day and a pain in the but the next....and that's not something I look for in any relationship especially one I can't have an argument with.

Thanks so much for the kind words. I am very happy with my progress...just didn't expect THIS MUCH skin. LOL

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Growing up in the mid Atlantic, I've learned to accept nor-easterns and hurricanes. I've dealt with them my whole life. I even remember helping my father tape up the windows so if they busted out, they wouldn't shatter. Delaware doesn't get a lot of news coverage, but when we make the NY Times, you know we're getting slammed. The arrow is very close to exactly where I live and have lived most of my life. In 1996, I was in N.C for Hugo (I think that's what it was named) and being like any college student, I spent the evening running around in the rain with no care about the lightening or the 100+ year oak trees on campus. I am sure the beer and other drinks didn't help me make good decisions but to be honest, I had a BLAST that night and wouldn't change a thing about it. Looking back, I can't believe I made it home alive that night. The crazy things we do when we are younger!!!! However, none of my experiences could have prepared me for "Sandy". She's more exciting than Olivia Newton John at the end of Geese. The only difference, is this Sandy isn't moving as fast and it appears to be affecting more than only a few high school students. 800 miles wide!!! Moving around 17 miles an hour!!! Winds going from 25MPH up to 80+ by the end of it all. To put it in lay man's terms...this B*^@ch is CRAZY!!!!! She's pissed and she doesn't care who gets in her way. She's worse than any woman who's ever PMSed and far surpasses any woman, after WLS who's PMSing. I mean we can be really bad, but Sandy takes that and laughs at it. She's all hormonal. She had more hormones running through her system than any "person" should....and trust me, I don't like being directly in her path!! So, for now, I sit and wait. We still have over 12 hours before she makes land fall and already our streets are filled with water. I have to admit, I ma very happy I live on the third floor right now. My only concern is this.....if (and I pray it's only an "IF") we lose power, what will I eat? Most of my protein comes from Lean Shakes and right now, I only have two left. I did cook some chicken breasts so that I can nibble on those if I need to. But the WORST part of this is cabin fever. All I want to do is eat. I know it's all in my head, but to be honest, that doesn't make it any easier. So far, I have ignored my cravings and done really well but I've only been locked in the house for a day....I don't know what will happen in a day or so. Then again, maybe I don't have much to worry about...since surgery, I haven't' really had much food in the house. That's something I'm starting to regret right about now....and so is my husband. So, to all of you on the east coast of the U.S. who will be dealing with "Sandy". Stay safe!! Stay dry!!! And remember, nothing is more important than you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

As a social worker I have counseled many different types of people. I have counseled teenagers (my favorite), young children, addicts, adults, families, relationships (well the people in them), and just about any other type of person you can think of. I facilitated one on one sessions as well as group sessions and I loved both. However, I did enjoy facilitating group counseling the most. Seeing the dynamics of a group and watching it come together to help everyone involved in the group is an amazing thing. I have also always been a true believer that group counseling works becasue people listen to others who are going through or have been through the same issues they are going through. As a counselor, it's not really professional for me to tell clients what I've experienced personally but in a group setting, once trust is developed, the pure honesty that comes from the participants is better than any counseling I can give one on one...no matter how good I am at my job...and trust me, I'm good!!! LOL Now, after reading that, I am sure you will find it comical that I have never been a fan of group counseling for myself. Leading the group is one thing but being part of the group and being completely open and honest with people I don't know is something far different. It falls in the "Do as I say, not as I do" category. Now, mentally I know group therapy works. I know it's far better than any one on one counseling session. But I still have never been able to bring myself to be part of a group counseling session for any reason. This is why when my doctor gave me a schedule for the local weight loss surgery groups in my area I politely smiled, said "thank you" and then gently placed it in the the garbage can when she left the room. I'm a very strong woman and the thought of being in a group listening to people cry over not being able to eat that candy bar, or better yet, eating the candy bar that they bought (even though they KNEW it was bad for them) is not on the top of my list of fun ways to spend an evening. This journey is tough enough that I don't need to hear people wine every week about their cravings. We all have cravings....we all know how to deal with them....either find something else to do or give into it. If you chose to give into it DO NOT CRY over the melted chocolate and stringy caramel that is now smeared all over your face. Trust me, tears and melted chocolate DO NOT mix well. I know that from personal history. Add ice cream to the mix and you just have a big ole mess and no one wants ice cream with tears in it. The tears take away the pure sugary taste and add salt....not good I tell you (again, personal experience) I know I sound mean and rude, and I don't mean to. I am just being honest about how I feel about these things. If I offended anyone, please hear me out before you write me a hateful comment. With all that out there, I still believe we all need some type of support to help us through this. If groups work for you than that is great. I know they work for many people and can be used as an amazing tool. If you get enough support from your family and friends then you are very lucky as many things I've read on this site have shown me that many families aren't supportive (even significant others who seem to almost work against the person who is going through this life change). I have been very lucky. I have great friends and an amazing family and husband that have given me more support than anyone could ask for. They are all great at seeing the weight loss and noticing the changes in my food choices. But, and this is a BIG but, they don't REALLY understand what it's like to go through this EVERY day. They don't understand the mental lashing we give ourselves if we didn't make it to the gym, or if we went over out calorie goal for the day (even if we only went over by 20 calories). And let's be honest, sometimes the ones closest to us just don't know how to say the right thing (as shown below) Being overweight, we become very good at mentally abusing ourselves. No matter how big the smile on our face is, it's only hiding the constant negative thoughts bouncing around the rubber room known as the brain. "Why did I eat that?" "You're never going to lose weight", "Maybe I supposed to be fat since I haven't lost anything in a month".....and so many more. Some of the inner attack thoughts can get so bad that we end up sobbing only to tell anyone who asks that we're crying due to PMS. I mean who wants to admit to anyone (especially the people we love the most) that the surgery was the easiest part....it's the mental stuff that will take so much longer to overcome than the learning to eat properly. So, being of semi sound mind and body, I have to admit....I found my own type of group counseling, and it works great for me!!! I am on Myfitnesspal.com and though it took me awhile to ask for "friends", I am so glad I did. It's amazing what having a group of people who are going through EXACTLY what I'm going through has done for me. Seeing others with the same thoughts and the same concerns makes me feel not as crazy. Also, having people who know how difficult this is, cheering you on for ever little step, is amazing. I truly feel as though I have found my "sisters in weight loss". They build me up when I'm having a bad day, they listen and answer questions (no matter how far out there), and I do the same for them. Having these relationships that are truly 50/50 has made this process so much easier. It's made me feel not as alone or misunderstood. I enjoy logging in to the site to log in my food intake and seeing how others are doing on their journey. I love reading their positive reinforcements that they leave for others and for me. I love being able to give them the same type of positive reinforcement. I love having support!!! It's even better when the support is better than any I've found from a bra since my surgery. No matter how hard I try, these suckers need more than an under-wire and some positive reinforcement from me to stay up and at attention. (Sorry for the side bar) So, it's official, I'm a changed woman. I have found to love the one thing I was never a fan of (for me). By being open to it, I have made some great new friends and I feel like this people have my back...no matter how big or small it is. They are all amazing people who are doing exactly what I am....trying to get healthy and lose weight....and if in the process I meet some great new people....well, that's just a wonderful bonus and that's one dish I'll go back for seconds for every time!!!!

Over time you will not crave the carbs as much but there will be times that you will want some. Remember, your body needs some carbs in order to keep going so carbs aren't bad....but the whole loaf of bread is. LOL The sleeve really helps limit carbs as most of them swell up and are empty calories...meaning NO protein. So, we learn to eat the protein first and then we don't have room or want for anything else. Best of luck to you and remember the first couple of weeks are the worst. In a month you will look back and wonder how you made it through as well you as did. Biggest thing to remember right now....WALK, WALK, WALK and get liquids in. No one gets all their protein in the first week or two. But you have to stay hydrated or you'll end back in the hospital. The walking will help relieve the pain in your shoulder (from the gasses) and you will fart and burp more than you ever have in your life!!!! Best of luck to you and trust me, you will be so happy you have made this journey!!! Only six months in and I'm 100 lbs from highest and 80 from surgery. I wouldn't change anything except maybe doing it all sooner.

@Trish J. What a great outlook. My husband is such a huge supporter of me. Though he misses my boobs he does like my butt now that it has more of a shape than just HUGE. LOL. He also makes me feel better about my concerns by letting me know that he wants me happy and he doesn't care what shape I am as long as I'm happy. It's a shame your husband can't be more supportive. I wills ay that Scott, my husband did have to be told many times the first few months that he can't keep trying to get me to eat....I don't think he was trying to sabotage me, I think he just felt so bad eating in front of me.....but after we talked about it...he seemed to understand and now doesn't offer anything more than once. Keep me posted on your progress and keep your head up!!!

Glad to see I'm not the only one out there....Thanks for making me laugh!!!

It's been six months since my doctor removed 85% of my stomach. Since then, I haven't had any regrets...unless you take in consideration the thought that went through my head when I woke up while they were removing my breathing tube. But I don't count that since I was all drugged up and not thinking straight. Also, having Nurse Hatchet didn't help matters. However, with fall here and winter around the corner, I have to admit, there are a times I miss it a little. Not much, only a little bit. Like, I wish I had 25% of my stomach instead of 15%. Now, before you all go jumping on my back allow me to explain. Tonight for dinner I made homemade chicken and dumplings. Now, that's bad enough for a sleever but I had to add more temptation to the mix. I had to make corn bread from scratch as well. I mean come on, you can't have one with out the other. It's just not Southern!!!! No self respecting Southerner would make chicken and dumplings with out making cornbread. And, though I'm not quite Southern...I'm below the Mason-Dixon line, so I'm close enough. LOL Also, I started feeling bad for my husband. Since my surgery, his diet has consisted of PB&Js and chicken. Not at the same time. But considering he's a meat and potato man, it's been a hard six months for him. He considers it a treat if I stop at McDonald's for him. Which is VERY hard for me as the smell has always turned my stomach but after surgery it's even worse. So, I decided that if I were going to make him eat chicken again, I would make something he enjoys. I thought I would be fine with it. I know I can have about 1/4 a cup (a little less) of the chicken and dumplings (mostly chicken...maybe one or two dumplings) and maybe a bite of two of the cornbread. The problem is, I had forgotten how much I love both of these things. This is one thing my tastes buds did not change their opinion of....which isn't a good thing. Why couldn't they find both as disgusting as they find Whey protein? Or better yet, like Whey protein and hate the other? So, after a little nibble of cornbread (a very little nibble), I wanted to eat the whole pan! This is the first time in six months that I've wanted to just gorge myself. Then, top it off with the chicken and dumplings and I actually had the thought of, "Man, I wish I had my stomach right now!" WHAT??? Why am I thinking thoughts like this? I know I won't over eat any of this yummy stuff in my kitchen but the thought of, "I would if I could", crossed my mind more than once. Now, the reason I find this so strange is that I have always been a carb fanatic. I loved bread and pasta. I could eat a whole loaf of fresh baked bread in one sitting with no bad feelings. However, since surgery, I haven't really craved either things. Don't get me wrong, there are times I will have a little less than a 1/2 slice of wheat bread, toasted, with some type of protein but most times, i don't even think about it. That was not the case today. Those simple carbs wanted me and I have to admit, I wanted them. The attraction is still there despite how far we have both moved on with our lives. So, with all this said, it's a good thing I only have 15% of my tummy. Because no matter how good either look, smell or taste....I wouldn't give up my 100+ pound weight loss for either things. That doesn't mean I can't dream about them...and how yummy a big bowl of chicken and dumplings and two or three slices of homemade, buttery cornbread would taste.....yes, I can dream and lose weight or I can eat and slime and possibly stretch my tummy out. I'll take that dream and weight loss any day of the week and twice on Sundays. So readers, have you had anything like this happen to you yet? I think for me it has more to do with fall and winter coming and what I consider "comfort" food. All the warm, cheesy, gooey, stick to your ribs (and add pound after pound to your weight) has always been one if not the only good thing about a cold winter day. Looks like I'm going to have to find something else to take it's place....let's just hope it's not more chicken. I think my husband will finally leave me if I don't come up with something new for us to eat. I swear if he found a woman who cooked like I used to, he'd be a little tempted to cheat on me just for the food. Just kidding....I know he would never do it JUST for the food. LOL

@ Leslie Hudson-Couch I have to agree with you...I feel so much better and I have a wonderful man that is with me no matter how big/small I am. I also know it's MY worry and not his....something I make sure he knows as well. I think we are very lucky to have men that love us no matter what....I'll take that over a man who cares what size I am any day of the week.

I eat anywhere from 600 to 1300 calories...depending on the day. I am six months out. I have noticed that if I don't get carbs or fat in my diet I don't lose as much. Not saying I need to over do those but you don't want your body to crave them. I recommend myfitnesspal.com. It helps you know how many calories you can have and still lose 2lbs a week. I love it. The less you weigh the less you can eat. It also takes in consideration your exercise. If you join, I am tmorgan813 on there....look me up. We can all use support when it comes to things like this. Best of luck and I hope I helped a little.

You will do great. Once you get it done, the time will fly by. Don't think it's easy, becasue it's never easy changing years and years of behaviors....but ti's so worth it!!! I really look at it as a tool to help with our weight loss.

I would love new friends on there. My name is tmorgan813. Just let me know you were/are getting/or thinking about sleeve.

You look amazing. I can't wait to see photos like these for me. I am six months today and posted my before and now photos and was in shock but now seeing yours, I can see that I have more to go and I CAN DO IT!!!! Way to keep going with the program. You must feel so good and proud about yourself. So happy for you.

That you Tiffany, girlwho4 and MeMeMeeee. You guys are so nice to say these nice things. I really appreciate it.

It was very hard for me to do...it's still hard. The worst is that most of it is excess skin that just hangs. I have the same issue on my back. I don't think I posted those. But to see the change is a great boost for me and I need it when things get rough. Best of luck to you with your weight loss. Oh, and it's never too late to start taking photos of the things you didn't take photos of.

Six months ago today at this time I was laying in my hospital bed in so much pain I didn't know if I should cry or attempt to rip out my own stomach (or what was left of it). It look my husband going mad to get the doctor to understand that the meds they had me on were nothing when you take in consideration my nomal daily pain meds. Once he changed my meds I was much better. I remember wanting to sleep but being woken up every hour by the nurses. NOT FUN. I also remember wondering if this was all worth it. Well, I am getting ready to give you some photos so that you can see that YES, it is worth is. Mind you, I have more to go but as of today I am 110lbs down from my highest and around 85lbs down from surgery day. I think that's pretty cool. The only thing that bothers me is the extra skin on my tummy. I seem to look so much better with clothes on....but I think most women feel that way most of the time. LOL So, enjoy the photos. Hope they help you remember that all this is worth it. Even if we're not where we want to be right now, we have all done something and all those somethings add up to big things. I just can't wait to post another photo blog in six more months and see how much more I have lost. However, even if I'm only 20lbs smaller I'll still be happy. Why? becasue any loss is good. Note: White Shirt photos were from six months ago. Blue Shirt photos with hair up were four months ago. Blue Shirt, hair down from today! Oh, red shirt and glasses was day of surgery...only one of those though. Enjoy the photos and let me know what you think.

I remember watching movies and wondering how it was possible that every woman who ever took a bath or shower was able to wrap a towel around their body with no issue. Now, to most normal sized people, this probably didn't even cross their minds but to a person who has been over 200lbs for more of her life than not, it was something I thought could only happen to size zero women. And to be honest, I hated them for that. It always looked so neat. Just grab a towel, wrap and tuck near the boobs. It stayed in place and they all looked very sexy in it. However, in one bathroom in Delaware (probably more but I'm just talking about mine) that was a dream that I thought would never be. My mother even went as far to get me the "bath sheets". It's a nice way of saying a REALLY BIG towel for fat people. Because let's be honest, what thin person would want all that towel to have wrap around them. It was be like they were rolling up in a flour tortilla to become a some fat giant's burrito. Well, they worked. They just didn't work that well. I had to figt to get them to stay in place and the idea of feeling sexy....well that NEVER once crossed my mind. It's funny how a towel can have such a negative psychological affect on a person. Going to a hotel or even a friends home ofr a few days was traumatic. i learned to bring my own towel. I said it was just my"thing" and that seemed to take the sting away from having a guest pull out their own towels. But in reality it was becasue I knew that if I had to try to dry myself with the one they gave me I would be in there for days. One leg would have had the thing dripping wet so how was I supposed to get the rest of my body dry? It was even worse if said hotel or friend gave me a thin cheap towel. That could only dry my hand...if that. Then to make it even worse, I would get scratch marks on my body from the sand paper like "towel" they gave me. I have come to an opinion. If you are someplace with towels that are way too short, not thick, and feel like sandpaper that you are at one of two places. 1) A very cheap hotel. This happens. Not everyone has the money for the Hilton (though they have small towels too...but they are soft and can take a lot of water) or 2) your "friend" REALLY doesn't like you that much. Think about this. If you have company over, don't you make sure you give them the best of everything....including your towels? I know I do. I would rather scratch myself all up than have my guest feel like I handed them sandpaper as a drying device. Now, I told you all that to tell you this. I can now get out of the shower and wrap my towel around me and tuck it. I can feel sexy and be dry. I am still using bigger towels, but now they are WAY to big and are beginning to fall off when I walk. Mostly becasue of all the extra "flour tortilla" I have wrapped around me. I did try to put on a regular towel but I'm not there yet.....so close....but not quite there. But, if I continue to do my program, I will be there and despite what it says in "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", I won't always have to carry a towel with me!!!! The Big Burrito The Goal..."Soft Shell Taco"

Thanks Steph!!! I was going for "Awesome Sexy" with the hair....LOL. To be honest, I am still getting used to it. Funny thing is, it used to be my normal hair color when I was younger...oh those were the days.

My husband works IT for Comcast. He loves his job and the thing I love is that he comes home with random swag. He's brought home new DVDs, shirts, coasters, even a "Rome" robe. The other day, he came home with a typical Comcast tee-shirt. It's nothing exciting...just another shirt. But then I looked at it. It looked REALLY small. According to the tag its' a large but I promise you, it looks more like a medium than any large I've ever seen. I tried it on and to my surprise, it's not that tight on me. That doesn't mean I would wear it out in public or even take a photo of myself in for the blog. What it does mean is that I now have a new non-scale goal to achieve. It couldn't have come at a better time as I had already met my other non scale goals and now they were all too big on me. I'm not complaining at all but it is nice to have that one thing you strive for other than a number on a scale. Then, I read the shirt. It was more than just an Xfinity shirt...it had a message just for me...."The Future Of Awesome"!!! Isn't that just the perfect goal shirt? Then, to make it even more "awesome, I lightened my hair (a reward for meeting a goal). So, even though I am already awesome....it's nice to strive for something that makes me even more so!!!! Oh, and before I forget. I did meet a REALLY big non scale goal today. I was able to dry my sweatshirt and still have it fit. LOL It hasn't been dried since I've owned it and now it's all nice and soft and a little smaller but still baggy on me. Love that feeling!!!! The Shirt LOL The New Hair

I walked the day I got out of the hospital. Not far, but often. Then, after about four or five weeks I picked up the distance and pace. I spoke to my doc about doing the shake weight but was told to be VERY CAREFUL as any lifting before the six-eight weeks is up can cause hernea. So, I would say if you do anything, do light activity with no lifting. The more you move the faster you heal as well. Good luck!!!!